"What did they do again?" I snapped as soon as Rowan finished informing me about what was happening in the trial hall.

"The court members including Duke Berenice and Duke Elloid are currently holding a trial regarding Lady Phoebe's case." He grimaced as he repeated what he told me before. "And please don't crumple the contract in your hand, Your Majesty. It's an important document from the committee."

I immediately loosened my grip and massaged my sudden aching temple with my other hand.

What the heck do those crazy old coots think they're doing? Holding a trial without my consent like that. And even my father and uncle? They're not around when I'm fighting a lunatic hell-bent on taking over the empire, but they're suddenly so interested in my assassination attempt by a weak lady.

No, I'm not exaggerating. What? Where were they when I needed them the most? That's a fantastic question. Clearly not around enough.

"Your Majesty." Mary's sudden barging into my study cut my thoughts. "The court wants to execute Lady Phoebe. His Majesty, the emperor is going there right now."

"They want to do what?" I got up from my seat in alarm.

"Your Majesty, you better come there yourself."

"You're right, Mary. Please get me my cape."

Mary and Elizabeth helped me put on my cape and tidied up my appearance a little before we rushed to the trial hall.

Even before I reached the door, I could already hear all their voices: Arsen trying to defend Phoebe, while the rest of the court cornered her.

The guards at the door bowed to greet me and were about to announce my arrival, but I motioned for them to stop. I wanted to hear more of what they were talking about inside so I could plan my move.

"...who tried to harm the empress?" My uncle's voice thundered through the door, and only then did I decide I had heard enough. I nodded at the guard and instructed him to announce me.

The hall was suddenly quiet as I came in. I walked to the center of the hall, trying hard to maintain a graceful appearance and give off a strong impression. Clearly was a hard thing to do when a poisonous inflection of fear suddenly assaulted me, threatening to destroy my years of well-practiced composure.

I held myself from wincing when I almost stumbled, thankful that I was able to regain my footing subtly enough and not end up making a fool of myself.

How did those heroines face their tormentors with ease anyway? Why can't I? Is it because I'm weak? Or is it because I'm not the heroine?

I had thought I would do better than this; something like facing my past and looking at my enemy's eyes in defiance to show I wasn't scared. This is not like that.

Just a glimpse of Constantine's silver hair—being in the same room as him, made my heart thump against my ribcage so hard, it hurt. In the end, I decided to just not look at Constantine altogether in case it would trigger my PTSD. It was another thing I had to be careful about, so I focused on Arsen instead, noticing how he balled his hands into fists as we held each other's gaze.

"I did it." Phoebe's voice suddenly broke the silence.

What the—

I turned and looked at Phoebe incredulously.

"Phoebe..." Arsen and Constantine gave her a desperate look as if signaling her to stop talking.

Does she have a death wish? Why the fuck is she admitting that she tried to murder me when we both know that it isn't true? What the hell is she playing at?

"You all heard it." My uncle pointed at Phoebe before turning to Arsen. "How can Your Majesty still insist that she has been wrongly accused when she confesses to it herself?"

Shit!

My uncle might be many things but foolishness wasn't one of them. The Elloid duchy was famous for producing proficient politicians for generations, so not only was he ambitious, but he was also very cunning and as sly as a fox. He would definitely try to take as much advantage as possible from this situation.

"If you admit to it right here before us and agree to be beheaded, we will not doubt your statement as the sole perpetrator in this case," Duke Elloid said to Phoebe.

"You can't just do that!" Constantine spat angrily.

Fuck!

His voice echoed in my head along with the word beheaded. I tried to drown it away but it was too late. Cold sweat started forming on my forehead. My heartbeat increased rapidly and I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms until they drew blood. A poor attempt at calming myself. I held back a sob at the sharp pain.

Breathe. I closed my eyes, feeling my long lashes caressing my cheeks.

Breathe. I forced my shoulders to relax, hands dropping to my sides.

Breathe. I unfurled my fists, flexing my fingers before clasping them together in front of me.

Breathe. I straightened my legs and back, head held high.

Breathe. The sound of Arsen, Constantine, and the other court members arguing filled the air. The world moved forward.

Breathe. My eyes shot open; my posture and features finally relaxed.

It was at times like this I felt so grateful to have Hanbyeol's memories. Though she had pursued music as a career, Hanbyeol had a great interest in psychology and often read or watched things related to it. Probably because she, too, had struggled with depression in her younger years; even her music was often inspired by her own battle with mental health. It was surely useful.

I glanced around subtly, feeling relief that nobody seemed to notice my strange behavior as they were too preoccupied with their debate.

In the midst of it all, Phoebe looked at me and all of a sudden, she grabbed the guard's sword that was pointing at her and pulled it closer to her neck.

"Just do it," she pleaded.

"Your Grace, please reconsider," Constantine spoke in alarm. "I promise that I will uncover the truth regarding the incident if you just give me more time."

I didn't look at him as he spoke, focusing my gaze on my uncle instead, who answered, "We already gave you enough time, Duke Aragon. Proceed with the punishment." He instructed the guard.

He raised his sword, but I could barely register anything as gasps filled the room when Arsen suddenly swept in and grabbed the guard's sword with his bare hand before it even grazed her skin, making his palm instantly bleed from the force of his movement.

I wasn't the only one left gaping like a fool—even the imperial guard's eyes were as wide as his mouth. The emperor's existence was very important for a monarchical country; they were the faces of the nations, yet here he was, letting himself get hurt carelessly to protect one woman.

A sudden rush of bitterness surged inside of me. I knew that Phoebe was the female lead, but seriously, this was just so ridiculous. Is pride truly non-existent in front of love? Arsen was a bloody emperor, for god's sake. He was supposed to have more self-preservation than this.

"Let's talk this through," Arsen spoke.

"Your Grace, I will obey your order!" Phoebe shouted, cutting Arsen's words.

Arsen grabbed the sword tighter, not caring that his blood was dripping profusely on the floor. The guard looked most uncomfortable though, unable to move or withdraw his blade while the emperor still held onto it.

"She isn't the one who should be beheaded!"

"Your Majesty!" Phoebe pleaded.

Ah, until a moment ago I still couldn't understand why she was doing this. But now I got it.

Maybe just like me, she, too, wishes to die.

After all, the book had mentioned how severely depressed Phoebe was after the regression and the guilt she felt from being the direct cause of a lot of people's suffering, and of course, she also missed her daughter terribly, so it wouldn't be surprising that she wanted to die.

"Will you disobey the emperor's order?" Arsen challenged.

The imperial guard withdrew his sword and sheathed it back with a breath of relief. Once the blade was out of sight, Arsen took a stance in front of Phoebe as if protecting her and faced the court once again. They all glowered back at him, some looking like they were biting their tongues to keep from speaking.

Spare me. I couldn't stand this ridiculous situation any longer. I glared at both Arsen and Phoebe. These two hero-complex clowns have left me with no choice. Honestly, before all of this, I was already planning on telling the court that I had slipped and fallen into the lake by accident. Simple as that. But after this ridiculous scene...

I glanced at the knight kneeling beside Phoebe, quiet and forgotten, and I suddenly pitied him. He was probably a mere extra who was unfortunate enough to get dragged into this mess.

But as I got a better look at him, a realization dawned upon me and my eyes widened slightly. How come I didn't recognize him earlier? No—how could I forget his character?

Duke Aragon's knight who was loyal to Phoebe could only be... Sir Leon.

He had a big role in the novel because he would later become Electra's... love interest.

Sickening.

Electra was—or will be—Arsen and Phoebe's daughter. Of course she wasn't born yet. But you got that right; this adult knight will later have a romantic relationship with a girl much younger than himself. A baby that he raised himself after her mother's death.

The child would end up falling in love with the man who raised her, just like her mother did. What a vicious cycle.

But as tragic as it sounded, I couldn't feel sympathy for her. Because you know what? She was the one who turned back time and put everyone in this bloody mess.

In the book, she turned out to be some kind of saint or whatever shit they called her. She was the female lead's daughter, so of course she just had to be so bloody special.

Grumbling inwardly, I re-focused my attention on Leon. He's the biggest problem right now. His role in the book was to make sure that Phoebe and Arsen ended up together so that Electra could be born again.

At the thought of it, a feeling of utter disgust filled me. Like hell, I would allow that. I might be angry at Arsen for everything he put me through, but it didn't mean I would allow that kid to use him to reach her own happy ending.

What about me then? I also suffered as much, but why is she the only one who gets to take revenge and get to live her life as she pleases?

"My lady, please. You must live!" Leon's head was so low, he was practically kissing Phoebe's knees as he begged her.

Yeah, so she can give birth to your beloved Electra, you disgusting pedophile!

I almost rolled my eyes. Gone was all my pity for him, for her, or whoever the fuck that was—not that I had a lot in the first place.

These troublesome main characters...

Why is it always about them? Just because they're the main characters does that mean everyone else's story doesn't matter?

My fists clenched, my nails digging into my palm.

They should feel remorse for me, too. They should beg for my forgiveness, too.

Phoebe. Electra. Why? Why does she get a happy life when my own child is dead in my womb with no one to even mourn for him or her?

The irritation and rage I was trying to suppress were approaching the point of overflow.

Why me? Why her?

It's so unfair.

...should I just destroy it?

I want to ruin them. I want to ruin her.

If I can't live happily, why does she get to?

No, I won't let them have it their way so easily. Who cares about this bloody novel? I will fuck it all up.

I held myself back from sneering as I took in Phoebe's pitiful form who desperately begged to die. There was only one emotion blooming in my eyes and spreading across my face: pure unadulterated malice.

Only those who suffered would be grateful for the mercy of death, anything to end the suffering. And Phoebe... she didn't deserve a quick death. No, no, on the contrary, I wished her and all the main characters a long life—a long life full of misery and despair with no hope of easing it to the point they would wish for death to take them, just like—ah... It was the moment I realized Constantine had truly shown me mercy when he had ordered my execution and I almost couldn't hold myself from laughing at the irony.

"Who is the one who tried to harm the empress?" My uncle's voice echoed around the trial hall and brought me back to reality.

"WAIT!" I held out my hand to stop him.

I walked to the center and stood next to Arsen as he stared at me questioningly.

"Since I am the alleged victim of this incident, allow me to shed light on the truth. The truth is..." I took a deep breath. "...I was trying to take my own life."

Gasps were heard all around, the look of disbelief on their faces.

My uncle glared at me, obviously displeased with my sudden interruption. "Your Majesty, if you're trying to cover up—"

"I am not trying to cover up anything. It wasn't Lady Phoebe's fault. So please don't hurt those who did nothing wrong."

They all gaped at me, speechless.

"What kind of ludicrous statement is this?" My father got up angrily and smacked his hand on the table.

"Your Grace, I apologize. But it is true that I tried to end my own life."

Arsen was watching me, his eyes open wide as if trying to proceed with what I said. Behind him, Phoebe was looking at me with a complicated expression as if she couldn't decide whether to be grateful or disappointed that I robbed her of a chance of offing herself in a way that would ease her guilt.

Oh Phoebe, I won't allow you to die just yet. See, I even put my reputation at stake just to save you. That's why you have to live, my dear female lead—live and suffer. You and every goddamn—

"Why on earth would you do that?" My father roared angrily, interrupting my thoughts.

Shit!

My impulsiveness made me forget that I hadn't made up a good reason for that.

I chewed my bottom lip as I tried to hide that I was panicking inside. It wasn't like I could tell them that I was depressed because of the regression.

"The thing is..."

"What on earth is the reason?" This time, it was my uncle who was yelling in anger.

"The reason—"

A loud ragged breathing interrupted me from behind. I turned just in time to see Phoebe collapse. Luckily for her, Constantine was fast enough to catch her before she fell to the floor. He shook her gently, calling her name louder and louder, and for a moment the council had forgotten their question.

Strangely, Arsen only gave her a worried glance but didn't even move to check on her. He kept his eyes on me instead.

But Phoebe's unconscious state gave me a sudden brilliant idea as to how to get out of this situation—or rather get out of a question that I wasn't ready to answer yet.

Okay, fuck this!

I tried my best to act like I was suddenly dizzy before pretending to pass out myself. Eli and Mary yelped and rushed forward to catch me.

To my surprise, Arsen walked toward me and before I knew it, I was already in his arms, bridal style. His bloody hand stained my dress, but I couldn't care less.

He glanced at Constantine who was holding Phoebe in the same manner before turning to face the courts once more.

"Your Grace," Marquess Rothschild broke his silence for the first time. "It seems like Her Majesty, the empress, was only saying false things in order to save the life of a lesser lady. Please look fondly upon her virtuous heart, that she is able to forgive someone who has committed a great sin against her and have mercy for Lady Phoebe just as how the empress has shown mercy."

Oh my, is that how he translated it?

I knew that Marquess Rothschild was pretty wise, and he was more docile than the other court members. Well, it's a good thing for me. Wouldn't it paint me as a benevolent empress? Haha...

I saw through my slightly open eyes how my uncle looked at each member of the court, making sure that they were all in agreement before opening his mouth.

"All right. We will show Lady Phoebe mercy, since the empress has tried so hard to pardon her," I heard my uncle finally say.

Arsen didn't say anything in return. He just turned his back to them and carried me out of the trial hall. Meanwhile, I secretly smiled at this mess of a situation.

***

Author's Note:

An early update just because tomorrow is the day I'm gonna submit my wattys application. I'd consider this a good luck charm for myself, though honestly, I don't expect anything out of it. Hahaha...

By the way, what do you think of Calypso's reason for saving Phoebe? Do you think she's cruel for wishing her enemies a long-suffering instead of quick death? Well, I got cursed a lot in the previous version because most people thought Calypso was being foolish here (which I admit she kind of is, but she's not your perfectly rational mc; she spouts the stupidest thing sometimes then regrets it, just like most of us, human). The funny thing is, most people thought she was being too nice and I was like... sorry to burst your bubble.

Anyway, do you guys like the new cover and title? Does it look mainstream enough now? Lol... Oh, and I'm so excited for the upcoming chapter. I made a lot of changes in that particular chapter.

All in all, thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated.

The theme song for this chapter is Let Me Go by NF. You guys should listen to this song. The lyrics are something else. I'm trying not to write the lyrics here so I won't take up much space, but for this one, I just have to.

Talk to you with my hands tied
Walk towards you on a fine line
Everybody has a dark side
I feel embarrassed when they see mine
Rain falling from my dark skies
Clouds parting, but it's all lies
Shouldn't I see the sunshine now?
Wonder how I look in God's eyes
Am I a good person or a lost one?
Will this feel worth it when I'm all done?
Will I feel ashamed or like who I was?
Will the pain vanish or will more come?
Will I stay numb or regain love?
Maybe someday have a taste of freedom?
Will I take the poison out of my blood?
Or just leave it there inside of my lungs?
I (Know know, know)
I should let you go, hands are feeling cold
Just leave me alone (No, no, no)
I just want control, I feel so exposed
Liars in my home (No, no, no)
Please do not provoke, noose around my soul, I cut down a rope
They don't want me happy, they don't want me fixed
They don't want me better, they just want me broke
Talk but never listen, at least I admit it
Block out all my vision, watchin' me diminish
That's my favorite pastime, I know nothing different
Tell me something different, I don't see the difference
I just feel offended, I just feel defensive
Why don't you accept me? I just need acceptance
Time is of the essence, don't like how we spend it
You just want perfection, I need you to let me

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go

Why'd you say I don't belong here? (Huh?)
Fill a bucket full of my tears (Huh?)
Pour it out the water, all of my insecurities whenever I'm scared
I watch 'em grow and say I don't care
I pray to God to ask if hope's real
And if it is, then I was thinking maybe You could introduce us, we ain't met still
Yeah, my chest feels like a blade's in it
Who put it there? I think they did it
Out the cell now, where am I headed?
Am I Hell-bound? Will I find Heaven?
Will I feel better or just regret it?
If I let you go and find the seven letters
I've been looking for, it's like it's never endin'
Open all the doors and let the peace enter
I'm (So, so, so)
Pitiful at times, miserable inside
They want me to hide (No, no, no)
How can I survive? Change your state of mind
I should say goodbye (No, no, no)
They want me to beg, they want me to plead, they want me to die
They just want me dead, they just want me hurt
Don't want me to live, don't want me alive
Stop with the pretending, I don't feel respected
I just feel rejected, I don't like rejection
You promise protection, I don't feel protected
I just feel neglected, how can I respect it?
I'll teach them a lesson, I pick up the weapon
Aim in your direction, shoot at my reflection
Shatter my perception, hate it when I'm desperate
You just want perfection, I want you to let me

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go (Let me go)