ELISE SWAN

"the real crime is going after the broody teenager when there's a perfectly good dilf. you know, dad i'd like to — ow! i was going to say feel, have you seen his face? have mercy on my poor cancerous soul."

"yer a vampire, carlisle! now you say, 'i'm a what?' and, action."

SUNSHINE INCARNATE

CARLISLE CULLEN

"she's a beam of light trapped in a world of darkness and i will cling to her like a moth to flame until she inevitably grows tired of my persistence."

"how many poptarts can you eat in one day, sweetheart? i'm a doctor, i promise you, whatever answer you're going to give me isn't the healthy one."

HOT DILF DOCTOR

BELLA SWAN

"please do my math homework for me, i'd honestly rather self-combust than answer another calculus question."

"you can't die. it's el and belle until the end of time. how am i supposed to exist in a world where you don't?"

LITTLE SISTER

JASPER HALE

"i don't really care for people, sunshine, but you're an exception. don't give me that look — i take it back."

"he's spent three centuries missing you and he hadn't even met you. he'll spend the next three lovin' you just the same."

BEST FRIEND FOREVER
(AND EVER)

CHARLIE SWAN

"i'm just saying: he's older and richer and maybe he can pay off your medical bills. no harm no foul. he's good people...and his bank account is a nice bonus."

"i like you, i do, but that's my little girl. she's been to hell and back and if i find out you've caused her more harm, just remember i'm not afraid to make you a missing person."

WORLD'S BEST GRANDMA

ALICE CULLEN

"insinuating i'd meddle in my father's love life is a terrible accusation. on a completely unrelated note, how'd the date go?"

"how can one person own this many flannel shirts? it has to be illegal. i'm calling charlie, you're spending the night in jail for crimes against my eye sockets."

MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL

EDWARD CULLEN

"i cannot emphasize this enough: please, please stop thinking about carlisle's southern regions. oh, great, now she's laughing."

"how can one person swear so much in one sentence? you're deplorable, swan."

THE ALL-POWERFUL
EDWEIRDO OF OZ

ROSALIE HALE

"i've known carlisle a long time. not once has he been truly happy. not until you."

"before you say yes or no, just know that emmett and jasper made a bet on how long it would take you to agree, so please, for my sanity, don't let emmett win."

APHRODITE'S DREAM GIRL

EMMETT CULLEN

"shit shit shit shit shit don't tell esme please, i owe her nine windows already."

"you're a real dead weight in our friendship. get it, because you have terminal cancer?"

HULK, SMASH

LEAH CLEARWATER

"fuck literally everyone else in the universe. all i need is you, me, and a pack of cigs."

"you're my best friend, don't let Mr. Constipation take that title from me."

TEEN WOLF

ESME CULLEN

"carlisle is my best friend. there isn't a person on this planet better suited to him than you, sweet girl."

"emmett cullen, if you don't put that down, i will make sure you regret it! oh, sorry, elise, i didn't see you there. are you — EMMETT PUT IT DOWN! — hungry at all? i can whip something up."

MAMA BEAR

JACK COLLINS

"truthfully? i thought i'd get bored after a few decades. but an eternity with esme is simply not enough time."

"there is far too much debauchery occurring right now, i'd like it to be over. oh, elise, close your eyes, you don't need to see this."

THE BRITISH ARE COMING