12. Under The Lights Tonight

I WOULD BE LYING if I said I didn't imagine how Anushka and I would meet again, but I would also be lying if one of the thousand scenarios involved like tonight. I stared at my reflection; I was wearing a grey t-shirt paired with ripped jeans. I wondered if I looked too under-dressed for the occasion. 

But then again, I wondered why did I wonder at all? Out of all the gazillion things I was supposed to be worried about, the one thing that really bugged me was how Anushka would found me tonight.

Out of all the things that bugged me, one thing worried my best friend: the oddity of the fact that why out of all the girls out there, I would make a friend of mine, my first kiss? It was ironic and cliche at the same time; how Anushka was helping me in setting me up with Nikita, and at the same time was an entourage to the moments where I could feel infinite, and infinitely loved. Our friendship might have taken a few detours and occasionally had a few bumps, but the bottom line was - it was a forever.

Looking one last time in the mirror, I picked up my phone from the night stand, and check my messages, clicking on the messages with Anushka.

Nush : i know this sounds weird but can you come to this beach house of my friend's tonight? 

me : but what about the paps? :/

Nush : do you trust me?

me : of course, will see you there! xoxo

As I stared at the message for a fleeting moment, I couldn't help but swear under my breath. This isn't a date. She's engaged. Engaged. The whole relationship Anushka and I shared had never been the endgame. I knew it now; after knowing about Anushka's dad, I knew she didn't want someone like me. It had to be someone like Advay. Advay and Anushka were the fairy-tale couple we read about in books - perfect and with their happily ever after and thereafter.

So what do I do Anushka tonight, especially knowing it's note a date? Where do I even begin from, after recovering from the guilt trip of kissing her without knowing about her feelings? Thus, I talked to this about Rohan. The guy had the answers to all my questions. You sit and sip on your favorite coffee with your friend, and you start from the very beginning.

You're not going to get over her that soon, the sentence kept on reverberating through my ears, ringing, ringing, ringing.

***

IT'S A PROVEN FACT, that the left lung of every human being is a little smaller than the right lung for the heart to make its place. So maybe that's why when you see the person who makes your heart swells with their mere sight, you begin to feel breathless.

And perhaps, that could only explain my extreme state of breathlessness because carbon dioxide was rushing out, but my lungs seemed to be deprived of oxygen. Or else, it was probably all made up in my heart because the heart was a little, selfish minx, and made your soul believe in what it wants to believe in.

"Virat." Anushka nudged my shoulder, her grave voice slowly pulling me out of the spell I had fallen into. It seemed like I was always falling into something, or someone - and I need a hell lot of anchorage for survival. "Why were you staring?" she asked sardonically, a tiny smirk morphing onto her face because she knew the answer.

"Because you look beautiful tonight." I replied tepidly, after finding the words which seemed to be clogged inside of my throat. The answer was definite; the little white dress which hugged her body, her soft cushion of lips which were painted red and the soft, and her bouncy curls - everything made her look like a cut out of a princess from a book.

Anushka frowned at my answer. "Just tonight?"

This time, I gave her a wistful grin. "Just tonight." Her hands landed harshly on the curve of my shoulder, as she gave me a hideous look. "Okay, okay. every day, every night."

"Better," she grinned toothily, linking her hands with mine. And then we stared at the picturesque beach, and the sea beyond, and maybe even farther. "The sky and the sea seemed star-crossed but then you see them meeting visually, here. And that's beautiful."

Somehow, the words like star-crossed and visual meetings made me nervous. I shifted a little uncomfortably until I gathered the courage to look into Anushka's eyes once again. I brought my lips to her forehead, the feelings of her soft skin lingering on my lips for a moment too long before I pulled away. "But the sea looks endless from here, visually and practically. Just like us." I replied, a warm feeling washing over me. Maybe it was her company which made me feel so optimistic. 

It was a general belief that people completed each other, but I believed that people countered each other. Anushka's pessimism was always countered by my positive beliefs. 

"Keep walking," Anushka urged, tugging onto my hand. I obliged as she led me to the beach, taking my own time to soak into every moment, every particle in there. When we touched the waters, I mercilessly pushed Anushka into the water, my hand still holding her back so that only her legs were drenched with the water. "I knew you were quite capable of pulling off something like this." she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I didn't know it was going to be like this though. I imagined this meeting to be in the patio with us munching on food and drinks. You never fail to surprise me, Anushka."

At that, she just smiled. "So, do you really trust me?" 

I nodded my head, a tiny, confusing smile curling onto my lips. "Of course."

"Then close your eyes." 

I smiled at her, and obliged. There was no peculiar difference when I closed my eyes. The salt lingering on my taste buds and the sound of the crashing waves reminded me of the beach, the breath I inhaled and my racing heartbeats constantly reminding me that I was on the beach with Anushka.

It took Anushka a couple of minutes to come back. Because of the soft sand, I couldn't realize that she had actually gone without any forewarning. But then she cleared her throat, her voice coming out softly, "you can open them now."

I opened my eyes and saw a sky lantern in her hands. There was something scribbled on it which I could read only after Anushka handed me that.

I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

My heart stopped. "Anushka -"

"He is proud of you. Your dad," she said, biting onto her lips and looking away. "I know you felt empty after your dad's barsi and I remember everything you said that night Virat. You've made me feel incredibly better in spite of my shitty life. So, I thought I should do something for you in return as well."

"Ironically, it was my mom who did this for dad when he was dealing my my mom's miscarriage. She told me - us, that we only find light when we seek it or light it ourselves. I know you always wanted to say him an I love you, and I'm sure your dad must be the brightest star in the sky tonight for he's proud of what you are. And I hope, this Chinese lantern sends him the message visually and practically too."

The weight of the words seemed infinite - especially when I heard the words mom's miscarriage. But I knew that was a story for a different night. So I just shift my focus to her other words, and lift the lantern up. "I would be glad if you help me in lighting this up too."

And so we did it together: letting go off a floating lantern. It was such a couple-y thing to do but at the same time, it meant bone-deep to me. Us. 

"Thank you for this," I told her, my hands softly caressing her cheeks. The smile that followed next on Anushka's face was brighter than any lantern. "Thank you for everything."

"Thank you will not do this time." she furrowed her eyebrows together, in a fine, thin line and fixated her hands on her waist.

"Then what do I do? To counter the magnanimous thing you just did for me tonight."

Anushka smiled and reached into the purse which hung across her shoulder, taking out her iPod. Unraveling the strings of ear-pieces attached to it, she slotted one into my ear and the other to her ear. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but that didn't stop her from playing a song. Then she curls her hands around my neck through my shoulders, taking me by surprise.

"Will you dance with me, Virat?"

The smile on my lips faltered. Somehow, I expected tonight to be a night which would drown all the feelings we were inculcating in our hearts for each other. But this game was getting treacherous with every passing moment. 

And I decided to fall prey to it.

"I want to," I replied, witnessing how she had closed her eyes, bracing herself for a rejection. "But I'm a terrible dancer."

Anushka opened her eyes, an amused chuckle escaping from her lips. "Surely others don't think that way. You were so good in Yuvi's wedding."

"That was just lucky. I'm a terrible dancer, Anushka." I shook my head in denial, trying to keep a straight face as I averted her gaze.

"Oh come on," Anushka's hands dropped to her sides, my skin relaxing visibly at the loss of contact. "Fine. Let me take the charge then. I'll take the lead."

"I never let others take charge of my life or myself." I reasoned out pathetically.

Anushka squinted her eyes, getting closer to my face, "you trust me, don't you?" her hands reached down to my hands, bringing them around her waist.

But you're fucking engaged, the words are at the tip of my tongue but I swallowed them back when Anushka drew her hands around my neck. Dancing with Anushka under the lights made me realize how it was just like our lives; I held her too close to my heart but then she was never close enough.

"You under-estimate yourself a lot," Anushka told me, as we danced. The way her legs slid against the sand smoothly, and the way every move of hers complemented mine - reminded me a lot of her. She always did, in one way or another.

So I just asked her directly instead of playing games. "Was it you that night, Anushka? The savior behind the mask?"