I did the first thing that came to my mind. I went to his Uncle's place, but when I got there, Science told me that he had gone out. It was really strange, because he really wasn't one to go out. He was mostly an indoor kind of person. He didn't really go out, except it was a family outing or he was coming to my place. I was clueless on where I could go to, so I simply waited for him, but he didn't turn up and it was becoming late. Science had suggested I went home and spoke to him the next day at school.

But, it became almost impossible to meet or jam Soma in school after that day. It was like, he simply disappeared from my sight. I'd rather say life, but life sounded too deep. It was really scary. I had asked the triplet on several occasions and they'd tell me when last they had seen him, and when I get there, there'd be no trace of him at all. It was like everything I knew about Soma had become a dream. I was going nuts.

But then, I couldn't just let my plan go down the drain. John and I had speedily become the school power couple. We became almost everyone's topic of discussion, and our IG account followers had skyrocketed. Zara still sent me death glares whenever she saw me, and sometimes called me either a 'slut' or a 'wrecker'. Her words used to hurt me, but whenever they do, I remind myself what they all did to Art and other student who didn't take their life out of frustration. Day my day, my anger became stronger, and John trust in me became deeper. He say things like 'I Love You', 'You don't need to say it back to me, 'cause I'd wait no matter how long'; he'd say silly things like those and make me wonder, 'How quick do people actually fall in LOVE?". Because, to me love isn't just an emotion. It's something deeper, it's very powerful. It is really hard to explain with words. It's like there is someone who holds your heart, and any slight mistake can cause you to have burning needle like and extremely painful feelings that weakens the soul and body, almost driving a person insane. It's so hard to explain. So, I keep on wondering how easy it is for someone to fall in love. I had been there, and I don't really think I want to ever be there again.

I let my lips spread into a faint smile as John was saying things I wasn't paying attention to. I wished he could just shut up, but I kept my smile on as I cut him mid-sentence and asked him, 'What's your deepest fear?" It was like everything within John, shut down. I could see him tense up real bad, as he kept quiet like he neither had heard me nor had been talking. I was really determined and was lowkey tired of playing the game I was playing, so I asked again, "I said, what is your deepest fear, John?"

He cleared his throat and looked away, stared into the sand around the tree we were sitting under behind the school building and then at me. "It's embarrassing and you probably wouldn't believe me," he let out with another sigh as he looked at me and tried to not look away or embarrassed.

I smiled warmly at him. I didn't smile because I wanted to help him relax or be comforting, I smiled because it was funny to know that he understood what I had felt all these while or what that day had felt like to me, but still went ahead and said such things to me. "Come on, we all have an embarrassing truth," I said in a really calm tone as I placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me with doubt in his eyes, but I smiled and said, "I don't judge dearie. It's not my thing." I shrugged. I was truly one to not judge, but John and whatever squad he had were an exception.

John nodded to my words, but didn't say anything. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to rush him and give him all the time he needed. I cleared my throat and was about to stand us when he busted out, "Failure."

It was like every hair in my body rose up. I paused for a while, starring at nothing but the sand as tears began to slowly roll down from my eyes. So he had been in my shoes all these while, but treated me like a useless liar who didn't know anything. "And a lot more things. Or, rather than saying failure, I'd say my parents. I'm just scared of doing anything that would make the disappointed, they'd kill me," he added in low tone.

I sniffed and cleaned my eyes, adjusting myself on the chair. "What do you mean?"

"My parents are really strict. And, not your normal kind of strict." He paused for a while, then continued, "They want me to always be on the top of the class, want me to always be this and that. And, if I don't, I get punished. Not just your random punishment. They'd ..."

I cut him off by saying, "Excuse I'm going to use the toilet." I didn't wait for his reply, but I was about to walk further I paused and added, "Don't wait for me. 'Twill take more than a while." As those words left my mouth, I could feel eyes tingle as tears threatened to come out, making me to itch at it. I hated when I cried, it made me feel weak and I hated feeling weak. I had to be strong. Really strong.

I was about to turn to the front of the building when I saw to juniors peeping at a corner. I was about to ignore them and keep on heading to the toilet, I couldn't bare anyone seeing me cry. But, something keep on getting me curious, especially when I heard a faint 'Senior Soma'. I don't know how, but before I knew it, I was close enough to hear their conversation.

"I really wish they'd both end up together," The shorter one said.

"Yeah right, like Senior John and Senior Ella," the other added.

They had been innocently gossiping, but I didn't know why I felt so offended and jealous. I was feeling so hurt, even though I shouldn't. "Isn't break over?" I said in a really low deep voice, through gritted teeth.

The both jumped in surprise, almost jumping out of their skin. They both apologized and went to their class, giving me a chance to look at what they were peeping at. And lo and behold, Soma was about to Kiss Zara. And right there and then, it was like my heart was shattering.