Emptiness.

The state of containing nothing.

To be empty means that there is something to be filled,

But why can I never be filled?

Why does this emptiness always consume me
when the world around me keeps on turning
and people are feeling in complex ways,
and I'm just empty.

No matter what I do or what I say or what I see
I keep on feeling empty.
Why? When I have been blessed with the opportunities of a lifetime, with people who
choose to be around me. Me. This empty          creature who continues to fail no matter how hard she tries.

I don't understand.

I have people who love me, and I love them back.
But I can't help but think about those who used to love me. Who said they wouldn't leave me.
But now I watch as they thrive without me. They sit together and laugh, not noticing how I break every time I see how they don't need me.

I know they don't mean any harm. That maybe some place deep in their hearts they still care for the scared girl who didn't know how to make friends.
The girl who they took under their wings because
they didn't want the new kid to be alone.
The girl that they watched grow and break all at once.

The girl whose family fell apart shortly after they met her. The girl they held as she cried about her
parents split. The girl that they said they cherished,
but they never relied on me like I relied on them.

Maybe that's my fault.

Maybe I hoped for too much.

Maybe I longed for the impossible.

Maybe I still do.

Maybe that gives me my answer.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm so empty.

Maybe I filled myself to the brim with fantasies
of being one of those people who went out
every night. Who never knew sadness. Who
never felt empty.

Maybe I thought I could be what we call "normal."
Maybe I knew that I would never fit that, but maybe I hoped anyways. Because maybe, just maybe.

Maybe this emptiness will go away.

- - -

Hi there, Neemz speaking.

I honestly have no idea what this is. I just got really sad late last night and started writing because I didn't want to bother people. And when I say late I mean it was LATE. Like I feel asleep writing this at like... 12:15am?? Something like that. But I just saw something that reminded me why I was sad and I finished it. So here I guess.

I don't know what to classify this besides a word dump. I also did not edit this really so if there's mistakes they're intentionally. Hope you enjoyed.

-Neemz25