Excited murmurs filled the cafeteria where we were sitting and eating our evening meal. "I wonder which group it could be?", Jule threw into the round. "I wonder what they want to address in the project," Paula pondered. "Do you think there might be some private time to spend with this group?" asked Synthia her question in an ambiguous undertone. Anna and I looked silently at each other and then shook our heads.

We weren't at an all-girls school, but even so, the number of female students exceeded that of male students by a factor of about double. Accordingly, it was sensational when a group wanted to start a project with us in which a duet had to be prepared. Because that meant BODY CONTACT - and that was something that probably few people here would miss. I, however, found the idea of being able to show something in my resume through this compelling.

The desire to dance the audition and also to be cast grew in me. But for that, I first had to magically conjure up a choreo out of my head within a week. Which song, which melodies should I choose? I wanted to do something unusual. Not one of those old classical pieces - that was already clear to me. Suddenly another question popped into my head and I tapped Anna's arm next to me. " Hey, tell me ... have you ever heard of Big Hit Music? I don't know the name at all." She raised her eyebrows thoughtfully and pursed her mouth. "Hmm, no, I don't know..." Suddenly her eyes lit up and she turned all the way around to face me. "Don't tell me you're going to the audition?" she murmured just loud enough for both our ears. I gave her a meaningful look and a big grin appeared on her face. "Let's make a plan after dinner," she suggested. We ate in silence with the others and then retired to our room.

"K-Pop?!" I exclaimed as we clicked through HYBE Labels' official website and threw myself backwards in my chair. K-Pop wasn't exactly the genre of music I listened to now, but hey - I thought to myself - it couldn't hurt to learn about something new...right? Anna audibly expelled her breath next to me. "Well...that would solve the mystery of who hired us." "How am I supposed to dance ballet to these songs, please?", I whined. "We'll just listen through what's appropriate to dance to," Anna said matter-of-factly, leaning forward and reaching for the wireless mouse again. "Uh!" she then exclaimed as a flash of inspiration seemingly ran through her. "We could listen through a few of these songs, see what we like in terms of melody and tempo, then look at the lyrics to them to get the message, and then find out a piano version via Youtube!" Now I too leaned forward again and propped my chin on my hands. "I think that's a good idea. Hmmm...what's that? Get on BTS there, please." We listened to a few songs from BTS and browsed the lyrics before finding a piano playlist on YouTube, which we clicked through section by section. I decided on the piano version of a song called 'Mikrokosmos'. I liked the speed and flow of the melody. It was catchy and infectious. In my head, I was already planning out all the figure sequences. It was 00:00 o'clock when Anna and I turned off the light in the room. I fell asleep with the thought of booking one of the smaller studios first thing tomorrow to prepare directly for the auditions....

6 days before the auditions:

Already when I opened my eyes at the ringing of the alarm clock, a grin spread from one ear to the other on my face. I swung myself out of bed and got ready for the day. In the morning, I followed general education classes brightly. At the first big break, I ran to Ms. Bernhard's office and got a studio booked from 4:00 to 8:00 pm. Then I let Anna know and put my name on the audition list around 09:30 am. Anna wanted to support me where she could so that I could increase my chances of being taken - she even wanted to join me in the afternoon to work on the choreo. After the big lunch break followed the lessons with Madame Colin. Again today she watched over her class with a strict gaze. Nevertheless, the training today felt different - somehow easier. It was probably due to my anticipation of my later training. When class was over, I grabbed a small LowCarb muffin and a glass of water with a magnesium fizzy tablet with Anna in the cafeteria, then we walked to the reserved studio.

While the music played through our little recorder, Anna and I sat on the floor. Thoughtfully, I tapped my pencil on the paper of my pad, wondering what figure I wanted to transition into after the Arabesque. "Hmm... maybe like this?", I pondered, standing up and smoothly transitioning from this figure into the croisé and then into the de côté. Anna nodded vigorously. "I think that's good! That looks good." Over the afternoon, we actually put together a choreo for the first half of the song. The more I danced it, the more I also felt how well these figures weaved into the piece of music. At the end of the day, I fell asleep with a satisfied smile on my face.

5 days before the auditions:

Today I managed to choreograph the second half of the song. I had gotten the same studio as yesterday. Today was also less oppressive, as it had rained heavily during the night. Anna noted which figures I could still work on a little.

4 days before the auditions:

Today I consolidated the choreo in my head. Here and there I was partly hanging in the air, but from passage to passage it got better and better. Soon it was time! My excitement grew steadily with anticipation. By now, the audition list was full. Every single appointment slot was taken and the names written in the cleanest handwriting.

3 days until the auditions:

Today I presented my choreography to Madame Colin after class. She gave me a few more helpful tips and a few more suggestions for improving a few spots, but was otherwise very pleased with my concept. Anna was waiting for me outside the door and I gave her both thumbs up as I stepped out of Studio A7.

2 days until the auditions:

Now it was time to keep my nerves, because the date was getting closer and closer. Level-wise, all the lessons were now at their peak and the teachers were having trouble getting through to the girls. They still didn't know which band it was going to be, because Big Hit kept it quiet. The breaks consisted of speculation about which Korean band was coming over and generally tense, excited whispering. However, there were also some nasty tongues that didn't begrudge other fellows their place on the list. I wasn't spared the envy of some of my classmates either, but I just let them talk. Because the only opinions that would count for me in the end were those of Madame Colin, Anna and the jury.

1 day before the auditions:

The day had flown by way too fast. The hours had run and run. At dinner, I had hardly gotten anything down from excitement and the additional training sessions - with otherwise unchanged, if not even reduced eating habits - had led to the fact that I had lost another 5 kilos within this week. I wondered how I managed to muster the strength to work out. Probably it was my pure unbridled energy and the will to win the audition. I wanted this opportunity on my resume! Restlessly, I turned from side to side in bed. Even though the clock on my nightstand read 2:30 a.m. and I should have been completely wiped out thanks to the training, I was wide awake. My heart was beating hard in my chest and my breathing refused to slow down, even though I kept stopping myself to do so. Anna had long been asleep, muttering something in her sleep. God, I was jealous of the peace she had. I blew out noisily, but not loud enough to wake anyone. When I realized that my eyes had once again opened on their own, I squinted them and concentrated again: inhale...exhale....
At some point I actually managed to fall into a restless and dreamless sleep through this exercise, but it didn't really feel restful.

Day of the auditions:

The alarm clock shrilled and I stood in bed. I ran straight to the mirror and tied my long hair into a bun. I only put on a little mascara, because in the daily routine I was not the kind of girl who slapped a lot of makeup on her face. I also didn't think I needed it at all. I chose my black bodysuit with ¾-sleeves under which I put on my thin pale pink tights. The matching pale pink and gauzy skirt, which was about as short as a pair of hot pants, I pulled closed by its strings at waist level and tied my ballerinas. Then I was ready, grabbed my music that I had burned on CD and hurriedly ran out of the room after Anna had wished me good luck.

"Miss Sabrin Jacobs?" a little Asian man with a roundish face called out to me. He was waiting for me at the door to Studio A7. His face showed a blank and completely neutral poker face. Nervously, I walked down the hall past my waiting companions. There wasn't much to see about what had happened to the others inside, because the insulation of the doors and walls at this school didn't allow anything - but absolutely nothing - to penetrate.

The Man let me go ahead and when I found myself in the studio, four strangers were sitting on the side of the mirror front, welcoming me with neutral faces, but nevertheless also with friendly rehearsed smiles. The man who had invited me in walked past me and took a seat in the only empty chair at the row of tables that had been set up in front of the jury. I recognized my folder with my school photo from 3 months ago, but quickly looked away again before I could feel like I was being interrogated.

"You're 20 years, Miss Jacobs?" I nodded and automatically slipped into a slight bow. "Yes, sir." "And how long have you been taught here?" "Ten years, sir." I made sure to keep my voice lowered, but not too quiet. "Many of your teachers speak highly of you..." An appreciative smile flitted across a juror's face as he studied my file. "Is it true that this is the first major audition for you outside of school activities?" the man who had brought me in asked, and I nodded - my gaze humbly directed to the floor. That's when his colleague spoke up. "And what did you bring us today?" Through my nervousness, I didn't even know what she was getting at. "Excuse me?" The woman smiled in understanding before answering, folding her hands on the table as she did so. "What are you dancing for today, what is your intention. What are you showing us?" I understood and took one deep breath to calm my slightly trembling body.

"Well, when I dance, I do it first and foremost for me. I love dancing, just as I love my family. With my performance today, I hope to make it more tangible to you how much my heart beats for dancing. My goal is the stages where Swan Lake and the Nutcracker are danced." Another jury member was taking notes. I handed his colleague the CD, which he put into the recorder provided by the school. I got into position and nodded to the jury when I was ready.

The music started and I began the first figures. I let the melody flow through my body and mind, feeling the longing it carried with it; the passion for something bigger than me. Everything around me disappeared. I danced in white light and lost myself completely in the flow of the piano. I felt the music, delicate yet powerful sounding. I danced as I felt I had never danced before, because this melody had made its way into my heart. Whenever I had heard it during practice, a mix of longing, joy, melancholy and ... missing flowed through me. I had fallen in love with the piano version of Mikrokosmus and tried nothing less than to communicate that to my viewers through myself. The song reached its zenith, in which by now I was fully absorbed. As the music quieted and faded out, I ended with it. Reaching out into the distance for something that remained invisible to others: my microcosm.

"Thank you." the voice of one of the jury members echoed through the silence without betraying the stirring of an emotion, bringing me back to the here and now. A look into their faces told me as much as a look into the eyes of a doll: nothing. I said a friendly goodbye with a small bow and then left the studio with a lump in my throat, where I had just danced quasi naked and given everything of myself. Hot tears ran silently down my cheeks and the feeling of not having been good enough haunted me for the rest of the day.