~ ~ Beatrix ~ ~

Whoosh

Whoosh... Whoosh

That was the sound of blood pounding through my ears as my legs gave way and I dropped down in my chair.  The tightness wrangling with my throat blindsided me as I listened in some surreal dream-like state.

Seb had raped Cam.  Seb, my brother.

Unnerved and sickening swells of nausea built on top of the numbness.  Every one of Finn's words were carefully weighted and fraught with emotion.  I could taste the hurt and anger woven between each of his measured breaths.

"Trix?"  Footsteps came closer, but I didn't dare look up as the colour seeped from my face.

My body in conflict, I felt both hot and cold, my chiffon blouse pasted itself to my back with a clammy cold sweat.  I flinched when a hand pressed down on my shoulder.

"What's going on?" whispered Ivy, inclining her head.

I raised a finger to press it to my lips.  She understood and perched her behind on the edge of my table, waiting for me to finish the phone call.

"You believe what I'm telling you is the truth?"  I heard Finn ask.  "Cam never hurt you—not intentionally, Trix. He kept this from you so not to hurt you."

He paused; the line went quiet.

"He loves you, Trix, and right now the thing that's destroying him—is losing you."

Losing me?  My pain now seemed unimportant, insignificant in the equation.

"None of this was Cam's fault.  You believe that too, yeah?"

Believe that Cam had been raped by my brother?  Believe at his most vulnerable, passed out he'd been tied down and abused not only physically but emotionally too?  Raped by a person he'd trusted—loved like a brother?

Shuddering, digging my nails into palms. I wanted to throttle my brother, no scrap that, I wanted to murder him.

"Trix, talk to me."  There was torment in Finn's voice.  And there was no doubting the depth of his feelings for Cam.  He was bleeding for him.

"Yes, I believe you."

An audible sigh left his lips. "I know I've just dropped a fucking bomb and trust me, this was the last way I wanted you to find out about any of this." He sighed and I heard him swallow. "But I need to ask you something and I'll beg if need be."

"Ask me."

"Can you go there and be with him?" I heard him beep his horn and hiss a curse.  "I don't want him to be on his own."

There was never a question of whether I would go. "Yes. I'll head there now."

"One more thing." He blew out a breath.  "Tell him I'm sorry, and he's the last person I would ever hurt."

"What? I'm not following.  How have you hurt him?" my question came out sharper than intended.

"I did something, really fucking—"  He went quiet.  "—Just as unforgivable."

I highly doubted that.

"I may have fucked up whatever we had going and if I have, then just know I'll step away.  Leave you and Cam. Let just the two of you move forward together."

My heart stuttered as it hit me slap bang in my face.  I had potent feelings—more than I was willing to admit where Finn was concerned, and I wouldn't give up on either without fighting for them first.

I'd gone from wanting no emotional complications to wanting the whole package deal.  "I honestly can't believe you would ever hurt him, Finn"

Finn didn't jump in to offer any further explanation.

"And we can fix whatever it is.  I'll go now.  It will be okay, Finn."

It wasn't okay—none of it was okay.

"Thank you Trix." I heard... no felt his relief.

"You don't need to thank me.  This is Cam."

"One more thing." He hesitated. "Does your brother still live at the same address?"

Nodding. "Yes, it was our parents' house."  I didn't bother to press his reason for knowing.  I was a believer in karma and debt collection.  Although my brother carried a debt that could never be repaid.

"Finn."

"Yeah?"

"Please... be careful."   I knew my brother well enough to know when backed into a corner he would come out fighting.

"Don't worry about me, Trix."

Ending the call, the phone gripped tightly in my hand. "I need to go."  I rose unsteadily.

Ivy abruptly pushed up from the table. "What's going on Trix?" She reached for my hand. "Girl, you're freezing."

I shook my head.  "Ivy, please don't ask me. I can't tell you."  I honestly wouldn't know where to start, but I was positive Cam wouldn't want this shared.

She didn't push or question my reply, but pulled an anxious face.  "Okay, tell me—what do you need?"

What did I need?   We were here at the office at this late hour because I had a conference call with Canada scheduled.  "Canada's due to call." I lifted my phone... in roughly ten minutes.  "Cover for me and give my apologies."

She nodded; tension set in her shoulders.  "Will you be okay?" she asked.

A tear fell from my eye and a humourless laugh slipped past my lips as my vision blurred.  The reality now hitting me hard. "Me?" I nodded.  "No—yes."  It wasn't me I was worried about.  I forced a weak smile. "I will be."

"Call me if you need anything," she insisted, pulling me in for a hug.  "I don't care what time. I'm there if you need me—you listening?"

"Promise."

~ ~

My emotions were all over the damn pace by the time I climbed out of the taxi.  As instructed, I collected the spare key from Mrs Atkins, nodding politely as her mouth emptied words I wasn't listening to.  I thanked and said my goodbyes when she finally took a breath.

Unease prickled beneath my skin as I stepped inside their flat—eerie quiet greeted me.

Finn had said he'd left Cam sleeping in his bed.  Dropping my bag and slipping off my shoes, I tiptoed toward Finn's room.  Cracking the door open, nausea roiled inside my gut like a brewing storm.   All I could think of was why he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me.  He'd had no faith in me... in us.

And for four years he'd carried this alone—without me.

He wasn't alone now.

The light from the hallway followed me into the room and the smell of whisky laced my nostrils.  Finn had said he was wasted.

I froze.   He might have still been under the influence, but he wasn't asleep now.

Sat on the bed, naked, hunched over, his arms rested on his thighs, his head dipped in his hands.

"Cam..."  my heart was louder than my voice.  "Cam—" I said again, upping the volume but keeping it gentle.

Dropping his hands, his head lifted. He raised his heavy eyelids half-way, and it did not prepare me for what I saw—absolutely nothing.  It was as if he wasn't there.

Panic set it as I stepped slowly closer, dropping to squat in front of him.  I touched his hand and finally got a reaction.  He saw me.

His dark brows pinched together, then shifted up slowly. "Bea?" He blinked. "Am I dreaming?" he asked, voice rasp, hollow. 

I squeezed his hand, shaking my head.  "No, I'm here." His expression remained muted.

I knelt but rested back on my calves, unsure what the best thing to do for him. My shift in position allowed more light to seep across his face and chest, making the beads of cold sweat that goose fleshed his skin gleam.  His eyes looked heavy with the weight of despair.

Was this the alcohol?  Seeing Seb?  Fear that I would walk away?

I had to do something—anything to shake him out of this.

"C'mon, up."  I rose and helped him to rise unsteadily.  He rocked forward but quickly recovered.  A weary sigh scraped its way from his throat as he tensed.

"Bea?" his voice cracked.

I tugged him softly, manoeuvring him slowly.  He followed without resistance.  Flipping on the bathroom light.  I propped him against the basin before snatching a glass and filling it full of water.  Leaving it sat there, I searched through the wall cabinet.  I spied what I was looking for—Painkillers.  Snapping the lid, I removed two.  Turning, I picked up the glass and offered both to Cam.

"Take this.  It will help."  His complexion looked pale, almost grey.

He took them without question.  Happy, I took his empty glass and refilled it just in case.  Then I grabbed a toothbrush, not asking if it was his, hoping he wouldn't mind if I'd picked up Finn's.

Cam turned to watch me curiously.  Toothpaste smeared the toothbrush I held it out of him, switching on the tap.

No words were said.

Whilst he slowly brushed his teeth in the mirror's reflection, I saw a little spark of animation—certainly more than a few minutes ago.

Right. Shower.

Sweeping back the shower curtain, I flipped on the shower, holding my hand under the spray.

Steam was soon billowing, fogging the bathroom and hiding his reflection.  He reached for the glass and rinsed out his mouth.

Satisfied the shower temperature was perfect, I moved toward him and placed my wet hand on his back. "Shower, Cam."  It wasn't a question, and he turned, letting me lead him.  Sidestepping, he moved past me, stepping under the hot spray to shiver.

"You'll feel better soon."  Or at least that's what I hoped.

"You're not leaving me—are you?"  his voice was rough, raw as it he swallowed razor blades.

"No, I'm not leaving you."  I got to work on the buttons on my shirt.  He kept the shower curtain open, his eyes watching me as water droplets clung to his thick eyelashes.

Stripping off with hardly any finesse, I stepped inside and pulled the curtain across.

"I'm not sure you're real.  I'm still asleep or so drunk I'm hallucinating."

A small smile and a modicum of relief inched its way between the panic and fear or finding him broken.  "I'm real, trust me," I reached for the shower cream, but his hand stopped me, holding my wrist, looking at it before sweeping me up into his arms, wrapping himself around me fiercely as if I might disappear if he let go.

"Have I lost you."

My heart cracked. "I'm here."

"Are you staying?" he asked in a strangled whisper.

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"For as long as you want or need me."

"I'll always need you—want you."

I couldn't tell you how long we stood like that, holding onto each other, but as the water temperature dipped, I led him out and dried him off, planting soft kisses to soothe and reassure him I would not leave.

In Cam's room, he spoken little, but followed my every movement. I insisted he got under the covers and stay there whilst I made us a drink and some toast.

We ate in silence as I sat naked perched on the edge of the bed watching him force down each mouthful and when finished; I took the plates and cups back to the kitchen.  Returning, he pulled back the cover, and I climbed in.

"Finn told you everything?"

"Ah-hu."

Cam cursed under his breath.  "I'm sorry I didn't—couldn't tell you."

My mind was torn on his lack of faith in us all those years ago and it would need a conversation—but not today.

"Does it change anything between us?"

"In what way?" I shuffled to get comfy as he lifted an arm, so I could snuggle closer, slipping underneath.  His body temperature and colour were thankfully returning to normal as I rested my hands, fingers splayed across his chest.

"How you see me? What you think of me?"

I tipped my head up as his worried gaze searched my face. "I only see you, Cam.  A man I love.  The man I've always loved."

Cam leaned down and brushed his nose against mine.  "I'm here for you." Pausing, choosing my words. "And nothing will make me run away from you... us."

Easing away, concern creased his features. "But I hurt you, Bea. How can you forgive me?"

Shush, I pressed my finger to his lips.  "Yes, my feelings were bruised, and I won't deny I was devastated."

Pain flashed through his eyes as he lowered his lashes.

I shifted my hand to rest over his heart.  "Look at me, Cam.  Don't hide.  No more running."

His heart rate picked up as his eyes lifted.

"What I went through... with my bruised heart pales compared to your pain."  How could I possibly comprehend what he went through?   "You can trust me."  His eyes warmed.  "What do you want, Cam?  What do you need from me?"

He moved his arm, turning to his whole body toward me, cupping both my cheeks in his large hands. "I want you.  If I have you—" He shook his head.   "Then nothing else matters."

That was simple.  "You have me."

Pressing his lips to mine, the last of my barriers dropped. Time or distance had changed nothing. I'd never stopped loving him. He was my heart... my home.

He froze as the sound of my mobile belted out in the hallway.  "Shit,"

"Ignore it." His mouth returned to mine.

Pulling back. "It might be Ivy."

It stopped ringing... and then started again. "Let me grab it."  I was up and out of bed.  Snatching my phone from my bag.  It was an unknown number.

I answered sharply. "Beatrix Anders."

A heavy breath greeted me.  "Hello?"  If it was a prank caller, they would get a piece of my mind.

"Trix, it's me, Finn."

I knew something was wrong before he uttered a word. "Ohmygod. Please tell me you're okay."

Silence.

"Finn?"

"I'm in accident and emergency."

What the? "What happened? Are you okay?" I practically yelled down the phone.  And it was a pretty dumb question, seeing as he's calling me from the hospital.

My anger shot through the roof.  If Seb had hurt Finn too—I would kill him.

"I'm okay.  The police brought me here."

I interrupted.  "The police?" Jesus Christ!  "Have you been arrested?"

"Yes, listen, I don't have long.  When they've fixed up my hand, they want to take me in for questioning."

Fuck.  "Have you rung a solicitor?"

"No, a nurse slipped me her phone, and I called you." 

"Did Seb hurt you?"

He scoffed. "No."  My heart rate didn't slow.  "I just needed to check on Cam—and you. Are you both okay?"

"Yes, we're fine."  A relieved breath followed.  "I'm coming to you."

"No—stay with Cam.  I'll be here for hours and then the police station for god knows how long."

I would not listen and as soon as this call ended, I was getting dressed and heading to A+E.

"Listen, I've got to go.  Look after Cam and tell him I'm sorry."

He hung up before I could say another word.  Frustrated, I turned to see Cam leaning up against the doorframe, arms folded, his eyebrows pinched together.  "What's happened?" He pushed off the frame and stalked toward me.

"Finns in A+E and he's been arrested?"

"Fuck. This is my fault."

"No. It's not—but I need to see him.  Check he's okay."  I hoped he would want to come with me.

"Let's get dressed.  I'm coming with you."

The relief of his words was immense.

Inside the cab Finn's earlier words kept repeating.  Something had happened between him and Finn...something unforgivable. But Cam hadn't hesitated to come with me to see him.  I squeezed his hand.  "Finn wanted me to tell you he's sorry." I waited for him to jump in, but he said nothing.  "What happened between you two?"

He heaved a sigh.  "I did something stupid, and I can't blame it all on alcohol."

Okay...

He stole a side-glance.  "I tried to push him to do something that neither of us was ready for."  I watched him swallow.  "I wasn't in my right mind."

His face contorted as he shifted on the seat.  It was clear he didn't want to talk about it. "But Finn did nothing wrong. I'll apologise."

If they were both sorry, then we could fix it.  I breathed a sigh of relief, looking out at the passing traffic.

"Bea?"

My gaze swung in his direction. "Hmm?"

He met me with confliction. "What would you say if I told you, I think I feel a little more than just friendship toward Finn?"

I smiled, leaning into him.  "I would say I've been waiting for you to catch up." On his shoulder, I rested my head.

"What—that's it? You don't mind?"

The cab pulled up outside the hospital. "That's twenty-five dead on, mate," said the cab driver.

We would need to finish this conversation later.

As we headed inside the busy A+E making a beeline for the sign-in desk. I tapped my fingers on the countertop whilst two women took their time switching papers between themselves whilst chatting without a care in the world. Cam cleared his throat to draw their attention.

It didn't work.

Bugger this for waiting. "Excuse me." I forced a smile. "We're looking for Finn Wilder."  I remembered he said he'd hurt his hand.  "He has an injury to his hand. " And maybe a police escort.

The older of the two women huffed and typed his name into her computer.  "Wilder, Finn,"

"Yes." Both me and Cam replied, squeezing my hand.

"Are you next of kin?" She looked at me, seemingly unimpressed.

"He's my boyfriend," Christ, boyfriend! What were we—teenagers? It sounded wrong. Finn was in his thirties!  "Yes."

She pursed her lips before shifting her beady eyes to Cam.  "And you are?"

I almost choked at his response.  "His boyfriend," he answered as calmly as anything, and I turned to him, my heart fluttering up a storm.

The woman double blinked as the other one stopped shuffling papers and cranked her head in our direction.  "So let me clarify." She pointed at me. "He's your boyfriend?" Her finger shifted, aiming at Cam like a loaded weapon. "And he's your boyfriend." She quirked a disbelieving brow.

The muscle in Cam's jaw ticked. As I took a second to relish that I would need to spell it out.  But Cam beat me to it. "I'm her boyfriend."  He slipped his hand around my waist and pulled us together. "And she's his girlfriend. So yes, He's mine, and she's mine. And we're both his."

Both jaws dropped.

"Now we would like to see him, please.  He called us less than forty minutes ago."

She expelled a wary huff through her nose.  "He's being kept in a room, down the corridor, and a police officer is outside his room.  I'm not sure if they will let you see him."

"Cam?"  A woman's voice had my head turning.

She was out of breath. "I got here as soon as I could." Pressing a hand to her chest.

The woman behind the desk scoffed mockingly. "Who's she—another girlfriend?"

I bit my tongue.

The woman raised her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Cam's cheek briefly.

"Bea, this is Finn's sister—well, one of them.  Emily. I messaged her. She's a solicitor."

I could see the family similarities.  "Ah, Trixie, right?"  She knew me?  "Great to meet you."  She turned back to Cam.  "Have they told you where he is?"

"Yeah, this way."  Cam took my hand and Emily followed as we went in search of our boyfriend.