I am now sure that as well as being insane,  I’m living in some temporal distortion because the past two days have both flown and dragged.

I’m finally in my little Toyota heading up the highway from Melbourne out to Hay to talk to my father. We haven’t had any time for a conversation since that phone-call during the Logies and to be honest I don’t care. He has rung and left a couple of messages but I have been both too busy and too shaken up to bother.

My life turned arse over apex in just two days and it’s going to be hard to put it back on the right course - ever. Plus I’m now starting to get really angry that he decided to lie to me. I mean, this isn’t pretending there’s a santa, this is telling me I’m something I’m not. Pretty big stuff for a guy that has always told me to be “true to myself”.

He’s not the only one who has featured in duplicate on my phone message bank. Mark seems very contrite about the whole big-boobied bimbo incident – calling it a “momentary lapse” – “you saw her kissing me I didn’t kiss her back”  or “I thought you weren’t interested”. He says he went looking for me but he couldn’t find me. That last point is fair enough. Unless he went looking in the bed of the King of Asgard, he wasn’t going to have much luck finding me was he? (Mmm does that sound wrong? It sounds wrong right?}. I’ve been enigmatic about where I was – well let’s face it, he’s not going to believe the truth is he?? He did see me run out though and wants me to “give us a chance”.  Yeah, jury is still out on that too.

Actually the only man in my life (can you call someone from Asgard a man???) that hasn’t been phoning me is Loki. This is partly because he doesn’t have a phone (imagine the international roaming on a call from Asgard) but mostly because he told me I had to talk to my dad first before we could speak more about the whole “arranged marriage” thing.

We left on fairly friendly terms though – after all the man did save my life. Shame about my dress which was a bit of a write-off. Though my designer friend did say we could do some things to save it.

 I was out of Asgard pretty quickly. I don’t think Loki really wanted anyone to know I was there – let alone naked and in his bed. Actually the healer, who turned out to be Loki’s aunt Nula from the Laufeyson clan (which is important apparently?!?!?) was pretty happy with the way I progressed and was happy to return me to Earth after a few further tests. I was lucky – she didn’t have to do much other than give me a few “tonics” to help heal a fracture or two and I was back on earth by about 7.30am in the morning. I half wonder why dad doesn’t use some of the Asgardian medicine – imagine healing a fractured ankle in about four hours???

Nula was kind and gentle and took no nonsense from her nephew which was pretty funny.  He doesn’t seem the sort of man that would take crap from anyone but she put him in his place a few times and sent him out of the room when she had to.

To my relief she confided that she was the one who got me out of my clothes, with a little help from Loki and his valet (not the word she used but pretty much what he is) But  she made sure he didn’t see anything he shouldn’t (mmm until I flashed him). It was weird –she kept calling me princess or my lady which is just a head spin. Nula was also quick to point out that Loki didn’t leave my side all night and seemed genuinely worried.

 “He’ll make a good father one day!” she told me. Mmmmm match-making much Lady Nula??? After the all-clear Loki sent me home with the brief to call him (and he actually mean’s call out his name?? Okay yep why not) later in the week after my chat with “Thor” – I giggled when he called dad Thor and he just rolled his eyes.

So after getting through an audition and meeting with a few people over the past two days – I’m off and travelling down the highway to Hay and probably one of the weirdest conversations two “earthlings?!?!” could ever have.  

A couple of hours out of Melbourne I pull into Wagga Wagga. The “city” is the capital of the Riverina area and has a population of around 47,000. It doesn’t sound much now but when I was a kid, Wagga (I’m local so I can get away with one Wagga) was the big smoke. Then I went to university in Melbourne and on to NIDA in Sydney to study drama and I realised that in the scheme of things Wagga Wagga is small potatoes. But still getting here means I’m closing in on home and my mum and dad and at least one of my brothers.

I still have a little way to go before I get out to Hay but I’m hungry and needing to make a stop. I head to a little cafe that my parents stop at nearly every time they go to Wagga. I grab a sandwich plus a few snacks for the car. There isn’t a hell of a lot between here and Hay and I know I’ll get the munchies. The owner Helen, who has known me all my life, chats about the Logies and my next role and this and that and by the time I head out the door it’s been half an hour.

I come out to the carpark to find a strange woman sitting inside my locked car and I do a double-take. Three days ago I would have gone into panic and phoned the police but, as she is very blonde and Nordic looking and resembles an extra in Thor The Dark World – I’m fairly safe in thinking she’s an off-world tourist. She actually doesn’t notice me and seems to be doing her nails or something as I approach the car so when I knock on the window she gets a bit of a surprise and files more finger than nail. She lets out a yelp and focuses her eyes on me.

I open the door for her warily and she smiles. She resembles my dad way too much not to be related so I assume (fairly safely) that’s she’s from the Errikson clan. And I wonder to myself if that’s necessarily  a good thing??

“Princess Caitlyn of Clan Errikson?” she asks, looking me up and down.

“Who’s asking?” I question as she gets out of the car. She isn’t as tall as I expected – a couple of inches shy of my six foot frame, but she is insanely beautiful. I’d put her at Lokis age or just a touch younger – if she was human I’d say mid thirties. But given she is Asgardian I’d say she’s at least as old as Hadrian’s Wall if not a little more.

“I am the Princess Sigyne – youngest child of Odin and Frigga of Clan Errikson, All-Father and Mother of the realm-eternal of Asgard,” she says rather more loudly then I would have liked.

I look around hoping that no-one has overheard this slightly out-of-place conversation and is calling the men with the butterfly nets to take myself and my um”aunt??” away.  I’m lucky it’s 11am, a little late for the morning rush and early for the lunch crowd so the little car park is deserted. It’s just as well, I know a few people in town and I don’t think I could explain this one away easily. After all there is no Supanova or Comicon in Wagga!!

Even though we are basically alone, I put my finger in front of my lips and shush her a little.

“Um that’s great so you’re my aunt but what the hell are you doing here and how the hell did you find me?” I ask quietly.

She looks at me like I have just dribbled on my shirt – obviously I’m supposed to know the answers to that question. This is a woman who is very use to getting her own way and she is just a touch scary.

“I have a message from my mother the queen,” she says looking down her nose at me. I swear the woman sucks lemons for breakfast such is her sour look.

I look at her curiously – I had naturally assumed that my grandmother was no longer around. While dad has told stories about Grandpa “Owen” I have never heard anything about my Grandmother and any time I asked, Dad would change the subject as quickly as possible.

Sigyne ignores me totally.

I look at her again actually feeling a little disappointed  that she is “Sigyne”. I kind of thought as Loki’s “intended” that’s who I would be in mythology. Reading the Norse legends as a child “for fun” according to my dad (massive eye-roll now!!) she was the goddess of fidelity I think but she was certainly Loki’s wife.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed because I’m not Loki’s wife – it’s just, well, how cool would it be to be a legend, a myth???

I focus back on the clearly unamused goddess who is stamping her foot a little as she waits to regain my attention.

“My mother wishes to warn you to take care with things you don’t understand or risk the future of our clan and our realm!” she says, narrowing her eyes at me in a way that says anything but family reunion.

I try to think of a witty come-back to basically tell them to butt out – but before I can, Sigyn disappears in a glow of golden light and I’m left talking to myself!

I’m never going to get use to this crazy family!!!