I have successfully learned how to cover up the light bruises still left behind by makeup. The entire weekend I stayed in my room, a place which is now becoming my safe space in that big house. After I made James leave, we barely talked. It's not like he didn't try, he tried but I didn't want to speak to him, or to anyone for that matter.

My skin has healed a lot over the weekend but the scars that were left on my mind were so fresh, and I knew it would take me almost a lifetime to get rid of the images. I had nightmare every night now that I went to sleep, all of them filled with Richard's unnerving smirk. I just prayed that over the time they will stop because I needed a good night's sleep.

Since my mother had no idea about what took place at the party, my sudden disappearance was labelled as feeling sick and heading to bed early. She freaked out, of course, but not in the manner I would have liked.

Her words left me shuddering as well, when she spoke, "Are you sure you're not pregnant? Those could be signs of early pregnancy. I told you to visit Dr. Lea regularly. Men can be careless, hon. You have to take care of yourself."

How do I tell her that I wasn't Jane the virgin who could get pregnant without having sex or through a misguided shot of sperm because I never visited the gynaecologist to begin with when she last set up an appointment. So with a lot of insistence, I finally decide to visit Dr. Lea.  My mother thinks it's to get a pregnancy check but I'm just paying her a visit to actually go on a pill.

I'm currently sitting in the waiting room with my name on the call list in the nurses's hand as she calls another female with a big bump on her belly in the doctor's cabin.

There are so many pregnant women around me, some with a kid on their lap and a bump visible enough to the eye. The scenario naturally makes me realise that now that I'm in this death trap situation with James, there's obviously no way am ever going to get there where these women are. The thought almost makes me sad until I realise that I'm too young to be sad about something which was always just a possibility and not a surety.

"Lillian Vince." The nurse calls my name, making me snap out of my thoughts and I shoot up from the seat.

I have to remind her to change my name since on the official documents my name has already been changed to Clark. When I enter Dr. Lea's office I realise that I actually haven't visited her since a long time.

"Lillian." She smiles at me, her lips forming into a kind smile.

Dr. Lea is a short asian woman with black hair and honestly the kindest face and smile I've ever seen.

"Hey." I take a seat across from her.

"Haven't visited for checks up in a long time now." She looks at my file which has all the records since I started visiting her. "Are you still experiencing painful menstruation?"

I nod, "It wasn't as bad last month, but it's still the same. Have to stay in bed with warm things all day."

My periods were the most horrifying painful thing in my life, ever since I turned eleven. I was always told that as I grow up, the pain will get better and the blood flow will get balanced. Well, that never happened. I've just been thankful that when I got my periods last month for the first time after the wedding I could stay in bed on the weekend without anyone noticing.

"When was the last time you got an ultrasound check up?" She asks.

"I get it twice annually, every six months, so about four months ago?" I say as I realise that it's almost the beginning of May.

"Good, keep on that. You know that endometriosis cysts have a way of coming back, so regular ultrasounds are extremely necessary.  I know how they don't always detect the cyst but if it's around the ovary or mildly visible, we can always start the treatment again." She reminds me.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis cyst two years ago. When I actually started freaking out about getting such heavy and painful periods, I got an ultrasound checkup to make sure that everything was fine. And there it was, cysts bigger than the normal size, enough to scare the shit out of my mother and me by doctors.

Dr. Lea was kind enough to start me on medication instead of freaking us out about the risks. It was a two month treatment of medications and after that my reports were clear. I don't think I can bear having those awful medicines again. The thought makes me shudder but I just shake it away.

After nodding to her words, I speak up, "My name in the files here, can you please change it to Lillian Clark? I'll mail you the official documents pertaining to my health insurance by the evening."

She looks a little taken aback from my words, "You got married?"

"Yeah, it was... unexpected." I flush with embarrassment but to an outsider could very easily look like a blush from being shy about it.

"Oh, wow. Congratulations!" She gives me a kind smile. "So, how can I help you today? Tell me."

"You know my Mom, I got a little sick and she assumed that it's pregnancy when it's really not. But just for peace of mind, I'd like to go on the pill." I tell her and she frowns at me a little.

"What makes you so sure you're not pregnant?"

I clear my throat as I look at her, going over in my head how to go about this but then I just have to state the truth, "I, um, I haven't really ever had sex. So can't be pregnant."

She looks confused for a minute before realisation dawns upon her but she's quick to cover it up, "Sounds alright. I've been telling you to start the pill since years now. You never did."

"Yeah, well, I still don't need it but for the sake of it." I shrug and she nods in understanding.

"Alright, so I'll just take your blood pressure and then write a prescription. The contraceptives will be good for your menstrual regulation too." She gives me a small smile and I nod.

After taking my blood pressure, which turns out fine, she pulls onto her prescription pad as she looks up at me, "I'm giving you 21-day pack, so you can start today itself. You have to take the pill every day at the same time, don't skip. Put an alarm if need be. In case you have sex within the coming week, use condom because it will take about a week to kick in."

She explains to me the other things about how to start the pill when it's a new pack and I just make mental notes of everything because I need to remember this stuff in order to not screw up my periods.

"Thanks." I smile at her before taking the prescription and moving out.

The nurse takes the prescription for me before handing me the pills and I sigh. Telling her a quick thank you, I make my way out of the clinic and drive on the familiar way to the college.

As I make my way to the classroom, I feel someone tap on my shoulder, the unfamiliar touch making my heart race immediately so I turn around to leave a breath of relief when I notice it's Natalie.

"Hey." I smile at her, for the first time seeing her black hair down and not in a bun above her head.

"I saw you and thought to ask how you are? Max mentioned stairs and falling." She gives me a small smile and the lie I told makes me cringe internally but it's so much better than telling them the truth.

"Oh yeah, I feel much better. Thanks Natalie."

She nods as we start walking in the hallway as she tells me about this horrible movie they saw Saturday night. Her horrified expressions as she explains them to me make me laugh.

"I'll see you around." I say as we reach my class and she nods before walking away.

When I walk in I notice Ashley sitting at the back, scrolling through her phone so I make my way to her. When she looks up from the screen, she smiles at me, "Thank God we didn't have morning classes today."

"I ran into Natalie while coming here." I tell her.

"Oh, I haven't seen any of them since that horrible movie Max made us see. It wasn't even scary." She rolls her eyes.

"How can Max and you not see each other while living the same apartment?" I frown at her.

"He was out before I woke up yesterday and didn't come until I was asleep and this morning when I left, he was asleep. So." She shrugs and I nod, wondering how it is really not weird to not see people even though you live in a room right next right to each other. "Anyway, I think I have a friend I want to set you up with. Blind date and all but I can definitely show you his photo. When I showed yours to him, he pretty much drooled."

My thoughts go numb as soon as she mentions blind date and I stare at her with a look of absolute confusion and shock. But I need to speak something to stop this madness.

"You're an amazing friend, Ash. But I don't want to date right now, really not my scene." I tell her, hoping that she'll understand.

She pouts at me, "Oh, c'mon. It's just a date. Okay let's call it hangout. If you like his vibe, then go on a date."

I shake my head, immediately dismissing the idea, "Nope. Nope. And you have my photos?"

I don't remember having a social media account where she could get my photos. I'm just not very big on selfies or photos of myself. She rolls her eyes before shoving her phone in my face where it's a photo of Ashley and I before I took a break from college. She has arms around my shoulder from behind as we are both laughing at the screen. Jeremy took the photo when we all went to lunch. My smile looks so careless, reminding me that back then I wasn't shackled by a ring on my hand.

"Send it to me, yeah? It's a nice photo." I tell her and she nods.

The rest of the day goes with boring lectures as I try my best to not let my thoughts wander off to Friday night, doodling on the margins of my notebook.

After we're done for the day I'm not sure if I should go to office so I sit in the car contemplating going back to being alone in the room back at the mansion or to office even if it's just to sit alone there and do my assignment.

The idea of being alone in a room with my thoughts itself gives me anxiety so I drive up to the Clark Enterprise. I didn't bring anything to change into but I think my white blouse and babypink high-waist wide leg pants will do for the day. My hair are up in a ponytail and I don't feel like changing that either.

After parking in the usual spot that I have discovered, I make my way up to the fifteenth floor where the receptionist gives me a smile. I still don't know her name but since she doesn't say anything I assume that James would be in his office.

I knock on the door even though it's open to make my presence known and James looks up from the file on his table as I enter.

"What are you doing here?"

His question makes me freeze in my spot as I stare at him, not really sure how to answer it. "I thought you said I could come anytime I want?"

He's still frowning at me so that probably wasn't the best answer to give. "Yes, I know. I'm just surprised that you didn't head back home since you have been ignoring me all weekend."

I gulp at his words, feeling a little guilty for brushing aside his attempts to talk to me after dinner last night and during the day when I went downstairs to go sit in the backyard. I didn't have the strength to hold the conversation where he would just end up being stern and rude with me because I really needed the head space to think and make peace with myself after everything.

"I'll just.. uh, leave." I say, turning around to make my way out. It wasn't a brilliant idea to come down here. I could go to college library to do my assignment.

"That's not what I meant." He rushes out, stopping me, "I'm just surprised, that's all. Take a seat."

I sigh, debating in my head whether I need to be dramatic to walk out so I just shake my head before taking a seat across him. He puts a pen between the file before setting it aside as he looks at me.

"Did you have lunch?" He asks and I shake my head. "What do you wanna have?"

I shrug, "Anything will work."

He rolls his eyes at my response before picking up his intercom, "C'mon. Tell me."

"Tacos." I blurt out and he arches an eyebrow but doesn't protest before dialling a number to what could only be to Amy.

"Can you order tacos for us? And just hold the calls unless they are really important."

I try not to comment when he puts the receiver down but can't help it. "I could've ordered it myself."

"She's not going to poison it, don't worry." He looks a little amused and I shake my head. "Officer Dave called."

My body goes stiff at his words and I hold my breath as I stare at him, not sure if I'm prepared to hear what he's about to say.

"Richard paid the fine, the misdemeanour is in his sheet. I talked to Oliver about taking it to fight for jail time but apparently Richard's lawyer would be pressing charges against me for beating him to pulp if we do that. I just want to know what you want to do because it's really your call."

His words almost make me nauseous as I process them. What the fuck is wrong with Richard to threaten pressing charges against James? I appreciate that James has left the decision upon me because personally I would really, really want to take this further up to the court so that he can have some jail time but I knew from the beginning that the chances were slim.

"Let's just settle it down with the fine." I tell him and he scowls at me.

"Why? We have Jeremy for the testimony. If Richard wants to go against me, let him. The most judge will give me are anger management classes and some community duty. Trust me."

I blink at him. He's willing to drive his own name through mud for this? Because it cannot look good on paper that he had a case against him.

"Yes but what's the guarantee that he'll get jail time, Mr. Clark? He's already paid the fine which means he's confessed to the crime. So the judge is going to drop at that."

I just don't want to ever see his face again or hear his name again, that's honestly all I want. For me the most crucial part was reporting it, and letting it be in the record. James sighs as he looks at me but nods nonetheless.

"I am paying the editor of some newspapers to do an article on him regarding his incident. Let's see how well that goes for his business. We'll keep your name anonymous." He explains and I cannot help but smile at that because that actually does sound something that ass definitely deserves.

"Thank you."

He looks at me with astonishment but nods, "Of course."

"Is it okay if I don't help out and get on with my assignment?" I ask him.

"Yes, yes. Just wanted to tell you that your review did well with the board. I had to make some changes, but you got the due credit."

I smile at him, like for the first time I feel like giving him a tight hug for being nicer to me than I thought was ever possible for him, for accommodating to my needs ever since our wedding. He can have his moods but whatever time we've spent together in office, he has been so much better than I expected him to be. I want to thank him for punching Richard, for taking care of me as long as I let him.

But I don't hug him. Because I still don't know how he would respond to it, whether or not the touch will be welcomed. So I just smile at him.

•••

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