I sit up a little in the bed when I notice his silhouette at the door, entering the room as he reaches for the light switch and I gulp, quickly wiping my face to stop myself from crying as his face comes into light.

He isn't wearing the jacket and sleeves are rolled up with no tie in sight. His eyes meet mine momentarily before he scowls deeply. I have no idea how to react to his presence or what to say, but just seeing him standing in front of me washes me with relief.

"I thought you'll be asleep." He speaks, breaking the silence but the scowl is still very evident on his face.

"I was... I did sleep but then I woke up." My voice is a little hoarse from all the crying I've been doing today. I really hope he doesn't notice it but then he closes the distance between us as he comes to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Why are you in this room?" He asks as he studies my face. He's calm, much calmer than he was this morning. Maybe he really just wanted some time.

"It felt weird without you."

He nods, looking away momentarily and it takes everything in me not to break down because I didn't think he'll even look at me after today, let alone sit so close to me. He faces me again and sighs. "Have you been crying?"

That does it — all the tears I was trying so hard to keep in come rushing as I bring up my hands to cover my face because I'd really not like him to witness this. I sob pathetically into my palms until I feel a little movement as his arms wrap around me and along with bringing comfort, comes a lot of more repressed tears.

"I'm so sorry." I sob out as he pulls me even closer, his embrace around me turning tighter.

"Shh, Lil. Please don't cry." His one hand comes to remove mine from my face but I just shake my head. "Let me just look at you."

I wipe my tears from the back of my hand and he shifts a little as he pulls me into his lap, his thumb coming to stroke away the tears on my cheeks as he tries to meet my eyes and I finally give in. But looking into his eyes just proves of no help as tears escape after seeing the hurt behind them.

"God, alright. I think you just really need to cry your heart out." He suggests and I absolutely agree because I haven't had a breakdown in so long, these are just pent up emotions coming out after the bubble has been burst by today's incidents. "It's just breaking my heart to see you like this."

I take in a wavering breath, looking at him. "I want to withdraw my application."

"What?" He snaps loudly and I flinch a little. "How in the world did you come to that decision?"

I try to create some distance between us and he loosens his grip a little so I slide away from his lap and sit down against the headboard as I wipe away my tears, telling myself that I really do need to stop crying.

"I didn't know it would create such a big problem between us, had I known, I wouldn't have applied. I've found some other internships, I'll be applying for those."

He glares at me but it isn't as hard as this morning, "So all this for nothing? At least wait till you hear the result."

I suck in a breath, looking at him, "Did you—"

"No." He shakes his head. "I haven't done anything, Lillian. But trust me, it will be stupid as hell to withdraw your application. I asked Hale to mail me your resume, I saw how good it is."

"I'm sure every other candidate had something about them. There are other programs, but I won't get another relationship, James." I tell him honestly and he sighs. "I just want you to know that I do respect this bond, you're my priority and applying at Clark Enterprise was anyway a stupid idea."

He runs a hand through his hair, a habit he has when he's struggling with words or super frustrated, and I think right now it's both. "I'm not going to lie, I am still hurt about what took place this morning. I tried to think from your perspective, and I still would've liked you to try to communicate with me. I'm not saying it's okay because I'd really appreciate it if we could both work on it."

I sigh in relief as more tears escape me. I had absolutely no idea that all I needed the entire day were some words of reassurance from him. I'm aware it isn't healthy how quickly I've come to feel so strongly for him, but behind his intimidating aura is a whole new James that I'm still discovering, and with every little side of him that I witness, I seem to fall deeper.

"Better communication, I promise." I nod to my own words and he wipes my tears again. "I don't think it's fair of me to work at your company, though. I should've realised it sooner, and anyway you mentioned that I provided false information so they should just discard my application."

I mean it, I've thought so much about this the entire day that the more I considered it, the better it sounded in my head. However, James clearly doesn't agree.

"You aren't withdrawing your application, it's just minor information that you can tell them to update if you get selected." The finality in his tone makes me shut up as I look at him with uncertainty. "Who took your interview today?"

I frown that he doesn't already know this information. "Steven Fuller and Elena Fernandez."

He gives me a look that makes me gulp before pulling out his phone and dialling a number as he puts it on speaker and I see Elena's name on the screen, making my eyes widen as I stare at him in shock.

"James, no! What are you doing?" I try to reach for his phone but he just narrows his eyes at me which makes me sit back down.

Elena picks up in another two rings. "Mr. Clark?"

"Elena, hey. I sincerely apologise for making a call so late, I hope I didn't disturb your sleep." He speaks and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"No, I was still up. No worries, tell me?"

There's background voice of a child crying which makes me give even more deathly look but it doesn't seem to faze him a little bit. "Yes, about the meeting we had today. I know the new property investment is a pretty big move for the company so I'd like you to draw a list of other possible areas we could invest in."

What the hell? I really thought he was making a call regarding the internship but it's a relief that it's for a completely different purpose.

"Absolutely, Mr. Clark. You'll have it on your desk by lunch tomorrow."

"Great, thanks Elena." He says before looking at me. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask, did you take intern interviews today?"

There it is. What a manipulative way of getting information from your employees. How unprofessional is this behaviour to call in the middle of the night for your personal matter?

"Yes, sir. Steven and I shortlisted six people who were interviewed this morning." She speaks and I hold my breath as James studies my face.

"Have you come to a decision regarding who's made the list?"

I close my eyes, slamming my palm against my forehead because James really seems to have lost it. It isn't until Elena speaks up do I open my eyes. "Yes, I think it was pretty clear after the interviews. They'll be notified tomorrow itself. Would you like me to mail you the report?"

"No, that's alright. Can you just tell me the names?"

"It's Yash Kapoor and Lillian Vince."

Fuck. I finally breathe in some air and James's eyes meet mine. His face remains blank as he speaks into the phone, "Great, thank you Elena. Good night."

"Good night, Sir."

After they hang up, he turns to me and as happy as I am that I got the internship, it also fills me with so much regret about the fight James and I had today. He sighs before reaching out to hold my hand, his thumb stroking my knuckles.

"You got it, all on your own. I'll ask Hale to take care of the last name screw up, it's nothing. I just need you to trust me, Lil. That's all. We can't have a relationship without understanding and trust, and I don't really want to screw up what we have." I nod to his words, knowing that he's right and I have nothing to say that could make the situation better. "I'm sorry for yelling and snapping at you."

I nod again, telling myself not to cry again because I can feel a headache emerging from my breakdown. I feel so mentally exhausted from everything, and I know he doesn't know it's my birthday but there's no point of telling it to him. I rub my temples, mentally debating whether I should ask what I'm about to ask or not because my nerves are getting to me at this point.

"Where were you?" I ask, afraid of his response but his eyes are much softer than this morning as he tucks my hair behind my ear.

"I had some important work to take care of. I'll tell you about it tomorrow." He promises and I nod, leaning into his touch.

"Did you eat?"

He shakes his head, "Not hungry. Have you?" I repeat his action and he frowns, "What did Dr. Wilson telling you about having proper meals? It's not good for your anxiety."

"I'll have a heavy breakfast tomorrow to make up for it. If I eat anything now, I'll puke." I tell him honestly and he nods.

"Can we go to other room and will you please just let me hold you? I know I was an ass this morning but I want to know that we're okay."

Oh, good! It isn't just me who's been acting crazy and wants to hold him. My heart warms a little at his words, and it also makes me grateful that James and I are able to solve our conflicts by communicating even it takes us time to wrap our head around things. This is why my feelings for him are so strong — despite his temper and arrogance, he tries.

I immediately nod and he stands, extending his hand to me. He doesn't say a word as he pulls me to the other room. Once we're there he removes his clothes while I sit on the edge of the bed. He pulls out some sweats from his closet before he moves to take a shower and I lay down on my side of the bed.

After ten minutes he steps out with damp hair and no shirt, making me admire his toned body. He seems so oblivious to the affect he has on me. Without pulling on a t-shirt, he slides into the bed and switches off the side lamp, his arms reaching around my waist to pull me closer.

I breathe in his scent, sighing in relief that he's here by my side. I feel him place a kiss on my forehead before he speaks up, "Do you want to take your maiden name?"

A frown etches on my face but I understand where his question is coming from. If it had been offered to me months ago, I would've agreed in a heartbeat, but now I like the sound of Lillian Clark more than anything.

"No." I shake my head, wrapping my arm around his neck as I press a hesitant kiss on his jaw, just for my inner peace to actually know that he isn't going to push me away.

"I won't mind, you know? You can take your time deciding."

"No, James. I'm sure." I promise him.

I hate to be the reason he's hurting. I'd do anything to assure him how much I feel for him. He has done everything since day one to make me comfortable in his space, welcomed me with things to make me feel safe in a stranger's house. I owe this man much more than words can convey.

Things between us didn't start how I would've liked them to but I feel that if things had been different in the beginning, we wouldn't be where we are today. Soon his breathing turns deeper and I know he's fast asleep against me. I nuzzle my nose in his chest, breathing him in before closing my eyes.

I feel it, the pain and burn all over my body as his hands run across my skin, leaving tears in their wake. An aching whimper leaves me as he presses his lips against my jaw and I shake my head.

"No, no! Please, don't do this." I cry, sobs wrecking through me as he smirks.

"I like my girls begging." His eyes grow dark as I struggle against his chest. "Now be a good one and shut the fuck up."

His hands reach for the hem of my shirt as I put all my strength against his body, pushing him away. He looks mad, anger covering his entire face as he tightens his hold on my hair and twists them painfully before smacking me across the cheek.

I wake up with a jolt, my breathing heavy as I sit up in the bed and James's eyes shoot open at the movement as he reaches for the side lamp and stares at me, "What's wrong?"

"Richard. Bad dream." I breathe and his eyes widen as he reaches his hand out to touch me but I flinch out of instinct. The pain that takes over his features just add to my paranoia as I shake my head, "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay. Don't apologise." He gets me a glass of water and I immediately gulp the content. "More?"

I shake my head as I scoot closer to his body and seeing my action, he immediately wraps his arms around me, pulling me to himself. This is the first nightmare I've had in a week and half, I had almost forgotten what it felt to wake up in panic.

My breathing is still frantic but water helped and James's arms around makes me feel safe, "He's not here, he's not here." He mumbles in my ear as he kisses my head, "You're safe, Lil. I'm never letting anything happen to you again."

I nod, his words calming me a little as my dream runs through my head. I wrap my arms around James's torso, to know that I'm tethered to reality and don't get lost in my thoughts. I breathe through my mouth, taking deep breaths and telling myself that Richard can't touch me now, ever.

"Do you want to tell me what it was?" He asks like he usually has the two times it has happened in front of him.

"Same old." I shrug and he nods, not pushing it as he kisses my hair again. "What time is it?"

"It's almost quarter past four. Do you think you can get some more sleep?" He asks, his voice too calming and I nod, nuzzling myself further in his embrace. "Alright, then. Do you want the lamp off or on?"

"Off, please."

I wake up almost dizzy with sleep, my arms wrapped around James who seems to be in a deep slumber as well with his lips parted. I smile a little, grateful that sleeping has calmed my nerves a lot. My eyes move to the wall clock and I internally freak out a little as I shake James.

"Wake up!" I touch his shoulder and he grumbles a little, swatting my hand away. For someone who panicked when I had a nightmare, he seems too lazy when I'm willingly waking him up. "James!"

The panic in my voice seems to get to him as he finally opens his eyes and looks at me frantically, "Are you okay?"

I nod, "Yes. But it's ten in the morning! Don't you have office?"

He visibly relaxes at my words as he pushes his face back in the pillow and lets out a loud sigh, "I'm taking a day off."

"Why?" I look at him in confusion as I reach over his body to the side table and pick up the remote for blinds and open them partially to let some sunlight in the room.

"So that I can sleep in without my wife blinding my eyes with light."

I laugh a little at his words, "It's ten in the morning, how much sleep do you need?"

He groans before looking up at me, his hair a mess and his stubble growing each day. "Now that you know I have an off day, why can't we just go back to bed?"

"I thought you had that new real estate investment to take care of today."

He wraps his finger around my lose strand of hair as he mindlessly plays with it. "Nothing that can't wait till Monday."

James has never taken an off from his office, not even when were in Paris. He had meetings even there, and I understand the equation was a lot different between us, but he never skips office. Could he possibly know it's my birthday?

"You know, don't you?" I ask, studying his face and he scowls at me with utmost confusion.

"I know what?" He asks, his expression genuine with no mask of secrecy.

How could he possibly know it's my birthday? I've never mentioned it to him and I got to know his via internet. It's not for another six months. I sigh, shaking my head to brush off the topic. If he knew it was my birthday, he wouldn't want to spend it sleeping in, I'm sure.

"Do you really want me to put the blinds again?" I ask and he seems to be having a mental debate.

"Nope." He shakes his head. "At what time do you have to go for session today?"

Oh. I didn't tell him I got it cancelled for this week because the last thing I needed was to come back emotionally exhausted. Therapy has been super insightful, and while most days I walk out feeling like a burden has been lifted off my chest, some days can be mentally tiring and you can never predict how it'll go, so I wasn't willing to take a risk.

"I don't." I say, my hands moving to brush his hair away from his eyes. "I went to meet Gigi and John yesterday."

"You did?" He asks, completely surprised so I nod, smiling, as I continue to tell him everything that took place.

He seems happy that I went to visit the place he loves so much, a huge smile covering his face which is like ice to my burning thoughts since yesterday. He sits up against the headboard while I tell him about my day. This is such a normal thing to do, to talk to your partner in the morning, yet it's something I never imagined doing with James.

"Since you don't have an appointment and I'm completely free, what do you want to do?" He asks, rubbing his eyes as he slides out of bed.

"I don't know, you tell me?"

"Want to go out on lunch date after you're done having that heavy breakfast of yours? I think we need to celebrate you getting the internship." He teases and I roll my eyes but then nod, still feeling a little guilty from yesterday. I'm still processing that I actually got the internship without using the name Clark. Could he have gone behind my back and done something? After the fight we had, I don't think so.

Trust. I have to trust him.

"Lunch sounds good."

"You know what sounds better?" He grins and I already know by that look in his eyes that he'll probably suggest something sexual. "Shower. Together."

I laugh, shaking my head. "Nope, we're not doing that."

"Why not?" He fake pouts, reaching out to hold my waist to pick me but I'm quick to get away, giving him a look.

"I'm not having a shower with you, it's too..." He smirks, arching an eyebrow as he gestures for me to continue. "Intimate."

He laughs at my words, sending blush to my cheeks. "I know we're taking things slow in that area, but I think we're way past the word intimate."

I sigh at his words, trying not to smile as I look at him, studying his face and he eventually frowns at me. "What?"

"Are we okay?" I ask, a little worried that he might have said we're okay because I was crying yesterday. I don't want him to disregard his feelings because of me.

His smile drops a little at my words but he nods, "Yeah, we learn every step of the way, right?"

I nod because he's right. But I'm glad that in our relationship there is room for mistakes without the other person holding onto it too tightly — we give each other space to grow. Although sometimes I do wonder how has he come to feel this way about me when he has never been interested enough to date anyone, and he wanted a marriage without responsibilities, so what changed?

Maybe someday he'll tell me.

James and I spend the rest of the morning eating waffles that Shanley makes for us. Carrack and Chloe are nowhere to be seen, since ten thirty isn't really a great breakfast time in Clark Mansion. I can't wait to move into the apartment so that I can have the liberty to eat and make food as I please.

"Where are we going for lunch?" I ask as he continues to type on his laptop. He might've taken a day off but that doesn't mean the office work will stay on hold.

"This local restaurant we looked up the other day has amazing seafood, I was thinking we could try?" He speaks, his eyes fixed on the screen.

"Isn't that like half an hour drive?" I ask and he looks up.

"We can go somewhere else."

I shake my head immediately, "I was just asking, we can of course go."

I know how much he loves seafood. I've known it ever since our first dinner together after the engagement. When I look back, I never really knew him enough to judge him because he spoke so less, even now he expresses so less but it's something.

Leaving him to his work, I make my way to the other bedroom to pull out a dress. It's a cream coloured lacy dress which ends on the middle of my thighs with quarter sleeves only of lace and a boat neck. I decide to wear my hair down with only a little make up to conceal my puffy eyes from all the crying yesterday.

After getting ready, I make my way to the other bedroom and James is on a call with his laptop on the side table. He's standing by the closet entrance when he sees me and a smile takes over his features.

"Yes, I'll text you the details."

He hangs up before walking towards me and immediately leaning down to kiss me on the forehead. "You look beautiful, love."

I'm never going to get tired of hearing that endearment and him calling me beautiful, so naturally my cheeks heat up as I smile at him. "Wish I could say the same about you but you still aren't dressed."

"Ouch. For someone who's an introvert, you do have a smart mouth." He grins, pinching my side which makes me yelp in surprise as I swat away his hand. "I'll just change."

He pulls out cream button down along with dark blue jeans. While he changes in the closet, I go through my phone and there's a birthday wish from Jeremy, Joan and my parents, making me smile as I respond back to them. There's also a missed call from my father so I make a mental note to call him later and also tell him that I got the internship.

"Ready?" James asks as he rolls up his sleeves and I notice that he paired his clothes with white sneakers.

"Handsom as ever, Mr. Clark." I grin and he smirks, extending his hand to me which I take.

When we are in the car, he turns to me briefly. "Apartment is almost done, do you want to stop and take a look? We can move in a couple of days."

"Yes, please!" I glee with excitement because I've been dying to visit that place again but didn't get a chance due to my finals.

His eyes shine with what almost looks like adoration as he looks at me before driving to the apartment building. It takes us exactly fifteen minutes to reach there as he parks the car in the basement parking before coming by my side to open the door.

"Will you let me drive your car someday?" I ask, genuinely curious because driving a Tesla has to be everyone's dream, even someone like me who has no knowledge of cars.

He smirks sideways at me. "Someday."

"Okay, that's not fair!" I narrow my eyes at him as we approach the elevator which only makes him chuckle. He puts his arm across my waist, pulling me closer as we enter the elevator. I wonder if James also feels the intense feeling that rushes through whenever we're touching or in such close proximity. Things I would do to read his mind! When we step out, I look in the foyer and turn to him. "Is ours the only penthouse at this floor?"

"Yes, I had a lot of things restructured. Like this elevator opened directly to the apartment with no doors, but it didn't sit well with security purpose, so I had this established." He explains as he pulls out a key and hands it over to me. "C'mon, open it."

I frown a little but do as he says. When I turn the doorknob and step inside, I almost step back and fall with the familiar faces standing with huge smiles covering their faces, as all of them shout in unison.

"Happy Birthday!"

•••

quick note: it's an early update, not a double update. this means there might not be any update tomorrow. the thing is that I only have one more chapter written in advance after this and I can't afford double-updates. because I don't want to put a pause on daily updates, it's my favourite part about writing.

but my life has been v v v busy lately. I'm busy with a wfh internship, and also been blessed with a baby niece yesterday. so I've got no time to write in a while, but I promise to write as much and keep the daily updates a thing. please, please understand and I hope y'all stick around. thank youu!

lots of love.