"We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve"

- Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

6. You're Not Small.

   "NIKITA!" I shouted, reaching the door to her house. 

  So Virat and I had decided that we could go on a camping trip to spend sometime together. It was my plan to bring Nikhil and Virat closer as friends, so that Virat could go forward with our plans, and turn Nikhil into a broke.

  "Coming!" I heard Nikita's voice from the other side of the door. A moment later, she opened the door, and let me in. "I'm so sorry. I was with Nikhil, and he was deciding what to wear and stuff. Anyway, sit here. I'll come in a minute."

  "Alright," I nodded, plopping on the couch. I took out my phone to dial Virat's number. He was late, as usual. Virat picked up the call in three rings, and answered with a hello.

  "Hello ke bache, why aren't you here at Nikita and Nikhil's place?" I asked him gruffly, rolling my eyes, and then feeling stupid because he couldn't see me.

  "Normal people return the hello back," he complained, and I could imagine him rolling his eyes too. "But anyway, I'm on my way," he added, making me sigh in relief. "Hey, that rhymed!"

  "Wow, I swear Nikita's going to love this love-song of yours," I remarked sarcastically, making an exasperated expression.

  "There goes sarcasm again, I know you miss me too much," he snorted, then dramatically paused. "So here I am!" I turned my head to see Virat opening the door, and swaying his arms in the air. He looked handsome like always, wearing a white Nike sweatshirt, and a pair of faded blue trousers, and his outfit sort of complemented my white jump suit.

  "You and I, we both have to make sure that Nikita goes with me, and Nikhil goes with you. I know Nikhil has a two seater car, and we've to use it to our advantage," I instructed him in a low whisper.

  "You mean, I leave my Audi, and travel with Nikhil in a fucking two-seater?!" Virat whisper-shouted, looking at me like I had gone crazy. I simply nodded at him, pursing my lips into a thin line implying that he had no other choice. "Okay, and who's gonna drive my car? You?"

  "Yes," I nodded at him again. "I'm not that much of a reckless driver, Mr. Kohli. Just a couple of accidents and a whole lot of scratches." I cheekily shrugged, throwing him a wicked grin.

  Virat snorted, "You're a walking disaster, Anushka Sharma. I can't trust you with my baby." He occupied a seat on the couch, and I plopped down, next to him.

  "What is it with you men and calling your stupid car baby?" I asked gruffly, rolling my eyes at him.

  "Because it's damn precious," he scowled, giving me a pointed look. "One scratch will cost you ten thousand bucks so you better drive it carefully." Virat threw his car keys at me, and slumped his shoulders, leaning harder on the sofa.

  "Guys! Can you two stop fighting? And Anu, please go to the pantry and get some snacks for the trip." Nikita yelled from her room.

  I controlled the urge to roll my eyes, and instead furrow my eyebrows together. "Really, Nikita? Thank you for showing so much hospitality," I muttered under my breath, and got up feeling all riled up. Perambulating towards the kitchen, I opened the pantry's door and see an unopened pack of Oreos and a half emptied pack of potato crisps. 

  "Oreos and potato crisps?" I asked in a ramble through the kitchen. "I'm emptying the entire pantry and dumping it in our basket." I yelled through the kitchen, getting an elaborate okay in reply from Nikita.

  Rambling towards the living room, I neatly put the entire snacks in the basket Nikita had arranged for the trip. A moment later, Nikita and Nikhil came out from their room. Nikhil was dressed in a casual grey t-shirt with a pair of jeans, while Nikita wore a floral dress which came below her thigh. 

  "So, Virat and I had a big fat fight," I began, nudging Virat.

  "Right," Virat remarked, giving a tensed expression.

  "Nothing new." Nikita chuckled, shaking her head at us.

  "Well, I don't want to travel with her at any cost. So, I'm travelling with you Nikhil," Virat fisted his left hand, and gave Nikhil a nudge. "I hope you don't mind."

  "Of course not," Nikhil answered with a helpless smile. Ugh. The manwhore did look pretty handsome when he smiled.

  I plastered a fake smile on my face, "That's so amazing! I get to drive Virat's Audi with my best friend. Feels like my bucket list of wishes is coming true," I gushed happily, giving Nikita an enthusiatic hug.

  "Okay guys. Real smooth," Nikita told us, crinkling her eyes as though she couldn't trust our natural acting. "You two are totally weird."

  "Yep, he is," I answered, looping my arm around Nikita, and going towards the exit door. "Today, we two are going to rock the world."

  Nikita and I strutted towards Virat's car, and I unlocked it. Starting the engine, we hit the highway soon. "I can't believe, we're doing this," I laughed, shaking my head. My hair whipped around my face as the wind blew in through the window.

  "Yeah, please don't crash. I don't think we can afford to buy him a new car, right?" Nikita asked me in a terrified voice.

  I nodded at her, "Even if we sell ourselves, probably not," I joked, giving her a slight smack on the forehead. "You meathead, Virat isn't that bad. He's pretty good in fact, just a little bit of short-tempered—but on a whole—he's a fun guy to be with."

  "Really?" Nikita smirked at me. "Am I missing something?"

  "No, you idiot," I shook my head in denial. "I'm already engaged, remember?"

  Realization hit Nikita like a hurricane, and she sulked on her seat. "Alright, just focus on driving."  

  "Come on, Nikita. We're big girls. We're not going to crash his car or something. Okay, I'm going to pull off to get some gas," I told her, seeing the arrow on the driver's board closer towards poiting to the E(mpty). In the rear-view mirror, I saw a car coming off behind us as well. "You can grab us some snacks too?" I asked, flitting my eyes towards Nikita who shook her head.

  "I'll see the gas. You grab the snacks, I always suck at selecting the right ones," Nikita complained, giving me a pout. I gave her a nod, realizing she was right. Nikita had the worst taste when it came to selecting snacks.

  "Alright," I conceded, letting out a sigh. Nikita got out to the pump at the gas station, while I hopped out, and saw Nikhil and Virat standing outside their car. They probably wanted a gas refill too. Virat was trying too hard to hide his face from getting recognized. I slowly sauntered towards him, and told him to hide behind the two pumps from where hardly anyone could see him. Virat—having no second choice—agreed to my suggestion, and hid in the space. 

  Sighing, I walked inside the bulding, carrying a packets of cheese balls and ruffles. When I came out of the bulding, I saw that Nikhil's car was gone from the place where it was parked—leaving an empty spot. Freaking out, I ran towards the place where Virat stood, and found him standing there with an adorable and equally confused expression on his face.

  "What happened?" he asked, looking at my white-face.

  "Nikita and Nikhil left," I rambled nervously, and I saw his eyes widening. "They friggin' left without us knowing." I deadpanned.

  "Thank God," Virat heaved a sigh of relied, and my eyes trained at him with a pointed expression. "I seriously couldn't imagine spending time with Nikhil. He kept on talking about stupid stuff, and he was so irritating. Ugh." Virat explained, making an exasperated expression.

  "Now, we've to go together to the camping spot. Where is life right now?" I told him, walking towards Virat's car.

  "Hold on. Nikhil dumped my stuff into my car. How considerate of him." Virat's sarcasm was beginning to rub off on me.

  "Do you think—"

  "—yes, these two idiots are trying to play cupids between us." I snorted.

-

   "YOU CAN QUIT CUSSING NIKITA OUT NOW," Virat was annoyed. "It has almost been an hour."

  "Yeah? Well, the idiot didn't need to ditch her best friend for her asshole of a boyfriend, you see?" I've been grumbling and muttering since Virat and I realized there was no coming back. Virat was on a holiday, and I'd persuaded my boss with so much difficulty for taking two days off. I was sitting with crossed arms, and had sent Nikita hundreds of voicemails and just as many texts—the fruit being nothing.

  "It's not her fault though. And I love her, so you cannot cuss her out in front of me," he mumbled. I rolled down the pair of fuzzy socks which covered my feet. Taking them out, I tossed them into the backseat of the car. "That's my baby you're trying to throw your dirty socks in!" Virat whisper-yelled, making me feel more annoyed.

  "Shut up and drive, you idiot." I rolled my eyes.

  "Has anyone told you before that you look super hot when you're angry?" Virat smirked at me, raising a brow.

  "Has anyone told you before that you're terrible when it comes to flirting?" I retorted, giving him a sarcastic smile. My expressions then come at ease as I frowned a little. "What time is it?"

  "Around eleven," Virat answered looking at the driver's deck. "Do you think we should pull off? It's pretty late."

  "But we don't have a hotel around," I pointed out, looking around. It was pitch dark around, the place covered with woods and it was a sight which could scare any brave heart away honestly.

  "I've been here. I know a place where we can just take a break. But it's not that comfortable but someone said things get better there, but it's not comfy—"

  "—it's okay, I guess. I don't want comfort. You've been driving whole day so whatever suits you, Virat." I replied, giving him an empathetic smile. He nodded at me, smiling in return.

  Virat pulled off after quarter an hour. The place where he halted the car had pitch dark surroundings, and I wondered what could be his landmark to know that he had reached. "How do you know we're at the right place?" I asked, my eyebrows knitted together and edged towards him.

  "It's that signboard," he replied, getting off the car. I looked at signboard which had something rambled off about a bridge nearby. I couldn't read much because the intensity of the headlights wasn't much, and it strained my eyes a whole lot. Getting off the car, I was left reeling in shock when Virat grabbed my hand in his. "I want to make sure you don't fall." he blinked his eyes open-close at me.

  I smiled at his concern, "Thank you."

  Virat shrugged, "No problem." 

  Following Virat's lead, we made our way through the woods—which were full of rocks and crevices and trees and bushes—and reach a better deck kind of thing made of wood, and a lake beside it in the virescent beauty. Sighing, Virat laid himself on the deck. I chuckled upon seeing how he was lying there without carrying any baggage of being The Virat Kohli.

  In that moment, I felt he was so small. Just like me.

  I inhaled a sharp breath, taking in the smell of forest and earth and jasmine. "So Nush, where do you think Nikita and Nikhil would be at the moment?" he asked, as I sat beside him, cross-legged, seeing the stagnant lake which looked beautiful because of the moonlight cascading down at it. The strip of stars which hovered above us made the night seem so blissful.

  "I don't know honestly," I replied, darting my gaze towards Virat who had an enticing smile across his lips. "Probably in a motel or something." I added, and saw how the smile still pertained.

  "Probably kissing and making out," he added with a sigh. "They're so much in love. Why would you even want them to break up?" he asked, dipping his head up, and lying on his torso. He rested his chin on his hand which in turn rested on the deck.

  "Because I hate Nikhil," I answered, rubbing the bridge of my nose which itched because of the monsoon breeze which blew. 

  Confusion pulled over his face, "I don't understand why do you hate Nikhil so much. Sometimes your hatred for Nikhil seems a little unfair."

  "Because I've dealt with guys like him before." I answered truthfully, slightly unsure at my words.

  "Oh," Realization dawned on Virat as he gave me the sympathetic look I've been recieving since the better half of the entire time-period of my existence. "I'm so sorry."

  "My mom was the prey, not me." I quickly added, and his eyes flickered at me. "I know you may think why am I so unfair towards Nikhil. The reason is my dad."

  Virat was left startled to the core. "Your dad?"

  "Yes. After eleven years of constant violation, my mom finally decided to leave my worthless dad, and married Arjun's nice dad." I chuckled, while tears start brimming at the corner of my eyes. "He was one huge asshole, Virat. He would come home drunk, and beat my mom. I've no idea how my mom continued being with him for eleven long years. She probably loved him too much to leave—he was that mysterious bad guy every girl used to fawn over. And he fell in love with my mom, and made my mom feel infinite." Without me even realizing, tears begin to stray down my cheeks without any subtle warning. "And  my mom thought, she had changed dad. Like really changed him. But turns out, every story isn't that cliche like they show. He hadn't changed a bit and he—"

  Virat's one hand instantly brushed mine to comfort me, while he used his other hand to brush away my tears. "—this is so depressing. Okay, let's talk about something else."

  "Yeah," I agreed, breaking into a smile. Somehow, Virat made me feel comfortable after such a vulnerable moment. "You're too sweet. How many girlfriends did you have before?"

  "None," Virat replied, leaving me reeling from shock. 

  "None? Seriously? Not even a tenth grade valentine?" I asked, scoffing. He shook his head proudly. "PFFT, come on! I heard so much about you. You're definitely lying!"

  "Whatever you heard were rumours. I fell in love with this downtown guardian angel of mine—a.k.a Nikita when I was seventeen, and I never thought of any other girl after her."

  Somehow it made my heart heavier hearing this. He loved her since... nine long years? "Have you ever kissed a girl?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

  "No. What about you?"

  I looked at him as if he had gone crazy. "Have I ever kissed a girl?"

  Virat laughed, "No! Your first kiss."

  "My first kiss? I was twelve. His name was Mohit. He would come over to the house all the time." 

  Virat's eyes widened at the revelation. "Was he your first boyfriend?"

  I looked away, shaking my head. The horrifying memories revert back to my memories' cassette, reeling me back into my past. "He was my dad's boss."

  Virat went silent for a long time before he broke the silence. "I'm so sorry, Nush. I didn't know your dad was that bad." His eyes peered into mine, and I shuffled, trying to look away from him.

  "It's okay," I tried my best to choke my sobs, but I felt so fucking small and vulnerable that moment. "Why do people chose pick someone to love who treat them like shit?" I asked the question to myself, rheoterically. That was the reason I'd deluded myself into thinking that I loved Advay. Because I knew he would never treat me the way my dad treated my mom and me.

  "Because we accept the love we think we deserve," he answered, wrapping his arms around me. I looked at him, my eyes softening.

  "You're right. We always feel terribly small in front of the person we think we supposedly love, we let them treat us like shit." I silently sobbed, leaning on his shoulder. Virat softly caressed my cheeks, forcing me to look into his eyes. So I did.

  "I just want you to know that... you're not small, Anushka," he leaned foward to press his lips against my forehead, linerging there for a few moments. 

  And in those few moments with Virat, I didn't feel small. I felt infinite.