(Emily, I'm Sorry)
ACT ONE—CHAPTER ELEVEN

2021

"I think that maybe she shouldn't be alone tonight." Misty whispered.

Emily looked over her shoulder, toward the back seat where Natalie was asleep.

"Yeah—" Emily agreed, "I think you're right."

Emily turned back away from Natalie, and faced Misty, "I can take her for the for the night. You can just go ahead home to that bird of yours if you want."

Misty smiled, "Thanks, Em."

That was how Emily ended up in this situation. A wine bottle being passed back and forth silently, on the floor of Emily's living room.

She couldn't tell you how they ended up on the floor, but that was the least of her worries.

Natalie looked around the room, taking in the chaotic decor and the photos that hung on the walls.

"God—she looks just like you."

Natalie's voice startled Emily out of her thoughts, and she followed Natalie's gaze to the picture of Daisy and her on the beach.

Emily smiled softly, "Sometimes yeah— you can see a lot of her father though too."

Daisy quite possibly was the best thing that ever happened to Emily. She showed her there was light in the world rather than just the darkness that had consumed Emily's mind for years.

Natalie scoffed, "Aidan Clark contributed near nothing to the girl in that picture. "

Emily rolled her eyes, taking another long sip of the alcohol, despite the fact that she knew she should stop before it could cloud her mind.

Natalie reached for the bottle and Emily tried to ignore the feeling that settled in her stomach when their hands brushed.

Wine splashed out of the bottle, staining Emily's shirt on contact, "Shit," Natalie muttered, "I'm sorry."

Emily looked down at her shirt and shrugged.

"It's fine, I didn't like this shirt anyway." Emily joked, and Natalie nudged her shoulder.

Emily's cheeks were flushed from the alcohol...or maybe it was how close she was sitting to Natalie.  The blonde could never quite be sure.

Emily didn't expect the way Natalie leaned closer her, the brunette's eyes flicker from her eyes to her lips.

She should have stopped it there, she should have pulled away, or at least put some distance between the two of them.

...but she didn't.

Emily let Natalie's lips crash against her own, and even let herself lean in for a second...before the fogginess in her mind cleared.

Emily pulled back abruptly, "Nat—I can't. You're not, you're not thinking clearly."

"I've never thought more clearly in my entire life." Natalie argued, looking into Emily's eyes.

Emily shook her head, "You—you just lost Travis. I can't—"

Emily abruptly stood up, trying too put as much space between her and Natalie as possible. This was all too much for her.

"I'm really sorry Natalie,"

Tears built up in Emily's eyes, she felt something inside of her breaking all over again when she looked at Natalie, "The uh—the guest room is the first door on the left."

Natalie knew she screwed up by the blonde's entire expression. Emily looked nearly distraught, trying to escape the moment.

"No. Emily please just—let's fucking talk." Natalie spoke up, moving to stand up, slowly approaching Emily.

Emily shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest, just trying not to cry in front of the other woman.

"I don't—I don't think I can." Emily whispered, "God why the fuck do I keep letting you back into my life."

Natalie felt tears build up in her own eyes, "You just—you just break my heart." Emily continued, taking a couple more steps away.

"Emy, please. Just listen." Natalie pleaded.

"Don't fucking call me that!" Emily swipped away a tear that spilled over.

"Can't you just listen without walking away? For once in your god damn life?" Natalie ended up raising her voice, simply frustrated that the blonde wouldn't listen.

"Are you being serious right now?" Emily looked at her, "That's a low fucking blow, Nat."

Emily pressed her lips together, running a hand through her hair, "Fine. Talk then."

Emily walked away, in the direction of the kitchen, Natalie trailing behind her. Emily stood over the coffee pot, starting a pot.

"What are you—"

"If the two of us are like talk talking, I need coffee." Emily explained, her eyes still swimming with tears.

Natalie silently pulled out a bar stool, taking a seat. Emily avoided meeting Natalie's eyes, tapping her fingertips against the counter.

"Do you want some?" Emily asked softly, and Natalie nodded.

A beat of silence passed between them, and Emily took a deep breath, "Are you actually going to talk, or can I got to bed?"

"Emily...I'm Sorry." Natalie whispered, and Emily glanced up at the ceiling trying to prevent the tears from falling.

"You're a fucking liar." Emily spoke, her tone nearly silent, but bitter as ever, "You would've apologized years ago if you were sorry."

"I'm—" Natalie inhaled deeply, "I'm fucking self destructive, okay? I have thrown away any good thing I've ever had."

Emily shook her head turning away from Natalie, this conversation was quickly becoming too much for her. She felt like that heartbroken little teenager all over again.

"Natalie...I love you— I loved you so fucking much. At the time I thought you were the one. I thought even despite the shitty hand the universe dealt me, that you were good. That you were the light."

Natalie had been Emily's light...for a long time. The woman was the only thing that kept her going when they were stuck out there.

Then things changed.

Emily ended up heartbroken.

"You think I didn't love you?" Natalie snapped "Do you think it didn't kill me after I realized how badly I hurt you?"

Emily couldn't stop the tears anymore, they spilled over pouring down her face.

"You chose him." Emily whispered, "You chose him over me."

That's how it felt to her at least, it felt like Natalie left her for someone else. Even if Emily was actually the one that left.

Natalie shook her head, "I didn't chose him! I made a fucking mistake, Emily."

"Sleeping with him? That was a mistake?" Emily asked, "because it sure as hell didn't seem like it."

"Well it was." Natalie stated, "And I will always regret it."

That's when it dawned on Emily how much she actually still loved Natalie. Maybe she hadn't ever stopped—either way Emily once again wanted out of that room.

So she turned on her heel, "I'm going to bed. I think I'm done with this conversation."

"Emily—"

When Emily woke up the next morning, Natalie was gone—it was probably for the better.

Emily sighed quietly, she had pushed Natalie away again.

The front door's lock clicked open, "Mama? Are you almost ready to go?" Daisy called out, closing the front door behind her.

"Go where?" Emily's voice was raspy, and her eyes were puffy from all the crying she had done the previous night.

"You forgot?" Daisy questioned, finally actually entering the kitchen, "We're supposed to go see Grandma and Grandpa today. For brunch...for your birthday?"

Emily had totally forgotten, "Oh right—Just uh, let me make some coffee first and uh wake up a little."

"Okay—are you okay?"

Emily cut her off with a quick nod, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Daisy looked at her for a second longer but decided ultimately not to push her mother to talk about it.

Emily walked over to the coffee pot, a sticky note stuck to the front of it.

'Happy Birthday —Nat'

"Oh my god," Emily whispered, holding the note in her hand.

Despite the fact that not even Emily remembered her own birthday, Natalie had.

"How much can I pay you to pretend to be sick so I can cancel on your grandparents?" Emily looked over at her daughter.

"We have to go, Mom. We never see them." Daisy pointed out and Emily sighed.

"I know."