"Is she naked because you love her, or do you love her because she is naked?"
I don't think I am lovable. Not because I am damaged, but because I refuse to accept the fact that people do care about me. I think this because I won't allow myself to be happy, so many people try to prove they care, but I can't seem to believe them. No matter how hard they try to prove it, I refuse to believe it. I make myself unlovable. I say I want to be loved, but in reality, I don't think I really do want to be loved. I think I've made myself believe that all I do is hurt everyone. I make myself believe I am toxic. All of these things that run through my mind don't mean a single thing until I find my one true calling. However sad this all seems. I think I'm starting to be content. I think in getting comfortable believing everything I make myself believe. I'm sad, yes. I'm alone, yes. But I'm okay with this. I'm just not okay with hurting people. Hurting the people I have come to care for. But of course I can't seem to make them see this side of me.