The Alpha didn't blink.

He simply took the hilt of my dagger and brought it close to his eyes, turning the blade as he studied it intently. "You want me to kill you?" He asked softly. His words sounded like death already. A shiver trailed down my spine, as if someone slid their cold finger along my middle.

I nodded, preparing myself. "Yes."

"Is there a sufficient reason I should do this?" Jude flipped the metal in his hand.

"Considering I was the one who ordered Tatum to hunt you down, I think that's enough of a reason." I shrugged. Although my words were calm, my muscles were taut with tension. I felt a drop of perspiration fall from my temple and slide down my jaw.

"I was under the impression that the person who sent Tatum was a male."

I shook my head, "It was me. I'm sure Tatum may have mentioned a blue and red bandana."

Something flashed across his steel gaze. "Then you confess to wanting me dead."

"I really don't know you. I was ordered by another person to ensure that you were executed. I was merely following orders."

"Another person? Tell me, is this person still alive?" His tone suddenly lowered.

I shook my head, feeling my throat bob. "He's dead."

The Alpha nodded, still analysing my weapon. "And do you seek to execute me now?" He drew his fingers along the brown, worn out leather of the hilt.

"Frankly, I don't want to be here." I confessed.

"Then why did you voluntarily enter into this Pack?" He asked, now meeting my gaze.

"I thought you guys would've needed this." I dug into my pockets and pulled out a slip of paper scribbled with small, cursive writing. The ink was slightly smudged at the edges from where I fidgeted for too long. "This is a list of ingredients required for an antidote against the red eyed changelings. The elixir your Pack made was close but the quantities of it were unbalanced. This antidote will heal an individual who has been bitten by the poisonous wolves."

The Alpha took the paper from my grasp with two fingers and studied the list with caution. "How do you know this works?" He asked. He didn't bother hiding his suspicion.

Exactly, why would he believe me?

I could be pulling this shit from my ass.

I laughed, bitter. There was no point holding this piece of knowledge from the Alpha. I thought I would never reveal this particular piece of information to a single soul, but Dean had caused way more damage than I anticipated. I knew there could be no healing if I didn't relent my truth. "I used to be one of the poisonous changelings." I shared quietly, feeling shame burn across my cheeks.

Jude's eyes snapped up.

I told myself numerous times that I wouldn't be ashamed. The fault wasn't all mine. However, no matter how many times I tried to comfort myself, the worst I felt. Nightmares still plagued me most nights. I couldn't remember the last time I slept peacefully.

"I don't remember much but I was given a dose of the elixir and was cured. My memories of that time have never been recovered so I can't answer most of the questions you must have. This antidote heals those who have been bitten by the poisonous wolves, but it also heals the poisoned wolves themselves from the inside out."

I could tell I'd shocked the man into a state of silence.

I waited.

I was good at waiting.

The Alpha continued to shift the dagger in his palm.

My heart continued to beat steadily in my chest.

I was stunned when the man abruptly ran the tip of my blade across his palm until a line of red appeared from the incision he just made. The sharp scent of iron filled the room. I took a cautious step back as the man extended his hand to me. Droplets of blood slid down his fingers, but he wasn't worried about his spilled blood. His gaze held mine. "Does my blood offend you?"

I gulped.

Was he trying to test me?

In the end, I simply shook my head. "No. I'm confused as to why you'd cut yourself like that."

"Have you killed anyone before?" The man asked instead.

I blinked, feeling cold. "I've spilled more blood than I thought capable."

"You're young and I can assume that you've killed more than the years you've been alive."

I didn't speak.

My throat felt dry.

This man was going to kill me.

"Do it now and get it over with." I told the Alpha quietly. "I deserve this."

Jude watched me closely with those storm cloud eyes.

"I'm not your executioner." The Alpha tossed the bloodied blade onto the desk. It clattered, making red splatters paint his pristine work desk. "And I won't be that either for you at any stage."

The words on my tongue died swiftly.

"Go back home. Don't disturb me again. When I think of something useful you can assist with, I'll call you. Until then, continue on as normal. I have a few things I need to do." The Alpha waved his hand in the air, dismissing her without another look.

I gaped.

After everything I'd revealed, the man simply wanted her to shoo.

"Alpha-"

"Go Mila."

I fisted my hands. "You need to kill me."

Jude cocked his head to the side, "I'm not going to do it. So don't ask me again to do it. I will simply tell you to fuck off the next time you attempt to force my hand."

"I-"

"-go. I won't repeat myself." The Alpha sat back down in his chair and began flipping through the stacks of paper on his desk. The scent of his blood still lingered in the air, as if mocking me. "Remember to take your blade and give it a nice clean." He added as an afterthought.

I plucked up my dagger, feeling the familiar weight settle between my fingers. I had no other choice but to leave the Alpha's office, like a chastised child. If I'd been in my wolf form, there was no doubt my tail would be tucked between my legs.

I slowly walked away from the Pack House in a mindless state, ignoring the Enforcers that passed me. They slowed when I approached but they made no attempt to talk to me. I forced my legs to pick up speed while I hid the dagger in my pant leg, hoping they wouldn't pick up on the scent of the Alpha's blood on it.

Of course, the Alpha would skewer my plans. I hadn't planned to remain in the Shadow Hunters for long but now I didn't know what to do.

When I was far enough, I fell against a tree trunk, gripping the dry bark. Something thick formed in my throat. A muffled sob ripped through my lips as I collapsed on my knees. Tears fell rapidly, one after the other. Tremors consumed my body as I squeezed my eyes shut and cried until my lungs ached. I couldn't draw breath quick enough as I began coughing, fighting the growing burn in my throat and chest.

I cried until my voice was hoarse.

When I could draw breath, I focused on my breathing.

No one would know how fearful I'd been standing in front of the Alpha, offering my life.

Maybe the man had sensed how scared I'd been standing before him.

For whatever reason the man spared my life, I was relieved.

I stared down at my opened palms. I slipped by index and middle finger against my left wrist, feeling the pulse of my heartbeat.

I was mercifully alive.

"Fuck you Dean." I quietly cursed. "Fuck you, you fucking bastard!"

How could a man in the grave still be fucking me over?

Had I not been recklessly tossed around enough by the hands of Fate?

I rested my forehead against the trunk of the tree, battling to gain control of my tumultuous emotions. I couldn't let anyone see me in this mess. I felt like I had been cracked wide open, with all my vulnerabilities, doubts, and weaknesses on display. I needed to rebuild my armour before I could face anyone. It was a strenuous task but a necessary one to keep my sanity intact.

I took long, deep breaths, calming my heartbeat as I chanted over and over again that I was ok. Whatever lie I had to make myself believe, I would say just to ensure that I wasn't going to detonate like the emotional, time bomb I knew I was.

When I could think clearly without the emotional sludge in my brain, I slowly rocked onto my feet and rose. I rubbed away the wetness from my face and dusted the dirt from my clothes, straightening my sleeves. The simple act helped me reorient myself.

"Baby steps Mila. Baby steps." I reminded myself with each step I took home.

**

The next day, word travelled around fast in the Pack that Jamison had risen from his deep slumber.

The news seemed to uplift the spirits in the Pack.

I had taken a morning walk by McKenna's cottage. I wasn't surprised to find that it was surrounded with Pack members, all holding various flowers. I didn't loiter. I kept walking, knowing that if I'd stay longer, Jamison would know that I had been close by.

The day dragged on.

I assisted Magnus carry out tasks around the Pack. The Alpha had given Magnus the task to ensure that the former Blue Cave Pack members were faring well since most trusted the man.

"You've been quiet today." Magnus told me as we walked along the field.

"I'm always quiet." I replied, keeping my focus ahead. I still wasn't used to being cared for. It felt somewhat nice- a little bothersome, but nice.

Magnus chuckled, "You know what I mean Mila. Is there something going on with you?" He asked. 

"Not anymore."

Magnus made a noise in his throat, but he didn't push the conversation. I knew that the man might ask again but before then, I would have a response ready for him. 

For the next few hours, I continued to give Magnus a hand until it was evening. I didn't realise I missed meals until my belly grumbled. Magnus was quick to wave me away so I could satiate my appetite. The man hadn't taken a bite of anything either, but he had a few more visits to make before he was done for the day.

I had no choice to leave when Magnus shot me a warning stare. I heaved a sigh. "Fine, I'm going. Don't be so eager to get rid of me."

"Go eat something. After, if you have time, you can come back." Magnus offered.

They both knew he'd probably be done by the time I was finished eating.

I wasn't in the mood to cook, and it seemed like my body agreed. Despite my stomach grumbling earlier, I didn't have the appetite for food either. I simply wanted to enjoy walking outside and feel the breeze in my hair.

Judging by position of the sun in the sky, sunset was fast approaching.

Something akin to excitement flared in my chest.

My feet carried me towards the trees.

It didn't take long to find the perfect branch to watch the sunset.

I jumped and hooked my fingers into the bark, latching on. My boots found grip on the rough surface of the tree as I scaled the length and seamlessly pulled myself up. I sat astride the thickest part of the branch. I felt like a child as I watched the sun slowly descend. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, sucking in a long breath.

"I know it was you."

I jolted and peered down.

Jamison stood below, watching me closely. He didn't look like the man who had been splayed on the bed, weak and unconscious for days.

He was glowing with health, swathed in his familiar dark Enforcer skins.

"I know it was you." He repeated when I didn't utter a response.