I post things on the internet
And rewatch it thousands of times
Trying to see it through your eyes.
I wonder if you've seen it.
I wonder what you think of me now.
I saw you in church the other day.
Did you know that I was supposed to be gone?
Did you know that I knew you were there
And I sat on the opposite side of the room
Hoping you would never notice?
And I hope you know that my
Heart dropped into my shoes
When we stood side by side.
You never looked up until the end
And even then, I couldn't even tell
If you were looking at me or not.
When we shattered,
I told you to get closer to God
I have regretted those words since.
They fell out of my mouth
They were not my words at all
Just what I felt like should have been said.
In fact, my relationship with God was
Falling apart at the seams.
I still don't know if the church I go to
Is the church I believe in
But I go for some sort of peace.
I see that you bring her to church now
And I feel like a hypocrite
Because everyone I have brought to Jesus
Is closer to Him than I am.
Those who hurt me after you
Never sought my forgiveness,
Claiming that all had been right with the Lord.
It destroys me on the lonely nights sometimes
Because I know that when He looks at me
He is ashamed of me, too.
I still don't know what to believe