vi. second time
around | sadie

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I've known Reese, Ember, and Toni since I was twelve, and I would try to describe each of them. Let us start with the girl who has been missing for several days.

Ember. I don't know which exact words fit her, but I'd go with soft and bitter. I'm sure Reese and Toni had seen Ember bitch around too, though not as worse and as blatant as they could. Ember is the kind of girl who'd bitch around like that snake Eve wrongfully believed in that beautiful garden their god created for them; Ember is deceitful, convincing, and vengeful, but only when she's hurt. Like this one time Ember lied to Reese when she needed money the most because Reese kissed Ember's boyfriend a couple of years back, or when Ember said Toni was invited to a party when she wasn't. She just wanted to embarrass Toni because she did the same to Ember before.

Ember is like a predatory animal; she wouldn't bite unless provoked, and when not provoked, she's a gentle, trusting cat who wouldn't bare any teeth.

Reese. A total bitch. I don't know what else to call her. She's a selfish manipulating cunt who'd make everything go her way and would trash the world if she couldn't. Reese is the kind of person who would not allow herself to suffer alone and would always definitely bring someone down with her. It's surprising that no matter how aware I am that she's an evil person, she's the one I like best; she is honest, bold, and strong. She is a horrible person and it's nice that she isn't trying to hide it.

She creeps me out though. When Ember went missing, I can't say that it didn't cross my mind that Reese may have something to do with it. I mean, Reese would do anything for her grandmother; she's the same girl who'd risk herself by robbing perverted old men downtown; the idea of her keeping her best friend for reward money isn't a vague vision to imagine.

Toni would be a bitch too, but the uncool one. She's a fucking mess. She cries a lot and her mind is always all over the place. She's an idiot who's addicted to cigarettes and the kind of person who'd rather smoke while watching her life crumble down.

I heard she used to keep dead insects when she was younger; she would keep dead cockroaches, cicadas, dragonflies, and sometimes, as disgusting as this sounds, even dead rats. I don't know what she does to them, but she told me once that she'd want to be a doctor, so I figured that must be the reason. Is it possible that she could keep a dead best friend too?

Lying under a tree, I reflected on what happened last night. Toni was really mad at me, and remembering that glare she gave me makes me want to shiver. She made me feel like an awful person and maybe I am; I shouldn't have said what I said. I just don't understand why she had to be too harsh and defensive.

I remember her tearful wide-set eyes.

Maybe . . .

My eyes flew open. I sat up, then looked around to see any sign of Reese. When I saw her walking towards the restroom, I quickly grabbed my bag and went there, too.

The restroom seemed empty when I got there. "Reese?" I called. "Reese?"

"What do you want?"

It's Reese. I closed the door and went to a sink. She's inside a cubicle.

"Toni's mad at me," I said. I touched a pimple on my forehead and looked at it in the mirror. The mirror was speckled with water spots, and the scent of the restroom had a potent combination of urine, disinfectant, and some girl's perfume.

"Sure she is," she said. "She told me about what you said. You were being a bitch."

I snickered and bit my lower lip. "Well . . . I was just crossing off some names in my list."

"List?" she said with a scoff. "Weirdo."

"You're on the list, so I'm gonna have to ask a few questions," I said, smirking. It was meant as a harmless joke, but I could sense a hint of tension in the air.

Reese remained silent, and for a moment, I feared she would be angry with me, too. She abruptly walked out of the cubicle and locked eyes with me through the mirror.

"What?" she demanded, her tone filled with irritation.

She didn't seem mad, so I asked her. "Where were you that night?"

I shouldn't have asked. Just like Toni, Reese actually seemed really angry, and that kind of anger unsettled me. I turned around because I wanted to laugh and tell her I was just kidding, but she was suddenly storming towards me; and when I blinked my back was already against the cold wall of the restroom, her hand gripping my collar.

"R-Reese—"

"I," she said, with an emphasis, her breathing quick. She was sweating. "I didn't have anything to do with her death."

Death? Death? I didn't say anything about someone being dead. Within these past few days, I'd never thought Ember was dead; I was just thinking she was being held captive somewhere, being lost somewhere, because I care about her and I can never imagine her dead.

She can't be dead.

I was starting to choke. "Reese — j-just what the fuck are you even talking about?"

Her frown deepened.

"I . . . I never said anything about her death."

Then her eyes widened. She lets go of me before storming out of the restroom.

I was breathing heavily and quickly and I think I started crying before I decided to go to Toni. She had to know that Reese seemed extra suspicious and she was definitely keeping Ember in her house or something, or if she wasn't, she might have had an idea where Ember might be.

After class, I went to Toni's house. I don't care that she was still irritated at me; we both care about Ember and where she's possibly being hid. I dropped my bike in front of Toni's front porch and slammed their doorbell.

It's 6:30 in the evening.

"Toni!" I yelled. "To—"

I stopped screaming when I smelled something.

It smelled awful, like a putrid combination of decay and filth. I tried to turn the knob to see if it was locked, but it wasn't, so I pushed the door open. I peered inside and the whole living room was hell on Earth. There were broken bottles of beer, a couch with mold, and a few cup noodles on the floor. 

"Toni!" I called out again.

As I moved further into the house, a sense of dread washed over me. The trail of destruction led me to the kitchen, where the smell seemed to emanate from. When I arrived at their kitchen, the stench I was smelling from outside grew ten times stronger, and it made me want to puke. The smell was confusing; there was a hint of air freshener in it but also . . . something that smelled so fucking horrible, like a dead rat, but worse . . .

A dead rat?

Has she been keeping dead rats?

I looked around. Where could she be keeping them then? In the cabinets?

"Toni!" I called. I covered my mouth. I decide not to talk again because it felt like I was eating the stench, so I just covered my mouth using my hankie and continued to look around.

What the fuck is that smell?

I opened a door beside the bathroom door, and the smell went even stronger. There was a stairway. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Every fiber of my being screamed for me to leave, to run and seek help, but I felt compelled to see what was really happening. 

With each step I took down the dark stairway, the putrid smell grew stronger. It clawed at my throat and made my eyes water. I fought the urge to retch, my hand firmly pinching my nose in a feeble attempt to block out the stench.

I'd really like to get out of this house and gather some fresh air, maybe even grab some donuts, but as I walked down the stairs, I think I was starting to piece everything whole. 

Reese.

Toni.

They're both in it.

I considered it. They either killed her, or they found her dead body somewhere and decided to keep it for the reward money Reese badly needed. God. That's definitely it.

This thought had always lingered in my mind, but I did not want to give it much weight because no matter what happened, the two of them were still my friends, and so was Ember.

I wanted to reach the bottom of the stairs to be proven wrong. I did not want to lose two more friends.

I used my phone's flashlight to take a look around the basement. When I saw something big shrouded in cloth tucked away in the corner beneath the table, my heart jumped. It pounded and pounded that it became too difficult to breathe. Gripping a broom I found on the floor, I mustered the courage to approach it.

My breathing grew shallow and rapid, threatening to escalate into a full-blown panic attack. I gulped, the weight of each passing second sinking my heart deeper into despair. Nerves tingling, I inched closer, extending the broom to prod the clothed thing. And then, stumbling backward, a startled yelp escaped my lips as a rotting, crimson hand slipped from beneath the fabric, landing on the floor with a sickening thud. 

"Fuck fuck fuck," I said in quick, hushed tones. My hands began to tremble and I felt like crying. I stepped back, then another. I whimpered like a fucking coward I was.

There's a dead body. A dead body. Ember's. Ember. Their best friend. How could they have done this? How could they?

"Sadie?"

I swiftly turned around, and I dropped my phone. I think it broke, but that doesn't matter. I saw Toni on the staircase, looking at me, although I could not see her face. My knees are shaking and the only sensible thing I can do is to run away from this place as far as possible.

"Sadie. Did you see it?"

I couldn't help but let out a cry.

"It?" I said. I chuckled, and then I cried. "Really, Toni? It?"

I remember Ember putting a band-aid over my scratch when I was thirteen, or how her face looked when she said I was really smart. Her sweet voice, her sweet face, her sweet touch . . . how could her best friend refer to her as an it?

"You're not . . . supposed to see that."

"Toni . . . T—"

I struggled to breathe when I saw a knife glint in the dark.

Toni was holding it.

I pulled in a heavy breath.

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I don't know how I got away from there; I remember screaming and then pushing her off the staircase. I thought she died but then a few minutes later she was already on her feet, running after me again, with a knife that glinted menacingly in her hand. The darkness of the streets matched the darkness in her eyes as she pursued me relentlessly. There was no one around to hear my cries for help. They were futile in the bleak vicinity.

I ran, but it was like I never ran fast enough because Toni was still behind me. I do not believe in any god, but running before Toni, I began reciting all the prayers I knew.

It seems like they do not work.

I felt being grabbed by the hair; harshly, strongly, and within a second I was slammed against the ground. The next thing I know, a knee is placed under my neck. Toni was above me, and she was crying.

"Sadie . . . why did you have to look around?" she said between low whimpers.

I just made choking sounds as a response. She's kneeling on my fucking chest, how can I possibly say anything? I tried to fight back, to push her away, to scratch her face, but then she stabbed her knife into my arm, and I screamed.

"Toni—" I yelped. My visions blur and everything hurts. "Please—"

"Sadie . . . I'm so sorry."

It was evening and the stars were bright above us as I watched Toni cry, stabbing my chest. My stomach. Multiple times. I remember all the times we laughed together at the schoolyards, the times we ate burgers talking about Twilight, and the times Toni said she wanted to be a doctor even if I thought that would be impossible.

The same Toni who laughed at my movie theories is the same Toni who was crying on top of me holding a knife in her hand . . . with my blood on it.

I was starting to lose my vision, and I could only think of one thing.

"I'm sorry, Sadie . . ."

It's not Toni's first time to kill someone.

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