I've successfully avoided James for a complete day. I came home around eight last night, making sure to take the stairs so that I don't run across him in the elevator hallway. He hasn't called me, so something tells me he isn't making a lot of efforts to get in contact with me either.

While that thought hurts, it also leaves me a little relieved because I don't know what I would say to him, or where could things possibly go from here.

I decided to not skip breakfast today, in fact I woke up early so I can take a shower without any chance of running into him and have food without his presence at the breakfast table.

Just as I'm pouring milk on my cereal, I notice another presence in the kitchen and turn around to see Chloe who's glaring at me with her arms across her chest.

"Where were you last night?"

Her question makes me scowl as I stare at her stance, making me scoff as I resume back to my food, eating my breakfast, completely ignoring her presence. I don't want to spoil my mood this early in the morning when she's still in her night clothes, so it's too early for the drama.

"I asked you something." She hisses, her eyes moving to Shanley who just leaves after the glare.

Just as I'm about to pick up the spoon again, she tightly wraps her hand around my wrist, stopping me and the unwanted touch immediately takes me back to that night, a cold shiver running through me as I stare at her. My breathing turns shallow as I mentally pray for her to leave my hand.

The anxiety grows in my stomach as my thoughts become clouded with the images of Richard's tight grasp on me as he pushed himself against me which only burns deeper in my head as Chloe continues to glare at me, her grasp turning tighter.

"Leave my wrist." I manage to whisper, trying my best not to choke on my words as I stare at her.

She laughs humourlessly, "Or what? You didn't come home last night and he couldn't even finish his meal. What games are you playing with Jim?"

Her words just continue to twist my already aching heart as I try to keep up with my emotions. My eyes remain fixated on her hand on mine as I take deep breaths. I should've just skipped breakfast again.

"Chloe." I hear James's voice behind me and I close my eyes, a knot forming in my throat that I can't seem to gulp down.

"Jim, she was bad-mouthing me to my face." Chloe accuses almost immediately, without even blinking as she lies through her teeth.

Is she a fucking psychopath? How can she lie so smoothly?

I stare at her, keeping my other hand on her grasp and forcefully freeing it of the grasp on my wrist. She stumbles back a little, a dramatic grasp leaving her as she looks back at James, "You see that? Now she's pushing me away."

Tears are brimming my eyes as I try to even my breaths but to no avail so I just put my head in my hands, praying for my surroundings to disappear as I take deep breaths through my mouth, sucking up the tears as a choked breath leaves me, a sob wrecking through me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I need to be alone, I need to leave the kitchen and this house. I can't stand to be around any of them right now. James is by my side a second later, his hand resting on my shoulder which immediately makes me flinch away as I look up at him, horror surrounding his eyes.

"I— uh." He removes his hand as he takes a step back and I close my eyes to avoid looking at the hurt in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I hear Mrs. George's voice as she enters the kitchen, looking at the scene in front of her. She immediately comes to stand in front of me. "Are you not able to breathe properly?" She asks and I nod, tears finally leaving my eyes.

She looks back at James who's looking at me with worry filled eyes before snapping his eyes behind me, "Chloe. Leave. Now."

"She insults me, cries and I'm the one who has to leave? This is my house too. I can be wherever the fuck I want to be." Her shrilling voice only makes me quiver more as I mentally smack myself for being so vulnerable just because she held my wrist.

My skin is crawling with fear. I know these people won't hurt me like Richard but my emotions can't seem to register that information, my anxiety going haywire.

"Chloe. Now." His voice booms in the kitchen and the look on his face is alone terrifying enough to make his sister leave the room.

Mrs. George hands me a cold glass of water that I gulp it down in a minute, the knot in my stomach easing a little.

"Lil." James looks at me but I shake my head, refusing to meet his eyes. "Please. C'mon. We'll go outside. You need some air."

I don't respond to him because he's right, I do need air as I get out of the bar stool and make my way out in the lawn, walking from one direction to another as James stands in one place, staring at me as I take deep breaths, feeling a little better as I take in the fresh air in the open space.

Can I drive like this? Because I really want to leave. I think I can manage. As I start walking towards the house to get my things, James immediately comes to stand in front of me. He makes sure there's distance between us as I stop walking to stare at him.

I haven't seen his face since more than a day and it's painful how much I missed his presence but I'm so hurt by his actions, and what just happened that I cannot seem to think clearly.

"Where are you going?" He frowns at me.

The sun is starting to scorch outside. How the hell is he standing there with a suit on? I give him a look, wondering if I should avoid him completely.

"I have got classes." I mumble but the way he's looking at me doesn't make me take another step. "Mr. Clark, please." I beg and his eyes soften a little.

"Let's just... talk." He breathes and this time I'm the one scowling.

"About what?"

He takes a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair as his eyes come back to meet mine, "Everything. I'll go to office later, you skip the first lecture. We need to talk."

His words surprise me as I look at him, wondering if he's the same person I married because that person would just ignore me till the day I die instead of talking to me. I nod, agreeing because I really need this. I can run from it, but James has hurt me and if he's willing to talk about it, I want to hear what he has to say.

So we silently make our way inside the house and he goes into the kitchen, coming out with my cereal bowl and I give him a look, "I'm not hungry."

"C'mon. Let's go." He walks to the left of the staircase where there's the office and a small hallway down there.

I spot the elevator door and he pushes the button. I'm glad he got it fixed but my mind is filled with the possible outcomes of this conversation. I can't think of one possible scenario of this ending well.

When we reach our floor, I'm the first to step out and we quietly walk side by side until he pauses in front of his bedroom. He opens the door and I enter, walking straight to the couch and sitting down. He puts the cereal bowl on his desk as he removes his jacket, hanging it on back of the chair as he sits down.

"You don't have to tell me but I want to know what happened with Chloe." His eyes are focused on me. There's a slight sunlight peeking in the room through the blinds as I look at his face, his eyes shining underneath his lashes.

"She wanted to know where I was last night and when I chose to ignore her, she held my wrist." I tell him honestly and he looks down on his feet.

"I'm sorry for her actions. Did it remind you of...?" He trails off and I nod, trying my best not to let it get to me again. "How often do you have flashbacks?"

I gulp at his question, my fingers fumbling. "A lot. I mean, they are frequent and nightmares don't help."

"You've been getting nightmares?" He looks at me with worry and shock. He curses under his breath, looking away for a second before meeting my eyes. "I think you should see a therapist, Lil."

His suggestion doesn't come as a surprise because I've considered it too. I just don't know any therapists so I didn't know who to reach out to. I look at him, chewing on my bottom lip as I nod, sighing.

"I've been considering that." I tell him honestly and he nods.

"I know someone. I'm not saying you'll like her right away but you can always try. We can always look for someone else in case it doesn't work with her." He says and I frown at him.

"Aren't all therapists same? What's there to like or not like?" I look at him, a little confused.

"Everyone has their own way to therapy, and it's all about who you feel comfortable with. People go through sometimes five therapist before they find someone who can actually help them. It's all about your comfort zone, because it's your safe space at the end." He explains and I nod, processing his words. It makes a lot of sense and makes me wonder if he's ever been into therapy.

"Can you give me the contact?" I ask and he nods. "Thanks."

His eyes doesn't leave my face as he continues to stare at me, making me feel a little uneasy before he speaks up. "You've been avoiding me."

No shit, sherlock!

I nod, not denying it even for a second as I look at him, my hurt and anger mixing within. "With a good reason."

"I just—" he starts but stops, looking up at the ceiling as he visibly takes a deep breath before looking at me. "I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Oh."

Wow. Of all the worst case scenarios in my head, for some stupid reason I didn't think of that one. I thought he'll avoid the topic, accuse me of seducing him, just anything but not what he said.

I don't know how I must look like right now but from inside, my heart is crying. Caleb was extremely right. I do have feelings for James. I like him and it sucks.

"I didn't mean it like that." He begins but shuts himself up. "I shouldn't have kissed you and left. I should've stayed." He clarifies and I frown at him.

What is he doing? My heart is all confused and mixed up as I stare at him. He's literally playing with my feelings and I don't know what to say.

"Why did you kiss me?" I ask, looking for the answer that I've been dying to get.

"The same reason you kissed me back, Lil." He whispers and I gape at him. "I really thought we could just live individual lives and pretend. But it's so damn difficult. You make it so damn difficult because I turn around for one second and there's some new guy eyeing you like a hawk."

His words make me stare at him like an idiot. He's clearly jealous but I am the one who makes things difficult? How the hell is this my mistake?

"First of all, that is not my mistake. And which guys? It was just Sam, I already told you Max is a friend, who I'm pretty sure is dating Ashley now. Secondly, how do I make things difficult? You're the one who gets cold to me according to your damn mood, any time you want. I don't know how to approach you because I'm so afraid of your reactions."

He stares at me wide-eyed as I breathe, surprising myself with the outburst. I didn't expect to say all that but how dare he make it sound like my fault when all he's ever been to me is rude anytime we start getting along. I thought I would be bursting into tears but his words have just pushed my buttons more.

"I didn't mean to blame you. Listen, I'm just really bad at communicating or expressing, okay?" He holds his hands up and I rub my temples.

"You think?" I retort and he shakes his head at me. "I kissed you because I'm attracted to you, James. And when you left me like that, I felt so rejected and honestly my pride was hurt a little. You just don't kiss someone and walk away."

My voice is barely a whisper as I admit my vulnerabilities in front of him. I have never been this open about my feelings to any human before but I just can't seem to sugarcoat it for him. His expression is filled guilt as he looks at me and I just hope that my communication of feelings can be a push enough for him as well.

"I'm sorry, like I said, I shouldn't have left but just... it was overwhelming." He tugs on the root of his hair and I can see on his face how he's struggling to form words. "I'm not supposed to feel this way about you, Lillian. I tried, I really tried to stay pissed at you because it made things easier but the more time we spend together, the tougher it gets."

His words are like water to my raging anger as I stare at him. He feels for me. James Clark feels for me. I don't know how the hell that happened but as I look at him, I want to believe every word he's saying but I don't have words to express how complicated this makes things between us.

"I know we don't have a normal marriage, hell, I don't know what marriage is supposed to be like, or for that matter how do people date." He pauses before getting up from the chair and coming to kneel down in front of me. His hand moves towards mine in the lap but his eyes are cautious as they ask for permission and I nod. He takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles and I can't help the sigh that leaves me at his touch. "We can try, right? We can try to be better at this communication."

I nod, because I really would like to try to have better communication with him. I look at his face but his eyes are fixed on where his skin is meeting mine, his fingers running across the wedding ring. I'm so afraid that if we screw this up, spending the rest of our lives resenting each other is just going to be tougher.

"I understand why you wouldn't want your friends to know you're married. I don't mind you removing the rings for your lecture." He says and I give him a small smile, appreciating his understanding.

"Thank you."