~ ~ Finn ~ ~

I rubbed my knuckle into my eye socket, yawning. It was just after three in the morning, and I was flat out, knackered.

The lift door chimed, and I stepped out onto our floor. I was positive Cam would have crashed already, having been on a bender yesterday, although he'd looked pretty much sober in the hospital early.

Well, sober and pissed off... and hurt.

Yeah, I'd fucking hurt him. That was all on me. And it felt like my heart was bleeding inside my chest.  And in the car on the way home I'd tried my hardest not the think about the much-needed conversation ahead of me and the churning feeling of being shit scared he'd leave and not give me the chance to make it right between us.

I'd do anything, including what I'd said to Trix over the phone.  I'd step away, making life simpler for them.

It all came down to keeping Cam in my life in whatever form that took. And if I had to accept being friends and only friends with them both—then I had no one to blame but myself.

The minute they'd led me out of the hospital room, I'd been distracted  running different scenarios on how best to handle it—what I'd wanted to say.  And thank Christ, Em had come down to the station with me or else I would have been confessing to anything they put in front of me because I was hardly listening to any of their questions.

And thanks to my sister, I hadn't been formally charged... yet.  Pending investigations, as they put it.  In other words, they were waiting for that wanker to make an official statement.  They told me he had to go to A+E.

But taking Em's advice I'd given them jack shit to work with. I couldn't tell them what had happened to Cam, and Em had threatened me not to say who'd landed the first punch. Although, in the grand scheme of things, I would take whatever shit was rolling my way. All that mattered was making sure Cam sat down and talked to me.

Yeah, it would work.  It had to work.

But shower first, wash the stench of the hospital and the police station from me, not to mention I had that shit-stains blood on me.

I lifted my hand.  Even with painkillers it wrecked and how the fuck was I supposed to keep this dry?

Showering was gonna be a pain in the arse.

Pushing my hand into my pocket, I fumbled for my key.  Thankfully, my sister had driven me home from the station and still had my flat key on her keys.  We'd lived together for nearly two years before she moved in with her fella, Jake, or now, her fiancé.

The door latch clicked, and I stepped inside. The hall light was on but dimmed as I glanced down the long hallway toward our open sitting room.

Silence.

The breath I'd been holding eased it way out. It was probably a good thing Cam had gone to bed.  Grovelling and apologising on a clear head was better.  Dropping my key on the side-stand, my eyes fell on my keys, wallet and phone.   Trix... I breathed a sigh of relief.

My girl had brought my car home... I could kiss her.

My girl.  Fuck, I still hoped that was true.

I wondered if she'd stayed and the idea of climbing into bed snuggling up against those lush curves perked me right up and increased my body temperature. The chances of finding her sleeping in my room were slim to none, most likely she'd crashed in Cam's room and although his bed was big enough for the three of us, not knowing where things stood put the kibosh on that idea.

"Right," I muttered, "shower first." Kicking off my trainers, I never heard Cam's bedroom door open.  Looking up, my head nudged back to see him standing twelve feet away wearing nothing but his boxers. Any other time I would have happily let my eyes wander over his lean muscled physique, following the strip of hair down the centre of his abs... but tonight, I kept them squarely on his face.

Waiting for him to say something, I opened my mouth but closed it as he started moving toward me.  I couldn't get a clear read on his dark eyes in the dim light, but I could see the firm set of his jaw and his lips stretched into a tight line.  He let out something that sounded like a mix between a curse and a growl as his fists clenched and unclenched, and I couldn't decide if it was his nervous tick or he wanted to thump me.

I planted my feet to the ground and braced for whatever he was about to dish out.

Closer, his eyes narrowed. Fuck, I really had messed thing us between us.  He was pissed.

"Cam, please—"  the distance closed, and he was backing me up until I hit the door behind me and his hand pressed flat against my chest, sliding up it closed around my throat.

Jesus Christ.

I held my breath and openly admit being stupefied and crazily a little turned on.

Energy charged the surrounding air. His grip wasn't tight. In fact, his thumb rubbed back and forth in an almost soothing manner, but it was his eyes that held me there, turbulence, dark and if not mistaken a little heat too.

He stepped closer and my body tensed and flushed with him so close. And the weight of him felt so fucking good and yeah, my dick got the green light, tightening.

I felt his cock brush against mine through his boxers, though mine was clearly more eager than his.  His hand shifted and moved up.  His eyes dropped to my mouth and his thick thumb traced my lips.

I blinked, not having a clue what was happening. "Cam—"  I tried to speak, but he silenced me with a look and one instruction.

"Open."

Open? Confused, my lips parted and he pressed his thumb into my mouth.

My tiredness was a thing of the past and I closed my mouth around it and sucked, but not too hard, testing and waiting.

But one thing was for sure.  His dick hardened, pressing up against mine.  I shifted my hips, wanting to add friction, but he shifted back just a tad.

Still sucking his thumb, his other hand dusted down my arm and then between us to cup my erection.

Fuck.

"Suck harder," he growled out his words, and I did what he asked and sucked harder and added a bite to the fleshy part of his thumb.

This pleased him as a hint of a smirk tickled his lips, and he squeezed my dick through my joggers and I moaned.

He leaned toward me, and his warm breath teased my ear. "Never do that to me again," he said.

What? He pulled his thumb from my mouth with a pop.

"Scare me like again, Finn and I will be the one kicking the shit out of you."

His words may have been threatening, but it tinged his tone with apprehension and a hitch in his breath. "You could have been in so much trouble, Finn. They arrested you, for fuck's sake!"

Ah, he's talking about me kicking the shit out of Seb. I wanted to tell him I would do it again, that he meant more to me than any punishment that was heading my way.  Opening my mouth to speak.

"Fuck it," muttered Cam, and he moved before I could blink and sealed his mouth over mine.

My mind exploded.  This was nothing like his usual kiss, fierce, demanding.

No.

My lips parted, and every thought went up in smoke as his tongue gently slipped over mine.

Tender. Soft. But was no less passionate than others we'd shared.

I moaned, and he swallowed it.

Damn, his mouth was wicked sweet... surprising as he pressed his body into mine so there was nothing between us that was untouched.  His hand found mine and entwined our fingers.

Sinking into the kiss, I simply enjoyed whatever it was.  My dick was harder than frickin' steel beneath my joggers and Cam shifted closer, rubbing our dicks together, his now as hard as mine.

I could have happily stayed like this.  This kiss told me more where his mind was at more than any words could.  He was gentle and loving  if I dared think it.

He eased back, sipping on my bottom lip.  "You're gonna need help with the shower."

Huh?

"Your hand."

Oh yeah... duh... "I'll be fine."

"No, Bea said we need to look after you, so you're gonna put up and shut up and do as you're told."

Okaaaay. "Where is Trix?"   I asked noticing I was a little breathless.

"Asleep, in my bed." Breaking apart, he kept hold of my hand and tugged me with him as I used my sore hand best I could to adjust my aching dick in my joggers. And still I wasn't one hundred percent sure what was happening here.  This was the last thing I'd expected when I'd walked through our front door.

But hey, I was nothing if not flexible.

Inside the bathroom.  "I need a piss," I blurted out as reality began pressing a heavy weight on my shoulders.   He shifted out of the way and I lifted the toilet lid and extracted my very hard dick, making taking a leak a tad awkward.

Finally, I relaxed a little and the need to get the words off my chest bubbled over.  It may have not been the right time—but would any time be any better?

"Cam, we need to talk." Putting my dick away, I turned on the tap and shoved my hand under the stream.  In the mirror his reflection turned.  "I need to say—"

"No." He shook his head. "No talking."  He stepped up behind and rested both his hands on my shoulders. "I know you want to talk about what happened, but it can wait.  Now, is about you. Let me do this."

Dropping his hands, he turned away, and yanked the shower curtain, pulling the leaver.  My eyes followed in the mirror.  He held his hand under the water, waiting.  He nodded to himself and then his attention returned to me.  Standing close, I could feel the heat of his body, although he wasn't touching me in any way even though it felt like he was...all over. 

"Up," he said as his hands reached for the hem of my t-shirt. Lifting, the cooler air washed over my abs.

I raised my arms.  "Cam. You don't—"

He stilled, throwing me a don't mess with me look through the mirror

My lips clamped shut.

My eyes closed as the material passed them and then opened, returning to his in our reflection.  Cam dropped it to the floor, and I watched as he took a visual tour of my chest... dipping lower.   I'd never seen him look at me that way. I could see heat, need, but something else.  Almost like he was seeing me for the first time.

"Turn."

I did, sucking in a breath nearly laughing when his finger ran the edge of my joggers, tickling me before slipping in to hook them and my boxers.  He went down and so did they.

He tapped my leg. "Lift." Easing up my legs one at a time, he dragged off my clothes and socks.  He wouldn't have missed my dick practically poking his eye out.

And if he shifted a little higher, his mouth would be at the right angle...

Fuck, my mind was in the gutter.  Cam would never suck dick in a million years.  Yeah, he loved having me suck him, but never had mine passed his lips.

Inhaling, his smell tickled my nose as his eyes shifted to my eager dick and his thick fingers teased it before wrapping around it.

Hell yeah. My eyes widened as his mouth shifted closer and licked over the head.

"Hmmm.  It tastes nothing like I expected." 

He let out a throaty moan, and I drank it down. Fuckin' hell. My mouth dried, licking over my lips.  "And is that bad?"

Cam licked again, slowly and more pre-cum seeped. "Gonna have to try it a few more times and I'll get back to you." He grinned.

His words and those two licks blew my ever-lovin' mind.  He'd thought about what my dick would taste like. "Don't let me stop you." It took willpower no to reach for his head...and ask him to open wide.

He shifted a fraction and my insides were tap-dancing as my jaw slackened as he licked again, but this time teasing with the tip of his tongue to send shudders through me and expel a soft sigh.  I don't think I could have gotten any harder than I was.

And then it stopped, and he rose to stand in front of me.  "After you."

My dick virtually groaned as I nodded once and stepped into the shower.

"Step back, make room," his voice was deeper than a second ago as I watched him slip his boxers off and his hard dick sprung out.

There was no shifting the smile sat on my face as I pressed my back against the tiled walls so only my left side was dominated by the water spray, keeping my injured hand out the way.  Cam stepped in.

"Turn, face the wall, hands up, keep them on the wall."  His tone said don't argue with me.

Glancing down and from the side, I saw his hand reach for the shower gel and heard the cap snap open.  Seconds passed and then his hands were on me... he was actually washing me.  Large, firm hands smoothed over my back, shoulders, over and under my arms and over my chest as he left to squeeze more soap and returned to where he'd left off.  My head dropped and eyes shut, only popping open when he gave me another command. "Widen your legs." His feet nudged my ankle.

He squeezed more gel, rubbing his hands, and then they were up and down my thighs, first the outside and then inside.  My mind was still in the gutter and I hoped this included cleaning my dick as obviously it required extra cleaning... smirking to myself.

His hands roamed over my arse, and I tensed and flexed without giving it a thought.  His hand slipped between my cheeks, heading down and under to cup and squeeze my balls.  A whimper left my throat as they tightened in his grip.

"You like that?"

Fuck did I...

I groaned.  This was torture of the sweetest variety.

Releasing my balls, his hands vanished but I needn't have worried as one gripped my hip and the other covered in soap wrapped around my dick. His grip was firm and he began dragging up and down with agonising slow pulls.

His body moved closer to mine, and I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back and his cock pressed between us both. His mouth sucked on the skin of my neck, the feel of his stubble adding extra welcomed friction. Pressing even close, his hot wet skin plastered to mine as his lips moved up toward my ear and his hand worked my dick a little faster. I almost missed his whispered words, saying, "thank you for what you did for me, Finn."

"Cam," I started to say, then lost my thought.

"Finn..." he used his teeth, this time grazing over my hot flesh where his mouth had just been.

Fuck, this was heaven and I remembered what I wanted to say, but he spoke.

"I don't know where this can go, or what the fuck I'm doing... but I like it, Finn."

My heart was doing the ten-metre sprint.  Fuckin' hell.   Him coming on to me and saying those words had my head spinning.  Maybe this wasn't real. Perhaps I was dreaming, or I hadn't ever left the hospital and I was lying in a bed in a coma.

"Turn around for me," he asked releasing my dick.

I did, and he pinned me with his dark gaze.  My heart stopped.  The look was anything but 'were just friends.' The longing in his eyes told me he wanted more. Hell, I waited so damn long for that look.

So I took my chance.  Now or never.

"I want more of whatever this is going on right now." Between us, I gestured. "I'm happy to go at whatever pace you want to set here, but just so you're clear.  I want it all."  He didn't jump in, only blinked, so I carried on.  "I've waited for you...for this for four years." 

Could I tell him?

"I don't want to freak you out and I don't expect anything...but." I paused, swallowing. "I've been in love with you for three years, eleven months and probably twenty-five days—give or take a few."  I waited on tender hooks, hoping I'd not said too much to have him scampering for the hills.

And surprisingly, he didn't jump out of the shower and run.

"Go on..." he prompted.

"I've let other men fuck me." His eyes widened then narrowed, unsure what I was trying to say.   "But not for a long time. I haven't wanted to—you know, fuck."  I licked my lips, feeling more nervous.  "But you... you're the only man I've ever loved, wanted. And I'll wait another four years on the chance that you will want more of this... want me."

Silence sat between us as water poured over me, spraying onto him.

I'd laid everything out.  There was no taking it back now.

"What about Bea?  What do you feel for her?"

"She isn't a man."

He let out a rough laugh.  "You know that's not what I mean." He ran a hand through his wet hair.  "I love her, Finn."

I knew that, but in time I wanted him or hoped he could love me too, maybe never as much as I loved him or he loved Trix... but still love was love whatever way you sliced it. Or at least that's what I told myself.

"She owns me... in here." I tapped a finger over my heart.  "I never thought I'd trust another woman after Jenny but she blew my bullshit out the water, and I want her just as much as I want you.  I want us. The three of us."

There I'd said it.  Told him I loved him and that I was also falling hard and fast for the woman he loved.

His face softened as his hand came up and ran across my stubbled jaw. "I'm sorry I didn't see it...you I mean." He nodded slowly.  "I should have.  All the times and the things you do for me." His hand dropped.

"Hey," I rested my hand on the side of his neck, rubbing my thumb along the wet skin.  "You weren't ready and with what happened. I wasn't sure if you could or would ever let me in... want more than just the physical stuff. Want me."

He nodded slowly.  "Yeah, you're right."  Looking up, he took a breath. "I'm sorry about yesterday." Head lowering, his face twisted. "What I did... or tried to make you do."

What? He was sorry?  "Cam—"

"—No."  He took another breath. "It was my fault. And I can't blame it on the alcohol." His breathing shallowed.  "It was a mind fuck yesterday, seeing him and when he'd said he filmed it.  I lost it. Swore I'd never let my guard down again, and I purposely pushed you to see if you were like him.  Some fucked up part of me wanted to see if you would take advantage." His jaw clenched tight.  "It was wrong of me. You're nothing like that bastard."

"I am. I'm just as bad."  The guilt crushed the air from my lungs. Fuckin hell. I slid along the shower wall, wanting space, not giving a shit if my hand got wet. But Cam followed closing the space, taking my face in his hands.

"No—no you're not," he repeated.

"—Cam, I almost—almost did.  I was ready to fuck you.  I can't tell you how close I came. How much I wanted to bury myself inside you."

He held my head firm.

Both our chests rose and fell, the weight of our confessions suffocating the small space.   How could he be so forgiving?  I wasn't the one who was messed up or was drinking.

"Finn, look at me."  His voice deepened.  "You stopped."

And then his strong fingers reached around to clasp the back of my neck and yanked me toward him as his mouth crashed into mine. Kissing me hard, tongues colliding, teeth clashing.

This was Cam. Fierce. Want. Take.

And everything I fucking loved about the man.

Coming up for air, he pressed his forehead against mine.  "One day I will... ask you. But not now.  I'm not ready."

I was good with that.  If he never let me fuck him but gave me more of himself in other ways, then I would take it.   "I'm good with what we have... do now.  It's enough for me."

He shifted back, swallowing.  "I'm not, Finn. I want you to fuck me. I need to know what it's supposed to be like." He shook his head. "I want to feel you, instead of him. Make me forget what he did, took from me."

Cam's words cut into me.  "Whatever you need Cam. I'm here to stay with you and Trix."

He nodded slowly but didn't look at me.  "I'm physically not ready for that step yet... but I can do this for you."  I watched him sink to his knees.

"Cam you don't have—"

He decided when he lifted his eyes to meet mine. "No. I want to... although don't expect Bea's high standards. This is my first time."  As he looked at me, he gave me one of his rare, genuine, wide smiles.  He didn't do them often and my chest near damn well exploded.

And fuck me if I didn't fall in love with him a little more.

I let out a low groan as his fingers slid across my skin.  My eyes stayed secured on him as he stared keenly at my dick. His fingers wrapped around the base and his warm breath blew over the tip as he cautiously licked. Holding my breath, his lips slipped over the head and gave a gentle suck and I swore my knees nearly buckled...it was pure sinful decadence and something I was sure would only ever live in my fantasies and wishful thinking.

But here we were—Cam on his knees because he wanted to be... giving up control. Giving—not taking.  And his mouth felt like fucking heaven.

"Fuck, your mouth feels amazing, Cam." I offered encouragement.  It was what he was doing rather than how he was doing it that made the difference.  Fuck technique and inexperience.  Give me eager and willing any day of the week as he sucked me down, trying to deep throat but couldn't figure out how.  And I purposely kept still as he kept on working my dick between his mouth and hands until I knew I was about to blow.

I honestly tried to warn him, but before I could stop, I unloaded down his throat.  He spluttered, and my dick fell from his lips.  He did a weird little gargle but swallowed and then drew my dick back into his mouth and sucked till he'd milked every last drop.

Slowly, he pulled free and wiped his hand across his mouth and before I let him say a word. I yanked him up and crushed my mouth on his and lapped every drop of me I could from his mouth before whispering I loved him against his well used lips.

"Was that okay?" he asked.

Better than okay. "Fucking perfect."

"Liar," I heard the smile in his voice. "But you know what they say...practice makes—"  I cut him off with my lips mashing into his and his words went straight to my happy place.  And damn, he was going to be the death of me...and I couldn't think of a better way to go.