author's note | an insight into advay's character! let me know what do you think of him! also, if you've noticed there's a change of voices after every six chapters. we're probably in the last six chapters so the last leg of this book is going to be from anushka's pov!

~ANUSHKA~

13. Sick Of The Charades

I WAS BEYOND CONFUSED at the question posed by Virat. "What girl? Who savior? What are you talking about, Virat?"

Virat shook his head, his expressions showing his eagerness dissolving as fast as they formed. "Nothing actually," he swiped his tongue across his bottom lip, managing to look adorable.

I sighed painfully because I knew this was going to be the last time I would be seeing him. The last wish. The last dance. The last meal.

"Anushka," his voice broke my trance. "Do you think it's actually love when you keep on reminding yourself that you love that person?"

It was a question so personal for me; like the question was a second skin to me. Wasn't I asking myself this question ever since Virat had kissed me. That I loved Advay.

"I guess, it is. You often get distracted by the things going on around you and that's why you've to keep reminding yourself that you do love the person you love." Or think you love.

Virat heaved a sigh of relief. "So maybe, I do love Nikita after all."

Yes, you love her. Not me. It was such a simple story, except it wasn't. My throat lodged with a sob, and I felt my vocal cords tightening and wounded so tightly that no sound escaped me.

I was so sick of the charades. So sick of getting my heart broken time and again, every time I talked to Virat. "And you love Advay?" His brown eyes studied me intently, like he was trying to drag answers out of me just my mere sight alone. Not going to lie, he looked intimidating, and it felt as if my answer did affect his emotions on a magnificent scale. Just like his did - to mine.

"Of course," I shrugged, bringing my palms around my shoulders. Suddenly, the idea of wearing a short, sleeveless white dress in this breezy weather felt a very bad idea. The air and Virat himself is wicking away my heat faster than my body can replace it. Love truly leaves you exhausted and cold.

"Mm, that's great! So there's no confusion regarding this, isn't it?" he asked, his flattening into a thin line. I almost want to laugh at the question because we were truly two confused people with out hormones all over the place. Nothing in our life was constant, not the two of us, neither Advay and Nikita, nor the feelings we bore for each other, absolutely nothing. Romance wasn't even in the equation because there were just too many bittersweet memories and painful realities between the two of us - which would never let us be the endgame.

And I would rather keep it that way.

"Totally," The smile faded from my face when I saw the time. "I've cooked some Classic pasta with white sauce." The declaration itself was enough for Virat and I to run back to the beach house.

The two of us relished the dinner followed by some wine. This time, both of us decided not to push our limits because the last time we did, hadn't ended up well. It was over eleven p.m. when we were reminiscing some of our best childhood memories when I realized Advay might be coming back anytime. "It's getting late for you, isn't it? You should be really be going."

Virat peeked a glance at his watch, and his eyes widened. "Fuck, I've a practice session tomorrow. I should really be running," he mumbled, running a hand through his disheveled hair before giving me a brief hug. I had to remind myself again that I loved Advay and that this was nothing but a friendly hug. "I'll see you, yeah?"

"Mhm," I murmured against the fabric of his shirt, letting his warmth soak inside for the last tme. They were going to be my companion for the rest of my life when homes wouldn't feel like home. "Goodbye."

He smiled because he didn't know it was going to be our last.

***

I WOKE UP to Advay's bright smile, in the morning.

"You look beautiful, Anu. Even in morning." Advay breathed out, his lips grazing my cheeks softly. "Thanks for being here."

"I should be apologetic because I dozed off to sleep last night instead of waiting for you."

"It's okay. As long as I'm the only man who you wait for even if you doze off in the process." Advay made me believe in chivalry, romance and love in first place after my dad's horrific attempts at tainting my life. And here I was, confused about my feelings for him. "What happened babe? Is something bothering you?"

I simply shook my head.

Advay being the understanding guy he was, pecked my forehead, before cupping my cheeks. "You know you can talk to me about anything... Everything."

"Even my mistakes?" I asked him innocently. He gave me a stiff nod. "I made a mistake, Advay. I know he kissed me first but I responded to it, and it's killing me from inside. And so, I had to get this out of my system."

"What are you saying?" Advay asked, running his hands through my messy hair.

"Virat and I shared a kiss."

"Okay," he muttered, followed by a dramatic pause. "Do you love him?" His eyes were closed as though he didn't want to witness how I would break his heart. For a moment, I see the old Advay in him. The little nine year old boy who was scared as fuck because his mother decided to leave his family for another man.

I could very well break a man's heart, but how could I break this little boy's heart?

So I replied with a shake of head in negative response. "I love you. That kiss was a mistake and meant nothing." Except it wasn't, it meant everything.

"I love you too, Anushka." The way he called me Anushka meant he actually meant it. "Do you remember the time when I proposed you?"

I smiled at the memory which was so vivid that it felt like it was just an occurrence from yesterday.

"Anushka, I love you."

"Love you too, Advay."

"But I won't say stay with me forever, love me forever, do not leave me ever. Because I don't want to bound you by conditions. So, if you ever think you're falling out of love, you can very well leave me."

"I still abide by my words. You can leave me if you want."

"No Advay. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I replied, and there was no looking back.

"So tell me the details of the kiss. Is Virat a better kisser than me?" Advay joked. The smile on his face was just a facade to hide his pain, and I knew him too well to know this.

"You don't have to act like this, you know? It's okay sometimes to not be a hero and show your insecurities instead. To show you're scared."

The mask slipped off his face too soon but his eyes became ice-cold. I knew it was Advay's defense mechanism to act like this. Because the last time he was pleading and crying in front of a woman, the woman had just turned him a cold shoulder and left him.

And he didn't intend on exposing himself that vulnerable ever again.

"One thing . . . did you kiss him because you were caught with him emotionally?" he asked, with a doubtful look on his face.

I shook my head in denial. "I was caught up in the moment."

"Then, there's nothing for us to worry about. It's going to be alright now that I'm here, Anu."

I rested my head on his shoulder, glancing at him side-ways. "Yes, specially because I've decided to block him from my life."

Advay lifted my head up. "You're not going to do this for me. If you block him from your life, it means you've feelings for him, and that means things aren't alright between us." I wish he knew I wasn't doing this for him; I was doing it for myself.

Still confused, I asked him. "Then what do I do?"

"You talk to him like the old friends you two are, and make sure his proximity doesn't affect you one bit."

"Okay. We're going to be okay."

Once again, the things go back to normal like it ever has been - between Advay and me. But deep down, I knew whatever we had was nothing - but a big fat lie.