What the fuck happened?? How did I mess it up so early...so badly? What else could I have done...said that would've made any difference?

Lose the word 'belief' and 'believe', for one. Not saying at all that we were meant to meet each other, that's two. All that bullshit about everything's been written down...that's probably the worst for her.

But how the fuck could I lie?! Make up some stupid joke when she's staring at me with that doll, hopeful eyes? Or maybe...maybe I read it wrongly. Maybe she wasn't looking at me the way I hoped she did. Maybe I wanted it so badly that I imagined the entire thing!

Jungkook practically threw the remaining golden liquids from the glass in his hand straight into his throat - swallowing the bitterness of his thoughts. He was perfectly contented, lying down with Lisa in his arms. He imagined perfect days ahead of joking around with her just as before, treating her with so much respect and care, showering her with gifts for the pure intention of her smiles, and ending his nights with the same feeling he had, just 2 hours ago.

What starts out quick...ends even quicker.

Didn't he knew this was coming? He was basking in the glory of the moment. The victory he felt was unlike any other...of having her everywhere, skin on skin. But when she pushed him against the wall with that question, the fear started rising. She even threatened him about their date so what was he supposed to do?

Nothing. There will be no rights, no matter how hard or smart I played it...not with her. She said she wouldn't run. Not even five minutes and she's out the door! Was it that easy for her to walk away from me? Maybe it was just a ploy. Her cunning trick to get away. Maybe it was a mistake for her and she couldn't just simply say it. She was always too secretive...too reserved to be breaking anyone's heart. Am I her punching bag then?

He chuckled disgustedly to himself, grabbing his phone and for the umpteenth time - checking and re-checking if she's Online. Wondering for the thousandth time whether he should text or call. His drunken eyes might have gotten blurry so he decided that he couldn't trust them anyway - chucking the device somewhere on the sofa before glaring at the furniture.

It's probably you. You're the curse - you cursed us! I'm gonna throw you out first thing in the morning - no, fuck that! - let's do this now! Me and you - outside!!

His mind was running wild with curses as he grunts the efforts of pushing and pulling the couch towards the door. Perhaps it was the alcohol's doing, or most-likely Jungkook was just tired. A lot of time had indeed been spent mostly on the thought of Lisa. Where should he bring her and what would impress her...the things that he thought she would like, and all the same, thinking of how real he should act in order to win her heart.

His mother always said, 'be your own self and everyone who's anyone would love you for it!'. He really did do his best to be himself. The positively charismatic Jungkook. The Jungkook who will keep trying until he gets what he deserves. The Jungkook who always looks for a deeper meaning to things. It didn't seem to matter now. It was only a few weeks but it felt like he's been here longer.

Wondering of how else he could've approach her better...wiser. His mind had gone through a wild rollercoaster, trying to get even one foot closer to the beauty that captured his heart with only one glance at a foreign airport. He can still recall what he had thought before...that kinda girl don't come around easily.

Maybe not to me...and maybe not for me. And maybe it wasn't her fault...but it wasn't mine either.

He ended up staring blankly at the sofa that he had blocked the door with unknowingly. What else could I have fucking done?

...

It's the worst feeling, really. Lisa had spent three full days now being miserable with her own pathetic guilt that at one point, she thought that she might need some form of therapy! She left Jungkook's house that night thinking that her emotions were 100% correct but by the time she reached home...it all sank down on how she might be romanticising her trauma a little too far.

He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve a lot of the things that she did to him. And what did he say...that I've been wanting him to fuck things up? He's probably right about that too. It's not fair of me to do that - put him in the spot like that and shouted at him for just being honest! He said he trusted me. I said I wouldn't run.

"It just comes naturally to you, maybe you didn't even realize that you're doing it," Jennie said calmly. Too calm in fact, that it confused her a little. "You're used to keep things to yourself. You've structured this discipline...as if your thoughts and feelings are the only ones you can rely on. It's not wrong...but it's not right either,"

"Yahh...speak human - we don't understand you!" It seemed like the two have switched personalities or something. Jisoo had been the more dramatic since Lisa opened up about what happened with Jungkook - hoping that her unnies could provide her with ways of redemption.

"I knew I was being too hard on him...but I only knew when it was too late," She looked down to her knotted fingers. "It's too soon to be asking that. I shouldn't have asked that,"

"No, it's not. You've been sleeping together..." The elder hushed Jennie but ended up being glared in return. "...and going around like a couple. You were in the moment. And in that moment, you wanted to know what it means. It's quite common, Lis,"

"Yeah, if I was anywhere near ready for it,"

"It's not rocket-science, Lis. Don't tell me you don't believe what he said,"

"I mean...in a nutshell, yes - of course our path is written but..."

"There's no 'but'. See where you're at, how far you've gone and the people around you. You won't be here if it's not for the pain - you won't grow,"

"I wouldn't ended up marrying Jin if he hadn't trip my fried chicken all over the floor when we first met," Jisoo nodded along.

"And you're happy now fighting over what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner!" Jennie laughed. "What I'm saying is...step one, don't deny that what he said was kinda right,"

Lisa sighed, feeling so much like crying over it.

"Step two, don't deny the fact that you made it into a big fucking deal,"

"I did...I so did," Another defeated palm on her face.

"Good girl. Step three, just admit to yourself that you like this guy more than you think you do already cus otherwise, we won't be sitting here, rationalizing things for you,"

Lisa took a deep breath and held it in longer. "Maybe slightly more,"

"No matter - since we're on the topic of telling you the whats-and-hows, you know what else you did?" Jennie cocked an eyebrow, making her nervous. "You shouted at him,"

"Nini, that's probably the main reason why she's here with us -"

"Sometimes I feel like I'm older than you - why is that?" Jisoo scoffed when Jennie's smirk hits her. "The all-too quiet Lisa shouted at the guy she likes...she didn't even shout at her ex! Whether it's right or wrong, you said it out loud so what could it mean?"

Jisoo gasped before cheering excitedly. "Wall's broken!!"

Lisa didn't know why but it made her excited too - grinning to them both like a fool as if she just accomplished a certificate of honour!

"I do - I do like him! That's why I was scared - I was so scared - unnie!!" She began cheering in her sulks. "Shit...what should I do??"

"Just go see him and apologize,"

"He probably already hates me now - how do I fix this?!"

Her unnie just shrugged nonchalantly. "Nah...I won't worry bout it,"

"How would you know - Lis, bring food for the meet. Jin's always smiling if he sees food, no matter what we argued about!" Food...what's his favourite though?

"Don't listen to her. He'll be fine...he'll believe that you're meant to come back and apologize so just let him breathe it out...and don't run!"

It sounded like a tease directed to only her but Lisa kept her spirits up. I can apologize...maybe bring him some snacks - but wait, what snacks does he like?

It dawned on Lisa that as obvious the hard work Jungkook had put in to understand her, she hadn't quite reciprocate the actions that well. Have I been taking his interest for granted? Why the hell was I comparing him with whats-his-name - damn...he really deserves better! 

...

It's alright...it's gonna be alright. No matter what, you'll be alright.

Lisa had been hovering around the parking lot for more than an hour now. The evening's enthusiasms and confidence had been replaced with quivering hesitancy and fluctuating anxiety. Every time she's halfway to the entrance, she would turn back shaking her head - not minding the weird glances thrown at her by the girls in fancy dresses and guys in their strong-scented perfumes, heading for the club.

What do I even say? What will he say? I mean...he did say he wanted all of me, yes, but I think that's gone out the window at this point! Ugh...I should just go back! I can just go back to how it was before right? Pretend that Jeon Jungkook was never in my life?

Flashes of the way he smiled at her started passing through her mind. The teasing, the flirt...his cocky smile and sometimes shy ones. The grins that kept showing his bunny teeth adorably. The way he would tilt his head every time he's smiling warmly...sincerity shown across his beautiful face. And how could she forget, his playful, sexy smirk.

Ugh...he's been nothing but all kinds of perfect to me and look what I did! "That's what you get, Lali! That's what you want, right? Act all high and mighty and -"

The slight whisperings from two girls passing not too far from her side stopped her ramblings. And now you're here, embarrassing yourself - again! Seriously, I practically threw myself at him all the time - what was I being so slutty for?? I was never slutty! Not even for -

"Excuse me, miss,"

She turned so quick that it might have scared the security guard a little!

"Um...are you a guest? Or are you waiting for someone?"

Oh...now I'm being chased away - "I am! I mean..." Lisa thought of running as fast as she could but her feet won't move. "I'm waiting for someone...but he's inside...and..."

"Maybe you can call him? You're kind of scaring the other guests a little,"

Oh please...must be those two just now! What - they haven't been in a dilemma before? Stuck between the decision of embarrassing themselves over an apology or possibly having a lifetime of guilt and regrets??

"I tried...he's not answering," She did try when she first got here. It was one time and he really wasn't answering. She got scared to try again.

"Do you know the reservation name? I can ask someone to call him for you,"

"N - no, that's alright! He's not a guest..."

"A staff?"

"Jeon Jungkook," She muttered out quickly because it felt like an interrogation.

"Oh..." The guard looked a little puzzled before smiling, "And you are..."

She wanted to answer with the word 'girlfriend' but the image of Jungkook laughing bitterly at her stopped the thought immediately. "A friend," That's good enough right?

"That's not a problem then! Let's go, I'll get you to him,"

Oh no...what if he doesn't wanna see me? Then this guy's gonna get in trouble! Lisa began fidgeting with her fingers. "I didn't wanna bother - he might be -"

The guard ignored and cuts her off, nudging her forward and started walking by her side. "We have a dress code but I'm sure he won't mind if you're a friend. He usually lets me know if any acquaintances are coming. He's a little...pre-occupied since evening, so I'm sure he forgot to register your name. My apologies, miss,"

"No, no, that's..." And they've reached the entrance. Lisa's legs began shaking - and it's not because of the blaring music. "Listen, he's probably busy. I'll just give him a call -"

"He's been hanging by the bar, maybe that's why he didn't hear your call. Come!" The guard gave a slight nod to the girl at the reception and Lisa could not have missed the frown on her pretty face.

Stepping into the hallway and its dimmed lights brought her back to the night of the shower - only it didn't feel this scary or nerve-wracking to be under these dimmed alley and flashing lights before! The first thing she glanced at when they reached the main room was the dance floor. It's packed with party-goers, dancing and hopping the sounds of bass tunes.

Everyone's donned stylishly, it makes her feel way too out of place. As if sensing that she might get lost behind if they go through the sea of people here, the guard led her to the corners to walk along the velvet-covered walls - all the way until they reached the bar. Her eyes shifts quickly between the guard who's asking a barista something, to a frenzy - standing against the counter and waiting to be served - and to all the staff working behind it. A few eyes plastered briefly on her but none were Jungkook's.

"He's at room three! Come on!" Her shoulders jumped a little when the guard shouts too close to her ear.

Next thing she knew, he was dragging her by the wrist - back towards the middle of the large room and getting on a staircase that she remembered climbing before. The lights hurts her vision a little so she ducks down and stared on the floor instead. With every steps, Lisa tried calming her loud-pounding heart beat.

It's alright...it's gonna be alright. No matter what, you'll be alright. She began chanting internally again. Just let him breathe it out. Apologize. It's okay if he gets mad. Let him. Apologize. It's okay if he say he doesn't wanna see you, ever again. You can cry about it at home later. Apologize.

A thought came across her when the guard knocked on the door. What if he's busy...with a girl? In that exact moment, she pulled her wrist off from the grip.

"Boss, pardon me," It was too late. He already opened the door. "Your friend is here,"

Lisa looked up frightfully. Jeon Jungkook is standing straight behind the door in his usual black, long-sleeved shirt, the lower half-tucked nicely in his black pair of jeans. His cheeks looked a little flushed and his hair a little dishevelled but otherwise, he looked just as dreamy as all the times she tried not to drool over him.

His expression as he stared at her was serious...unreadable. She began contemplating of just turning around and leave but a few seconds later, she heard him muttering "Thank you". The guard left with an accomplished smile, making her wonder how much of a bonus did he think he'd get by getting her here.

I should apologize later in case he gets the whip!

She stepped into the room after taking a deep breath, braving herself once again and praying that she won't ruin this...again. She closed the door behind her and the music became only fainting melodies. The room is around the same size as the one she was in before, only darker and quieter. A bottle of whisky and a bucket of ice is on the table, and one glass is in his hand.

Still with fidgeting fingers, Lisa took one step forward. "Hi..."

He didn't answer her. His jawline looked tensed as he slowly took a sip from the glass and the way he never took his eyes off from her should be a warning but for some reason, she wasn't scared of what he could potentially do to her. No, the only scary thing about now is apologizing.

"I'm sorry...about the other night," She controlled her shaky voice. "You were right. I was scared," She took one more step closer. "It was petty and I made such a huge fuss over nothing. I'm sorry I ran out when I told you I wouldn't, I take full blame for it,"

She looks down to her knotted fingers, avoiding the unnerving stare from him. It seemed to do wonders to her thoughts.

"There are faint bruises in me...when you said it, it reminded me of all the people who I wouldn't have let go - but they'd let me go in a blink. I disappeared too easily from their lives that sometimes it made me think that I've never even existed! All of my efforts...they seemed like a space between reality and fantasy. When you said what you believed in...I just...I just forgot how far I've come. All I could recall were those lonely nights...and painful memories I dragged around. It was wrong for me, and I'm sorry,"

"You give yourself a golden platter with your everything," His first words sent shivers down her spine. What does he mean by that? "Do you know that I have my golden rules too?" Jungkook started walking around the table, taking the whisky up and pouring it into his glass. "For instance, I hardly drink while I'm at work. Never - since I opened this place - have I gotten more than a glass of liquor. This is the sixth since this evening. My third day in trying,"

Let him breathe it out. Lisa prepared herself for more to come as she knew it would. His stance, his expression, they're all pointing to one word: hurt.

"I'm sorry I can't give you a warm welcome, Lisa-ssi. You drive me so crazy that I can't be too close to you anymore,"

Don't cry. Don't cry. Damn it - don't cry!!

"See the problem with my mind is...it makes me feel all the emotions of a beautiful story between you and me before it even begins. It ruins my reality and by the time I crawl back out, it'll be too devastating. Just like now...I see you standing there, looking so beautiful. And I wanna think that you would finally tell me...that I'm deserving of you. But reality is, you feel sorry...because you give yourself a golden platter with everything and everyone around you. You protect them - you go out of your way to shelter them. But who's sheltering you?"

A tear dropped, no matter how hard she tried to prevent it. No one has ever stood so vulnerable as the way Jeon Jungkook is standing before her tonight. The small, sad smile still contains his honest words. She thought he would shout at her or at least be sarcastically bitter towards her. I really hadn't paid much attention, did I?

"I'm okay, Lisa-ssi. You don't have to protect me...or make me feel good. You have nothing to be sorry about. I was honest with you. So I don't blame you for not being able to trust me - or - or like me the way that I like you. The deal was...you give me a chance and you get to decide. This," He held up the glass. "This is not because of you. This is because of me...and my mind...and my heart -"

Oh, fuck the liquor and take me instead! Lisa rushed so quick towards him and planted a deep kiss on his sweet, whisky-tasting lips. 

...

Jungkook had been preparing to give up on hope. There were many seconds passed when he wanted so much to call his mother - to hear her good words of wisdom that will somehow magically erase the disappointments he carries. But he knew the call would be of no use. She wouldn't have known what to say, anyway. No amount of work could wipe the thought of Lisa so easily, so he turned for help from the only friends that are around. 

Jack Daniels and Jim Beam...they helped his mind to be in focus...somehow. What he didn't think they would do, however, is make him hallucinate that Lisa is here with him - in this dark room with floors and walls shaking with the heavy thumps of bass from outside...clinging to him and kissing him deeply. It took more than a few seconds for him to realize that it wasn't their work at all.

He felt her fingers brushing softly on his neck and the warmth is no longer from the alcohol. Her breath hitched against his lips when she parted. "I'm sorry..." Her big eyes shined as if there are tears she's trying to hold. "...I'm sorry that I ran out. And I'm sorry for the things I failed to realize,"

Oh? 

"I um...I want you around too. For myself...I mean..." She looked completely guileless...and beautifully remorseful. Even in this low light, she managed to take his breath away. "I don't know much about the rest...and maybe um...if you're not angry with me...we can keep seeing each other...and more?"

I dreamt of her more than I've been seeing her. How the fuck can I deny this girl when she says things like these? But then...there's been some heavy self-beating in these past 3 days. If she leaves again, will I even make it out alive? 

"You like making music...and painting," She looked down to his chest as he tries processing why in the world she starts saying these. "And the sunset in Busan. You like to pretend you don't like sweet things, but I know you do. You put so much efforts for the flowers in your garden but you liked to say that you didn't. And you put a lot of efforts with me...and it should be me who's saying I'm undeserving of you...but I want to. So please...stay with me. Only me,"

Jungkook had never received such kind of beautiful pleading before so what was there to even think about? He might have thrown the glass away but fuck if I care! Grabbing her face between his hands, he pulls her lips to his. Tasting her surprise as he scooped her up, he can't help the fireworks in his guts over another triumph. 

Lisa gasped a little when he leaned her on the glass window. "People are gonna see," She whispered, her fingers still twisting into his hair - driving him crazy.

"It's tinted. But even if it's not..." He began leaving feather-soft kisses on her neck. "Your back is a beautiful view, did I ever tell you that?"

Her skin is hot and flushed and he's confident that it wasn't because of the jumper. When she looks up, her eyes glow of soft sparks and excitement. She rubs her nose against his. 

"I miss you," It's the first time she ever said those words. Her small, sweet confession had him grinning like a shy kid.

She's here...with me. She wants to be with me! Finally...all those days obsessing...

"Just so you know, from now on, I'm telling everyone that you're my girlfriend," He planted a quick kiss. "Second...baby..." He kissed her again and she laughed. "I'd do anything to take you here, right now..." More kisses. "But you need to communicate better for this to work,"

He stopped and gazed at her intently. Her shy smile is filled with vulnerabilities and he can't wait to uncover them, layer by layer. 

"I know...I was just scared..."

"I'm scared too...you're the only one that seems to be able to break me, Lisa. Please...no more running. Or if you do feel like it...take me with you,"

He grinned and she giggled - probably recalling her own words. 

"Your place. Now," 

...

*Warning: Mature Content*

Do not read the from here onwards if you're uncomfortable with a bit of erotic scenes.
Here's a summary instead: They *cough* kiss, kiss and make up in the shower. It's a short one but Happy Valentine's Day peeps!!

Disclaimer: The reason behind all my mature content is to give a perspective on how crazy the two characters are for each other, and how it connected them more and more - both physically and emotionally. I tried my best to not be so vulgar in my choice of words, as I want to keep their personalities in check as well. Only read if you're an adult (18+ years) and don't mind reading about a little 'sexy time'.

...

It's such a liberating feeling, as if a heavy millstone has been tossed far away. This beautiful man has accepted all of her flaws so far, and he didn't even ask her to work hard for it. The fragility she saw on him in that room somehow made her strongly believe that this could probably work...and last. I hope it lasts. 

She reached up and clasped his dear, handsome face, kissing him gently and embracing the sweet connection that has somehow led her to here. The warm stream of water does wonder in healing, she thought. With one hand leaning on the wall, he lets her kiss his wide chest and tracing every inch of the art on his arm. Nothing on him disappoints, including the hard, proud member that makes her insides quiver.

"I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that you're back...I honestly thought I messed up," His voice is sad and it's painful to hear. She didn't think it affected him that deeply and again, she felt bad for not paying attention.

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't drink that much...promise me you won't drink that much," Her eyes bore into his, asking for an acceptance of her own apology. 

He nods, as if entranced by the way she stares. His dark eyes are earnest, and when she leaped up to kiss him tenderly, he deepens it desperately. With his lips and tongue, he licked the water from her skin - from her neck...to her shoulder blades...down to her breasts - making her shiver with need. Her hand began exploring his every muscle and when she reached down, she heard his sharp groan. Thrill raced down her spine when his fingers reached her folds. 

"I've missed you...I feel like the luckiest guy on earth right now," Even as he speaks, his hands are cupping and playing with her. 

Lisa's chest is heaving with anticipation, providing all the access for his tongue and need. Pure bliss enters her as he slid a single finger inside, then two - moving them in and out as she tries to maintain her balance. He's perfect...everything about him is perfect. How could I have acted out so stupidly selfish? As if hearing her beatings, he fastened his fingers and brings her to the brink of ecstasy twice - stopping both times as if it was a punishment. A sweet, sweet punishment...

"Kook..." She whimpered breathlessly when she's ready to explode for the third time. He stood straight and kissed her hard again, grabbing her thighs and picking her up. Pressing her against the shower wall, he lowers her onto his hard shaft. His tongue is thrusting in her mouth, taking her breath for every desperate pounds. 

She fists her fingers in his hair and pulls him close, pleading him and showing every ounce of her desire. More...I do want more...with you... Lisa might have said it out loud but she couldn't find it in her to think. She only feels. And right now...the feeling that she knew from him so well came back. He always gave her his all. They came together and he swallowed her moans. 

Lisa couldn't feel her legs working after and with him still buried in her, the warm, massaging water soothes them both. She nearly fell asleep with her head on his shoulder when she heard him whisper, "I want more with you too,".

The light trail of his fingers along her spine always makes her shiver with delight. He always managed to make her feel sexy...beautiful. And needed. 

...