میں اکیلا اپنی ذات میں
میں اداس اپنے ہی شہر میں

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It had been three days since he left and Jannat was losing her wits.

In only three days, she had cut her finger four times while cutting vegetables. Then she forgot she was making cupcakes, they were black like coal when she took them out.

She out her hair up in ponytail while working in the kitchen when she remembered him.

Whenever she used to put her hair up, he would take out the rubber band and let them loose.

"I like your hair open", he used to say.

Jannat shook her head. He had called only three times at night and not her, he had called his mother and just talked to her because she was sitting with Ammi.

She shook her head while thinking.
"Pehlay tau barra pyaar tha. Ab call bhi nahi hoti insay."

(What kind of love was it? He doesn't even call now.)

Was it because he had gotten what he wanted?

Her mind went haywire while thinking about that incident. She used to think she loved him. Laughter bubbled inside her when she thought about her 'puppy-love'. It had hurt for a long time, then the pain was gone. Had she really forgiven him? Who was he to decide what she wanted and what was best for her?

That night, when he had apologised, she had truly forgiven him. She was just a naive girl, why would she not forgive him?

Then she thought her marriage. She had never thought he would he this sweet. She had always been intimidated by his presence, his aura. Their age-difference enhanced this feeling. But she had seen a very different side of him, how vocal he was about his feelings, how sweet he was. How he would hold her hand why he drove, how he would kiss her forehead after every meal they had together.

He was the perfect husband. Jannat had never been greedy, she didn't want more. She didn't need more. She was happy with him, she'd forget everything else. That night, Azlaan, everything.

When she felt her hand burning, she yanked her hand away to see a dark red spot where it had touched the pan. She gulped.

Was she...was she missing him?

But it had only been three days, why would she miss him?

"Jannat! There's a parcel for you!"

Dua's loud yell shook her thoughts and she left the kitchen after cleaning her hands with a napkin.

In the living room, she eyed everyone's small smiles and mischievous gazes.

Looking at Omar as he winked at her, she opened the main door to see a delivery man standing in the garden with a large bouquet of red roses.

With a shy smile, she signed on his file and then walked inside, trying to hide her face among the tall flowers but her ears met with a loud 'oye hoye!' from the boys and a sigh followed by a 'haye' by the girls.

She walked straight back to the kitchen without looking at anyone.

She opened the card attached with the flower arrangement after smelling them. A sparkling smile graced her face when she read 'Miss me?" written on the white card.

She wanted to jump up and down and scream as loud as she could, laugh as loud as she could.

She picked up her phone quickly, trying to calm herself before calling him.

Quickly pressing the call button next to his name, she waited while biting her nails.

He picked it up at the second ring and before she could say anything, he spoke up,

"Yaad agayi meri mohtarma ko?
(So you remembered me finally.)

Her smile widened.

"Nahi wo tau flowers milay tau menay thankyou kehnay k liye call ki hai."
(Uh no, I just received the flowers so I called to thank you.)

He stayed quiet for a second, the silence stretching before he spoke up,
"Boht buri biwi ho tum!"
(You are such a bad wife.)

He sounded annoyed and Jannat's smile withered down.

"Aap..aap naraaz hain?"
(Are you upset with me?)

"Tumsey naraaz ho kar mai kya karun ga."
( How will I live after getting upset with you?)

She bit her lip again, trying to suppress the giddy smile.
They asked about each other's
health then everyone else's. Then he hung up, saying he had some important work to do.

/////////////

Jannat was frustrated. She couldn't focus on anything at all. She had set almost half of Ibraheem's closet, which she was setting by herself for the first time, when she decided to redo it because she wasn't satisfied.

Half an hour later, she was still folding up the first five T-shirts.

Pulling a used white button down shirt from the hook, Jannat sat on the bed while she tried to stop herself from smelling it.

Exhaling a loud sigh, she slumped on the bed, the shirt clutched to her chest. She could smell it, she could smell his woody scent.

Her closed eyes opened wide when she heard a knock on her door. She quickly put away the shirt before someone saw it.

After being told to come in, Dua came in along with Hoorain.

"Why aren't you coming downstairs? What are doing here alone?"

Jannat was still blushing from her earlier acts,
"Nothing, just setting these.."

Hoorain was quick to say,
"Oooh. Are you acting like those wives in Bollywood films when there husbands go away and they start smelling their shirts?"

Both of them started cackling and slapping their hands together, while Jannat glared at them.
"No way."

Then they pulled her downstairs, while the white shirt beneath her pillow roamed in her mind.

/////////

When Jannat couldn't sleep in her own bed that night, she decided she loved him.

She decided she loved him and then, she silently went to sleep in his bed, in their bed.

With a heavy heart, she lay there in the middle of the bed and held her pillow but it felt weird. She remembered how she couldn't sleep without it before her marriage but Ibraheem had made her used to holding onto him while she slept.

Normally, her head would be placed on his arm and her arms wound around his torso. The heat emanating from his body would soothe her and he would slowly run his hands through her hair.
Did she love him or was she just used to him?

Red outlined her eyes as everyone slept peacefully but she couldn't sleep.

Her eyes shot open when she heard her phone ringing. It was Ibraheem. At three in the morning?

"Hello?"

She heard husky voice from the other side,
"Were you sleeping?"

"No, I wasn't. Are you okay? Is everything fine? What happened?"

She heard him sigh.
"Nothing happened. Where are you?"

Where could she be at this hour?
"..In bed?"

"In my bed or yours?"

She hesitated for a second before saying,
"...Yours."

She could almost feel his satisfaction when he said,
"Do you trust me?"

She nodded her after a second before saying, "Yes."

"Good. Now lay back and what I say. You don't know how much I need you right now, how much I need to hear your moans."

Her breath hitched in her throat when she heard his voice barely an octave above a whisper.

She remembered his awful demands as she shook her head, remembering how he used to carry her from the kitchen to his bed, making lame excuses like he needed her to find a tie or a sock.

Biting her lip, she exhaled a deep breath and lay back on his pillow, hands shaking and her body writhing as she followed his instructions.

////////////

Cries echoed everywhere as the the walls of her house fell into bricks and bones. She was falling, she was crying and she felt like her heart was stopped.

He was dead. He was dead, lying in that white cloth he looked so alive, yet he was dead.

He went away smiling, and he came back dressed in his kafan.

She was screaming. She loved him.

  Jannat woke up with a scream. Her heart thumped in her chest and sweat pooled above her eyebrows as she wiped her tears away.
She tried to erase the thoughts that awful nightmare, trying to tell herself that he was fine, he would be fine.

She starting reciting Surahs. He was coming tomorrow.

///////////////

Surprise!

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