Why would you do this to me, Reyaansh ? Why would you do this to me, Aarunya ?

Why would you come here and then disappear into thin air. You're making it really hard for me.

The doctor told me that I have clinical depression and that's why I've been seeing you.

Although I know why I've been seeing you, I still feel like you're right there, waiting for me to come and hug you.

The hallucinations seem very real and I end up panicking. Look what you've done to me, Reyaansh.

Aarunya, that day, when I said I didn't want you in my life, I didn't mean it. I promise I didn't.

I cannot live without you and Reyaansh. Please come back.

...

I walked into Mamma's and Reyaansh's dad's old room when I saw the door was open.

Varun was crouched up in one corner staring at family picture that was atleast fifteen years old.

I went and sat down beside him.

"It hurts." He said, tearing up and so did I.

"It does. Pretty bad."

"Did she have to leave me, just like mom did ?" He asked looking at me.

"She didn't but she's just taking her revenge and so is Reyaansh."

"She's very good at it."

"Varun, why us ?" I said, making both of us burst into tears.

"We're leading such similar lives. Both of us almost grew up without parents. We had someone love us, like no one else could. We kept denying their love and now when we want them to come, they've left us forever."

"They're very bad. Both of them." Varun replied crying his lungs out.

We hugged each other, tight. Only both us could understand what we were going through.

"Mom always  told Rey to take care of me. He always did. It was I who failed to take care of him. I let him go." He said looking at Reyaansh's picture.

"I guess both of us failed. We failed to understand them. You failed to understand Rey as a brother and I, as a girlfriend. You failed to understand Aarunya as a boyfriend and I, as a best friend." I said.

"We were so selfish, weren't we ?"

"We were. They both were selfless, never thought about themselves."

"Varun, can I ask you something ?" I asked him.

"Hmm ?" He replied, still staring at the picture infront of him.

"Why did Reyaansh love me so much ?"

"Riaana, you're going to hurt yourself again."

"I won't. I promise. Please tell me." I begged him.

I wanted to know. Pretty bad. He loved me so much and there had to be a reason to it. I'm not the most lovable person on earth like Mamma, Princess Amyra.

I've given all of them a hard time, fought with them and pushed them away and yet, they never left me, until now.

"Not today, Riaana. I'll tell you tomorrow." He told me.

"Varun -"

"I promise, you'll know tomorrow." He said looking at me.

...

"Riaana!" I heard Reyaansh call out for me as I tried to watch something on the television.

I looked to my left, he sat beside me on the couch, with his charming smile that made me fall in love with me.

"I love you.." He said.

"Rey, I love you too." I said just as I forwarded my hand to place it on his cheek.

And all of the sudden, he wasn't there, just like every other time. It made me furious, at him, at myself.

I lost control over myself once again, and began to throw everything in my reach around, once again.

Riaana, stop. You need to stop. You're hallucinating. You'll be fine. I told myself and repeated it over a hundred times to calm myself.

I fell back into the couch and closed my eyes, trying to bring myself to a much more composed person. I can't go for the rest of my life like this.

Reyaansh, I'm trying to live without you but you're not helping me. Every time I try to let go off you, you keep coming back. You keep coming back every damn time.

Either you come back forever or just don't come. I really can't deal with this. It's tough for me and for those around me. It takes everything, literally everything to stop myself from tearing up and crying.

I know I was wrong. I agree it was my mistake but I literally can't take this punishment. It's.. it's killing me, from inside and outside.

I looked at my left arm. It was covered with four distinct cuts. Yes, I had cut myself four times by now. But it wasn't intentional. I'm just not me when you come to me everytime. I don't want to do this to myself.

Mom,dad, Rihaan, everyone is upset about it. I've already spent all my life thinking about my happiness. It's about time I give up my happiness and think about others.

Well, I don't even think there's the word happiness in my life. It just doesn't exist and that thought made me chuckle and laugh at myself.

Was there ever happiness in my life ?
Now that I think of it, there are moments of happiness. When I spent time with mom and dad. When I spent time with Aarunya. When I spent time with you..Reyaansh.

You wanted to marry me, Reyaansh. Where are you now ? Come Reyaansh, let's get married. Please, Reyaansh. Let's get married right now, this moment. I promise I'll never leave you. All I'm asking is for you to come back.

"Riaana, are you alright ?" I heard Varun ask me who just came into the cottage.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just had another minor episode." I told him wiping the tears off that I never realised were there.

He ran to me and pulled my left hand to take a look at it.

"I didn't cut myself. I'm getting over it." I told him as he looked concerned.

"Riaana."

"Varun, I'm fine. I promise. I'm learning to get a grip over myself." I told him, trying to assure him.

"You promised me something yesterday." I reminded him.

"I remember." He said pulling out an envelope from his blazer pocket. "This is for you. Reyaansh had written you a few letters. "

"Letters ?" I asked taking it from him.

To Princess Riaana
Jaigarh palace.

"Yes, he had a habit of writing letters to everyone but he'd never post them. Just keep them to himself until he'd want to give it to them." He told me. "But I guess, it's about time you read them."

"Did you get some too ?"

"Yes, I did. There are two. He's written you a few for you too. "

"Thanks, Varun."

"It's okay, Riaana. Tell me if you need something."

"I will."

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Sorry for the super late update but as I told you, I don't have anymore already written chapters so updates will be slow.