I know. It's time to pull myself back together. 

But this morning, as I went to the kitchens, I felt nauseous.

I'm vomiting for the second time today. It feels terrible. My throat is raw and dry from vomiting, my stomach is hurting, and my head is throbbing. Wan En tells the other servants to give me medicine. They run off to pick herbs for me, medicinal herbs I can drink or eat. 

----

Every morning after that, I vomit. It is an endless cycle which I cannot escape from. Wan En is worried for me, she thinks something is wrong. But I don't know how to fix it. She's suggested that I'm pregnant. Surely not...I am only 17 years old. It's too young, I cannot have a baby so young. 

But deep inside me, some part of me knows, yes, knows, that I'm pregnant. It's the most likely cause for my morning sickness. I just don't want to admit it to myself. I don't want to bear the Emperor's child. The Emperor hasn't even visited me after that night. I know I'm just a woman he uses when he's bored. I know I shouldn't compare him to Liang Wen. The Emperor gave me such a luxurious home here. Why should I complain?

The palace physician is called in. A young man of perhaps 20. Strangely, he reminds me so much of Liang Wen. Both have a humble aura to them, and this man's eyes look kind. Just like Liang Wen. He has light brown hair and dark black eyes which sparkle when he looks at me, or anyone.

He asks everyone to leave my room while he examines me. And yes. I am officially pregnant.

"Sit down," he says kindly. "Don't worry. Being pregnant isn't so scary. We've a lot of herbs for you to drink, you'll have an easier pregnancy if you drink what I tell you to drink."

He takes my arm gently and leads me to my bed. His soothing voice allows me to relax for a while. "Thank you," I mumble under my breath. 

He studies my face carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Of course not," I snap suddenly at him, annoyed.

He only laughs. "This is called hormones...I'll warn your servants that you'll be having a lot of mood swings."

"Hormones?" I ask, instantly curious. I have always been interested to be a doctor. Of course, I know those are high ranking positions only for the educated and rich. But now, I am a lady in the Emperor's Court. I do have some social ranking. Maybe I can learn more.

He nods, taking my hand gently in his. "Hormones are kind of like what you feel. There isn't much information on them yet. I'm still not very sure what they are myself, we are trying to find out more."

Slowly, I lean towards him and rest my head on his shoulder. He doesn't resist me. We both know that there's a slight attraction between us. Something forbidden. I know this is wrong, and yet he feels so calming. And so gentle. The Emperor tossed me aside once he was done with me, and was very rough with me, too.

"What's your name?" I whisper to him.

He moves away from me and stands up, shaking his robes. "I'm the Palace Physician Liang Min."

At first I think I heard Liang Wen. The words I thought I heard send a jolt up my spine, a surge of energy. I sit straighter and smile at him. "I'm Wang Min."

"We both have Min as our last names," says Liang Wen- no, Liang Min. He smiles kindly at me. "I can drop by often if you want, give you your medicine personally."

Then he leaves.

For the first time in days, I feel better. Stronger. And I want to see Liang Min again.