Thingsstarted to go downhill for Harry and Ron from breakfast in the Great Hall. Thefour long House tables were laden with tureens of porridge, platesof kippers, mountains of toast, and dishes of eggs and bacon, beneath the enchanted ceiling (today, a dull, cloudy gray). Harry andRon sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Hermione and me, who hadher copy of Voyages with Vampires propped open against a milk jug, I was flicking through the same book while rolling my eyes, I had a strong feeling Gilderoy Lockhart was taking credit for someone else is work.There was a slight stiffness in the way we said " 'Morning," whichtold Harry that we were still mad of the way they had arrived. Neville Longbottom, on the other hand, greeted them cheerfully. 

"Mail's due any minute — I think Gran's sending a few things Iforgot." 

Harry had only just started his porridge when, sure enough,there was a rushing sound overhead and a hundred or so owls streamed in, circling the hall and dropping letters and packagesinto the chattering crowd. A big, lumpy package bounced offNeville's head and, a second later, something large and gray fell intoHermione's jug, spraying us all with milk and feathers."Errol!" said Ron, pulling the bedraggled owl out by the feet. Errol slumped, unconscious, onto the table, his legs in the air and adamp red envelope in his beak."Oh, no —" Ron gasped."It's all right, he's still alive," said Hermione, prodding Errolgently with the tip of her finger."It's not that — it's that."Ron was pointing at the red envelope. 

It looked quite ordinaryto Harry and me, but Ron and Neville were both looking at it as thoughthey expected it to explode."What's the matter?" said Harry."She's — she's sent me a Howler," said Ron faintly. "A what?" I asked.  "You'd better open it, Ron," said Neville in a timid whisper. "It'llbe worse if you don't. My gran sent me one once, and I ignored itand" — he gulped — "it was horrible."Harry looked from their petrified faces to the red envelope."What's a Howler?" he said, repeating my question.But Ron's whole attention was fixed on the letter, which had begun to smoke at the corners."Open it," Neville urged. "It'll all be over in a few minutes —"Ron stretched out a shaking hand, eased the envelope from Errol's beak, and slit it open. Neville stuffed his fingers in his ears. Asplit second later, I knew why. I thought for a moment ithad exploded; a roar of sound filled the huge hall, shaking dustfrom the ceiling.

"— STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL IGET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPEDTO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGHWHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE —"Mrs. Weasley's yells, a hundred times louder than usual, madethe plates and spoons rattle on the table, and echoed deafeninglyoff the stone walls. People throughout the hall were swivelingaround to see who had received the Howler, and Ron sank so lowin his chair that only his crimson forehead could be seen. 

"— LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, ITHOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WEDIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOUAND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED —" I had been wondering when my brother's name was going to cropup. Harry tried very hard to look as though he couldn't hear the voicethat was making his eardrums throb.

 "— ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULTAND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LLBRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME."A ringing silence fell. The red envelope, which had droppedfrom Ron's hand, burst into flames and curled into ashes. Harryand Ron sat stunned, as though a tidal wave had just passed overthem. A few people laughed and, gradually, a babble of talk brokeout again. 

Hermione closed Voyages with Vampires and looked down at thetop of Ron's head. "Well, I don't know what you expected, Ron, but you —" 

"Don't tell me I deserved it," snapped Ron.Harry pushed his porridge away. I sighed, they had suffered enough.  Professor McGonagall wasmoving along the Gryffindor table, handing out course schedules. I took mine and saw that we had double Herbology with theHufflepuffs first.Harry, Ron,me and Hermione left the castle together, crossed thevegetable patch, and made for the greenhouses, where the magicalplants were kept. "How can I make t up to you?' said Harry, I pretended to ponder "help me come up with new spells to torture Dudley with" I said with a smile "I thought of all of them last summer-"Harry laughed "Deal."

As we eared the greenhouses wesaw the rest of the classstanding outside, waiting for Professor Sprout. Harry, Ron,I and Hermione  only just joined them when she came striding intoview across the lawn, accompanied by Gilderoy Lockhart. Professor Sprout's arms were full of bandages, .Professor Sprout was a squat little witch who wore a patched hatover her flyaway hair; there was usually a large amount of earth onher clothes and her fingernails would have made Aunt Petuniafaint. Gilderoy Lockhart, however, was immaculate in sweepingrobes of turquoise, his golden hair shining under a perfectly positioned turquoise hat with gold trimming."Oh, hello there!" he called, beaming around at the assembled class. Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow! But I don't want you running away withthe idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happen tohave met several of these exotic plants on my travels . . ." 

"Greenhouse three today, chaps!" said Professor Sprout, who waslooking distinctly disgruntled, not at all her usual cheerful self.There was a murmur of interest.We  had only ever worked ingreenhouse one before — greenhouse three housed far more interesting and dangerous plants. Professor Sprout took a large keyfrom her belt and unlocked the door. I aught a whiff of dampearth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of some giant,umbrella-sized flowers dangling from the ceiling. Harry as about tofollowMe, on and Hermione inside when Lockhart's hand shot out."Harry! I've been wanting a word — you don't mind if he's acouple of minutes late, do you, Professor Sprout?"Judging by Professor Sprout's scowl, she did mind, but Lockhartsaid, "That's the ticket," and closed the greenhouse door in herface.

A few minutes passed, and Harry came in looking disgrulenetd, Professor Sprout was standing behind a trestle bench in the center of the greenhouse. About twenty pairs of different-colored earmuffs were lying on the bench. When Harry had taken his placebetween Ron and Hermione, she said, "We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"My hand shot in the air, "Ms Potter?" "Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative,It is used to return people who have been transfigured orcursed to their original state."

"Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor Sprout."The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also,however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?" 

Hermione's hand narrowly missed Harry's glasses as it shot up ."The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it," shesaid promptly."Precisely. Take another ten points," said Professor Sprout."Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young."She pointed to a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyoneshuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty littleplants, purplish green in color, were growing there in rows.

"Everyone take a pair of earmuffs," said Professor Sprout.There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn'tpink and fluffy."When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to removethem, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right — earmuffs on." I calmped the earmuffs on.   Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her ownears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tuftyplants firmly, and pulled hard. Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly babypopped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of hishead. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling atthe top of his lungs.Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table andplunged the Mandrake into it, burying him in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. 

Professor Sproutdusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removedher own earmuffs."As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet,"she said calmly as though she'd just done nothing more excitingthan water a begonia. "However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first dayback, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while youwork. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up."Four to a tray — there is a large supply of pots here — compost in the sacks over there — and be careful of the VenomousTentacula, it's teething."

Herbology passed without much incident. By the end of the class, Harry and I, like everyone else, were  sweaty,aching, and covered in earth. Everyone traipsed back to the castlefor a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration. 

Professor McGonagall's classes were always hard work, but todaywas especially difficult.Turning a beetle to button was an easy task but I was tired. Herbology was my worst subject. I managed though. Ron, however....had patched up hiswand with some borrowed Spellotape, but it seemed to be damagedbeyond repair. It kept crackling and sparking at odd moments, andevery time Ron tried to transfigure his beetle it engulfed him inthick gray smoke that smelled of rotten eggs. Unable to see whathe was doing, Ron accidentally squashed his beetle with his elbow and had to ask for a new one. Professor McGonagall wasn'tpleased.

Bell rang, Everyone filed out of the classroom except him andRon, who was whacking his wand furiously on the desk."Stupid — useless — thing —" 

"Write home for another one," Harry suggested as the wand letoff a volley of bangs like a firecracker."Oh, yeah, and get another Howler back," said Ron, stuffing thenow hissing wand into his bag. " 'It's your own fault your wand gotsnapped —' " We ent down to lunch."What've we got this afternoon?" said Harry,."Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once."Why," demanded Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlinedall Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"Hermione snatched the schedule back, blushing furiously.I raised an eyebrow "really Hermione" I drawled with a smirk "Thought you'd have better taste." We  finished lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard. Hermione sat down on a stone step and buried her nose inVoyages with Vampires again.Harry and Ron were talking, A pair of arms wrapped me from behind. "Emma!" said Ginny grinning "Hey Gin!" I said with a smile, How was your day-"

Small talk was made, until I hear a small voice say "All right, Harry? I'm — I'm Colin Creevey," a boy with mousy hair said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too.D'you think — would it be all right if — can I have a picture?" hesaid, raising the camera hopefully."A picture?" Harry repeated blankly."So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forward. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me.About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill youand how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got alightning scar on your forehead" (his eyes raked Harry's hairline)"and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the rightpotion, the pictures'll move." Colin drew a great shuddering breathof excitement and said, "It's amazing here, isn't it? I never knew allthe odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really goodif I had one of you" — he looked imploringly at Harry — Then he caught my add "O-Oh! your Emma right- do you mind--"I do" I said sharply "sorry." "Oh. well harry-aybeyour friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then,could you sign it?" 

"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?"Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around thecourtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbeand Goyle."Everyone line up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Harry Potter'sgiving out signed photos!""No, I'm not," said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. "Shut up,Malfoy." I sighed, "Dray-" 

"You're just jealous," piped up Colin, whose entire body wasabout as thick as Crabbe's neck."Jealous?" said Draco who didn't need to shout anymore: Halfthe courtyard was listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scarright across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cutopen makes you that special, myself. How your sister is so nice Potter I have no idea-"Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly."Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughingand started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way."Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy. "You don't want to startany trouble or your mommy'll have to come and take you awayfrom school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. "If you put anothertoe out of line —"A knot of Slytherin fifth years nearby laughed loudly at this. 

"Dray-" I said gently putting a calming hand on his shoulder. "Please don't-" Hermione shutVoyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!""What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward us his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung anarm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't haveasked! We meet again, Harry!"Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation."Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin."A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign itfor you. Ms Potter would you-" I had been tugging at Draco's hand trying to get away "Sorry sir I-" "Ah, spending time with your boyfriend he said with a wink "I understand, I understand" There were mixed reaction at this; Draco's pale face flushed with color, my face was as bright as my hair, Ron raised an eyebrow, Hermione was giving me a smirk, Harry's temper was threatening to explode and colin snapped a picture of us hands still interwined. "Colin No-" but just then the bell rang, I scowled, and stomped inside. Harry, Ron and Hermione came down, Harry and Ron sat either side of me. "You could've fried an egg on your face," said ron nudging me, "well, I figured they would date, I mean-" said Hermione getting out her books "after he helped you with your scar--" "But he just supported her arms." siad Harry flabbergasted "didn't he?" 

"Um..."

"Didn't he?"

"No." said Hermione, grinning " you know how a groom picks up a bride he was carrying her like that" Harry half rised I pushed him down. "Shut up, Hermione." I mumbled "I do not like him."

"Yet." said Ron, I punched his arm. 

 Lockhart cleared his throatloudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up NevilleLongbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show hisown, winking portrait on the front."Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "GilderoyLockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of theDark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly'sMost-Charming-Smile Award — but I don't talk about that. Ididn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly."I see you've all bought a complete set of my books — welldone. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing toworry about — just to check how well you've read them, howmuch you've taken in —"When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the frontof the class and said, "You have thirty minutes — start — now!" 

I looked down at my paper and read: 

 1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color? 

. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition? 

. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart'sgreatest achievement to date? 

On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to: 

54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and whatwould his ideal gift be?H

alf an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifledthrough them in front of the class."Tut, tut — hardly any of you remembered that my favoritecolor is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need toread Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully — I clearly state inchapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples — though I wouldn't say noto a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky!"He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring atLockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shakingwith silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening toLockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentionedher name.". . . but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is torid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions — good girl! In fact" — he flipped her paper over — "fullmarks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?" I risited rolling my eyes, I didn't bother, I finished half the time early just so I could get it over with. 

Hermione raised a trembling hand. 

"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten pointsfor Gryffindor! And so — to business —"He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cageonto it."Now — be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulestcreatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facingyour worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befallyou whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for abetter look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. 

Deanand Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in hisfront row seat."I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "Itmight provoke them."As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off thecover."Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies." 

Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort oflaughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror."Yes?" He smiled at Seamus."Well, they're not — they're not very — dangerous, are they?"Seamus choked."Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyinglyat Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, withpointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot ofbudgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars andmaking bizarre faces at the people nearest them."Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. 

"Let's see what you make ofthem!" And he opened the cage.It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction likerockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him intothe air. Several shot straight through the window, showering theback row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed inkbottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket,grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks andNeville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling. I ducked as a pixie zoomed above me. 

"Come on now — round them up, round them up, they're onlypixies," Lockhart shouted.He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed,"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand andthrew it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived underhis own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, whofell a second later as the chandelier gave way.The bell rang and there was a mad rush toward the exit. In therelative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sightof Harry, Ron, Me and Hermione, who were almost at the door, andsaid, "Well, I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back intotheir cage." He swept past us and shut the door quickly behindhim. 

"He's a fraud" I said bluntly, petrifying 3 pixies and stuffing them in. 

"Can you believe him?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear."He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," saidHermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever FreezingCharm and stuffing them back into their cage. 

"Hands on?" said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancingout of reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a cluewhat he was doing —" 

Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books — look at allthose amazing things he's done —" 

"He says he's done,"I mutter to Ron, he grunted his agreement.