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60: Our deepest fear

I told Draco, Nicholas and Zoe about how Sirius Black was after me. Zoe looked horrifed, Nicholas went pale, Draco just stared. 

"H-How--?" he coughed.

"How what?" 

"How did you know?"

My heart race quickened. "What did you mean" how did you know"? " I asked "You knew this maniac was after me?"

"My father told me but--"

"No buts! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because he told me not to--"

I laughed humorlessly "I'm sorry, but that is the most lamentable excuse ever. 'he told me not to' you can't hide behind your--"

"I wouldn't have told you either way." he snarled. I stared.

"He's right, Emma" said Zoe softly "neither would I."

"Wha--" I spluttered "wh-wha--?"

"There were chances you would go after him" said Nicholas "chances you would die."

Draco looked at me "do you also know--" he stopped.

"What are you talking about, Draco?"Emma said roughly. 

"Don't you know, Emma?" breathed Malfoy, his pale eyes narrowed.

 "Know what?" 

Draco let out a breath.

 I'd rather not want you to risk your neck," he said. "leaveit to the dementors. But if you knew. you'd want revenge. you'dhunt him down yourself." 

"What are you talking about?"I said angrily, just as the bell rang signalling us to go to our next lesson which happened to Defense against the Dark arts, with the Gryffindors. 

Professor Lupin wasn't there when we arrived at his first DefenseAgainst the Dark Arts lesson. We all sat down, took out ourbooks, quills, and parchment, and were talking when he finally entered the room. 

Lupin smiled vaguely and placed his tatty oldbriefcase on the teacher's desk. He was as shabby as ever but lookedhealthier than he had on the train, as though he had had a fewsquare meals. 

"Good afternoon," he said. "Would you please put all yourbooks back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You willneed only your wands."A few curious looks were exchanged as the class put away theirbooks. We had never had a practical Defense Against the DarkArts before, unless you counted the memorable class last year whentheir old teacher had brought a cageful of pixies to class and setthem loose. 

"Right then," said Professor Lupin, when everyone was ready. "Ifyou'd follow me."Puzzled but interested, the class got to its feet and followed Professor Lupin out of the classroom. 

He led us along the deserted corridor and around a corner, where the first thing we saw wasPeeves the Poltergeist, who was floating upside down in midair andstuffing the nearest keyhole with chewing gum. 

Peeves didn't look up until Professor Lupin was two feet away;then he wiggled his curly-toed feet and broke into song.

 "Loony, loopy Lupin," Peeves sang, Draco sniggered, I punched him on the arm. "Loony, loopy Lupin, loony,loopy Lupin —"

 Rude and unmanageable as he almost always was, Peeves usuallyshowed some respect toward the teachers. Everyone looked quicklyat Professor Lupin to see how he would take this; to my surprise,he was still smiling.

 "I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," hesaid pleasantly. "Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms." 

Filch was the Hogwarts caretaker, a bad-tempered, failed wizardwho waged a constant war against the students and, indeed, Peeves.However, Peeves paid no attention to Professor Lupin's words, except to blow a loud wet raspberry. 

Professor Lupin gave a small sigh and took out his wand."This is a useful little spell," he told the class over his shoulder."Please watch closely."He raised the wand to shoulder height, said, "Waddiwasi!" andpointed it at Peeves.With the force of a bullet, the wad of chewing gum shot out ofthe keyhole and straight down Peeves's left nostril; he whirled upright and zoomed away, cursing. I laughed.

 "Cool, sir!" said Dean Thomas in amazement.

 "Thank you, Dean," said Professor Lupin, putting his wandaway again. "Shall we proceed?" 

We  set off again, the class looking at shabby Professor Lupinwith increased respect. He led them down a second corridor andstopped, right outside the staffroom door.

 "Inside, please," said Professor Lupin, opening it and standingback.The staffroom, a long, paneled room full of old, mismatchedchairs, was empty except for one teacher. Professor Snape was sitting in a low armchair, and he looked around as the class filed in.His eyes were glittering and there was a nasty sneer playing aroundhis mouth. 

As Professor Lupin came in and made to close the doorbehind him, Snape said, "Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this."He got to his feet and strode past the class, his black robes billowing behind him. 

At the doorway he turned on his heel and said,"Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class containsNeville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him withanything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructionsin his ear." 

Neville went scarlet. The Slytherins sniggered, I scoffed; you'd have to be an idiot to disobey Snape, if you weren't a Slytherin.Professor Lupin had raised his eyebrows. 

"I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage ofthe operation," he said, "and I am sure he will perform it admirably." 

Neville's face went, if possible, even redder. Snape's lip curled,but he left, shutting the door with a snap.

 "Now, then," said Professor Lupin, beckoning the class towardthe end of the room, where there was nothing but an old wardrobe where the teachers kept their spare robes.

 As Professor Lupin wentto stand next to it, the wardrobe gave a sudden wobble, banging offthe wall."Nothing to worry about," said Professor Lupin calmly becausea few people had jumped backward in alarm. "There's a boggart inthere." 

Most people seemed to feel that this was something to worryabout. Neville gave Professor Lupin a look of pure terror, andSeamus Finnigan eyed the now rattling doorknob apprehensively. 

"Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces," said Professor Lupin."Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks —I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. Thisone moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster ifthe staff would leave it to give my third years some practice."So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?"

 Hermione put up her hand, so did I. "Emma?" called Lupin, Hermione looked disappointed

"It's a shape-shifter," I said. "It can take the shape of whateverit thinks will frighten us most." 

"Couldn't have put it better myself," said Professor Lupin. "So the boggart sitting in the darkness withinhas not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what willfrighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knowswhat a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out,he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears.

 "This means," said Professor Lupin, choosing to ignore Neville'ssmall sputter of terror, "that we have a huge advantage over theboggart before we begin. Have you spotted it, Harry?" 

"Er — because there are so many of us, it won't know whatshape it should be?"

 "Precisely," said Professor Lupin, and Hermione put her handdown, looking a little disappointed. 

"It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused.Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug?I once saw a boggart make that very mistake — tried to frightentwo people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening. 

"The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires forceof mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter.What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you findamusing."We will practice the charm without wands first. After me,please . . . riddikulus!" 

"This class is ridiculous" muttered Draco.

"Riddikulus!" said the class together.

 "Good," said Professor Lupin. "Very good. But that was the easypart, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this iswhere you come in, Neville."

"It's amusing" corrected Nicholas.True.

 The wardrobe shook again, though not as much as Neville, whowalked forward as though he were heading for the gallows. 

"Right, Neville," said Professor Lupin. "First things first: whatwould you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"Neville's lips moved, but no noise came out.

 "Didn't catch that, Neville, sorry," said Professor Lupin cheerfully. 

Neville looked around rather wildly, as though begging someone to help him, then said, in barely more than a whisper, "ProfessorSnape." 

Nearly everyone laughed, the Gryffindors at least. A few Slytherins rolled their eyes, many remained expressionless, and a few laughed. Even Neville grinned apologetically.Professor Lupin, however, looked thoughtful. 

"Professor Snape . . . hmmm . . . Neville, I believe you live withyour grandmother?" 

"Er — yes," said Neville nervously. "But — I don't want theboggart to turn into her either." 

"No, no, you misunderstand me," said Professor Lupin, nowsmiling. "I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes yourgrandmother usually wears?"Neville looked startled, but said, "Well . . . always the same hat.A tall one with a stuffed vulture on top. And a long dress . . . green,normally . . . and sometimes a fox-fur scarf." 

"And a handbag?" prompted Professor Lupin. 

"A big red one," said Neville. 

"Right then," said Professor Lupin. "Can you picture thoseclothes very clearly, Neville? Can you see them in your mind's eye?"

 "Yes," said Neville uncertainly, plainly wondering what wascoming next.

 "When the boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and seesyou, it will assume the form of Professor Snape," said Lupin. "Andyou will raise your wand — thus — and cry 'Riddikulus' — andconcentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well,Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-toppedhat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag." 

There was a great shout of laughter, even we couldn't help it. The wardrobe wobbledmore violently. 

"If Neville is successful, the boggart is likely to shift his attention to each of us in turn," said Professor Lupin. "I would like all of youto take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most,and imagine how you might force it to look comical. . . ." 

The room went quiet. I thought . . . What scared me most in the world? My first thought was Lord Voldemort — a Voldemort returnedto full strength. But before I had even started to plan a possiblecounterattack on a boggart-Voldemort, a horrible image camefloating to the surface of my mind. . . .A rotting, glistening hand, slithering back beneath a blackcloak . . . a long, rattling breath from an unseen mouth . . . then acold so penetrating it felt like drowning. . . . I shivered, then looked around, hoping no one had noticed. Many people had their eyes shut tight. Nicholas was frowning, Zoe was rigid, Draco was expressionless

 "Everyone ready?" said Professor Lupin. I felt a lurch of fear. I wasn't ready. How could you makea dementor less frightening? But I didn't want to ask for moretime; everyone else was nodding and rolling up their sleeves.

 "Neville, we're going to back away," said Professor Lupin. "Letyou have a clear field, all right? I'll call the next person forward. . . . Everyone back, now, so Neville can get a clear shot —" 

We all retreated, backed against the walls, leaving Nevillealone beside the wardrobe. He looked pale and frightened, but hehad pushed up the sleeves of his robes and was holding his wandready. 

"On the count of three, Neville," said Professor Lupin, who was pointing his own wand at the handle of the wardrobe. "One —two — three — now!"

 A jet of sparks shot from the end of Professor Lupin's wand andhit the doorknob. The wardrobe burst open. Hook-nosed andmenacing, Professor Snape stepped out, his eyes flashing at Neville.Neville backed away, his wand up, mouthing wordlessly. Snapewas bearing down upon him, reaching inside his robes.

 "R — r — riddikulus!" squeaked Neville.

 There was a noise like a whip crack. Snape stumbled; he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with amoth-eaten vulture, and he was swinging a huge crimson handbag.

 There was a roar of laughter; the boggart paused, confused, andProfessor Lupin shouted, 

"Zoe! Forward!" Zoe walked forward, her face set. Snape rounded on her.There was another crack, and where he had stood was a bloodstained, bandaged mummy; its sightless face was turned to Zoe and it began to walk toward her very slowly, dragging its feet, itsstiff arms rising — 

"Riddikulus!" cried Zoe, A bandage unraveled at the mummy's feet; it became entangled,fell face forward, and its head rolled off. 

"Seamus!" roared Professor Lupin.Seamus darted past Parvati.Crack! Where the mummy had been was a woman with floorlength black hair and a skeletal, green-tinged face — a banshee.She opened her mouth wide and an unearthly sound filled theroom, a long, wailing shriek that made the hair on my headstand on end —

"Riddikulus!" shouted Seamus.

 The banshee made a rasping noise and clutched her throat; hervoice was gone.Crack! The banshee turned into a rat, which chased its tail in acircle, then — crack! — became a rattlesnake, which slithered andwrithed before — crack! — becoming a single, bloody eyeball. 

"It's confused!" shouted Lupin. "We're getting there! Nicholas!"

 Nicholas hurried forward.Crack! The eyeball became a severed hand, which flipped overand began to creep along the floor like a crab. 

"Riddikulus!" yelled Nicholas.There was a snap, and the hand was trapped in a mousetrap. 

"Excellent! Ron, you next!"Ron leapt forward. 

Crack!Quite a few people screamed. A giant spider, six feet tall and covered in hair, was advancing on Ron, clicking its pincers menacingly. For a moment, Harry thought Ron had frozen. Then — 

"Riddikulus!" bellowed Ron, and the spider's legs vanished; itrolled over and over; Lavender Brown squealed and ran out of itsway and it came to a halt at Harry and my  feet, we had somehow ended up side by side. 

He raised his wand, ready,but — 

"Here!" shouted Professor Lupin suddenly, hurrying forward. 

Crack!The legless spider had vanished. For a second, everyone lookedwildly around to see where it was. Then we saw a silvery-white orbhanging in the air in front of Lupin, who said, "Riddikulus!" almost lazily. 

Crack! 

"Forward, Neville, and finish him off!" said Lupin as the boggartlanded on the floor as a cockroach.

 Crack! Snape was back.

 Thistime Neville charged forward looking determined."Riddikulus!" he shouted, and they had a split second's view ofSnape in his lacy dress before Neville let out a great "Ha!" of laughter, and the boggart exploded, burst into a thousand tiny wisps ofsmoke, and was gone. 

"Excellent!" cried Professor Lupin as the class broke intoapplause. "Excellent, Neville. Well done, everyone. . . . Let mesee . . . five points to Gryffindor and Slytherin for every person to tackle the boggart — ten for Neville because he did it twice . . . and five each to Emma  and Harry." 

"But I didn't do anything," said Harry. 

"You and Emma answered my questions correctly at the startof the class, Harry," Lupin said lightly. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on boggarts andsummarize it for me . . . to be handed in on Monday. That will beall." 

And we left, talking.

"I wonder why he's scared of balls?" asked Zoe.

 "It looked like something else." said Nicholas

Draco just grunted, I nudged him. "hey" I said "cheer up. We have  double Transfiguration, but then we're done! I'll help you with your homework."

Still nothing "I'm annoyed I didn't get a turn too." I said "but no point moping about it."

He smirked. "What would it have been for you?" he said, sniggering. "Apiece of homework that only got nine out of ten?"

I hit upside down on the head with a book.


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