Blood.
First, he recognised the blood.
He could smell it.
It surrounded him.

Then he felt the cold.
He was naked.
He'd slept with someone.
But his mind decided to hide the needed information about the details.

There was also heat.
The heat of another body.
A living, breathing human.
The second human who survived a night with him.

No.

There was only one human, who could possibly survive a night with him.

Memories of a forbidden and with blood made pact surrounded him.
He knew exactly who the person next to him was.
He would die, if he did not disappear in the next few minutes.
His mind began to spin around and his vision blurred when suddenly the pictures in his head cleared.

The blood.
The Lust.
The man under him, mourning his name louder and louder.
The scalpel in his hand, cutting the rough skin.
Reopening the old scars.
He, tied up, begging for pleasure and redemption.
The feeling of absolute no control. Of letting go.
The red and white liquids, running down their bodies, soaking into the white bedsheet.
The smell of iron and sweat in the hot air.
The blond hair in his hands, wet and sticky.
The blue eyes, looking at at him with so many emotions. So many feelings.
And the four words, they agreed to never speak out.

As quiet as possible Jim stood up and looked into the next wardrobe.
Of course there was a clean suit - he had to provide this, hadn't he?
In Silence he put on the reserve clothes - he would hang something in later. He knew they would do it again.
He forced himself not to look back to the, still sleeping person on the bed when he arrived the door.

But then

"James."

Blonde hair, blue sky.
Don't think!
Blue orbs starring at him and above them the stars, shining bright.
Stop!
A promise of an old life, made with trust. So young. So naive. So in love.
The name, the smell, the taste, the presence, the life.
This will be the end of you.
Sebastian.

Jim turned around.

They may have agreed not to fall in love.
To only need the body, not the feelings.
But he said it.
He said it and Sebastian said it and if they were honest, they knew it all dear long.
It would end like this.
Because they needed the feelings.
They needed it and they wanted it so damn much.

Then it better shall be the fucking best end a human being can have.

"I need you forever."