The bed shook as I thrashed, moaning repeatedly. I couldn't seem to get my words out. It was so hot, my head burned, and I could barely register sounds and voices fading in and out... Doors opening and closing, footsteps approaching...

"Your Majesty... Please wake up." Someone shook me, her voice in my ear. It sounded vaguely familiar.

Elizabeth? Wait—

My eyes snapped open abruptly. I was covered in a cold sweat, my body shaking and my heart pounding uncontrollably. I sat up in fright, still holding my neck as I tried to calm my heavy breathing.

"Your Majesty," Eli gave me a concerned look before grabbing a glass of water from the bedside table. "Here, Your Majesty, a drink."

I took a sip, my hands still trembling as I stared at my supposedly dead lady-in-waiting in confusion.

"You—you're alive?" I blurted out.

"Uhh—yes, I'm alive, Your Majesty." She let out an awkward laugh as if she wasn't sure how to respond. "Did you have a nightmare, Your Majesty?"

"Nightmare?" I muttered to myself. No, it can't be.

Tears suddenly pooled in my eyes, and my vision was blurry and unfocused. I was definitely in hell—or was this heaven? Because Elizabeth would never be subdued into the depths of hell. People like me belonged there. People who ran more on hate than energy, a pathetic and bitter person—

Wait... if Eli doesn't belong in hell and I don't belong in heaven, where exactly am I?

I blinked rapidly, still thinking this was just some sort of illusion. When I was finally able to focus a bit more and take in my surroundings, I instantly recognized the familiar room, and my stomach suddenly churned and bubbled.

There was something to say when you took one look at your bedroom in your own palace and almost hurled the contents of your stomach all over the expensive, carpeted floor. I felt nauseous... the room reminded me too much of a time of peace. Of a time before the pain and anguish of loss.

Why am I here? Shouldn't I be dead? I was beheaded.

The feeling of a cold and sharp sword cutting down my neck was still so vivid in my memory, so I couldn't be alive. But this didn't seem like death to me.

Is this... is this the afterlife? Then— "Eli, do you know where the emperor is?"

Eli fidgeted with her dress, a habit that she often did when she was reluctant to do something.

"The emperor..." She bit her lower lip. "I heard from the servant that His Majesty hasn't been leaving his room ever since Lady Phoebe left the palace at the earliest of dawn."

"Lady Phoebe?" I gripped the bedsheets upon hearing her name.

Eli looked at me sympathetically.

"Why is Lady Phoebe here?" I asked her cautiously. If this is truly the afterlife, then does it mean Lady Phoebe died as well? But why—

Eli took a deep breath before answering. "Yesterday, after the banquet, the emperor and Lady Phoebe spent the night together."

"Huh?" I frowned. "What banquet?"

Eli seemed bewildered as if I was asking an absurd question.

"The national day banquet, of course. Your Majesty also attended the banquet yesterday. Don't you remember?"

"National day banquet," I mumbled to myself. "The emperor and Lady Phoebe spent a night together." This is so strange... Could it be that— "Eli, what's today's date?"

"It's the fifteenth of Leafall, Your Majesty—" She responded slowly, as if trying to figure out the punchline.

"The year?" I persisted.

"853 imperial years."

My hand flew to my gaping mouth, my eyes widened in horror.

Fifteenth of Leafall, 853. It was the day after the banquet when Arsen spent the night with Phoebe for the first time.

But how could this be? What is happening? Did I come back in time?

No, that's impossible. This is absurd. I shook my head and began muttering under my breath, "This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real."

"Your Majesty..." I stopped abruptly at hearing Eli's cautious voice, her face contorted in bewilderment. "You don't seem very well. Do you want me to call the royal physician?"

My lower lips trembled, but I managed to reply, "No, don't call him."

"Are you sure, Your Majesty?" She asked again, a small quiver of concern in her voice.

"I'm fine—just a little tired," I said, trying to sound a bit more convincing. "Can you please leave? I want to rest."

Eli finally backed down and obeyed, but not before telling me to call her immediately if I needed anything. She was a very nice girl, but she died because of me...

I gasped, suddenly feeling suffocated. An image of Duke Aragon kept repeating in my head; his face and voice as he made the order to execute everyone closest to me. It filled me with the same horror now as it did that day, witnessing all their deaths. My body trembled uncontrollably. I had to hug myself to maintain some sort of comfort... I couldn't think, I was struggling to breathe... the pain in my chest was intensifying, and I could barely gasp for air.

Had I imagined it all? Had it all been a long, endless nightmare? It all felt too real; the pain was like no dream I ever experienced before. And the details I recalled so vividly...

But what was the alternative? That this—Eli, my bedroom, the sunlight streaming in through the window... that all this was a dream?

No, it can't be.

I shook my head frantically, cold sweat dripping from my forehead.

I wiped it with the back of my hand, scratching my face, feeling the sting against my skin. The sun was so bright, it hurt my eyes. No dream, no hallucination could be this vivid.

But if this isn't a dream or hallucination, what else can it be? Am I... Have I really returned to the past?

I gasped for air once again. It was like a big lump blocked my airway and I just couldn't breathe.

If I am back in time to the day after Arsen first spent the night with Lady Phoebe, then—

My vision blurred. I clutched my head in my hands, pressing on it hard, trying to soothe the pain.

No, please, no...

A small voice in my head started to plead, beg, promise anything for my suspicions to be rendered null, for my suspicions to be wrong.

Please be wrong. Please. Please. Please. Please be fake. Please. Please. Please. I'd give anything. My eyes, my hair, my hands, my legs. Just please. Please. Please no. Take my life. Anything. Anything—

But my pleas were overshadowed by the screams roaring in my head, blocked out by all the despair spewing in every direction.

A sob escaped my throat, and when a sudden intense pain hit my head again, everything darkened and I couldn't feel my body anymore.

***

It had been three days since I first woke up, and for most of them, I still thought that everything that I remembered had been a dream, or my own imagination.

But how could it be when the nightmares and memories haunted me as if to keep convincing me that all of it had been real?

They were so terrible to the point that I couldn't even sleep or eat properly. My days were like wandering through an endless nightmare with open eyes. In the end, I had no choice but to finally accept that this was all real. All of it was real. My memories, my nightmares. And somehow, somewhy, I was sent back in time to relive it all.

Oh God, I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Seriously, what is this? Retribution? Punishment? Damnation? Condemning me to repeat the same tragedy?

Oh, I knew it. This must be my own form of hell.

Because as much as I had begged for this to be fake—a trick—I knew it wasn't. Because my body meant nothing. My name meant nothing. My status? Nothing. My life meant nothing.

And this was all the proof I needed.

I was always a devoted believer. But now, for the first time in my life, I resented His existence.

Every morning I opened my eyes and realized I was still alive and breathing and hated God, hated myself, hated life and wondered why He didn't just let me rest was unbearable. My wish wasn't even that grand. I just wanted peace. I was so tired... But He didn't even grant me that.

All my ladies-in-waiting, maids, and assistants noticed that there was something very wrong with me. After all, my state was far from normal.

I, who was usually very active and spent most of my time in my study performing my duties as empress or taking a quick trip outside the palace to check on our surrounding territories, hadn't even left my bedroom for days.

I just sat in my room all day, doing nothing. I responded yes when the ladies-in-waiting asked if they could get me some tea or if they could bring me a book, but I refused to do anything on my own.

Hearing of my strange condition, Arsen sent a message to my palace asking for an audience several times, but I turned down every request.

I was just... I was still not ready to face him. The image of his cut-off head on my lap still haunted me every day.

I had no strength to do anything, I couldn't even take a bath by myself. Just yesterday, Mary had gotten anxious because I didn't come out of the bathroom for several hours, and when she checked in on me, she was horrified to discover that I had been sitting still in the already cold water, staring into thin air.

I ended up catching a cold so bad it knocked me unconscious for the rest of the day, and naturally the Empress Palace fell into chaos as a result.

In my unconscious state, someone had filled my bedroom with herbs and smelling salts; even bringing flowers to my bedside table. I stared at them now, lying in my sheets as Mary fussed and fidgeted over me.

My head was still clouded, I could barely understand her, but at some point, she mentioned that the emperor had visited while I was in my sick bed. I snapped to attention at that. If I heard her right, he even took care of me himself, staying through the night and only leaving once the sun had risen.

Ah, so it was him—

Even deep in my sleep, I had strangely still felt the subtle touch of Arsen's hand and his comforting warmth... The warmth that I missed—

Tears spilled out of me before I even realized it, and to my horror, I couldn't even contain them. I wiped them with the back of my hand, but all they did was drench my sleeves.

"Your Majesty—" The servants looked at each other, none daring to move, my ladies-in-waiting were equally as dumbstruck.

I had never cried in front of anyone ever since I became an empress. Up until now, even when I was sad or in pain, I would never admit or say it out loud. Somehow, it felt like losing. Like I was acknowledging my weaknesses, so I always kept my neck upright and held it in. But now I realized that it was pointless.

I didn't care anymore as my practiced control was ruffled by the tears streaming down my face. There was no sound, but they could tell that I was letting out a silent scream as indescribable emotions were intertwined in my tear-soaked eyes.

And suddenly they all started speaking at once; stumbling over their words, offering wipes, drinks, blankets—asking if they could do anything for me as if trying to appease a child.

***

It was the fifth day, and I had finally made up my mind.

I need to meet the mistress.

"Mary, please send this to Lady Phoebe." I handed her the letter that I wrote earlier that morning. She received it, eyes furrowed with concern, but nodded anyway before finally leaving.

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for the reply. Lady Phoebe answered my letter and told me that she would meet me tonight at the palace garden, near the lake where I usually had my tea.

I instructed everyone not to follow me that night for my meeting with Lady Phoebe. At first, they insisted on following me. It was no surprise they were anxious, especially since I had not been acting like myself these past few days, but in the end, they couldn't disobey my order.

I left my room only in my nightgown and slippers. Eli was horrified; it was very undignified of an empress, but my appearance wasn't important to me. Not anymore.

She managed to force me to at least wear a shawl to lessen the cold air, and after conceding, I hurriedly left and made my way to the promised place.

The night was dark. The only light came from a few magical stones scattered throughout the palace—crystal-like minerals each no larger than a fist. They lit the path in small patches, but it was my palace. I was very familiar with every passage and corner and had no worries of being lost.

Leaves rustled in the wind above my head, a cold breeze lightly caressed my cheeks, pushing at the locks of my hair.

I shivered and tightened my shawl and hurried my steps.

It didn't take long to arrive at my destination. The lake was calm at its core and ripples danced at its edges, reflecting the moonlight.

And standing by the lake was a slender woman, basking in the dark night. Even in the late twilight, her long, silver hair looked splendid. She's Phoebe Ember.

The grass rustled as I approached, and she turned toward me. Immediately I was faced with her exquisite, pink-diamond eyes. Underneath the moonlight, all her features looked even more exaggerated. I finally understood how Arsen could fall in love with her at first sight.

It was just that Lady Phoebe was very beautiful. She had an image of a weak and pitiful angel, as if the devil had forcibly cut off her wings.

People often told me that I was a beautiful woman. But honestly, compared to Lady Phoebe, I looked dull. After all, if this whole world was a grand play, then shouldn't the heroine be someone like Lady Phoebe?

I swallowed my bitter feelings as I stared at her. She seemed surprised at my undignified appearance, but she quickly composed herself and bowed.

"Blessing and glory upon Your Majesty, the empress." A very beautiful and soft voice penetrated the heavy atmosphere.

Perfect posture, perfect manners. Constantine must have taught her well. "Rise."

She raised her head at my command, but said nothing.

"Thank you for coming," I said, walking closer until I stood right next to her.

"Your Majesty summoned, so how could a lowly subject such as myself dare to refuse?"

I tilted my head a little and gave her a side glance. "I heard that you rejected my husband's call several times after that night."

"Ah..." Phoebe put her hands together and fidgeted nervously. "It's because I fell sick, so my uncle was worried and told me not to go."

This was strange. This was definitely not how it happened. I knew for a fact that Lady Phoebe had visited the Imperial Palace almost every day since she spent the night with Arsen, and not long after that, she was declared his official mistress.

But now she didn't even heed his call. And yet she came at mine.

Why?

She stole a glance at me before turning back to the lake, but in the short moment when our eyes met, I noticed a strange glint in hers that I'd never seen before.

Confusion? Fear?

"Yet you're here right now?" I continued.

"I've already recovered."

"Arsen must be glad to hear that."

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between the two of us.

"Lady Phoebe." I finally opened my mouth.

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"I'll be straightforward," I said in a firm voice. "That... whatever it is. Don't do it."

Phoebe seemed taken aback by my sudden blunt statement, but she quickly masked it though a bit sloppy. "I'm not sure what Your Majesty is talking about."

Was I too reckless?

Probably.

I wasn't usually like this. But my current mental state really didn't help me make clear judgments at all.

So I just took a deep breath and turned, looking her straight in the eyes as I continued, "I'm serious! Just... don't do it."

I took another step toward her. She seemed scared as she backed away until her feet almost touched the lake.

"If you still have a heart, then stop it."

"I don't know what Your Majesty is referring to," she replied. "But if Your Majesty thinks that I'm aiming for Your Majesty's position, Your Majesty doesn't have to worry. I—"

I burst out laughing at her answer. It was truly funny that she tried to play dumb while I already knew everything. Meanwhile, she just looked at me strangely.

"I'm sorry, but you seem to be mistaken," I said after my laughter subsided. "But do you think the position of an empress is so easy that everyone can become one if they want to?"

"That's not what I meant, Your Majesty," she shook her head in panic. "I just didn't want Your Majesty to misunderstand. After all, how dare I, a mere orphan from a fallen noble family—"

"Did you just insult me, Lady Phoebe?" I cut her off once again.

Her eyes widened in confusion, not knowing what she said wrong this time.

"I always tried my best." I gripped the hem of my dress tightly. "Do you think I have been crowned empress just because of my family name? I dedicated my whole life to this, yet everyone—"

I didn't get to finish my words. Everyth.ing I had been bottling up just suddenly surged out of me like a tidal wave. I felt so broken, gutted, and furious. I was not sure how I could move forward; my life had already been ruined, tainted, and bloody—

In a daze, I lifted my face to see pink-diamond eyes looking closely into mine. Above them, her eyebrows were furrowed in deep worry; silver strands of hair falling softly onto her forehead.

"Just... just heed my warning. Or you will lose everything."

I turned to the lake. And before Phoebe could react or say anything, I jumped in.

***

Author's Note:

Hello again everyone! I come back with a new rewritten chapter and I'm so excited to hear what you guys think about Calypso's mental breakdown here. Honestly, I feel like most MCs in regression stories are unrealistic because most of the time, they would just suddenly wake up from a traumatic experience and go straight to scheming for revenge or run away to avoid the same path. But there's no trauma, no depression, no aftereffect, nothing... as if the regression doesn't affect them. It just doesn't make sense to me. So I'm hoping you guys like my take on this matter. As I always say, I want my character to be as realistic and as humane as possible.

Gosh, honestly I'm so impatient and just want to release all the available chapters since I can't wait for you guys to see all the changes I made, but of course, I can't because of the wattys. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope you'll enjoy what I still have in store for this story!

Thank you for the 90k reads. I know it's not much for most people, but I'm still grateful. Votes and comments would be very much appreciated.

The theme song for this chapter is Different World by Alan Walker ft. Sofia Carson

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