TW(S): panic attack

{Scotts pov}

ide went back home from joels and locked myself in my room.
owen was trying to come in as hed seen me crying when i walked in
but i ignored every little call he made
and just laid on my bed
i could hear lauren and xornoth fighting 
i already had a headache and the yelling didnt help
i could hear moms voice trying to calm them down
i covered my ears with my wings and curled up on top of my blankets, wrapping my wings around me for warmth
eventually owen gave up and i heard him walk away
i laid there in a ball on my bed
silently crying my eyes out
what would he do to me?!
would he tell milo..?
would milo being my brother be for the better..?
so.. he- would be less obsessed with me..?
i heard a different knock on my door
i had all my families knocks memorized
and their keys..
and their footsteps..
i knew it was my mother this time

"Scott, darling is everything alright?" she asked
i sniffled, stifling back cries as i continued to lay there
"dear can you please unlock the door?!" she begged
staying silent i flopped off my bed, unlocking the door before going back over and lying down again
soon the door creaked open
"are you alright darling..?" she asked, sitting down
"..im fine.. just.. needed to be alone for a bit" i mumbled
"do you want some more alone time?" she asked, a genuine smile graced her lips
i nodded and with that, she kissed me gently on the forehead and left, shutting the door gently behind her

i fidgeted with a bracelet lizzie had given me my first day at the school..

and a bracelet shelby made when we were young.. 

a ring joel mended for me 10 years ago, which he intentionally made too big.. 

another bracelet lauren and owen worked together to make both me and xornoth on our first day of adoption.. 

the ring that had a small poppy on it jimmy had given me a few days later than our anniversary to make up for the lunch he missed..

and the bracelet mom gifted both me and xornoth again her first time meeting us. 

i appreciated all of these gifts and cherished them with my life
but soon my vision blanked.. 
and clearing my thoughts, i fell asleep

~5 hours later~

i woke up to heavy knocking on my door
but elle was asleep on me

"hellooo~ not going to let your twin innn~" xornoth scoffed jokingly
"you can come in" i spoke, my voice raspier than i wouldve expected as my throat stung as words strung together
"you sound like you died" he scoffed, sitting down
"yeah well crying for three hours then sleeping for five will do that sometimes" i replied
"and why in Exors name were you crying for three hours-?!" he asked, now concered
"oh uh- just- broke down at something stupid.." i lied
"HAH! typical" he joked
"wowwwww" i scoffed
"sorry sorry-" he sighed
"you just wanna steal elle dont ya?" i laughed
"mayyyybbeeeee" he smiled

he sat down and we played with Elle for a few hours or so
though eventually it got late and he went to go see joey or something-
i didnt even pay attention to what he was saying
it was time for dinner anyways
maybe that was what he was saying?

I went downstairs. 
Mark was sat at the table next to my mum, Xornoth sat next to joey and lauren and owen sat next to eachother
Mark was in my usual seat... the one ide arranged just the way i like it, the way im comfortable with
i sat down next to xornoth and just rested my head on my hand trying to block out all the conversations
there was too much going on at once.
my seat felt uncomfortable
owen and lauren were arguing about something
mom and mark were making conversation with xornoth
the tv was playing in the living room
i could hear utensils scrape across ceramic plates
i had enough
i couldnt take it
i wiped tears away from my eyes, hiding myself in my wings and standing up
not saying anything.
just quickly going to the front door and walking out

"..uhhm.. mum" xornoth mumbled
"yes dear?" our mother replied
"...scott just- ran out." he spoke confused
our mother stood up, coming over to the door
"SCOTT S MAJOR YOU DO NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING ME!" she yelled
she said the s.. i hated it..
i started sobbing and refrained from falling to my knees. 

i ran to shelbys house and fell on her doorstep, trying to knock 
"hello? oh goodness dear are you alright?" shelbys mum asked, kneeling down and lifting up my head
all i could do was cry, my breaths coming out as gentle sobs
"SHELBY!!" her mother called, soon i could hear shelby coming down the stairs
"yeah mu- oh god, Scott!! what happened!?" she asked horrified, bending down next to her mother
i couldnt speak, i could barely breathe, i just grabbed shelby in my wing and cried into her hair
"cmon.. lets get you inside" she frowned, helping me up
i tried but couldnt stand, shelbys mother picked me up and brought me into the living room
"i- s-.. o- r-" i tried to choke out words but was interrupted by failed gasps for air
this went on for half an hour.
attempting to speak
being calmed down
and repeat
i started to feel dizzy
"Scott, bud are you alright? you seem pale.." shelby mumbled
"..m'fine.." i mumbled, making an attempt to hide it, but i stumbled onto the floor,
i heard shelby, trying to calm me down
i backed myself against the wall
breathing heavily
pulling on my hair
and sobbing.
i stood up quickly, wanting to run away.
but feeling my whole body slam against the floor..
 i collapsed.

into a sudden dark abyss.
i could hear yelling, which faded into ringing
loud.. loud ringing..

{Shelbys POV}

"SCOTT-!?" i screamed, covering my mouth and taking a fearful step back
"MOM!!" i screamed as loud as i could
"Yes Dear?" my mother called back
"CALL AN AMBULANCE, FAST..!!" i screamed through tears, falling at scotts side where he lay unconsious on the floor
she saw him lying there and audibly gasped, running back upstairs
"..please.. please be okay..!" i sobbed, holding scotts hand gently

moments which felt like hours passed, every second of him just laying there, lifeless
the white vehicle pulled up, the red and orange lights flashing 
Paramedics rushed into the house.
i watched the whole thing happen.
right..
infront...
of..
my eyes..
i followed them outside, hugging to the side of my mom
i saw joel and his parents come outside, clearly confused
Joel glared over at me, i was sobbing my eyes out 
i buried my head into my moms side
she wrapped her arm around me, holding me closely

"..please be okay..."