When Wangji was ready to resurface again, he could barely feel the bandages wrapped around his shoulders, but a sickening ache made its way to his heart, his head starting to pound as he peeled his eyes slowly open. Why...where am I?

Of course, the question was futile on his lips, seeing as white light blinded his eyes, though there was a dimness to it Wangji could place his finger on easily.

Hospital. There wasn't anywhere else it could have been, the grey-white walls, as drab as they were. Slowly, the smell of antibacterial wash hit him, and he felt his head beginning to throb again. Why...more like how...did I get here? Blinking, he tried to sit up, only to find his wrists bound to the side of the bed- what the- why the hell am I bound?

The feeling of metal rubbing against his skin unsettled him, and he grew more and more uneasy, adrenaline starting to pump through him. As much as his mind protested, memories started trickling through his mind again, and for a moment, he felt as if he was back there. Muffled laughter drifted past his mind, a pair of dark, onyx eyes staring back at him from under the hood. He felt fingers dance across his skin, pinching his cheek, before moving to grab his hair. Wangji flinched away, thrashing away from his touch, legs kicking up to whoever he should have been. Away, he thought, get away from me!

But the bite of metal still sunk into his skin, the same way they'd done a long, long time ago. Every phantom touch burned against his skin, and the urge to peel it off grew worse. Nails bit into the soft, pink flesh of his hand, and he wanted nothing but to scratch.

Half his mind whispered to him that he was safe, but the other half was still the little boy he'd been then, thrashing against the abomination that stood above him, greasy coils of hair brushing against his face, and all he could do was kick. Wangji pulled, trying to free his hands, as his body screamed for it to stop. In some part of his mind, he knew he was shaking, but all he could do was watch.

The reins to his body weren't in his hands.

And all the little boy in his heart could do was shiver.

And he hated it.

The only thing that kept him grounded was the dull pain in the underside of his wrists, the slow trickle of liquid into his veins, and even then he imagined pulling the needle out, and letting it bleed.

Maybe I'll feel something, then.

I'm losing myself.

Losing myself...but before he could slip away again, another voice beckoned.

"Wangji," Brother? His voice was hurried this time, panic rising in his voice, " Wangji, listen to me. You're safe. Stop- stop moving, you're fine!"

But his voice skidded across the surface of Wangji's mind, quickly turning into the acidic churning in his stomach. I'm not, he thought. Not that you'd ever know.

I hope you'll never know. Still, if he saw him like this, Wangji dulky wondered what else he'd have seen. How much he knew. I can't stop moving, he thought. It's the only thing that's keeping me alive.

But now he could barely feel the thrash of his legs in the air or the knocking of bones against the bad. All he could feel was the bite in his fingers, digging into his palms.

"Didi, please. Gege's begging you. Stop what you're doing," As if that made a difference.

"You're going to hurt yourself."

Good. The words didn't make much of a difference to Wangji, not anymore, and his body continued spasming. It was like seeing a puppet on strings, he thought. Only the one pulling them wasn't him.

He supposed his eyes said as much, because the next moment, the doctors came rushing in, and something sharp went into his neck again. He felt his limbs go loose, losing feeling slowly, falling back down to the bed, though his fingers still stayed curled in his palm. What did they... A figure swarmed into his view of vision, checking what he assumed were his vitals.

"Hey, can you hear me?" A small nod.

"Good. Now I need you to focus on breathing, okay? You're safe. Just breathe in, and breathe out, okay? Do it with me. In and out. Simple enough, right? Just breathe..." the doctor's voice seemed oddly soothing, washing past him like honey, beginning to repeat the words again.

Wangji lost track of the number of times they did it, but by the end of it he was one hell of tired, even if he'd done nothing but breathe. But...it was partly better, he supposed. Calmer. In the same way the sea was calm before a storm.

The doctor's eyes seemed to say they sensed as much, lined with slight worry, though there wasn't a single shred of pity in them. Just curiosity...and maybe understanding. That's good...

Somehow that made him calmer, knowing that the doctor wouldn't think any less of him because of this. I'm not disappointing anyone, am I? Still, the doctor's brows furrowed slightly, as if trying to puzzle him out.

"Feeling better?" A nod.

The female doctor let out a shaky smile. "Good, good. Is there anything you need?"

Gold eyes stared at her fully, and Wangji felt like he lost the ability to process for a while. I...I don't think so. But as he tried to speak, he felt his throat drying up, and all he could croak out was..."Water..."

Briskly, the Doctor turned to the table side, grabbing the pitcher and pouring water into a plastic cup before handing it to him. Wangji watched as water sloshed off the sides, and for a moment he was reminded of the cave... then, he looked down at his hands pointedly. Brown eyes followed his line of vision, before finally settling at the handcuffs. "Oh, right. I forgot about those."

Taking out a pair of keys, she swiftly unlocked the handcuffs, putting the cup of water into his hands. Wangji tipped them up to his face, savouring the cool water that trickled down his throat, sending it tingling. He ignored the throbbing pain that shot through his palm, the drip forgotten.

"Better?"

"Mnn." Gold eyes stared back up at her blankly, as if waiting for something. The doctor smiled softly, and past the blur of the moment, he saw that her features looked slightly familiar, but there was something softer to her he couldn't quite figure out, couldn't quite remember why. I haven't met her before...have I?

"Doctor Jiang Yanli, at your service. And you must be?"

"Lan Wangji."

"Lan Wangji..." Yanli paused, thinking for a while, before breaking into a smile. "That's a beautiful name. To be free of all worldly concerns...It suits you, in a way. What would you like me to call you?"

Her question took him aback. Most of the time, no one bothered calling him by name, much less asking him what he wanted to be called. He was just Jade to them, after all. Stone. Unmovable, immutable. Nothing like the currents that raged beneath.

"Jixing," he answered. Remember your heart. It was a reminder of sorts, he supposed.

"Jixing," the name hung off the tip of her tongue, an experimental note to it. "Do you want to talk?"

He shook his head.

"Would it feel better if I did?"

A nod.

"Okay, then. What do you want me to talk about?"

Anything. Everything. As long as it keeps me distracted. The urge to scratch started up again, and Yanli took a glance at his hands, before reaching for the bandages. As she started wrapping them around his hands gently, she started talking.

About anything and everything, though nothing important enough that he had to remember. Wangji enjoyed the lull of her voice over his the way she seemed to accept his minute responses without pressing, and let her voice lull him to sleep, his mind free this time. There was a note of solemnity to it, this time, but the gnawing ache in his stomach loosened its grasp on him.

Distantly, he felt a blanket being thrown over him before the light switched off, and footsteps resounded out.

"Goodnight, Jixin. Sleep well."

The last thing he saw was the faint flicker of lights from the other dorms. Before exhaustion took over and he was falling again.

But this time, he wouldn't be alone.

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A/N: 1421 words! For some reason, this chapter partly tired me out...just a warning, I'm not sure how accurate this scene is in real life...and anything that Jiang Yanli is doing might not work for everyone, I'm writing based on what helps me when I get anxious, it may not work for other people, so take it with a grain of salt...anyways, yes- new character! Who did you guys think she'd be at first? Did you guess it'd be Yanli Jie? I could have sworn that someone's other half was supposed to appear too, but Wangji dragged me here... I might come back to edit this...

PrivateCitizen thank you so much for helping with this!

Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading- feel free to comment!

Author out! ❤️