"What are you doing Amarth?" Pallando asks in a cold voice, setting the candle onto the table. 

"Would you believe me if I told you that I was walking in my sleep?" I ask fiddling with the box in my hands. Pallando narrows his eyes and folds his arms across his chest; seeing that there's no point in trying to get out of this (besides running but I'm saving that for if things get violent) I sag my shoulders in defeat and lower my head.

"Alright I was trying to see what was in this box but as you are probably aware," I shake the box for emphasis, "there's nothing in here."

"I saw you staring at the box all through our conversation earlier Amarth," Pallando mutters walking towards me, "I took the contents of the box out after you went to your room." I flinch as Pallando plucks the empty box from my hands and storms over to the fireplace. Pallando is one of the few people who can intimidate me; and it's not because he's a wizard who could probably do all sorts of things to me if I upset him, he could turn me into something unnatural if he wanted. 

I'm actually not certain if he can do that but I'm not about to ask and find out, especially when I've clearly upset him. Once Pallando has a fire made he motions for me to come sit down. Grudgingly I comply and sit down in my chair beside Pallando who looks both tired and frustrated at the same time.

"Why Amarth? Why would you try and go behind my back like this?" He asks and I shrug in response, much to Pallando's frustration. Honestly, I feel like a child being scolded. 

"Amarth, please answer me, and be honest."

"I wanted to see what was in the box. And you never told me that I couldn't look inside it."

"That gives you no reason to do what you just did tonight Amarth!" Pallando practically jumps out of his chair, blue eyes blazing. "You are old enough to know better than this! For Eru's sake Amarth you are nearly a thousand years old!"

I hold up a finger to silence him, "I'm actually 1,704 years old."

"Amarth! I am in no mood for your sarcasm!"

"That wasn't sarcasm, I was just telling you my age."

Pallando does something between a groan and shout as he pulls at his hair. I think I've upset him...

"Why is it whenever I tell you to do something you never listen? I may not have told you with words not to look in the box but you are old enough to know that I did not want you messing with it! You did not think Amarth! You never think about what the consequences of your actions will be!"

My fingers drum rapidly on the arm of my chair as I glare up at Pallando. "I'm sorry but I don't remember asking you to be my father. Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?"

"Because you don't know everything Amarth! There are just some things that you cannot understand."

"So now I'm a dumb elfling?" I stand abruptly from my chair, my entire body tense like a bowstring waiting to be released. Pallando is at least a head shorter than I am but he doesn't back down.

"I never said that Amarth, but seeing your behavior tonight has certainly caused me to start questioning your maturity." Pallando is just as tense as I am, it's only a matter of time before one of us snaps.

"I am old enough to make my own choices Pallando! You may have forgotten this but my parents died when I was a child leaving me to raise my baby sister, I have spent more than half of my life fending for myself, I have fought in wars and even helped defeat an enemy that not even you could kill and you? You spend your days living in a fantasy world while I am out in the real world searching for some evil that you claim to have found, and after three years of searching this blasted earth do you want to know what I've found?!"

Pallando doesn't even blink and I don't give him a chance to respond.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing! There isn't a single piece of evidence suggesting that there is some new evil that threatens everything I've risked my life to protect and that many good people died defending! And what have you done for this world Pallando? Tell me one thing you've sacrificed for the sake of this world!"

There is still reply which only arouses my ever rising anger.

"Nothing! You have done nothing! Where were you when my home was destroyed? Where were you when Sauron took over and enslaved me?! When he killed hundreds of innocent people?! Where were you when Alatar returned?! He almost destroyed the entire world and was going to use me and Legolas to do it! His friend gave his life to save him but where were you Pallando?! Where were you when all this was happening?! Tell me where you were Pallando! Tell me!"

My entire body is trembling and my teeth are grinding, I haven't felt this kind of anger before. It doesn't feel right...

I don't feel right...

I glance over at the fire; it's too hot. I feel as if I'm burning...

What's happening to me...

Light flashes before my eyes, blinding me briefly.

My ears are ringing, I can't hear anything. 

Until the ringing turns into something else; screaming.

In my head, I can hear the screams men and women, the cries of children. Not screams of terror but cries of grief. My mind floods with visions of countless people kneeling beside those they loved, cradling their lifeless bodies in their arms, and the screaming never ends. And standing among them, swords in hand and a smirk on his face is me.

I killed these people...

And I enjoyed it.

I had felt a rush of energy as I cut each one down, thrilling myself with chasing down those who had tried to run. Now I watch the ones I left to mourn, crying and cursing my name. 

What have I done...

How could I have caused all this?

"Are you satisfied now Caran?"

My heart stops beating at the voice, the ground seems to give way under my feet. Feeling as if my body has turned to stone, I force myself to turn around and face the one standing behind me.

Anna...

She's just how she was when I last saw her when I left her in the forest.

"You just couldn't stop could you Caran? You had to keep killing."

"Anna, I-"

"I don't want your excuses Caran." Her voice isn't angry at all, but bitter. Tears are in her eyes as she gestures towards those grieving. "What excuse is there Caran, for killing all these innocent people?"

I open my mouth to answer, but how can I? There is no excuse for what I've done...

"It was because of you that Elwin died." 

She doesn't shout, I almost wish she would.

"It was your fault that Rilien was killed."

It's my fault, it was all my fault.

"Your killing brought those men to me, it was your fault for what they did."

I want to apologize...

"Why Caran? Why couldn't you stop?"

But I am beyond forgiveness.

"Why can't you stop?"

"Because it's still in me," I whisper softly, "it never left."

It never left.

It never left...

/\\//\\/

"Amarth!"

That voice...

I know it.

"Amarth please, wake up."

Pallando?

"Come on, wake up."

Cautiously I crack open one eye, Pallando's worried eyes are the first thing I see.

"Oh thank Eru, I was beginning to fear that you would never awaken." 

I don't respond as I open my other eye, after blinking several times to clear my vision I see that I'm in my room. Did I faint?

"What happened?" I murmur half to myself and half to Pallando.

"You collapsed on the floor Amarth, I could not stir you and-and I feared the worst." 

Pallando urges me to sit up, placing one hand on my back for support. Then he holds a cup to my lips, I tilt my head back slightly to allow the cool water flow into my mouth and down my dry throat.

"How long?" I ask laying my head back on my pillow.

"Three hours," Pallando replies, for some reason he refuses to make eye contact with me. Is that... guilt?

"Are you hungry? I could get you something to eat." Pallando suggests wringing his hands. I'm not hungry, I don't want food.

I guess Pallando gets the hint because before I know he's standing up and making his way towards the door.
"If you need me I'll be in the house, just call for me alright?"

I don't answer and continue to stare at the ceiling. I don't want Pallando's company.

I listen as the door closes and wait for Pallando's footsteps to fade away, that's when the first tear falls.

I don't want food, I don't want rest.

I want my sister....

/\\//\\/

When I finally get up it's nearly dark. I walk out of my room, hair tangled and clothes disheveled. Pallando is sitting in his chair; not reading or writing, just sitting by the fire.

I push my wayward hair out of my face and cautiously approach him, clearing my throat to catch his attention, but he doesn't stir.
"Pallando?" I sit down beside him, watching him for any signs of movement.

Did he die?

Just as I'm about to reach out and poke him he speaks, "I'm sorry Amarth, for the way I acted."

Wait, he's apologizing to me?

"I was wrong to keep this from you," he continues and instantly my curiosity is peaked.
"Keep what from me?" I ask trying not to let my excitement show. I really am too curious for my own good....

Sighing somewhat reluctantly, Pallando reaches into the folds of his cloak and pulls out a small object, a key.

"A key?" Now I'm confused. Why would Pallando want to keep a key hidden from me?
"Yes I know it wasn't what you were expecting, but trust me Amarth, if you knew what this key unlocked you would understand why I felt the need to keep it hidden from you."

"Then why'd you leave the box on the table?" I ask leaning back in my chair.
"Because I thought I could trust a grown elf to leave another's personal property alone," Pallando replied shortly.
"Oh, well that was a bad move on your part."
"It certainly was. I shall not make the same mistake again."

Suddenly Pallando stands, tucking the key away, and starting towards the kitchen.
"Hey!" I practically fall out of my chair trying to go after him, landing on my knees before springing back up again.
"You didn't tell me what the key unlocks!"

"It's a key Amarth, it should be quite obvious."
I can hear him laughing, he's trying not to, but he is.

"A key can unlock a lot of things Pallando." I walk into the kitchen just as Pallando opens the door leading to the cellar.
"In fact, I bet you anything you used a key to unlock the box that that key was in."

"There wasn't a lock on that box Amarth, you just lift the lid." Pallando continues to laugh, which sounds more like a muffled cough, and disappears down the cellar stairs. I have a thing about small, dark, enclosed spaces; they bring up painful memories that I'd rather forget.

So I remain at the top of the stairs while Pallando-
It sounds like he's destroying the place!
"Uh, Pallando? Are you alright down there?"

"You'll be thanking me later!" Pallando calls from below. "It's a long journey and I can get pretty cranky when I'm hungry."

"Long journey? Pallando what is going on!"
More noise comes from downstairs and I don't get a reply.
"Pallando!"

"What?"

"Where are you going? And what about the key? You're not telling me anything and I'm starting to get annoyed!"

"Why my dear Amarth, we're going to where this key unlocks!"

"Unlocks what?"
I hear a crash followed by what I think is an elvish curse that even I haven't heard before.

"You tell me! I have a key, so what should it unlock?"

I groan and pull at my hair in frustration. I'd better not get in the hobbit of doing that, it is quite childish. Meanwhile, I'm forced to stand here and try to figure out what Pallando is planning.

"Well, you have a key, so there must be a door?" I guess.

"Exactly!"
Suddenly a large bag comes flying straight for me. I manage to leap out of the way just in time, unfortunately, the table wasn't able to jump out of the way and is now lying on its side.

Pallando doesn't seem to care as his voice comes up once again from the cellar.
"You are correct! This key does unlock a door."

"Where's the door then?" I ask, careful not to stand too close to the cellar.

"Far from here! Which is exactly why I'm packing supplies for our journey."

Journey?! I just got back from traveling!

"Pallando why on earth do you have a key that unlocks a door that isn't even in your own house? Or near it for that matter."

"I promise Amarth, once we get what I need everything will be explained."

Right, and I'm a talking beaver.

Now in this situation; anyone in their right mind would immediately walk away. However, I haven't been in my right mind for years.

"So, where are we going then Pallando?"
I ask mentally going over where I left my weapons.

Another bag is thrown up followed by Pallando's head, and his answer.
"To Eryn Lasgalen, although it used to go by another name."

Mirkwood.