~ ~ Finn ~ ~

There she was.

Sitting in my car, engine running at the exit of our underground car park, I glued my eyes to the woman climbing out of the Uber.

It was Trixie.

I'd hung around in the flat hoping to catch her, but when I'd finished showering and tried to talk to Cam, he'd gone right back to pretending nothing had happened between us and wanted me out of the flat before she got there. 

One step forward, two giant fuckin' steps back. 

So, I decided the next best thing was to at least get a glimpse of Trix arriving. And damn, was I happy I did.

She looked fucking gorgeous in her fitted little black number. Those killer heels accentuated those already long, shapely legs leading up to that lush arse. Fuck, the things I wanted to do to that arse.

Her movements graceful and smooth, she lifted her hand to push back some hair, turning and for a brief second; I thought she was looking straight at me and knew I was watching her—not in some creepy stalker way, hell it was more like an addict chasing that high.

Heat suffused me and my dick stirred, a sure thing whenever I thought about Trix... and now with idea firmly seeded in my head she was heading upstairs to see Cam, and most likely—no definitely getting naked, damn I went from semi to hard and uncomfortably so in seconds.

Lifting my arse, I readjusted myself. Shit, that image was going to be with me all night.

I blew out a slow breath, and it took every ounce of self-control not to park up the car and head back upstairs and up and lose myself in those two.

Two?

Yeah, both.

But would that ever happen—Very fucking doubtful.

It was no secret that Cam and I had shared women.  Mel was a regular and watching him take control during sex was fucking hot. And the memory of it, sharing those experiences, got me off more times that I could count. However, in my fantasy, he'd let go of some of that control and surrender himself to me.

Just like he'd done in the bathroom a short while ago. Although I still wasn't sure what that was—if anything at all?

But back to fantasy, it was always the same. He would fuck the woman we're were sharing, and I'd fuck him with him finally realising he could have it all.

In reality, it never happened. Once it had come close, when I said close, I was talking for a few brief seconds.  Out one night around twelve months ago, we'd come across, Vanessa at some club in town. Both of us spotted her at the same time and thought she was cute, more than that, sexy and blonde, which seemed to be a big thing for Cam. And when she'd confessed her fantasy was being with two guys, hell who's gonna turn that down?

The three of us headed back home and had her stripped naked with our hands, mouths all over her. To my surprise, she'd blurted out—or it might have been the alcohol talking, that idea of two guys together was hot.

Not surprisingly, fantasy for her didn't live up to reality, and she was none too pleased when I'd gladly taken the opportunity and crossed that line, pulling Cam toward me and devoured his mouth before he could argue and stroked his cock.

It went down like a lead balloon as she'd freaked and fled from the bedroom and Cam had been so pissed off that I'd touched him in front of someone else that it took him two days before he spoke to me.

So from there on, I knew it was hands off him when it came to us sharing.

Trix though, she was a different breed of woman. She'd openly talked and encouraged me to talk about my fantasies. I'd seen and felt how turned on she was. Probably because she wasn't shy and had the confidence to say what she wanted, which was a huge turn-on and a pleasant change from all the usual bullshit of trying to figure out what someone wants from you.

Despite that, when I'd left Cam in the bathroom, the first thing I'd done was to call her. And waiting for her to answer the phone, I had this weird knot of guilt in the pit of my stomach. It almost felt like I'd cheated on her.

Which was crazy and as I told her what had just happened between me and Cam, she was practically purring down the phone. Hell, it wouldn't shock me if she'd touched herself over the mental image I'd painted for her.

There was something else there though, I could feel it. I'd not flat out told Trix about my feelings for Cam or for how long, but she's fucking quick as a whip and I'm guessing read between the lines as there was a wistfulness in her tone, I know it because it's the same for me when I let myself think about more with Cam.

But that's all it will ever be, wishful-fuckin-thinking. Even with what just happened upstairs, with him and his hand around my dick for the first time without alcohol—or at least I didn't think he'd been drinking?

I groaned as I watched Trix disappear into our building. And I knew for a fact if she didn't like the reality of me and Cam with our hands on each other—then I wouldn't push it. Because I know for the first time since I can remember this isn't just fucking. There's potential for this to be so much, and I'm not willing to risk that.

Even if I gave the impression to Cam that I would stop seeing her if he asked—I wasn't sure I could.

I didn't want to stop. I can't get enough and every second I spend with her or talking to her, I want more. Hot sex and chemistry aside, I liked the simple things like lying-in bed, holding her close. That's never been me. But the way her body fits against mine in all the right places, she makes me feel whole rather than the half person since Jenny.

I could see myself getting old and welcoming it if that includes Trix right alongside me.

Yeah, it all sounds batshit crazy—we barely know each other. I can't explain it.

And what would make it perfect was Cam right there with me, with us.  Which leads me onto the next question that keeps running around my head.  Could there be a future for us...all together?

Cam loves her, and Trix loves him. I can see—hear it, fuck, feel it when they talk about each other.

Could there be room for me? I'm in love with Cam and the both of them, together with me—I know it would fill whatever is missing inside of me. Even if Cam never returns what I feel for him.

But was Cam willing to share?

No.   And it pisses me off, but I don't think he's ready. Fucking is one thing—emotions... love is another. And no matter what small breakthrough we might have just cracked open upstairs—he'd never consider it.

I looked at the time. Should I risk parking up and heading back up and talking to them both, seeing if we're all on the same page?

Yes.

Fuck, no. I'd promised Cam I'd stay out the way.

My mobile rang. It was Mike. "Hey Mike."

"Hey Finn, just checking in. Are you meeting us there?"

Mike and I had been mates since college, along with a few others I'd met through work. Cam got along great with all of them too. But now, most of them were married, or thinking about settling down.

Mike was the only other person who knew I had feelings for Cam—not what we got up behind closed doors. I wouldn't do that to Cam.

But lately, even Mike's been saying it might never happen and perhaps I needed to get my shit together and either tell Cam or move on.

In all honesty, I'd decided it was better to move on and not risk my friendship with Cam—but now?

Jesus, my head's like a merry-go-round, same shit different day.

"You still there?" he asked.

"Shit, sorry Mike." I'd made up my mind. I wasn't heading into town, not tonight. "Nah, listen, I'm gonna pass on tonight. Headin' out to see my Gran."

My gran had recently undergone a hip replacement. I called in most days but hadn't had a chance today.

"No worries, buddy." I heard the background chatter of our other friends. "See you next week—we still on for training?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll message if anything changes."

Throwing my phone on the seat next to me, I put the car in drive and pulled out into traffic.

"Gran?" I let myself in and threw my keys on the side. My Gran lived an hour outside of town, a fifty-minute drive from mine. Heading into the kitchen, all was quiet. Looking out the window, I could see her in the garden, weeding.

Jesus Gran! Should she even be doing that?

I headed outside. "Are you sure you should do that?"

My gran's head lifted as her face morphed into the biggest smile. It's fair to say I was her favourite grandchild. But then again, I was the only boy out of seven girls.

"Finn," she took off her gardening gloves as I strode toward her, offering her help to get up.

"It's lovely to see you Finn... but away with you." She swatted my hand. "I can get myself up." She reached for her stick and did so without my help. She let out a breath as she winced, but straightened herself. "You're worse than your mother and yes, the doctor said to keep active, and that's what I'm doing."

"Yeah, but on your knees gardening? I don't think he meant that, Gran."

She puffed out her chest. "You, your mother and no damn doctor specialist are going to start telling me what to do."

I chuckled despite myself, looking around. "Do you want any help. I can do this for you?" I didn't have a clue about gardening, even though I spent hours out here with her and my granddad growing up.

She eyed me up and down. "What and dirty those pretty clothes you're wearing. Nah, you're good Finn. I enjoy doing it anyway." She pulled out a pair of clippers from her pocket, turning to prune a bush, resting her stick against her leg. "What brings you out here on a Friday night? Why are you not out with your friends or that new girlfriend you were telling me about?" She paused to think. "Beatrix?"

My gran was the first person I'd told, couldn't keep it to myself. "She's seeing Cam tonight. It's his turn." She also hadn't batted an eyelid when I'd told her about being Trix being Cam's ex and we were both dating her.

"So what are you doing here then?"

"It's his turn to spend some time with her tonight."

"And?"

"And, he wants to do that alone, with me not there." I shrugged, trying to look casual. "Not so sure he's up for sharing at the same time, Gran."

"What? So that's the arrangement. You each take turns?"

I nodded. "More or less."

She took her stick and moved herself so she could see me. "Are you ever gonna get around to tellin' that handsome friend of yours that you have feelings for him?"

What the actual fuck?

I'd never told my gran I was in love with Cam. Shit, was I that obvious? Better play this one cool. She could crack a nut open with that stare. "We're friends Gran."

Her eyebrows lifted before frowning. She gripped her stick and strolled toward a nearby bench. "Come and sit next to me Finn." She placed the clippers on the table and rested her stick next to her.

I followed, plonking my arse next to her. As a kid she would make me sit here when she wanted to take her time explaining something to me or chew my arse me for doing something I shouldn't.

Gran patted my knee. "You are the image of your Granddad, Finn and not only in looks, my boy."

We'd lost my granddad three years ago to cancer. "What do you mean, Gran?" Everyone had said I was the spitting image of him.

She sighed, looking out into the garden. "When me and your granddad first met, he was friends with a man called James Herbert... or Jim, we used to call him." She turned to face me, smiling. "Handsome devil, that was one. Had all the girls swooning after him."

She never mentioned him before, and neither had my granddad.

"Anyway, it didn't take me long to realise that your granddad and Jim had feelings for each other that went beyond friends." She checked I was listening. "You following me, Finn?"

I must have looked a little confused. "What, so they were best friends?"

"Understand in those days they did not accept that you could like or have feelings for someone... of the same sex."

Fuck, was she saying my granddad was gay? "But you and he—" I didn't want to say the word gay, just in case I upset her.

"Oh yes, sweetheart." She patted my knee again. "Your Granddad chose me. But that didn't stop him from loving Jim any less."   What?   "You understand what I'm trying to say—tell you, Finn?"

My eyes were as wide as saucers. I literally had to pick my jaw from my lap. "Are you trying to tell me Granddad was Bisexual, Gran?" How the hell could I have not known that? We were close.

She sighed. "Oh, we didn't have a fancy word for it in our day. Lots of unflattering words if you did like the same sex. And you could get into some serious trouble," she added, "but he loved Jim all the same."

Christ. "What happened between Jim and Grandad?"

My gran giggled, running her knuckle across her bottom lip. "Well, back in the day I was quite the looker myself, you know."

A smile ran across my mouth. "I don't doubt it, Gran." My gran still had the prettiest blue eyes and could easily pass for someone much younger than her seventy-three years.

She sat up straight, taking a deep breath. "I suggested we have a threesome."

No fuckin' way!

"What Gran—just like that, you blurted it out?"

"I won't deny I snuck one... maybe two glasses of your Granddad's Gin first."

"You messing with my Gran?"   My Gran was kinky?   I would have laughed if I could get my head around it.

Her cheeks flushed up a storm. "Jim was moving away to America, and it was only a one time thing." She waved it off as if it was nothing. "And I knew it would mean the world to your Granddad, so I just laid my offer out on the table, and once they'd picked their jaws up from the floor, they both said yes."  She winked.  "Apparently Jim had always had a thing for me too."

"What so you..." I gestured with my head as I honestly couldn't find the words to ask her if she'd had sex with two men.

I wondered if my parents knew. Doubtful.

Her eyes sparkled; it was clear where her mind had gone. "Yes Finn, we had a kinky threesome... a bit of fun." She sighed wistfully. "And let me tell you something."  She shuffled closer as if suddenly worried the neighbours might overhear us. "If I was young like you are today and could do the things you young people do." She wagged her finger in my direction. "Then Jim would have been living with me and your Granddad."

I spluttered. "Jesus, Gran."

"What, have I shocked you?"

"Err yeah."

She hitched a shoulder, laughing. "Well, I'm not telling you to shock you." Her smile dropped slightly. "I can see you think a lot about this girl, and I won't be surprised if she's the one."

I wouldn't either.  "So, you need to tell Cameron how you feel and talk about it, all three of you." She winked again. "Lucky girl if you ask me."

My head was still trying to process my gran and grandad having a threesome. I shook my head. "What happened to this Jim? He never came back?"

Gran shook her head. "Sadly." She swallowed. "He died two years after moving. It upset your Grandad for a really long time." She smiled, regretfully. "I'll have to find some pictures for you to see him."

I had to ask. "And you never did it again with anyone else?"

"No, like I said, your grandad chose me, said he never regretted it, and I felt nothing but love from him and for him."

Wrapping my arm around her. "Thanks Gran, means a lot that you told me." I kissed the top of her head.

Leaning into me. "Never let opportunities pass you by, Finn. Grab them with both hands."

Listening to Gran had something tightening hot and hard in my chest. 

"Life is about risks, Finn.  And if you never reached for a thing, how do you hope to capture it?"

"I want to Gran, but I can't force Cam.  He loves Beatrix, and I don't want to lose him as a friend."

"Just be honest and you never know, he might feel the same, but be frightened to take that step."  She pulled away, looking up.  "This girl, Beatrix, could be the bridge between you both."

Christ, if only it could be that simple.

"C'mon let's go inside and get the kettle on and you can tell me more about this Beatrix and when I'm gonna meet her."

I followed her inside, deciding as soon as I had a drink with her, I would head home even if it meant I had to listen to them fucking from my bedroom. It was still better than not being there at all.

~ ~ ~

A/N:  Hi All, I usually take a fortnight off over Christmas, but I will stick to schedule and post next Wednesday.  In the meantime for all of you that celebrate Christmas, hope you have an amazing time and those that don't - happy holidays!  xx