And I know this shouldn't matter.
I fucking know this shouldn't matter. He shouldn't matter. But fuck it does. It matters a lot to me. No matter how many times I say it shouldn't matter, it still does. It matters so much and I can't figure out why. I can't figure out why he matters so much. All I know is that this shouldn't matter, he shouldn't matter, but he does, and this does, and it hurts so fucking much. And I can't fucking breathe. It hurts. Everything hurts and I know this shouldn't affect me, but it does. And this shouldn't matter, but it does. And at the end of the day I still love him. I guess that's why this matters.