20. Faces and Masks.

There's a face beneath the mask, but that isn't me.

- A.

20. Faces and Masks.

THIS DAY MUST'VE BEEN MORE TIRING for me than I had suspected because I had fallen asleep in that curled up position inside the car, until I felt someone stir beside me that jolted me up.

I was still completely out of it, stirring out of my nap for a considerable amount of time but after sorting myself out and taking one swift glance out of the window I noticed how dark it had gotten and how much it had been raining so heavily. I checked the time, it was close to 5 a.m. I wondered where Virat was. 

A few minutes later, I saw him through my drowsy eyes, standing outside the car in the pouring rain, soaked through and through, and my eyes widened at the sight. Bending to grab down his coat off the seat, then flinging the door of the car out, I clambered to my feet and instantly felt the fervent rain douse itself on me.

"Virat, what the fuck are you doing here? It's raining cats and dogs!" I yelled, trying to speak over the piercing torrents that brutally ambled on the ground, inhaling the petrichor emanating from the forests. "You're going to catch a cold if you stand out here for too long!"

"I'm fine," Virat replied smoothly, not reacting when my hands braced his biceps. I could notice the quiver of his lips and furrow in his brows. Undeniably, he looked handsome as ever in his white shirt which had turned transparent by now, but I couldn't help but think how cold it must be. "What are you doing?"

"I was trying to stay away from you. Apparently that's what you want, don't you?" he asked, holding my hand in his.

My heart thumped at a frantic tempo when he does it. "No," I replied this time. "Let's get inside the car first." I stifled a shuddering breath as I began to feel the cold seeping into my lungs -- the feeling was bone deep.

"Okay, I don't want you to catch a cold, Nush." The cool air nipped at any exposed skin of mine and I did my best to handle it. But one could only do so for long until teeth started clattering and extremities began to chill from inside out.

Virat escorted me till the car, and when we were inside it, I felt his hot breath on the nape of my neck, his cool lips pressing to the shell of my ear. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

I shuffled in my seat. "I've to go home," I told him in a clipped tone before my voice softened. "Mom must be worried about me." 

Virat nodded falling back to his seat. "I'll drop you."

There's a static silence during the entire ride, and I know it has everything to do with us. Our lives had nothing constant except one pattern -- one step close, two steps back. 

Shaking my head, I blinked my eyes close to evade the tears that were brimming in my eyes.

•••

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

I closed my eyes, as my mom glowered in anger. I suddenly felt like a little child who was being scolded for being standoffish and not putting up a decent behavior. Except for it was all her fault. I sighed.

"Repeat that," Mom narrowed her eyes, shooting me a cold glare. I merely gulped. "Anushka Sharma, I wish I could ground you but I know that wouldn't be a punishment for you."

"Mom, I'm sorry for not taking my phone. But you know the reason right?" I sighed exhaustively.

"Were you with Virat the entire night?" she asked, her tone softer now,

"Yeah mom, but --"

"-- do you love him?"

"What?" I blanched. "How would you know that?"

"So it's true," mom sighed. "Why would you hide such an important thing from us?"

"Mom, I swear it happened after Abeer's wedding. I, kind of, developed feelings for him, but I'm going to deal with it."

"Are you crazy?" she asked. "Why would you deal with it? You love him, he loves you. It's the simplest story in the world, why don't you get it?"

I rolled my eyes at her, "Sure, you forgot the part where I promised commitment to Advay."

"Commitment without love, Anushka? That's the worst part of any relationship."

"Mom, your relationship with him - ugh, I mean, papa... it had both, commitment and love. Then why would it fail?"

"Because some stories aren't fairy tales. Some endgames kill other endgames," she said, her voice creeping down to a whisper. "And about your papa, I've been wanting to say you this since a long time." I nodded my head, motioning her to continue. "I never left your dad, Anu. He did."

My eyes widened at the revelation.

"Undeniably, he loved me a lot. But after my miscarriage, you know the things, right? Once you were home, and you said -- you couldn't make happy family picture anymore. I guess that was the breaking moment for him, the conscience pricking moment, you know? He loved me, but he loved you too much. So he decided it was better for him to go away from our lives. It was never my decision, it was always his. He loved you so much, he kept you above of me."

I had no idea how to react. Why did he make it so difficult for himself and me? Why couldn't he just leave alcohol? 

The answer was simple: because some stories aren't fairy tales. Some endgames kill other endgames. Maybe papa was some sort of sacrifice to bring in the story of Ahana and Aditya, a masterstroke by destiny.

The answer didn't help because my heart still shattered.

It was my mom's hard sniffle which broke me out of my trance. We were in each other's arms, crying like babies.

I was preparing myself to break someone's heart, something which I had never been wanting to do.

•••

THE HEART NEVER BROKE.

The heart never loved someone to break.

When I was at Advay's beach house, I saw him in the patio with a girl. The girl was practically pressed against the wall and Advay -- oh, how romantic -- his hands were pushed against the wall as her hands roamed around the torso guy who I had once kissed. Their lips were practically glued to each other.

Nothing in this world had never made me so uncomfortable and happy as this moment where my fiance was cheating on me. He caught a glimpse of me, and his face ran dry. 

"Save it." I sounded hypocritical, god, so hypocritical when I said this. So I just gave him a sarcastic smile. "Thank you, thank you so much for making it this easy!" I reached on his side, holding his hands. 

I removed the ring from my fourth finger, and returned it to him. Both my finger and my hand felt so light after that. "Thank you for these six months, and thank you for saving me from the guilt, Advay." 

Advay was smiling, and I couldn't decipher why. 

I wrapped my arms around him awkwardly for a brief hug. "Goodbye." I whispered to him and pulled away.

It was when I was walking away when I received a text from Virat.

virat : meet me near the docks. it's urgent. x

me : okay xoxo

I was smiling to myself, my hands resting on the steering wheel when I got inside the car. I could still smell Virat's cologne in the car which swathed a sense of home inside of me. When I hit the road, it was slightly showering. The world passed in the day lights, a little blurred but nothing mattered more than meeting Virat.

I realized the road was still slippery due to the torrents that had been raining since morning, as I felt my car swerve against the road. There's a long, screeching noise as I felt the car getting out of control until it absolutely stopped, crashing against a massive tree.

I moaned in pain as my head was thrown against the dashboard, my neck too fragile to move. 

Silence scared the hell out of me, and everything else felt painful. It was only someone's footsteps hitting against the wet ground that complemented my ragged breath in that static, bone-cutting silence which washed relief over me. 

He stood outside the window, looking absolutely mortified as my shaky hands pushed open the door to breathe.

And the last thing I remembered before crashing into his arms is a soft whisper of "papa" and his hands grazing my forehead matted in blood.