I posted this on DA but... Nobody really saw it... So I'm just gonna post this here too... It kinda sucks when people ignore your vents or don't see them :/

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I'm genuinely sorry. I've been venting a lot lately and I haven't bee posting much. I'm sorry for that, I don't want to come off as annoying for venting like I do. I just really don't know what to do

There's been some issues going on at home for the past few days with that "friend" staying over for a little while (I didn't want her over to begin with, my dad brought her over to let her stay because she wanted to) and I feel so left out of everything right now. I feel like I have nothing to do now that school's out, and I have nobody to talk to

I'm low on motivation right now, all I want to do is just curl up into a ball and die. I can't talk to anyone, I'm physically unable to no matter how much I want to, I actually cannot talk about my problems verbally with someone I know or even bring myself to show them any vents like this I make because it just... I don't know how to explain it, but I can't

Added to the fact I feel terrible... It doesn't help that the "friend" told me that the *only* thing I can do right is draw things. Yes, I know, I'm a fuck up, I kinda fuck up a lot of things. That's why I can't make friends. I suck at actually talking to people, when I make a friend I get too clingy, and in one case I care about them when they treated me like complete shit

Also I'm a pig. I'm a fucking pig from what everyone says. I don't eat as much as I used to a year ago or so, but I'm still a fucking pig. I know, I don't need to be told time and time again that I'm a fucking pig

I want a hug. Just a long hug from someone that actually cares about me. I just want a hug and to be told it's all going to be okay. When I'm lying down and trying to go to sleep, that's all I want. Hugging my pillow tightly and trying not to cry doesn't help. Crying doesn't even help anymore, and honestly, venting doesn't help as much as it used to

I just want somebody to stab me. Stab me, shoot me, choke me, push me off a building and let my body go splat. That's what I want half of the time. Tie a noose around my fucking neck and just let me die, that's it. Unfortunately I'll never do it because I'm too fucking scared to

I... I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know nobody will read this because nobody really likes to listen to other people's problems. I'm... probably gonna watch some YouTube for a little while to help myself feel a bit better

Bye...