Letter: italics
Yanli's thoughts: bold italics

It wasn't often that Jiang Yanli cried. But when she did, it was a cross between the floodgates of hell opening, and a trip into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She didn't mean to, most of the time.
Then again, who really wished to cry? Most did when they felt hopeless, or when they had no choice. It was good, she knew. Crying was a healthy way to get the feelings out, a good way to get whatever it was out of her system before it became too much to handle. But one thing she'd come to realise, was just because something was true, didn't mean it was believed. Her fingers paused in the middle of combing through her brother's hair, drifting back to the letter in her pocket. She hadn't gotten the chance to read it yet, not with...everything. Half her mind wished she was overreacting, that she was overthinking this and Wei Wuxian would come back in a matter of hours.

That she could somehow hit the restart button, and things would go back to what they were before.
It's only been 46 hours, she told herself. He's been gone for a longer time. He'll be back. But as much as she wanted to take herself up on that, on that reassurance, nothing really prepared her for the crystal lattice that spread up her stomach, that seemed to hold her heart in place before slicing through it.

Sighing, she opened the letter. The words leapt before her eyes, like waves lapping against a shore. She couldn't suppress the small smile, looking at the familiar crooked writing. After all, some things never quite changed, did they? They looked exactly like the letters he'd written to her, a long time ago.

Taking a deep breath, she began reading:
Dear Shijie,
By the time you're reading this, I'd have left. At least, I hope so. And I know what you're thinking. It's no fault of yours, Jie. None at all. Believe me. I can't put into words how much your unwavering support has meant to me over the years, your overwhelming love. I love the way you know what I'm thinking without a word, the way you give me comfort and solace without me ever needing to explain. I love you for all those things, Jie, and that'll make leaving so much harder.

The words felt like a slap to her face, but she carried on.

First and foremost, I want to say I'm sorry. I can't remember a time when I thought I'd be able to leave, much less bring myself to do it. But it's too much, Jie. I'll be honest, I haven't felt like myself in a while, and I'm not sure how to continue. But we both know that there's no future for me here, not when she'll destroy anything I create. (Don't worry, she won't be able to read this. I encoded everything with spells. She'll just see a recipe for cupcakes) Brilliant, as always. As much as it hurt, she couldn't deny her brother was clever. And as much as I love it here, having the three of you here, I need to... leave for a while to sort myself out. Bat sent me on some missions, I'll probably be busy completing them. I don't know when I'll be back, and as I'm writing this, I'm shaking. I'm scared, Jie. I don't know what to do or how to feel, not anymore. I know I promised you I'd stay by your side forever, but I can't... She could imagine him hesitating as he wrote this, in the dim glow of his study lamp. Well, it had been Jiang Cheng's but he'd insisted on giving it to Wei Ying after Yu Ziyuan got him a new one, only because she hadn't allowed him to give her his, or get her brother a new one. Her blood stirred slightly at that, but in her mind's eye, she could see the pen floating above the page, the letters 'do this anymore' hovering above the surface.

Can't carry on like this anymore. Half of me wants to be honest, the other half isn't quite sure what to tell you. I've missed you, Jie. I've missed you so much. I know you're busy at the hospital and all, but I've missed chatting with you. Talking to you. I miss our late-night chats, miss the midnight snacks- hell, now I wish we could have one more smore with you before I go. Maybe we can take Jiang Cheng along, too. How would that sound?

I probably shouldn't say that. I'm honestly not quite sure what to say anymore. Funny, I know. I feel like I've run out of words in the last few days, last few hours. I'm not sure what I can say, but I'll tell you this much. Leaving you guys wasn't exactly by choice. Someone forced my hand. Jiang Yanli had her own guesses at exactly who it was, but she wouldn't point fingers just yet.

Do you remember the first time I came here? How could I forget?

Jiang Yanli's mind darted back to the boy he'd been when he'd first stepped through the gates. His clothes had been torn and ragged, somewhat threadbare. Bruises circled his skin loek accessories, stains of purple curling around his neck, some of them yellow, but she could see the faded scars on his skin. It'd scared her slightly, at first, but she'd been more worried than she'd been scared. Until she met his eyes.

Silver. There was no other way to describe them but they reminded her of metamorphosed stars, blown wide open. There had been something vulnerable to them, something open and innocent and yet so hauntingly familiar that Jiang Yanli felt the urge to protect. He looked like someone she remembered once, a figure in one of the many paintings she did, when she went into a blank state. I know you from somewhere, she thought. I remember you.

She'd gone forward to welcome him, but that hadn't been enough. His eyes darted back and forth like silver bullets, not exactly stopping. It was only when he saw Yu Ziyuan that she saw him scared, for the first time. The moment his eyes stopped on her, he froze. He was a master of masking now, but there was no fooling anyone into thinking it was nothing but pure terror in his eyes when they met hers.

She didn't fail to notice the way his hands crept up to finger the ring of crimson and purple around his neck, and the gloating smile behind her mother's eyes.

She did this. She did this. As much as she hoped that she was jumping to conclusions, and refused to believe her mother would do such a thing then, it was a start to many beginnings. Not that there'd been any way of telling then, not in her eyes. Still, she'd walked between them, bending down to meet his eyes. Brother. The words thrummed between her ears as he truly saw her for the first time. Gently, she took his hand, making sure to keep her expression as soft as possible. "Welcome here, Wei Wuxian. I'm Jiang Yanli, but you can call me Shijie, if you want. "

The little boy seemed to freeze for a while, his eyes shifting back to Jiang Fengmian, who only gave him a nod. But Yanli didn't fail to notice the glint of pride in his eyes, and the broad smile on his face, one that she hadn't seen in a long time. She smiled at that, holding her hand out. Wei Wuxian seemed to think for a while, before tiny fingers rested on her palm, struggling to thread through her fingers. Wei Wuxian's brow furrowed in concentration, before grinning widely when he succeeded. "Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian."

"Which one would you prefer me to call you by?"

"Either would be fine," he shrugged, somewhat unsure.

"Wei Ying....Wei Wuxian" the words felt somewhat unsteady on her lips, shifting at the edge of her tongue. "A- Xian! Can I call you A- Xian?"

The name sat perfectly on the tip of her tongue, and some part of it felt oddly right, like she'd done it many times over. At that, he seemed to light up, grinning widely. Their father ruffled his hair, before turning to Jiang Yanli. I'm proud of you, he mouthed.

Jiang Yanli simply smiled.

"I remember," she whispered, her voice scratching at the back of her throat.

I remember being so scared then, and I think you sensed it when you saw me. There was something then wasn't there? Recognition in your eyes, somehow. I'm not sure if you knew it then, but when you walked towards me, all I could think was family. I remember seeing Bat, and somehow freezing. I'm not sure if you realised, but when you walked towards me, you completely blocked her out. You were smiling so widely, I wanted to reach out and hug you. That was the first time I'd ever had someone talk to me like that, like I was worth something. Like I meant something to them, that wasn't Ma or Pa or Uncle Jiang. I don't think I can put into words how much that meant to me, but just know you meant everything to me in that moment.

You still do. I love you, Jie. I just wish we could go back in time, go back and change things so that I could stay instead of leaving. Thank you for everything you've done for me, Jie. I guess this is goodbye. I don't know when we'll meet again, but I promise you one thing.

I'll come back again someday.
But for as long as you need, just...imagine me braiding your hair and talking to you. I might be next to you physically, but I'll always be next to you mentally. Can you feel me now, beside you? Next to you?

I'm here.
Love,
A-Xian.

For a moment Jiang Yanlie let herself believe he was next to her, phantom fingers running through her pulling her close. She imagined him sitting on the edge of the bed, talking about one of his infernal contraptions, grinning without a care in the world despite the fracture in his eyes, eyes as silver as the stars they resembled, shining brightly. He was so brilliant in glittering darkness.
I'll come back again someday.
Tears spilled over her face again, and she felt the gaping hole in her heart grow, caving in itself.

He'll be back.
He'll be back.
He'll be back.

The words stumbled over one another like a whispered mantra, replaying and replaying in her exhausted mind, a small ember of hope flickering to life within her. She cradled the flame closely, holding it where the Wei Ying-shaped hole in her heart was, before drifting to sleep.

He'll be back.

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A/N: 1820 words! Sorry I was missing for 3 weeks...I had exams and we'll,.some stuff to deal with mentally- thank you guys so much for reading and waiting! ( Not enough time to write a proper A/N, but I've missed you guys. Hugs!