I opened my eyes to the same, deep-maroon curtains of my canopy bed. The same, soft pillows beneath my head and the same, warm quilt covering my body. At the recognition, the frustration hit me all at once and I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Earlier this morning, in my semi-unconscious state, I had vaguely overheard Eli and Mary talking next to my bed.

"There is something definitely not right about Her Majesty ever since the day after the banquet," Eli had said.

"I know," Mary had replied. "But you shouldn't say something like that, Eli. It'd be disrespectful to Her Majesty."

"You're right, Mary. But I'm just... I'm just worried about Her Majesty's mental state. What if—"

I had lost my consciousness again right at that moment so I didn't hear what Eli said after that. But it wasn't hard to guess what they must have thought of me.

Great. Now they think I'm insane, I scoffed, throwing the blanket off my body.

"It's all our fault that Your Majesty fell into the lake. We should have... we should have followed Your Majesty no matter what," said Eli in between sobbing.

"Your Majesty was so lucky some guards happened to be patrolling at the time," Mary added. "They heard the splash and immediately came running. If not—" She didn't get to finish her words and just burst into tears again.

I had been hearing Eli and Mary crying and repeating the same words over and over again for the past two hours and it did nothing other than add to my aggravation.

But still, I didn't bother to correct them. It would only be a bother if they asked how I fell into the lake. It was not like I could just casually tell them, Oh, don't worry, I was just trying to take my own life. It was surely only going to lead to another uproar.

But seriously, why do I have to wake up again? I'm so sick of this.

I felt a terrible sense of emptiness, and I didn't know how long it would last. I just wanted to end it once and for all, but I couldn't even do that. Tsk... God must really hate me.

I sighed for what must have been the thousandth time that morning. Mary heard and immediately poured me some water. "Please drink something, Your Majesty," she said. "We don't want you to catch another cold and—"

Before I could bring the glass to my lips, I gasped, making the water spill over my hand. I was no longer in bed; I was on a desk, eyes focusing on a strange rectangular object before me. A desk that was mine but also not mine, and instead of water, it was a beer in a... can?

The memory disappeared just as quickly as it came. My memories. No, not me, but Park Hanbyeol, another me, back when I was a thirty-year-old Korean music producer with my own successful online shop.

And suddenly I remembered everything. My parents, my home... even my last days. I scrunched my brows and concentrated on the last thing I remembered. It must have been past midnight... I had left my recording studio after finishing work with the infamously rude and arrogant idol, Cho Sarang.

That girl really lived up to her reputation, so at first, I had been quite reluctant to work with her. But after much deliberation, I had decided to just give it a shot; after all, as a music producer, working with one of Korea's biggest superstars was an achievement in itself.

I knew the song would be a hit, and the success of the project would bring me to a higher level in my career. But fate had been playing a joke on me.

I had been walking home alone that night when I noticed that someone had been following me. I had heard that a lot of young women were being stalked, so I was getting paranoid.

I tried to shake him off, but I was so hasty that I ended up slipping and falling into a lake... and that was the last thing I remembered.

It was very annoying. If only I hadn't been followed that night, my relatively peaceful life as Hanbyeol wouldn't have ended like that.

"Hah..." I sighed again. So not only did I regress, but apparently I had met another tragic end in another life as well.

Yes, if Hanbyeol had died that night in the lake, I could have been reincarnated into this empire.

But why do I suddenly remember my past life? Is it because we both fell into the lake? Seriously though, why do I have to remember it now?

To be honest, it was not pleasant to remember things that no one else did. And what was crazier... I could have been reincarnated as anyone else in any other place at any other time... but instead... I was reincarnated into a novel?

Because the more I thought about it, the more I recognized this world I now lived in. The story, the characters—I had read them all before.

I'll Twist the Neck of this Charming Bastard. That was the name of the book. It had made quite a big impression on me—on Park Hanbyeol. And not because it was good.

No, the reason why I had read the book in the first place was... it was something new. There was nothing romantic about it, but it was the most poignant romance I had ever read.

The story was about this female lead; Phoebe Ember, an illegitimate child who was physically abused at her father's household.

One day, the young Phoebe met Duke Constantine who happened to visit her house. Upon seeing her extraordinary appearance, the duke took an interest in her. He saved her from her abusive family, took her in, then groomed her to be sent as a honeytrap for the emperor.

With his brainwashing, she grew into a docile lady, never having her own freedom to think and act. If it wasn't sickening enough, she was also secretly in love with Duke Constantine who had raised her since she was ten.

In my opinion, she obeyed all his wishes out of blind love for her savior, even if her so-called love could have just been an illusion born out of gratitude and dependence, further distorted into an idea of love by his brainwashing.

Long story short, following the duke's command, she led her lover, the emperor, to visit the duke's mansion where he was ambushed and killed. And yet he didn't blame her. His sincerity made her shed tears for him because he was... kind? It definitely wasn't because she regretted her actions.

After his death, the duke became the new emperor. He raped and confined Phoebe inside one of the Imperial Palace towers, separating her from her daughter. Later, she was tricked by Constantine's jealous wife into thinking that he had killed her baby and drove her to commit suicide with poison.

As cliché as it sounded, Constantine couldn't accept her death and lost all rationality.

At some point, they all came back in time with the memories of their previous life intact. The duke tried to change his approach, but her past experience had opened her eyes. With the help of the emperor—the male lead—she left the duke and started a new life.

In short, it was a story about second chances. On the surface, it had an interesting plot.

The problem was its characters. It had been the first time in my life that I read a book that made me hate all the main characters instead of sympathizing with them. In addition to the twisted and bizarre facts that you would eventually find out later, the novel became completely unbearable.

The author had opened up new horizons in the world of romance novels. Personally, I would give it no more than one star, but I read that story in the first place due to a gushing five-star review.

I mean, it would also make you want to read it so much, you would wonder if the review had been purchased by the publishers. Or was it just me?

It made me curious how strange and unique the story would be. I would never have put up with it had I known how much of my precious time would be wasted on such garbage.

For me, who had to work my ass off from a young age due to my family's poor financial condition, my only other hobby besides music had been reading. My preferred genre was fantasy-romance, as it was so far from the harsh reality of the world.

But, this novel...

Not only had the writer given me a bitter tragedy, it was also full of garbage to the point that a lot of readers kept commenting on wanting to kill the female lead. So, the conclusion, as I mentioned earlier; this novel was just complete nonsense between the male and female leads.

And in the middle of it all was me, Empress Calypso Berenice.

"Bring me a mirror," I instructed my ladies-in-waiting. It had been my first words since I woke up that didn't include hysterical screaming, so both of them were very eager to comply with my request and immediately scrambled to their feet to get me the mirror.

Mary was the first one to come back and handed me the hand mirror. Upon receiving it, I immediately held it in front of my face, and... grimaced.

White porcelain skin, pitch-black hair, green eyes, and blood-red lips. My overall appearance reminded me of Snow White—ah, probably not her. My facial features won't fit her innocent image. Though I was beautiful to a certain extent, but that was it. Standing next to Phoebe; this world's protagonist, I must have looked like a hag.

Moreover, in this fantasy world full of people with eyes and hair the colors of the rainbow, I was born with black hair and green eyes—hell, I didn't even look much different from my modern-day counterpart except for my sharper features and the color of my eyes.

I huffed in frustration. How much more unfair could this be?! These are common in my previous world, too, you know!

No wonder those who were blinded by Phoebe's sparkling silver hair would not even recognize my existence. Yes, this was the sad reality of being a minor supporting character.

I was a proud person, and throughout my life, I had always lived with a lot of pride. But to think that I am just a mere extra... How am I supposed to react to this? And even my death...

I had died very painfully. The horror and misery that I experienced leading to my death were real to me. Yet my death wasn't even mentioned in the novel.

Perhaps the writer didn't even see the value of mentioning me since all that mattered were the main characters. Maybe even typing my name felt like a wasted movement.

And Arsen...

When I read the novel, I didn't like his character at all. But in this life, he was the person that I loved with all my heart, yet he was the male lead of this novel world.

And do you know the fate of the male lead?

The male lead would always end up with the heroine.

I thought my life as Hanbyeol was hard, but Calypso's life was just downright pathetic.

And the fact that Arsen, Phoebe, Constantine, and the other main characters have memories of the previous timeline as well just made it worse. What advantage did I have if they all had knowledge of the future? What was the point of me regressing as well? Was the universe planning to gang up on me to make my life miserable?

I don't want this. Just let me die peacefully! I buried my face in my palms, trying to stifle my scream.

What should I do now? Nothing goes my way!

My cry, filled with venom and resentment, echoed through the room, making Eli and Mary panic once again.

***

I was lying still in my bed; eyes staring at the beautiful lace canopy hanging above my head for hours now. Has it been hours? At least it felt like that to me.

Having enough of it, I got up with a bit of an effort and dragged myself to the bathroom. I was dizzy; probably because I hadn't been able to sleep properly ever since the lake incident a couple of days prior.

I guess insomnia I had recently developed could be a form of PTSD; a well-known term in the modern world referring to a disorder that often occurs in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic or terrifying event in which there was serious physical harm or threat. The condition may last months, years, or even a lifetime with triggers that could bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

Considering all that I had been through, it would not be surprising at all if I indeed develop the symptoms.

Turning on the faucet, I washed my face with cold water, hoping that it could ease the fogginess in my mind a little. But when I lifted my head and saw my reflection in the mirror, I was horrified.

"What the fuck!"

I rarely cursed before, because it was something unbecoming of a noble lady. But now, the curse words just came out easily. If I was just an unimportant extra, why the hell did I have to suffer like this as well? Why did I have to go through so many hardships?

I glared at my own reflection in the mirror.

I hated it. For the first time in my life, I truly hated looking at myself.

It felt as if the mirror was mocking me, as if showing me that Calypso Berenice didn't deserve to look into a mirror. Mirrors were for pretty people. Mirrors liked those with beauty and showed them their best parts. It wasn't meant for someone like me.

No, the mirrors must have absolutely abhorred me, because all I saw was my skinny body that had deteriorated even more; a very pale complexion, unkempt hair, and huge, dark circles underneath my sunken eyes. It was hideous. It was ugly. But that was me. Always plain. Always arid. Like a crown with nothing on it. Phoebe had all kinds of colorful jewels, and I didn't even have one.

Boring, drab, hideous, black, black, BLACK, white, white, WHITE, colorless, colorless, COLORLESS.

My anger flared and bubbled as I impulsively punched the mirror.

The loud shatter rang through the quiet room. Broken glass scattered everywhere. But my frustration remained. The pain only made me angrier.

Eli and Mary rushed in and started making a fuss. I was sure that after this, the rumors among the servants about me would take a turn for the worse.

Mary immediately went to call the royal physician while Eli helped me get back to my bedroom. I was just about to sit when I heard someone entering. When I turned to look, I was stunned.

...Arsen.

He's alive.

I let out a huge exhalation of pent-up breath I didn't notice I was holding. It was surreal to see him like this; alive and well. After all, the last time I saw him... it had only been his head.

I couldn't take my eyes off him as he approached and my heart beat so loudly against my ribcage; I was worried Eli would be able to hear it.

"What's with all the commotion?" Arsen's voice jolted me back to reality.

Eli was panicking, unsure how to explain the absurd situation to the emperor, so she just gasped and closed her mouth with her hand. "Your Majesty—" She stuttered, trying to find the right words to say. "We—we had an accident—"

"What is going—" Arsen's eyes landed on my hand. I hadn't realized it, but the glass had cut me and now it bled profusely; flowing down my fingers and onto the floor. It must have looked horrifying in contrast to my pale skin.

By the time I came to my senses, he was already standing before me, grabbing my bloody hand in his.

I couldn't breathe. I just looked up at him—standing more than a head taller than me—with my eyes wide open as he examined my wound.

A frown appeared on his handsome face.

Is he surprised by the blood? Or is he just acting out of instinct?

The silence, as precarious as the broken glass, ended when I pulled my hand away. "Why did you come without a message?"

"Is that even important right now?" He asked in annoyance before turning to Eli, "Why are you not calling the royal physician?"

"Don't scold that kid." I gestured for Eli to leave us. "The other lady-in-waiting already went to get him."

He sighed before taking a handkerchief from his chest pocket and wiping my blood; careful not to touch the open wound. "How did this happen?" He asked me softly.

"I slipped in the bathroom," I lied. "It's just a small wound, so you don't have to concern yourself with it."

He looked at me as if he couldn't understand me. "Of course I would be concerned if you get hurt like this."

I wasn't trying to disregard him. It was just that the memories of him leaving me to die for Phoebe were still fresh in my mind. And the fact that he also remembered...

No matter what, I shouldn't hope too much. I know very well his role in this story.

I was glad for the reminder. Because whenever I was with him like this, I just felt so unstable. I didn't know if it was arrogance or narcissism or something else, but in a moment like this, when I looked at his breathtaking face and those unreal, deep eyes of his... I just wanted them to... stay on me.

It was like deep inside... I had this terrifying hope gripping me. The pathetic hope that even if I wasn't the heroine, he would still look at me. That when the time comes, he would choose me. And this time, he won't leave me.

How depressing.

I was irritated at myself and my abandonment issues, and this entire situation in general, and replied sharply, "Why would you care, anyway?"

He frowned at my response. "Why do you make it sound like I never cared about you?" His voice was rising slightly. "Looking at your condition like this, don't you think I'd be worried about you? You don't even—I always worry about you. Yet, you don't even tell me what you're doing and lock yourself in your room. It's obvious that you are overworked, but you do not rest. Even if I tell you to stop, you won't listen. Then you keep getting hurt and—"

I was at a loss for words at his sudden emotional rant. It had been a long time since I last saw this side of him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It was just—" He took a deep breath and rubbed his face in frustration. "You never tell me anything and always bottle everything up by yourself. You don't tell me things like this. I have to find them myself to take care of you."

Well, this is... new. I tilted my head. He was looking at the ground, his long lashes covering his eyes; he looked... gloomy.

"I'm capable of taking care of myself," I answered defensively.

"I know," he spoke softly. "I'm fully aware that you're a very capable woman who doesn't need help from someone like me. I also know that you're someone who doesn't express your pain well, but we're partners, aren't we? And before that, I'm your friend. I wish you'd depend on me more."

"What's this..." I mumbled in an audible voice, looking away. My heart was thudding hard suddenly, almost painfully.

"Caly—empress."

I flinched, noticing how he almost called me by my name. When was the last time we called each other by name? "...Yes?"

"From now on, don't keep your sickness to yourself, and just tell me if you need anything. I'll listen to everything."

I slowly looked at him.

My worries could be shared with anyone in the world if I decided to do so. But if there was only one person in the world who I could not share it with, it was Arsenio.

How could I when my worry is you?

I was just thinking about what to say when a knock at the door came to my rescue, and Mary came, along with Gordon, the royal physician, in tow.

Our conversation ended just like that, but Arsen stayed, sitting still in the corner with his hands and legs crossed, until Gordon finished my treatment.

Why am I so easily swayed by him?

It's annoying.

But I couldn't deny that just having him here relieved my exhausted heart, even if just a little.

***

Author's Note:

I'm back again with the rewritten chapter. Life's been a bit hectic. I had like five too many appointments and of course, I have this rewriting thing, preparing a new chapter, and guess what... I found out a few days ago that I was selected for Wattpad Ambassador's training. The training will start on July 17th, so yeah, I also have that on top of everything. Ah, I'm sorry for rambling, and I'm not complaining, really. It's just that, if I'm being honest, I always applied without expecting to be selected, because obviously, there are a lot of applicants. I was informed that at least 1500 people applied for this, so of course, I thought, why would I get chosen? But life seems to have a strange way to surprise me. Just like when I was chosen as a mentee for Wattys Bootcamp Mentorship, I was pretty surprised to hear this news. So yeah, I'll have more responsibility in the future. But I'm also excited and honored to have all these wonderful opportunities.

Anyway, let's get back to the story. What do you guys think about Calypso's mental breakdown upon realizing that her world is just a novel she once read in her past life where her role is nothing but mere extra? I tried to be more visual; more showing than telling. I also added more emotion and feeling to this version compared to the old one, so I hope you enjoyed this and hopefully, my writing hasn't suffered that much. Lol... A little heads up for my old readers, I made a lot of changes, especially in the upcoming chapters. Let's just say I'm adding a little bit of *spice* to that... So be prepared for it!

Last but not least, thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated. ❤️

The theme song for this chapter is from the soundtrack of the upcoming Barbie movie. Are you guys excited for that movie? Well, I do. I'm planning to dress up in hot pink when I go see the movie. Hahaha... Anyway, the song would be What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish. I think this one lyric in particular: Looked so alive, turns out, I'm not real. Just something you paid for, really suits Calypso's feelings, especially in this chapter. Try to listen to that song if you will. It's a great song, and very touching, too. 🥰

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