hongjoong walked into the cafeteria with wooyoung and yeosang thursday afternoon and made their way to seonghwa's table. rather than sitting in their usual spot, seonghwa and his friends have asked them to sit at their table for the remainder of the year.

"i still can't believe i get to sit next to san every single day at lunch! i swear, he gets sexier and sexier every time i see him!" wooyoung screamed a little too loudly as they neared the lunch table, san turning around and laughing a bit. wooyoung's face immediately turned a bright shade of red as he took a seat, hongjoong laughing at the interaction between the two and yeosang shaking his head at his friend's careless behavior.

"so you think i'm sexy? good to know." san winked as he put an arm around the younger, causing wooyoung to shriek in response.

seonghwa and jongho then entered the cafeteria, taking their usual seats at the lunch table. since hongjoong and his friends began sitting at the lunch table, the seating arrangements had become mingi, yunho, san, and wooyoung on one bench and seonghwa, hongjoong, yeosang, and jongho on the other bench, the group occasionally being joined by ryujin. much to yeosang's dismay, today was one of those days.

"hi baby." ryujin purred as she took a seat next to her boyfriend, grabbing his face and giving him a sloppy kiss on the lips. yeosang tried his best to hold back a gag as jongho quickly pushed the girl off of him.

"ryu, i've told you this many times. i don't like when you kiss me in front of my brother and his friends." he explained and ryujin rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in annoyance.

"and jongho, i've told you many times that i don't give a fuck about what they think of us. if i want to kiss you, i have the right as your girlfriend to kiss you." she retorted and jongho let out a big sigh, turning his body to face yeosang so ryujin would stop bothering him.

"hey sangie, how are you?" jongho asked with a warm smile on his face, catching yeosang completely off guard.

yeosang's heart began racing extremely fast. not only was jongho talking to him, but he also called him 'sangie'. he tried his best to get words out, he really wanted to, but his brain wouldn't allow him to speak.

jongho picked up on yeosang's attempts and quickly thought of a solution. he took out a sheet of paper and a pencil and handed it to the boy with a smile.

"here, you can write down your answers. i know it's tough for you to speak sometimes, but i would love to get to know you better." yeosang covered his face to hide the blush that was forming as he began writing.

jongho heard a loud and obnoxious huff next to him and he rolled his eyes, turning around to see a very pissed off ryujin.

"what's the problem now?" jongho asked with a bit of sass in his tone.

"my problem is that you're ignoring me, your girlfriend, to speak to some mute gay boy! what the fuck, jongho?" yeosang stopped writing his answer and began shaking, tears threatening to fall out his big eyes as he heard ryujin insult him while he was sitting only a few feet away from her.

"ryujin, if you're going to insult anyone at this table then i'm going to have to ask you to leave. you don't know shit about yeosang, and quite frankly, i'd rather have a conversation with him than you right now. and news flash, he can hear you!" jongho raised his voice at the rude girl sitting next to him. ryujin shot up out of her seat and grabbed her stuff, giving jongho the finger as she began walking off.

before she could completely leave, she leaned down and whispered into yeosang's ear, "fuck you freak." before flicking him in the back of the head and leaving. yeosang grabbed his head and began rubbing it to subside the slight pain he felt from ryujin's boney fingers. jongho immediately moved yeosang's hand from his own head and began rubbing it for him in an attempt to comfort him.

"yeosang, i'm so sorry about her. i don't know why she's such an asshole sometimes, especially to you guys. you don't deserve it." jongho apologized and yeosang shook his head, picking up his pencil to write down his response.

'don't worry about it jongho. it's not your fault, there's no need to apologize. she has no reason to act so jealous... there's nothing to be jealous of. by the way, my day was great. how was yours?' the smaller boy wrote, giggling a bit as he showed jongho. jongho smiled widely, innocently placing a hand on yeosang's thigh. yeosang tensed up a bit but quickly relaxed, hoping not to scare the boy off.

"mine was great too, even greater now that ryujin isn't here." jongho chuckled and yeosang laughed along with him, trying his best to hold a real conversation with his crush.

"seongie, i missed you so much today!" hongjoong cheered and hugged seonghwa tightly at the other end of the lunch table.

"i missed you too, angel. how were your classes this morning?" seonghwa asked as he took a bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"they were fine. i didn't have any tests today, so that was good. and i had art today! we got to fingerpaint, i love fingerpainting!" hongjoong clapped his hands in excitement and seonghwa chuckled at how adorable the younger was acting.

"fingerpainting sounds like tons of fun baby boy." seonghwa replied as he rubbed the top of hongjoong's head.

"it is! painting is a lot of fun in general. we should paint together one day!" hongjoong suggested and seonghwa nodded his head in agreement.

from a few tables away, seonghwa's friend jaehyun stood up and began walking towards seonghwa's table to discuss san's party that was planned for friday night. before he could speak up, he noticed there were three extra guests that weren't usually at the boy's table, sitting and chatting with all of his friends.

"how about i take you painting one day? does that sound fun?" jaehyun overheard seonghwa say to a boy he didn't know the name of.

"that's perfect! i can't wait!" jaehyun heard the boy answer, recognizing his voice as he spoke. when he got a better look at the boy, jaehyun realized it was the same kid that typically sits at his lunch table. instead of continuing the to walk towards the table, jaehyun did a full one eighty and headed back to his table, confused as to what the two were actually talking about.

"i'm sorry to interrupt this adorable conversation, but may i please compliment hongjoong on that fabulous top! you look beautiful in blue." yunho gushed at hongjoong's choice of clothing and hongjoong blushed at the compliment.

"thank you yunho! you're always so nice to me." hongjoong giggled and yunho smiled.

"there's never a reason to be mean to anyone, joongie." yunho answered simply before returning back to his conversation with mingi.

shortly after yunho's comment, the bell signalizing the end of lunch rang. all eight boys stood up and grabbed their stuff, heading towards the cafeteria's exit for their next class.

"bye seongie, i gotta walk with youngie and sangie. i'll see you later!" hongjoong waved goodbye to seonghwa who waved back, smiling at the younger.

"bye joongie! bye wooyoung and yeosang!" seonghwa said, earning 'goodbye's' from hongjoong's friends before they disappeared out of his sight.

as seonghwa walked alone to his next period class, he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder. he turned around, facing the boy and smiling at his friend.

"hwa, may i ask why you were sitting with those three freaks during lunch today?" jaehyun asked and seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, his smile immediately leaving his lips.

"what?" he answered with another question.

"i don't know their names, but you know who i'm talking about. they sit at the other end of our lunch table. we've never spoken to them, but damn... the things they talk about, they're so fucking weird bro." jaehyun shook his head, speaking like hongjoong and his friends were nothing but scum.

seonghwa didn't know how to answer the boy. he didn't want to tell the boys about him and hongjoong, so he quickly thought of an excuse to get himself out of it.

"oh, those guys? um, w-well he's, he's jongho's brother." seonghwa answered while looking down at the ground.

"all three of them are jongho's brothers?" seonghwa's other friend, minho asked with a laugh.

"no, not all three of them. just the blonde one." seonghwa responded dryly.

"there were two blonde ones, you gotta be more specific." jaehyun pressed seonghwa.

"the one sitting next to me, he's jongho's brother." seonghwa mumbled out, hoping the boys wouldn't hear. much to his dismay, they continued asking questions.

"ok, so once again... why were they at your table?" jaehyun questioned further.

"w-well, uh... jongho wanted them, i g-guess." seonghwa stuttered out, once again lying straight to the boy's faces.

"you guys really want to put your reputation on the line for some high schoolers who still act like they're in first grade? sorry, even if that was blood, could never be me." jaehyun removed his arm from seonghwa's shoulder, shaking his head once again.

"yeah, i guess you're right... i'll make sure to mention it to jongho." seonghwa said as he continued to look down.

his heart broke to say it, but seonghwa didn't want his other friends to know about his relationship with the younger.

"good. we're just trying to look out for you, man. catch you later." minho waved goodbye to seonghwa, leading jaehyun to their next class. seonghwa hesitantly waved back, frowning a bit to himself as he walked alone.

seonghwa felt like absolute shit after his conversation with the boys. there was no need for him to lie to them, but for some reason he did. he lied like he was embarrassed, embarrassed to admit the fact that he liked hongjoong.

hongjoong was different. he wasn't like the people seonghwa typically hung out with, not like any of seonghwa's exes. he was completely different, and seonghwa liked that. he embraced hongjoong's differences... when it was just the two of them.

maybe i'm not ready for people to know about us yet...

oh shit y'all... i'm so sorry.

SIKE!!! i'm evil😈🔪🤪

and i'm sorry but i'm gonna rant a bit rn... so my whole life i've been a very confident person, very outgoing and stuff. i really never cared about anyone's opinions or anything about me, so much to the point that my friends recently said the one word to describe me would be "confident". but i've really lost all my confidence in the past year. i put on a face in front of people so they think i'm confident and it you saw my instagram you'd think i'm confident but it's all false confidence. i really think it has to do with my ex, he'd always call me fat and ugly and it really got to me. you can only go so long with hearing that from someone you love to not start thinking it's true. i went on a diet a while back and lost six pounds and i gained three pounds back. i have prom in a week and sadly i picked a dress that shows all my curves. i'm really just scared to wear it. i know i won't look pretty. i keep telling my mom i don't want to go but she's like you have to, but i just really don't want to wear that dress. i don't want people to see me. and everyone in my life goes "stop saying that" or "you're skinny" but i just can't believe them... i just don't know how to find my confidence again...

i'm sorry for this rant, but i just needed to get it out.

-vic