James's POV

I haven't seen her for four days, and it seems like torture as it is without getting stuck in traffic on my way to pick her up. Reece offered to drive me, but I wanted to spend time with her alone on the way back. She doesn't say it but I know she prefers when it's just the two of us, her body speaks for her.

It seems surreal to say this, but I've been happily married for almost two years now. I never thought I would use the term 'happily' and 'married' together, but love does weird shit to your life.

To top the running late, I haven't spoken to her since morning. With Alex's absence, I had to manage a board presentation all alone with a follow-up quarterly report. Elena was there, sure, but it's Alex who handles this stuff. That's another surprise, my best friend is hitched to the company's CFO.

I did see Lillian's text and was going to respond to her before my father called me for the meeting. The moment I got free from the work, I rushed to leave to get to the airport. She'll understand it, I'm sure. Somehow, she always does.

When I finally reach after a string of curses, I pull out my phone and give her a call. At first, she doesn't pick up which worries me to hell but then I receive a text of her location which makes me frown.

Once I park, I immediately spot her. I move out of the car, my body moving on instinct as I rush to her, but my excitement dies down the moment I see her face. There's no trace of smile on her face as she looks at me.

"You're late."

Fuck. She's pissed. Nonetheless, I move to her and place a peck on her cheek as she half-heartedly returns my hug. This is not how I imagined meeting her after spending last few days in torture.

"I know, I'm sorry. There was too much traffic," I apologise, meaning it as I take her luggage to keep it in the trunk.

She doesn't say a word to me before taking a seat in the car and I get in the driver's side, turning to her, sighing as the relief washes over me to have her so close to me. She looks tired, like really tired and upset.

"How pissed are you?" I ask, starting the car as I reach out for her hand, grateful when she doesn't pull back. But that doesn't sound like her, she never pulls away from my touch unless she's too damn pissed over something I did. And I haven't managed to do anything close to that in past one year or more, so that's good. She does, however, ignore my question completely. "Lil, talk to me."

"You didn't respond to one single text, James. I called you, you didn't pick up and I—" she looks away, outside the window before sighing and turning towards me again before continuing, "I don't like reaching out to Eve to know whether my husband is alive or dead."

"I know, I know," I quickly say, keeping my eyes fixed on the road as I glance at her, "I'm sorry, I had another meeting today, had to cover up for Alex. It has just been a long day, and I'm not making excuses but I'm sorry. I haven't seen you in four days, and I really can't stand you being mad at me right now."

Her eyes soften a little, igniting hope that this can be resolved right now. She nods at my words, giving my hand a little squeeze, "Okay."

"Okay?" I ask, confirming and she nods again. "How was the flight?"

"Tiring." She shrugs, relaxing back in the seat more. "I feel like I haven't slept in forever."

She looks tired too, more than her usual lack of sleep tired which makes me worry about her. "Are you in pain?"

She shakes her head and I nod, happy that her periods aren't screwing up with her health this time. "Jeremy's coming home tomorrow."

"That's good, Joan too?" I ask, trying to catch up on what I've missed in the last four days.

"I'm sure she is, I was thinking we could host dinner for them, including my friends?"

"Are you sure you're up for it?" I ask and she gives me a look. "I'm just saying, you've had a tiring week, maybe you need to rest. You don't look well to me."

Her face pales at my comment which makes me frown as I glance at her for more than a second. "I'm fine."

"Lil, what is it?" I ask, worry growing in me as I try not to lose my focus to her.

"Nothing, I'm just really tired. I didn't sleep well so I just need to rest." She assures me, and I nod, still a little wary that something else seems to be bothering her.

I don't push it for the rest of the drive home, though. She fills me in on the details of work that went down and I listen to her patiently. Once I park the car in the garage, she moves to the trunk to carry up a part of luggage.

In the elevator, I pull her by my side and she rests her head on my shoulder as I kiss her hair. I knew I missed her, but having her by my side makes me realise the intensity of my feelings for her.

She's about to head for bedroom after we enter the apartment but I pull her back to myself, my hands going to her cheeks as I embrace her lips with mine, kissing her after four days. It always leaves me surprised how much these feelings seem to cloud my head, and as I kiss her after such a long time, I try to remind myself that I'm a lucky bastard who can have this for the rest of my life.

When our tongues meet each other's, my body presses against hers and she moans in the kiss, every cell in my body coming alive at that familiar sound. Only her, only she has the power bring this reaction out of me as I try to convey through the kiss how much I missed her, how much I love her, and also my apology for today.

After a while she pulls back, making me frown and I try to kiss her again as I joke, "Lil, c'mon, love. I'm dying here. You said no to phone sex, video sex, and I've missed you."

She laughs, shaking her head and a relief washes over me to hear her laugh. "I'm tired, need to get my energy for tonight, right?"

The way she grins at me, I can't keep my amused smile back. "I was just kidding; you need to rest genuinely. No action until you're feeling better."

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be like that." She pulls on my jacket as she leans forward to kiss me again, her hand moving down from my shirt to my pants where I catch her hand.

"I thought you were tired," I arch an eyebrow and she smiles at me. "Yes, I know, never too tired to show me you love me."

"See, you've learned a couple of things over the years." She grins and I tug her hair back behind her ear, happy that she isn't pissed anymore. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, now go take a shower, and then tell me everything else I've missed out on." I kiss her forehead and she nods.

While she takes a shower, I resist joining her and take one in the different bathroom. By the time I get out, she has found herself on the balcony with a blanket around her. It's freezing out there but she somehow loves the idea of winters, probably just as much I love the rain. I don't join her out there immediately, instead I microwave the pasta Mrs. George sent with Reece for the dinner.

She's had a long day and she must be hungry. Once I'm done collecting the food, I pick up a wine bottle from the bar in the living area before moving to join her. She smiles at me when she notices my presence before focusing her eyes back on the skyline of the city. Her eyes are lightening up from the same, looking beautiful as ever.

"Dinner?" I offer as I give her a plate and she nods.

"Yes, please. I'm starving," she says before taking the plate as I pour a glass of wine for her. "Mrs. George made this, didn't she?"

I give her an embarrassed smile, "Yeah, Reece brought food from mansion. I was swamped with work to cook by myself."

She laughs, shaking her head as she sets the plate on the table before turning to me, her palm under her chin as she smiles at me. "It's a good thing, you're still terrible at it."

"Ouch, love. That hurts my feelings, considering I made dinner from scratch at your birthday." I remind her and she snickers. "I've gotten better though, right?"

"Right." She sarcastically remarks, taking my free hand in hers as she intertwines our fingers. I understood why she stayed out of the apartment as much as possible because while I'm always busy on the business trips, she's alone here. Now that I've experienced the other end of it, I don't want to leave for those weekends away from her.

She has this distant look in her eyes, like she's deep in thought which is why I speak up, "What's on your mind?"

A sigh leaves her, and she sits up straighter in her seat. Her entire demeanour ends up with me frowning as I look at her nervous face. She clears her throat before speaking up, "There's a lot that happened over last few days, but you have to promise me not to freak out."

"I don't think I can do that when I'm already on the verge of it with those words," my voice is oddly balanced, completely opposite to how that statement made me feel. What could have possibly happened over last few days to make her this nervous, or better yet, why didn't she tell me?

I want to entertain the idea that it could be along the lines of her cheating on me, but I toss that thought as soon as it crosses my mind. This is Lillian, my Lillian, there's not a single disloyal cell in her entire body. I may have my protective side when it comes to her, but those are my own issues because I don't want to lose her – I would never question her for that. She loves me, just as I love her. After spending almost two years with her, I have that much assurance in my life.

"Just know that I didn't tell you immediately because I didn't want you rushing over there, alright?" She starts, taking a deep breath but she really isn't helping my worry right now. "I know you were swamped with work, so I didn't want to add to the stress."

"Tell me, what is it?" I ask, my voice on the edge and she gives my hand a light squeeze.

"I ran into Chloe."

"What?"

I don't even try to lace the shock in my voice as I stare at her in disbelief. How the hell did she manage to run into Chloe out of all people? So many questions cloud my head as I wait for an explanation.

"Yeah, after our call yesterday, I saw her," she speaks but then I gesture for her to go on, so she nods to herself before continuing, "James, she was with her mother."

"Amber?" I ask, still trying to wrap my head around this new information. Honestly, I have no idea what to think. "How do you even know? You have never met her."

"You've shown me photographs from Carrack and her wedding, remember?" She recalls and I nod. "Yeah, so at first I couldn't remember where I knew her from, but then it struck me."

Both these names she's mentioning right now bring painful memories along with them, and to know that she saw them, it just brings out things from the past that I'd rather have stayed buried. I draw her chair closer to myself as I kiss her palm and she sighs from my touch.

"That's it, right? You just saw them from a distance, please tell me that's it." She slowly shakes her head and I look away from her, a series of curses leaving me before I meet her blue worried eyes again. "Fucking hell, tell me what happened?"

She spends the next while explaining to me the series of events that occurred. I swear with every sentence she says, my grip on her hand becomes tighter. How the hell is she enduring the ghosts of my complicated life? She doesn't deserve those shit women telling her off, or troubling her at all. I suddenly feel the urge to go down to the Texas and make their life living hell! Haven't they already fucked things over?

"You punched her?" I ask, clearly surprised and she nods, biting on her lower lip in nervousness. "Why?"

"She said some shit, James. I promise she deserved it." She assures me and my curiosity peaks up.

Although a huge sense of pride runs over me as I imagine her punching that woman. She throws a good punch, I should know. I don't think she realises how strong she has grown physically ever since she has started working out, like really working out. But her body needed it, not just for self-defence but well, sex requires a lot of energy, and we do a lot of it.

"I'm sure she did, Lil. I just want to know what caused you to lose your temper because you're usually very calm," I clarify and she sighs.

"It was something about your mother, okay? You don't want to know."

I feel my heartbeat rising at her words as I stare at her, trying to shake off the worst things that cross my mind as I speak up, "Yes, I absolutely do, tell me."

"God, don't make me repeat those words, please." She requests, looking like just recalling it hurts her.

I pick up her phone from the table before sliding it to her, "Type it."

"If you break my phone, you owe me a new one." She tries to joke, lightening the situation but I'm not having it. Once she's done typing it in her notes, she slides it over to me and I read the words on the screen. My grip tightens around the phone as the words pinch my heart deeper than I thought was possible.

I let go of Lillian's hand as I fist my fingers, looking away from the screen before handing her the phone. She's right, Amber deserved it! I want to say that I'm surprised that Chloe was in contact with her all along, but after the shit she pulled last year, nothing about her actions surprise me. If she could stoop that low, lying to us about her mother's abandonment is no surprise at all.

But it's Amber Madison who irks me off. How dare she approach Lillian and threaten her with meaningless words? She doesn't have shit with her, apart from whatever money she could take from her husbands before my father. But most of all, she has absolutely no business making comments about my mother when she herself doesn't even understand the meaning of one.

I don't think anyone's ever betrayed me in my life like Chloe has, so just the mention of her name leaves me fuming. My father just thinks we lost contact with her over the time when she didn't come back. The lies I've made to save my old man's heart from breaking are built on glass walls which will shatter in a second if she was ever to return in our lives.

"James." I feel Lillian's hand on my forearm as she rubs her palm up and down. "Don't let it get to you, please. I know saying that doesn't help either, but she's just a woman who would do anything to cause harm to you, and it was mere coincidence I ran into them. She's far away from your life now, from our lives."

I sigh, nodding as I process her words because she's right. I turn to her completely, pulling her into my lap as I kiss her briefly. "Thank you."

"For what?" She frowns, pushing my hair back from my forehead through her fingers.

"For punching her, for being there, I don't know just for being yourself?" I kiss her neck. "But please next time you see some shit person from our pasts, just go the other way. I can't risk something happening to you."

She smiles a little, nodding. "I'll try."

"So, what else happened?" I ask her as she starts to slide off my lap but I tighten my grip on her waist as I pull her dinner plate closer to us. I bring the fork to her mouth and she slowly chews on the food before meeting my eyes.

"I fell sick."

"What? Lil, what happened?" I don't care how panicked I sound, but her health has always been a concern for me after LA. She had her periods and got dehydrated, so she could barely keep the food down. I remember how much her energy was drained back then; she could barely stand without feeling dizzy.

"I had a hangover after the drinks," she explains and I immediately relax a little, grateful that it was just that.

"How many times have I told you to keep yourself hydrated? That's why you have hangovers. You have to drink responsibly," I tell her as I give her a look and she sighs.

"Yes, I know. I took as much fluids as possible yesterday but then I fell sick again this afternoon after lunch, threw up whatever I ate."

Her words make me scowl, "What? Lil, did you eat something bad? You should've told me earlier. Have you taken medicine? Wait, is this because you're on your period again?"

I have so many questions clouding my head as I reach for her phone to call her gynaecologist but I refrain from it as I wait for her to explain what exactly happened. Why the hell didn't she tell me? As worried as I am, I'm also a little pissed that she hid it from me. I know I've been stressed with work, but this is my wife, I need to know if she isn't okay.

"I'm not on my period." She breathes, looking at me, and I frown further.

"You're not?" I try to place her last cycle in my head as I stare back at her, because there have only been a couple of times her cycle has messed up. "You should book an appointment for tomorrow, Lil. This isn't healthy, and you shouldn't be falling sick."

"I thought I could be pregnant."

Her words make me pause as I scowl at her, her words making my world seems like it's come to a halt. But then I process it over, she thought she could be! "But you aren't, right?"

"James!" She stares at me, her hands in her lap as she stares at me nervously. "I am."

The fork drops from my hand at her words and I almost laugh it off, until I see the look on her face, absolutely no trace of amusement. "Wait, what?"

My hand around her waist loosens and she rushes to make distance between us, standing by the chair as I try to process her words. That can't be it. I continue to stare up at her, grateful that I'm sitting down for this sudden information. Like an idiot, I wait for her to tell me she's kidding.

When she doesn't, I take in a shaky breath, running a hand through my hair as I let the information process but it feels like someone has built a wall of numbness between me and my emotions, and it seems impossible to reach across to grasp them.

"Are you really pregnant?" I ask, my voice a little breathless and she nods.

Fuck! I don't even realise what I'm doing before I'm getting up from the chair. I start to clean up the plates, my hand reaching out for the wine bottle that I suddenly feel like crashing it against the wall, but I just gulp down the uncomfortable feeling. Once I'm in the kitchen, I hear her footsteps following me.

"That's it, you're going to give me silent treatment and hope that I didn't just confess that?"

She sounds pissed and I frown as I turn around to face her. "Have you not been on the pill?"

"Oh, wow." She scoffs, shaking her head. "Really? We're playing the blame game now?"

What? I scowl at her, shaking my head, absolutely baffled as to how the hell did she manage to reach that conclusion from my question. Maybe the problem isn't what I asked, it's how I asked it. Jesus, I'm losing it!

"No, I'm just asking, it's a simple question. Did you miss the pill by any chance? Because I'm just trying to wrap my head around it."

She glares at me, crossing her arms across her chest, "You can get pregnant even when you're on the pill. It doesn't give hundred percent protection."

"That's not what I asked." I try not to snap at her because she's twisting my words around without getting to the point. "Yes or no?"

"If I say yes, will it turn a blame game then?"

A bitter laugh leaves me as I turn around to do the dishes. "Let me know when you want to talk about this without behaving like a child."

"No." She snaps, "No, I didn't skip the pill. Guess what, James? It doesn't change anything. I'm still pregnant."

I turn towards her, taking in her angry body language. I have no idea why she's so pissed when I'm trying my best to keep myself together.

"No one's blaming anyone, Lillian. We have sex, lots of it. Pregnancy is a consequence, just don't piss on my parade just because you're not ready for this."

"Oh, and you're ready for it?" She laughs humourlessly, glaring at me as I stop doing the dishes and give her my entire attention. "If you're so ready for it, why the hell did you run away?"

If I wasn't pissed before, I'm pissed now. I don't understand why she's acting the way she is, but if she would just for one second stop assuming how I'm feeling, we can sit down and talk about it.

"You're doing what you do best, assuming shit."

She glares at me and I immediately know I said the wrong thing. Fuck! I grab on my roots of my hair before looking at her, my anger simmering down. I'm not mad at her, well, a little mad at her behaviour but mad at life, to be honest.

"Too far, James! You're going way into the past; we don't do that in this relationship." She reminds me and I nod, giving her an apologetic look, because that's all I can offer at the moment.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Just... don't be mad, okay?" Her voice is a little calmer, but still on the edge.

"I'm not mad, I'm just confused!" I tell her honestly.

She gulps, calming down a little, running a hand through her hair before she looks up to the ceiling and then turns to face me again. "My period was due, and I was sick, so Anna suggested I take a test."

"Hold on, Anna knows?"

She nods, "She was with me, she's the one who got me the test. I called you from the stall before going out to tell her but you didn't pick up."

"Is this why you were mad at me when I came to pick you up, because I didn't receive your call?" I ask, running a hand through my hair as I try to come to terms with what she's saying when she nods in return. I start, "Lillian..."

I trail off with that, I don't know what to say, how to feel. How am I even supposed to react? I think I already reacted pretty badly.

"I know, I know. We're too young, we aren't ready."

"You think?" I scoff and a look of hurt crosses her face.

Shit, don't screw this up more, James! It's when I see the tears surfacing in her eyes does my resolve break as I reach my hand out to hers. She's pregnant.

Fucking hell! Just thinking about it leaves me stunned as I gulp, rubbing my thumb on her knuckles as I pull her closer to myself. Lillian is pregnant with our child. There are so many mixed emotions running through me and I have no idea how to word them. I look into her eyes and she seems to reflect as conflicted as I feel inside. She's been sick for two days and she didn't tell me, but this is something else entirely.

"I–" I clear my throat before pulling her into my arms, absolutely hating the useless argument we just had. "I don't know what the right thing to say is, but please just... I want to know how you feel. Are you okay?"

She shakes her head, her resolve breaking as tears flow down her face. "No, I don't know. I just didn't expect this to happen for another five years, at least. But then it was right there in my face, James. I was so scared; I am so scared. I have no idea what to do."

As she continues to cry, I hold her closer, understanding that she's basically giving words to my emotions. "Hey, you aren't alone, Lil. I know this wasn't the plan, but now that it's there in the present, we'll take care of whatever decision we make, alright?"

"You're not mad?" I wipe her tears, still letting it sink in that she's really fucking pregnant. "You were the first person I wanted to tell, but then you didn't pick up, I was so scared."

I shake my head, "No, I'm mad at the situation we're in, but I'm not mad at you, I never was. I'm sorry for saying the wrong things, but it's just so..."

"Overwhelming?" She completes and I nod. "I know, but we need to talk about this, James."

I nod, kissing her forehead and taking in a deep breath afterwards. I think about the possibility about being a father and the idea almost makes me dizzy. She gulps before she takes my hand and leads us to the living room. Without saying a word, she pats the space next to her on the couch and I reach out for the comfort of her touch.

She's really pregnant. Holy fuck. A tiny part of me wants to hold her close, cry my heart out because this is huge, but the other part of me is freaking the fuck out, making me lose my nerves as I want to go in sudden denial about this. That's how fucked up my head feels.

"Well, do you want to keep it?" I ask, looking into her blue eyes that shine with unshed tears.

"Do you?" She retorts but I shake my head.

"Listen, Lil. We're too young, and leave me, you're too young. You'll turn twenty-three in a few months, and that's pretty young. That being said, I genuinely don't know what I want. So whatever decision you take, I'll support that. Because it's you who has to endure the pregnancy. I'll be by your side every step of the way, whether you decide to abort or keep it, but it's ultimately your body that has to go through any of it."

"You won't be mad if I go for abortion?"

I shake my head, not going off-track with our unimplied honesty pact, "Fuck, no! If you aren't ready, nothing else matters."

"And if I decide to continue the pregnancy?"

I think about it, because I don't want to make false promises I cannot keep, but then I look at her face and honestly, would it be really that bad to have a kid that's both half of us? I know absolutely nothing about being a father and it makes me want to lose my shit just thinking about it, but I knew we were going to have children someday. Yes, plural. Two kids.

We talked about it, plenty of times. The first time it was just couple of months after our relationship began so I did freak out, but over the time, I always knew at the back of my head that we would have kids. What I didn't know was that it would be this soon.

So, I sigh at her question before kissing her palm, my eyes boring into hers, "Then I will try to be the best father out there, love. I'm not going anywhere."

•••

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