She told me that she loved me by the water fountain
She told me that she loved me and she didn't love him
- Water Fountain, Alec Benjamin

Ellie did not know where she would have to start with 'talking' so she just waited and stared at Quinn. The other girl kneaded her hands and stared at her lap for a little while before looking up at Ellie. There were tears in her eyes.

"I'm a lesbian," she confessed, "and you're the first person to know."

Even though this was more than just a little surprising to her, Ellie merely nodded and gave Quinn a reassuring smile and a nod while she waited for her to continue. Quinn paused for a moment and then took a deep breath. When she spoke up again, the tears had left her eyes and it was very audible in her strained voice that she was desperately trying not to cry.

"I've known for some years now," she continued, "I figured it out quite early despite the... efforts of my parents to keep me away from... things like that."

Suddenly, the conversation they had in the bus made a lot more sense to Ellie. 'I really want to' she had said when Ellie suggested standing up for LGBTQ+ people; 'I'm just... scared'.

"You mean...?"

Quinn nodded miserably.

"They're homophobic," she said, "not the worst kind. I don't think they'd kick me out or send me to conversion therapy or some cruel shit like that. But... it would really put a strain on our relationship. That's why I want to leave as soon as I can. So I can be free. So I can be myself."

"Speaking of relationships," Ellie remembered, "what about Dash?"

"I love Dash, I really do," Quinn smiled a sad smile, "but only as a friend. He's... I guess you could call him my beard. He's a great guy, he's just..."

She fell silent.

"A dude?" Ellie offered and Quinn nodded.

"It would break his heart if he knew," she sighed heavily and then looked up again, "he doesn't know. None of my friends do. As I said, you're the first person I've ever told about my sexuality."

"I'm very grateful that you trust me enough to tell me," Ellie offered some reassurance. She knew how important it was to make the other person feel like their coming out was appreciated by the person they had just told. Quinn smiled again through her tears but this time it seemed a little relieved.

"I'm sorry for lying about all this," Quinn gestured between Ellie and herself.

"All of this?" Ellie echoed, mimicking Quinn's hand movement, "What do you mean?"

Quinn's face took on a startled expression, as if she had just realized she shouldn't have said anything at all. Ellie knew pressuring Quinn would not get her anywhere, so she pat the mattress next to her and waited until the other girl had taken the spot. Quinn immediately hugged her knees to her chest, she looked a lot smaller than she usually did. They sat in silence for a little while, Ellie's gaze lingered on Quinn attentively. Finally, Quinn began to speak without looking up.

"I-i lied to you... about a lot of things."

It was obvious that this confession took her a lot of courage and was not easy for her.

"I..." Quinn inhaled sharply and wiped over her eyes, "I don't even know where to start so that it doesn't get all confusing and chaotic."

"I don't mind that," Ellie said gently, "just talk to me, I'll listen. And if I don't understand something, I'll just ask, okay?"

Quinn nodded and wiped her eyes again, her head still hanging down.

"Growing up, I was always very open with my parents, we had a great relationship," she recounted, "I grew up relatively sheltered and didn't know about gay couples for the longest time. I think I was thirteen when I saw two women kissing in Lone Pine and pointed it out to my parents with childlike innocence. My mom just grabbed my arm and pulled me away and then she said something like 'don't look at that, it's disgusting'."

Quinn let out a choked sob. Gently and very, very slowly, Ellie put one of her hands on Quinn's hands. The latter did not pull away, which encouraged her to keep her hand right there.

"When I got a little older, I started to explore the internet and somehow ended up on social media forums related to LGBTQ+. I... I felt so at home right away on those pages, like I had finally found where I belonged. And now that I knew that this was actually a thing, I noticed that I also developed crushes on girls — only girls."

Quinn took a deep breath before continuing her story.

"I never even really considered coming out," she said, "I knew my parents' outlook on gay people and to have a lesbian daughter... they would hate it. So I kept it a secret and... started distancing myself from them. That's why I need to get out of this shit-hole. All the people here are so small-minded, most of them are sour old homophobes and the majority of them would probably be happy to see me moving out if they knew about the real me."

Quinn looked up at Ellie with red-rimmed eyes.

"It's hell," she whispered, "and I know I'm privileged, for fuck's sake. I've got everything other people would want. Nice parents, a big house, a great place to live in, even a handsome boyfriend who loves me. But... sometimes I feel like I don't have myself."

She paused.

"Does that make sense? I'm not very good with big words."

"It does," Ellie assured her before gently redirecting: "but what did you lie to me about?"

"You mean apart from the fact that I'm a raging homosexual?" Quinn laughed an unhappy laugh and dropped her gaze again, "I'm a horrible person."

"You're not," Ellie said kindly but Quinn shook her head.

"Don't say that, you haven't even heard why I think that," Quinn took a deep breath and then, quickly and almost unintelligibly, muttered: "IwantedustohateeachothersoIwouldn'tfallforyou."

"What?"

"I wanted us to hate each other so I wouldn't fall for you," Quinn repeated more slowly.

"I understood you just fine the first time," replied Ellie, "but what?"

That actually made Quinn chuckle a little.

"Saying it out loud now, it sounds absolutely ridiculous."

"It does," Ellie agreed with a soft smile. Quinn smiled back shyly, then spoke up again.

"When my parents told me you and your parents were coming... — they did that quite early, so when I told you I was angry at them for not telling me, that was a lie. So, when they told me, I just... I couldn't help but... without even knowing you, I..." Quinn sighed, "I developed a crush on you. I know it's crazy, I didn't even know you! But my imagination ran wild and I was so excited to meet you and I found myself imagining telling you... — maybe I was just desperate to be able to tell anyone and I projected all of that onto you."

Ellie truly did not know what to say to that. She looked at Quinn with big eyes, waiting to hear the rest of the truth.
"But then I realized that, well, I hadn't even met you yet and that I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. I guess I got scared of my own feelings and was still terrified what would happen if anyone found out. And I thought that we wouldn't have a chance anyway with my parents and the whole village coming for our throats," Quinn grinned sheepishly, "besides, I didn't even know if you liked girls as well."

"I understand that," Ellie said sympathetically, "when I started discovering my feelings and my sexuality, it was terrifying as well. It took me a while to accept it, even though the people around me weren't homophobic."

"Thank you," Quinn sighed, "well, my response to those thoughts was to push it all away. I told myself I shouldn't even try to get any sort of relationship with you, friendship or more, that it was hopeless and that I should stay away from you to make it easier for myself. And when you arrived, you were... amazing. I looked at you and was just like 'wow, she's really here'!"

"And then you acted rude towards me to make us hate each other?" Ellie recited Quinn's confession from earlier. Quinn nodded miserably.

"I thought if you thought I was rude, you would be rude back to me and I could hate you in peace. But no matter what I said, you were still kind and tried to get us to get along so many times. And I just couldn't hate you, no matter what I did," Quinn began to cry again and pulled her hands from Ellie's soft grip to wipe her tears, "I tried not to fall in love with you, I really did! But instead I just acted like a complete idiotic asshole and hurt the both of us with my behavior. When I realized how awful I'd been, I thought it was already too late. And I was still scared to come out, even though I knew you weren't straight either. So i came up with what I told you the first time I apologized."

She now started full on sobbing, hiding her face in her hands.

"I am sorry!" She insisted, "But I was so scared to screw this up and I was terrified to come out. I shouldn't have lied, I know! I'm so, so sorry!"

Her words were choppy with sobs and gasps and towards the end of the sentence, she could hardly speak.

Perhaps this was the moment at which Ellie should have recognized why Quinn had called herself a horrible person, perhaps this was the moment at which she was supposed to recoil and be offended for being lied to. But all she could see when she looked at Quinn was a scared girl who had never been able to be herself. Who had panicked when it came to the feelings she was never allowed to feel, let alone openly display. Quinn was not malicious and she was not hateful either. She was just scared. Scared of letting anyone in, scared of the reactions of her parents and other people and scared of her own feelings.

Ellie reached out to Quinn and gently touched her knee. The other girl recoiled and buried her head in her knees.

"It's okay," Ellie said quietly, "I'm not angry at you."

When she got closer this time, neither of them pulled back and Quinn allowed the other girl to gently hug her. For a while, Ellie just held her without speaking, the only sounds that interrupted the quietness were Pasta's snoring and Quinn's choppy sobbing.

"I forgive you," Ellie whispered, not because she thought there was anything to forgive but because she felt Quinn needed or wanted to hear it. Indeed, she could feel the other relax in her arms a little bit and after a few more minutes, Quinn raised her head. Her eyes were red and blood-shot, her nose was runny and there were tear-trails over her reddened cheeks but all Ellie saw was the raw, the real girl underneath the mask she had put on for the past years. Quinn had poured her heart out to Ellie. New they were both ready for a fresh start, a new chapter.

This time, it was Ellie who initiated the kiss. She gave Quinn more than enough time to pull away but Quinn leaned closer and as their lips met, they both closed their eyes. The kiss was more gentle this time, no more lips crashing into each other, none of the rashness of their first kiss. Quinn's lips were wet and salty with tears and when Ellie cupped her face, her cheeks were damp and hot against Ellie's cold skin. Quinn inhaled sharply.

"Your hands are freezing," she chuckled, which made Ellie smile as well.

Quinn clearly was an experienced kisser and knew how to move her lips but when she finally let go of her knees and scooted closer, Ellie noticed that she seemed antsy and unsure of herself. Her hands were trembling a little as she shyly placed them on the other's waist.

Their kiss slowly came to an end, fading out until they were just looking at each other, still in the same position, noses almost touching.

"I..." Ellie said, at the same time as Quinn bursted out a "we...". They both stopped and giggled, until Quinn nodded encouragingly at Ellie.

"You go first."

"Thanks," Ellie smiled, "I just wanted to say that I think we have some more things to talk about. You know... because of all this."

She gestured between herself and Quinn and the latter nodded.

"Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing."