Scarlett Mila Marino

Five days. It's been five days since Rowan touch me in that dark hallway. Five fucking days since his hands were on me, then pulled away like it was all a mistake.
In those five days, he's disappeared. He hasn't been home. He hasn't knocked on my door. Nothing. Not a word.
I try to tell myself I don't care, I've tried to move on but my mind keeps replaying every moment we've shared.

I'm sitting in the common area of the estate now, staring at a book I'm not reading. The words blurred together, and I can't focus on anything but my growing frustration. Where is he? What could be so important that he can't even look me in the eye after what happened?

A burst of laughter pulls me from my thoughts. I glance up to see Lucas and Theodore strolling in. The two of them seem like they don't have a care in the world.

I stop myself and call out. "Hey!"

Lucas turns first, flashing me a wide grin. "Scarlett, we didn't see you there." He says and nudges Theodore with his elbow. Theodore gives me a nod in greeting.

"What's up?" Theodore asks his voice casual, but friendly as they walk over to where I'm sitting. I close the book, realizing this might be my chance to ask about Rowan. I've been dying to know where he's been, what he's been doing, but I also don't want to come off as too obvious.

"Mind if I hang with you guys?" I ask trying to keep my tone light. "I could use a distraction." I add.

"Sure, we were just about to grab some food, you're hungry?" Lucas asks as I nod.
They lead the way to the kitchen.
They've been with Rowan for years. Longer than I've known him, and if anyone knows where he's hiding, it's them.

We sit around a table with a random assortment of snacks, mostly leftovers from the last meal and the conversation flows easily. Lucas and Theodore are surprisingly fun to talk to, their banter making me forget for a moment about that gnawing frustration inside me.

"Do you guys know where Rowan is?" I ask, as I poke at the piece of bread in front of me.
"I don't know what's going on with him, he's been gone for days and I haven't heard from him. Is that...normal for him?" I ask.

Lucas and Theodore exchange looks, their expression softening a bit.

"Rowan's...complicated," Theodore says, after a moment, his voice more serious now. "When something is bothering him, he tends to shut people out, even us."

"He's probably off somewhere doing something reckless." Lucas adds, but there's no humor in this voice. "Or avoiding something. He's been known to do that when he doesn't want to deal with his feelings."

My heart sinks a little. Avoiding something or someone?
"So you guys don't know where he is either?" I ask trying to keep my voice steady.

Theodore shakes his head.
"Not exactly. But he'll show up when he's ready. He always does."

"Don't you guys think he's been distant? I feel like he's holding something back." I say wanting to hear their thoughts.

Thomas leans forward. "He's been through a lot. He doesn't always deal with things the way most people would. It's probably because he doesn't want anyone to see what he's really going through."

"What do you mean?" I ask, feeling a knot form in my chest.

"Rowan doesn't like feeling out of control." Thomas explains.
"When he feels like something's wrong, he tends to push it down, pretends it's not there." He says.

I don't know how to respond to that, it makes sense in a way, I've seen it.
The way Rowan keeps his distance, even when we're close. It's like he's constantly battling something inside himself, and maybe that's why he stayed away this past few days.
Maybe he's fighting with whatever this is between us.

Lucas watches me for a moment, then adds "He cares about you."
My heart skips a beat.

Lucas pops another piece of bread into his mouth as he leans back in his chair, stretching his arms behind his head.
"Look Scarlett," he says with a smirk.

"We weren't supposed to tell you, but I'm not good at keeping secrets. Maybe you should check the old cabin by the lake."

Theodore hits him under the table for exposing Rowan's location. I blink at them, startled by the mention of a cabin.

"Whenever he disappears like this, that's usually where he goes." Theodore says rolling his eyes at Lucas.

So he's been hiding out there this whole time? While I've been driving myself mad, wondering where he was. And he's been tucked away in some cabin. Avoiding me.

Lucas chuckles seeing my expression shift. "Don't be too hard on him, he's got his own way of dealing with things."

I don't respond right away, thousand thoughts running through my head. Should I go to him? What would he even say? Part of me is still furious, hurt that he's been avoiding me after what happened between us. But another part, the part that knows him...really knows him. Understands that this is how Rowan copes.

"Just go, he'll listen to you." Theodore says giving me a reassuring nod.

I stand up from the table. I will go and find him.

"Good luck!" Lucas calls after me as I head out of the kitchen.

I roll my eyes, but the word stick with me as I make my way through the house, grabbing my coat before heading out in the cool evening air.

***

The drive to the lake isn't far, but it feels like an eternity as I turn everything over in my mind.
What do I even say when I see him? How do I confront him about what happened without losing control of my own emotions?

By the time we pull up to the dirt path that leads to the old cabin, the sun has stepped low on the horizon, casting a deep orange glow over the water.

The cabinet itself is small. Hidden amongst the trees, and I can see why Rowan would come here.
It's isolated, peaceful, like the world doesn't exist beyond the woods.

I step out, my boots crunching on the gravel as I walk toward the cabin.
As I get closer, I see a faint glow of light through the window.

He's here.

My heart pounds in my chest. I reach to the door, my hand hovering just above the wood, nerves suddenly getting the better of me.

What if he doesn't want to talk? What if he pushes me away again?
I take a deep breath and knock.
For a moment there is nothing, just the quiet of the evening, and the soft flapping of the lake against the shore.
Then I hear footsteps from inside, slow and deliberate.
The door creeks open, and there he's standing, in the doorway, looking like he hasn't slept in days.
He blinks at me, surprise flickering across his face before his expression closes off.

"Scarlett?" He says his voice rough. "What are you doing here?"

I cross my arms. Trying to keep my voice steady. Despite this whirl of emotions inside me.
"Five days, Rowan. You disappeared for five fucking days. And you didn't even bother to tell me where you were."

He looks away. His hand running through his hair. "I needed...space."

I take a step closer "Space? From what? From me, or what happened?"

Rowan's jaw tightens, but he doesn't respond. His eyes fixed on the ground, like he's trying to find the right words. I let out a frustrated breath, pushing past him into the cabin. It's sparse, just a few pieces of old furniture in the single room.

Rowan closes the door behind me, leaning against it for a moment before he finally looks up. His eyes are shadowed, like he's been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"I didn't know what to say."

"That's not good enough." I snap stepping closer. "You can't just leave me like that, after what happened at...you know what I mean. I deserve an explanation."

He doesn't respond right away, and the silence stretches between us, heavy and tense. When he finally speaks his voice is low, almost broken.

"What do you want me to say, that I'm sorry? That I regret what happened?"
My heart clenches at his words, and I feel a flash of panic. "Do you?" I ask scared of the answer.

Rowan hesitates, his eyes searching mine like he's trying to figure out what to say. Then he shakes his head, running a hand down his face. "No," he admits his voice barely above a whisper.
"I don't regret it."

"Then what's the problem? Is it me, am I not good enough?" I ask sounding so vulnerable.

"No. That's the problem. You're too good, Mila. You trust me when you shouldn't. I can't give you what you want."

I stare at him.
"And what is it that you think I want?" I ask. He looks at me, his expression conflicted like he's battling something inside himself.

"I just don't want to hurt you." He says ignoring my question.

I take a step closer my frustration slowly melting into something softer, something more vulnerable. "You're hurting me by pushing me away, Rowan."

I take his hand gently. Stepping closer to him. He tilts his head down, just enough for me to see his face. "Tell me Rowan...if you feel this...this thing between us, or if I'm just imagining this...is it just me that's feeling..." I say but get cut off by him. He shakes his head.

"No." He says.

No?

"This thing...I feel it ten times more, Mila."
My breathing becomes heavy as I can't look away from his lips. I need him to kiss me. I need him.

"I've been thinking about you." He says, his voice low and rough.

"Day and night I think about you. I can't stop. I've tried. I thought if I stayed away...this would fade." He shakes his head.

"Every time I'm near you it's like my heart doesn't belong to me anymore. Everything looks different now. It tastes different. After a lifetime of being hated and alone...I want to be chosen, to be wanted by you. I want you to want me."

"I do want you." I admit, my voice trembling. I can't deny it anymore. It's the truth. Even if it terrifies me.

His hand trails up my arm and stops at the back of my neck. He grabs my hair tilting my head up to look at him...really look at him.

"I think about things..." he stops himself. As if he's going to scare me off if he continues.

"Tell me....Tell me what you've been thinking about." I push because I know I've been having the same thoughts. Same dreams.

"The things I could do to you, Mila." He growls trying to hold himself back.
"I think about the way your lips would feel, the way you'd taste. I imagine my hands tracing every inch of you, feeling you come undone beneath me." He says, his voice low and rasping. His eyes never leave mine, and there's a wild, barley contained hunger in his gaze.

I feel my heart pounding in my chest, his words wrapping around me like a spell. "Rowan..."

"I want you so badly, Scarlett." He confesses. "I want to lose myself in you, I want to hear you say my name when I touch you...when I..." he stops, his eyes clouded with desire but also something darker.

"So touch me. I want you, Rowan." I say, his lips just inches away from mine.

His hands fall away from me, as he steps away.
"No you don't. You don't want me." He says.

"You can't say things like this and then push me away. Why can't you just let yourself have this? Have me?" I ask confused.

"You don't understand. I've already hurt you. More than you know." He admits. He looks away, jaw clenched tight.

"Rowan? What are you not telling me?" I ask scared of his answer. When his eyes meet mine, I see the pain. His hands ball into fists at his sides, and I can tell that whatever he's about to say, it's something that's been eating away at him for a long time.

"I should've told you this a long time ago." He says his voice barely more than a whisper now.

"Tell me what?"

Rowan takes a breath, his eyes never leaving mine.
"Scarlett...I was there the night your brother died."

The words hit me like a slap. I stare at him, my mind trying to make sense of what he just said.
He was there?

My voice shakes as I ask. "What do you mean you were there?"

Rowan's face is pale now, his eyes hollow, as if he's revealing something that's been haunting him every day.

"I was the one who killed your brother."

Time seems to stop, the floor drops out from under me. For a second I can't breathe. It feels like my entire world has shattered in an instant. "No" I whisper my voice trembling "That can't be true."

"I didn't want to." He says, his voice breaking. "It wasn't supposed to happen, but things got out of control. He wasn't supposed to..." He cuts himself off, like he can't even say it.

"It was a mission, Scarlett, your brother he got caught in the middle of something I couldn't stop."

I take a step back, my mind racing.

"You killed him." The words feel foreign on my tongue, like they don't belong in my mouth.
Rowan's eyes are filled with guilt and pain, but he doesn't look away.

"I was ordered to. I didn't know...god I didn't know he was going to be there."
The room feels like it's closing in on me. I can't breathe.
"How could you! He was just a kid!" My voice breaks, and I shake my head, my vision blurring with tears.

"All this time...you...you knew I'd hate you for it, and yet you pretended to...Oh god, you took me in, you let me be close to you, knowing it all along." I can't even form the words right.

Rowan takes a step towards me, but I hold up a hand, stopping him.

"Love, please, I'm so...so sorry, I didn't know how to tell you, I thought...I thought if I told you, I'd lose you."

I laugh bitterly, wiping away the tears that are now falling freely. "And you thought keeping it a secret would change the fact that you took him from me?!" I scream at him now.

He takes another step toward me. I shake my head, backing away from him. "Don't come near me." I choke out. Tears streaming down my face.

"I can't...I can't even look at you. I need to go." I say as I head for the door.

I open it and head out, never looking back.

That took a turn...sorry...
How do you think they'll move on from here?

This chapter took forever to write, I hope you like it. Don't forget to vote and follow for more!