By the time I got to Jack Willis' house, everyone was already there and by the time I stepped through the doorway, I knew that Ryder was already roaring drunk. As soon as I entered, my wolf had woken and locked on my senses to gravitate towards the popular boy standing halfway on a counter in the kitchen to propose an unnecessary toast for the success of the football team. I could only watch Ryder as he tossed his head back to drink from a flask. While his buddies cheered, his face had grown disappointed with the emptiness of the flask. But it was quickly replaced in his hand by a beer.

"He's on hour three of that," a voice said from behind while I leaned on the doorway unnoticed by everyone but him. I looked back to see a concerned Colin dressed in his usual leather jacket. I acknowledged him being there, but I still turned back to see Ryder. But he had left the kitchen scene so I looked back to Colin. "You remember that herb I had to mimic the feeling of being human again?"

I nodded. How could I forget after Zander drugged me with it?

"Let me guess," I began. "That's what Ryder's drinking."

"I'm sure he thinks he's drinking it because it used to stay in an always replenishing flask of mine," Colin smirked as he pulled the puppet strings.

"But you switched the flasks?"

"Something like that," he sighed. "I kind of had to considering he smoked a giant blunt of it beforehand without me knowing. I don't exactly want him dead."

That made me frown. Interacting with that herb that I was sure only Stormy and Colin had access to was intended to make us feel like we would without all the werewolf perks. Ryder wanted to be hurt. He wanted to be drunk. He wanted to be destructive without any cognitive decision to censor himself.

"Where did he—"

"Hey!" Bailee suddenly appeared. She glanced at Colin and I could see the confusion in her eye for a second before Colin rolled off the wall he leaned on and sipped his red solo cup in his exit. Suddenly, she reached out and hugged me. I appreciated the affection because I needed a hug (or two), but also because she was my best friend and ever comforting. The only thing I didn't like was the reek of beer in her hair. She pulled away. "I'm sorry about lunch. I'll explain tomorrow if you join me and Stella. We're going out of town to go Homecoming dress shopping. Spend the night at my place and come with us."

"Homecoming?" I questioned because I had forgotten about it.

"Yes. Homecoming," she repeated. "And speaking of dancing...let's go do that."

I joined her on the make shift dance floor in the back living room of Jack Willis' mansion. Bailee danced and tossed her hair in a care free passion in a drunken and suggestive way someone would think she'd want to attract boys. People didn't know she and Evan were fighting, but everyone knew she was taken. And even though Evan hadn't stepped on anyone's toes enough for them to spite him, that same neutral reason prevented them from respecting him as well.

"Her. I want her," my wolf hearing heard a voice say beneath the music at some distance behind us.

"Can't. She's taken. She's always been taken," the familiar voice of Colin denied as sober as ever.

"Who are you talking about, champ? You deserve whoever you want," a new, incredibly drunk Ryder joined in. I just focused on dancing with Bailee and rolled my eyes.

"Bailee Rosatti," the first guy answered.

"Never mind. You don't deserve her," Ryder laughed and took back what he said.

"Hey," the first guy or maybe Colin warned.

"What? I'm being honest," Ryder chuckled. "She's with Holmes. Always has been, always will be. And you're...you."

"What, you think that since she's friends with Ashlynn she won't think to let her eyes wander just for the night?" the first guy asked and I felt my stomach turn, not for the revelation that Ryder had talked me up to his football friends. It was for what I sensed what was about to happen. "Just because you hold Ashlynn on a pedestal doesn't mean she hasn't thought about it. Don't think we all forgot that rumor about her kissing your brother. Maybe her friend will—"

The talking stopped along with a short blip in the music because Ryder had slammed his teammate into the nearest wall that shook the framework. I didn't have to look over my shoulder to see it because his anger was so searing hot that it had created a hole in his telepathic barrier. Just as I saw through his eyes on the senior trip, I was seeing a red tint over a double-vision image of an outstretched hand holding Jack Willis by his throat. I could feel both of our hearts beating rapidly. In Ryder's perspective, I could feel his body heating up and his neurons being confused as to what to do, but then Colin put his hand over Ryder's wrist and removed the grasp on Willis before any more people looked over. Ryder's hazy gaze shifted to his beta and the foggy, red hue faded away. But then his vision focused for two seconds while looking at Colin and I got a rush of coolness flow through our bodies. I was thrown out of his mind and was now seeing a smiling Bailee again.

"You okay?" she asked, enjoying her moves.

"Yeah," I lied and continued to dance despite wishing for the song to end.

"Stay away from Bailee and keep your goddamn mouth shut about Ash," I heard Colin hiss before I felt two hands at my waist from behind. I was genuinely startled because at the scent I knew it was Ryder, but my body hadn't registered his presence beforehand as if he could ghost himself from me during his stumble over here.

"You're beautiful," Ryder commented in a whisper that he knew I could hear. It didn't matter how at odds I felt because once he was behind me, our wolves and muscle memories had conjoined and moved in sync to him grinding with me. It didn't take long for the sensations to start spreading, but I was putting my foot down.

"You're drunk," I returned in a whisper but still flashed Bailee a small smile as if this is what I wanted. From everyone else's perspective, it looked like he was crawling back to me after breaking up with me instead of a cry for attention which is what it was. Even though his right hand had lowered by a couple inches and re-found its way back to the front of my waist, his left hand had felt up the length of my body before he grabbed a hold of the front of my throat in a seductive manner.

"So what?" he muttered back before maneuvering my head to the side in order to kiss my neck. I could feel myself losing to my turned on wolf by the time he was grazing down my neck towards my spot.

"Ryder, don't," I said as he continued. I knew as soon as he got there, he would get his way with me. But somehow I mustered enough strength to spin over my right shoulder and face him. "I said stop."

He had immediately dropped every hold on me. He swayed in his spot in obedience to what I said while somehow not falling over. I looked up at him trying to allow him to see the angry expression on my face to imprint into his memory so maybe he'd be disappointed in himself and snap out of it, but it was impossible. Maybe my body hadn't registered him behind me because it wasn't really him.

I noticed people starting to look over to wait for a spectacle of us to top his fight with Stella or his chair-throwing scene in the cafeteria from last week. I simply grabbed his hand and left the make shift dance floor to move further back in the house into a small foyer with a couple making out on the piano.

"Get out," I told them. They were not at all hesitant about listening to me so they fled and allowed my temporary distraction to let Ryder pin me to the wall. But I was the sober one here. Before he leaned in to kiss me, I had switched the positions and threw him into the wall before taking a step back. "Stop it," I said and he gave up. Even though his mate side was coherent enough to oblige me, the man in his place was gone. I texted Zander to come get him.

As soon as I pressed send, Ryder had collapsed against the wall. He wasn't passed out. He had uncoordinatedly done it to put his head in his hands and squeeze his eyes shut. I rushed over and put a hand on his knee. The touch automatically caused him to open his unrecognizable eyes and look at me before letting a tear fall. He was broken and in pain.

"Ash, I—"

"Hey. Is everything—" Colin had appeared and then saw our position. Ryder's hollow exterior had looked to the side to shield his beta from seeing him cry. I stood up to address Colin.

"I already messaged Zander," I sighed.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I stammered.

"She's not fine. Just let her lie to you. She deserves to lie for once," Ryder called out. I knew Colin wanted to snap out against his irresponsible alpha, but he couldn't. Moments later, my phone vibrated and I read a message from Zander saying he was here.

"I'll carry him out," Colin muttered before hoisting Ryder up with one arm. Ryder leaned on him for staggering support before we made it to the main party floor. Then, Ryder pushed Colin away from him and insisted he could walk on his own before grabbing my hand from behind and making me stop. I spun to face him.

"You're gonna let go of my hand and let Colin help you," I ordered and felt a wave of coolness wash over me like what happened before he kicked me out of his mind. Ryder reluctantly let go and threw an arm over Colin's shoulders. I felt self conscious of all the people who watched me weave between the crowds to get my "ex" to the safety of the backseat of his brother's truck. I'm sure they talked more once they saw me climb in the passenger seat because after all, this was the same brother that I had allegedly kissed.

***

Just like last time, Zander did all of the heavy lifting to get Ryder upstairs and in his bed. Once there, Ryder had enough understanding to kick off his shoes and remove his shirt all on his own. Zander aided him in putting the clothes in the hamper in Ryder's closet, which was caring in its smallness because he knew Ryder kept his room clean unlike the constant tornados that flew through Zander's. The only things left astray were Ryder's backpack and over flowing football bag on the floor. But even with that, Zander still picked them up and moved them to somewhere Ryder couldn't trip over them. I stood back and watched as Ryder removed his pants and tripped over its lengths before falling to the bed and laughing. But it wasn't funny.

"It is funny," Ryder chuckled and clued me in on the amazing talent he had to read my mind whenever he pleased no matter if he blocked me from his or couldn't think for himself right now. He suddenly got up from his bed and walked over to me and put his hand on the wall my back was to. My breath was caught when he was inches from me. He sized me up and then looked down on himself. "I know that we're not together, but—" Who said we weren't together...? Come on, Ash. Everyone. Everyone said we weren't together. "—okay. Or are together. Maybe I'm wrong. Or right. I don't freaking know. I'm drunk and you're thinking too fast for me to catch. But how about we finish what I started on—"

Before he could reach out to me or lean in, Zander was pulling him back from me and pushing him away from him. Ryder stumbled into the bed and began laughing again.

"Take the hint before I have to beat it into you," Zander told his brother. He turned towards me and opened the door for my exit.

"I'm just trying to make sure one of us gets some action, big brother—since obviously you won't be getting any for a long, long while! You made sure of that!" Ryder yelled after us. Even though Zander's jaw ticked in control, I couldn't relate to the management. I re-entered Ryder's room while he already fought with his sheets.

"If you want to get drunk and lose control and make everyone take care of you for what you did, then fine. I get that you're trying to forget," I began to scold. "But it's bullshit if you're going to defile every relationship with everyone you've ever had with the people trying to help you in the process. So stop it."

Even though he had been thrashing around earlier, he was incredibly calm to listen to me. And I even though I felt like I was falling apart all of the time, I felt stronger than ever right now. I was tired of him constantly shifting his hate to Zander who was always there when he needed him and even though his advances tonight were more sexual than accusative like last time, I was sick and tired of his inebriated interactions with me at all.

"Whether it's about the full moon or me or Preston, it doesn't matter anymore. You're a werewolf—an alpha werewolf. Clean yourself up and start acting like it before you don't even have a pack left," I advised in a lower voice. I turned to finally leave and then paused when I grabbed the door knob.

"I love you," he said with a broken voice and it took everything within me to walk away from it after pausing. I met with Zander on the couch of the game room they had as you climbed the stairs.

"Thank you," he told me. I just nodded and took a seat next to him.

"Maybe he did it," I suddenly muttered, "I looked in his eyes tonight and the Ryder I knew before all this wasn't there," I finally said after a long while of silence. They weren't warm; they were gone as much as he was and they just watched me emotionless and unchanging—making me think Ryder Ramon was secured under lock and key and his vicious wolf was taking his body out for a spin. Aside from his brief breakdown tonight, I'd say he was entirely gone. Zander quickly looked over at me in concern. "That wasn't him. I don't know him any more tonight than I did when he killed—"

"Eyes don't tell you everything," Zander interrupted.

"His do." They used to be warm and inviting and trusting and now they were dark and cold and foreign.

"They don't," Zander said. I wanted to argue with him, but I was exhausted from doing that. "You know, I used to hate the color green? I hated the color green until I met Zoe," he added and I remembered Ryder telling me about how Zander had fell in love and came back home before anything could happen. "I thought I hated the color for no reason and then I met her, saw her green eyes, fell into them more than I ever expected and then..."

"You don't hate the color green anymore?" I guessed.

"No. I do. I hate it more now than ever," he feigned a breathy laugh. "Because it didn't matter how much I liked her and her annoyingly big green eyes, I hate the color now because I've always hated the color. The only difference is that I hate it because it reminds me of her, but I still...hate it."

I knew Zander was trying to make a point.

"You've given up on him for one incident," Zander said. "If you could look into his eyes before and know everything about him, you should still be able to do it. Maybe not when he's high off his ass, but it's still there. Eye color doesn't change the character they reflect despite all the rank-pulling that goes on around the pack."

"So you're saying I was right to believe he didn't do it..."

"I don't know what I'm saying," Zander laughed. "I think you're going to believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe."

"Then I'm also allowed to believe that there's no way you hate the color green more than you love Zoe?" I mentioned.

"That's different," he dismissed and got up to go to the bar to get a beer from the mini fridge under the counter.

"How's it different? I feel Ryder is innocent in my heart despite you telling me otherwise. And you feel Zoe is right for you in your heart despite Ryder telling you you'll never be together. Same thing."

"Except Ryder is right," Zander admitted. "Zoe and I won't ever be together. I wouldn't allow it. Neither would Ryder. She isn't my mate and she never will be so I'm not going to put either of us in a position like my parents were in."

It made sense. The love triangle with Merida and Marc and Caroline was the root to all of this turmoil. It was noble to not want it for anyone else, but running away from love? Not so much.

"I see how you and Ryder are no matter if it's on good or bad terms," he began. He took another drink from his glass bottle. "I want that. I'm meant to have that...but I'm not going to have it with Zoe so there's no point in trying. She can live her life and love someone else. So can I."

"Zander—"

"Thanks for being here. I know y'all are on a break or whatever, but tonight played out better than they have in the last week because he still listens to you," he interrupted and shifted from his soft demeanor. He was back in a protective brother mode, not the heartfelt role he tried getting rid of. Even more so, he wanted to get rid of me because he threw in "I know y'all are on a break," which he knew would hurt me. So I took it as that and began to leave while he walked me out. When I walked back to the live party to get my car and give Bailee a ride, after one question from her and the last thing Zander said along with Ryder's drunken assumption, I was stuck with the inevitability that Ryder and I were broken up to everyone but me.