Scarlett Mila Marino

I sit by the window the afternoon sun casting long shadows across the floor.
My mind feels like it's been stuck in an endless loop.

Rowan's voice still echoes in my head.
The way he begged for forgiveness, his voice so raw, his knees on the floor, he was breaking in front of me. And for a moment I wanted to reach out and tell him it was okay. That I understood. That maybe after everything, I could forgive him.

But I didn't, because how could I?

I press my forehead against the cool glass window and close my eyes. Trying to block out the images that always come rushing back. The night my brother died.

Rowan was there. He was the reason.

Deep down, in the part of me I've been trying to bury, I know it's not that simple. It never has been.

My brother was a kid so full of life, so impulsive. He always thought he was invincible, that nothing could touch him. And that night...he shouldn't have been out. He shouldn't have been where he was. I know that.

But the guilt still sticks to me like a second skin. It's easier to blame Rowan, to focus my anger on him, than to face the truth.

That my brother wasn't so innocent after all. He was out of control.

Rowan didn't want it to happen. I know that by the way he broke down in front of me.

I know that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

He's not the monster I've painted him to be. He's a broken man, shattered by his own mistakes, by the chaos of his life. And god, when he begged me for forgiveness, I saw it. I saw how much he's been suffering, how much this had destroyed him.

I think about his face when he said he'd leave, that he'd disappear if it meant I could heal. I don't know why but the thought of him just...gone, makes my chest tighten in a way that scares me.

The truth is my brother made choices that night, just like Rowan did. My brother wasn't an innocent bystander, and deep down, I've known that all along.

I want to move forward, by accepting the truth.

Forgiving him doesn't mean I'm forgetting what happened. It doesn't mean I'm excusing it. But it means I'm ready to let go of the hate. To let go of the blame.

I want to forgive him. And maybe... maybe, I can.

The doorbell rings and I head upstairs to look who it is.

Wait. What.

It's Anthony, Lucas, Theodore, Judie and Asuka. All of them together.

"Supriseee!" They all yell stepping inside.

When did they all meet?

Judie is the first one I run up to hug.
"Omg! What are you guys doing here." I say as I can't stop smiling.

"A bird told us you were feeling down, so we thought we'd come over and cheer you up." Judie says.

Rowan.

He made all this? For me? I'm fucking going to cry.

"Let's get this party started!" Lucas says holding up two bottles of wine.

"Thank you guys." I say as we all make our way to the living room.

***

The living room is a blur of laughter, empty bottles, and flushed faces. Everyone is sprawled out on the couches. I can hear Anthony telling some ridiculous story, his words trailing off into giggles. Theodore is about to pour wine into a glass, but most of it spills onto the floor, making Lucas laugh his ass off.

And then in the middle of the chaos, Rowan walks in.

He stands by the doorway, watching. His hands in his pockets like he's unsure of where to go.

I stand up and wave him over. "Rowan, come sit with us." I call out drawing his attention. He glances at me, surprised that I'm addressing him so casually, so warmly, after everything. He walks over and takes the last seat on the couch.

"If you don't want me here I can..." he starts but I put my finger on his mouth, shutting him up.

"Stay. I insist." I say smiling at him. I'm not mad anymore. Because I know it wasn't all his fault. And everyone deserves a second chance, even him. I want him in my life, and because of that I forgive him.

He settles in, glancing up at me like he's waiting for me to be mad at him.

Before he can stand up and regret that he joined, I slide onto his lap. Settling myself comfortably against him. His entire body goes rigid beneath me.

No one seems to notice that I've made Rowan my new seat. Except Rowan of course.

"You didn't think I would stand up for the rest of the night, did you?" I say turning to look at him. Our faces so close.

"Scarlett..." he starts, trying to keep his voice cool.

I tilt my head, flashing him a smile. "What?" I ask, acting as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
"There wasn't any room, so I figured this would work." I say.

His hands hover awkwardly by my sides, like he doesn't know where to put them. I can see his mind racing, still unsure whether this is some kind of trick.

"How much have you been drinking?" He asks blaming my actions on the alcohol.

"Relax, Rowan. I'm perfectly fine." I start then bring my mouth to his ear. "And I know you did all this for me." I say pointing at my friends.

Rowan exhales sharply, finally placing one hand on my thigh and the other grabbing my waist.
"I made a call or two, that's all, they did all the work." He says, trying not to make this about himself.

I give him a light kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you. And...I forgive you." I whisper. I wish I could read his mind right now, because there's so much behind that look. Surprise, hope, disbelief.

"You...forgive me?" He finally manages to say, his voice so quiet, so raw.

It's like he's afraid to believe it. I nod keeping my eyes locked on his. "I do." I say.

He exhales a shaky breath. As soon as that leaves my mouth, he doesn't let me sit there for long. In one swift motion, Rowan stands, his hands firm on my waist, guiding me up with him. He doesn't say a word as he leads me out of the living room, away from the noise and the others.

My heart reaches as he pulls me through the hallway, his grip never loosening. When we're far enough from everyone he turns to me.
My back hits the wall as he moves closer.

His body is pressed against mine, his hands on either side of my waist. His breathing is ragged, his eyes searching mine like he's trying to find some kind of confirmation.

"You're not saying this because you're drunk, right Scarlett? Will you regret this tomorrow?" He asks, his voice low, rough, like he's barley holding himself back.

He's waiting for an answer, searching my face for any sign of doubt. But all I do is lean in closer, biting my lip.

"Scarlett tell me." He begs.

I smile. "I'm not drunk. And I'll not regret this." I say sounding very drunk. Because I am, but I know I want this. I want him.

"Mila...you have to stop looking at me like that." He says his lips just inches from mine.

"Like what?" I say.

"Like you want me." He says.

"What if I do?"

"Tell me what you want, Mila. Use you're words, because I'm about to do something very stupid." He says his breath hot on my skin.

I could drag this out, keep teasing him, but right now I don't want to wait anymore.

I grab the front of his shirt, pulling him even closer, my voice dropping to a breathless whisper. "I want you to kiss me."

That's all it takes. The second the words leave my mouth, his lips are on mine.
Not soft, not hesitant. It's hungry, needy, like he's been holding back for too long and can't anymore. I barley have time to react before the kiss deepens, my back pressing harder against the wall as he pulls me into him. His hands sliding to my hips, gripping me like he's afraid I'll slip away.

I gasp into his mouth, and he takes the opportunity to kiss me harder, deeper, his teeth grazing my bottom lip as his hands move up my waist. Our lips crashing together like we've been starved for this moment.

My hands are tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing more. His mouth moves down my neck, kissing and biting softly, sending shivers down my spine. I let out a moan as I arch into him, needing him closer.

He pulls back just slightly, his breath ragged, lips swollen from the kiss. "Tell me to stop, Mila. I'm fucking begging you." He says not able to control himself.

"Do. Not. Stop." I tell him as I pull him down to kiss me again.

I then realise we have guests in the living room. Shit.
"Wait, wait, wait." I repeat.

"What?" He asks as if he's done something wrong.

"We can't do this right now. Our friends, they're here for us." I tell.

Rowan's head flies back with a grin.
"Are you serious? You're killing me right now." He says, making me blush. He tilts his head back down to look at me.

I bite my lip as I meet his eyes. Trying so hard to hold myself back.
"We can't right now." I say giving him one last kiss on the lips.
He rests his forehead on mine as he laughs softly.

"Forget about them and kiss me again." Rowan demands. Not getting enough of it.
I giggle as I push him lightly. He knows exactly what he's doing, and it's evil.

"You're such a loveable idiot." I say laughing.

"Yeah?" He plants light kisses on the side of my mouth, my neck, my cheeks, and god I can't think.
"I'm your idiot, Mila." He says making me feel every type of way.

I jump to the side, getting out of his grip. "Nope, stop that. Let's get inside before...I decide to leave my friends and do other things with you." I say walking away, as Rowan follows me.

And even though I can't see him from behind me, I know he's smiling. He loves teasing me. That beautiful asshole.

Our first kiss happened guys!! Hope you liked it as much as me <3