YOU ALL WILL LOVE THIS CHAPTER!

I think.

I mean I loved it.

Tw: Vomit, a reference to child abuse, language.

Wolffe was... less than pleased with his current assignment of training the cadets that would join the 104th.

So when someone offered to do it for him for three rotations, he eagerly agreed. And he got to train their cadets?

Win win.

He got a break, and his cadets got a change of pace. They had practically been begging for him to be less strict, so this was their opportunity.

Karina would say that he skipped down the hallway to his temporary assignment, but he absolutely did not. Commander Wolffe did not skip.

He walked quickly.

If that.

Wolffe pressed the button to open the door and slipped inside. Perhaps these cadets would be ARCs. Or future commandos. Or-

Or... perhaps they would be literal children.

Wolffe stared blankly at the group of seven kids, faintly noting that they looked to be around five years old. They were all tussling in the centre of the room, letting out shrieks of joy.

Wolffe cleared his throat. "Cadets."

None of them looked up.

He set his jaw and crossed his arms. "Cadets. I will be your temporary instructor-"

"You aren't happy!" one of them in the back screamed.

Wolffe huffed. "I am perfectly happy. I am in a-"

"No!" he shouted again. "Happy! Our big friend!"

"One: don't yell at me." Wolffe raised a finger at him. "Two: I already told you that I'm your temporary instructor. And three: Happy is not your 'big friend' he's your teacher."

"Happy's our big friend!" Another one started tearing up, lower lip trembling.

Wolffe didn't respond to that. Instead he looked at his datapad. He had been sent the cadet's schedule by Happy.

Curse you, Happy.

"Looks like we start the day with... circle time." Wolffe sighed heavily. "Get in a circle."

The children all cheered and scrambled around so they ended up sitting next to their friends. There was enough room for Wolffe left, so he sat in their circle.

"Now, we will discuss favourite adjectives and how you discovered them," Wolffe ordered. Learning Basic was an important developmental step.

"That's boring. I hate you," said the cadet on Wolffe's left.

"Happy says hate is a strong word and not to use it," the one of Wolffe's right said.

"Sorry," the left one muttered to Wolffe. "Sorry I hate you, but you're boring. That's my adj... edge... edgingtive."

"Adjective," Wolffe corrected. "And I don't care if you hate me. I'm not here to be your friend."

A cadet sitting across from Wolffe frowned. "You don't 'ave a lot of friends, do you? I do! That's why I'm named Friendly! 'Cuz I'm friendly."

"Good for you. Now-" Wolffe tried to steer the conversation back to adjectives.

"Wait!" Friendly gasped. "If I'm named Friendly, does that make me an edgy tif?"

"Adjective. And no. You're a clone, not an adjective," Wolffe answered. He pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to the one two places down on his left. "You. Favourite adjective. Go."

"Balls."

Wolffe scowled. "What?"

"Balls," the cadet said again.

"That's not an adjective. An adjective is a descriptive word," Wolffe tiredly explained.

"Well this game is balls," the cadet angrily said, crossing his arms.

"This isn't a game. It's an exercise," Wolffe lectured. "And where did you even learn that phrase?"

"Someone came'ere yesterday. His name was Stinker."

Wolffe perked up. "Sinker?"

"Yeah. Him." Balls cadet nodded. "When's this game over? It's balls."

"Stop saying balls," Wolffe ordered. "And again, this isn't a game."

"Balls!" Friendly screeched. "Balls!"

They all started chanting balls.

"No. I said not to say balls!" Wolffe resisted the urge to facepalm. "And maybe we should move on."

A small child clambered onto Wolffe's lap, pressing their faces together. He whispered, "I need to go pee."

Wolffe shoved him away. "Then don't climb on me! Go to the refresher!"

"Happy usually takes us. He says it's because we get lost a lot, but I think it's because he doesn't want us getting lonely." The cadet that needed to pee started dancing around. "I need to pee!"

Wolffe gritted his teeth. "Fine. I'll take you to the 'fresher." He stood up. "The rest of you, don't leave this room."

The pee cadet grasped Wolffe's hand. "Happy says not to let go of his hand so we don't get lost."

"Fine." Wolffe gave the cadets he was leaving behind one last filthy look. "Don't leave this room."

"Yes, Not-Happy!" One of them saluted.

"I'm Commander Wolffe." Wolffe started leading the child hanging onto his arm out of the room. 

They walked down the hallways with the cadet looking around wide-eyed. Wolffe sighed and pointed ahead at the 'fresher. 

"There it is. Make sure you wash your hands," Wolffe reminded him. He shooed the younger clone away and leaned against the wall outside as he waited.

"Hey, Wolffe. What are you doing?" Warthog asked as he walked towards him.

"Find Sinker and tell him if he corrupts the cadets again, I will make him be a training dummy for my cadets," Wolffe commanded. 

Warthog snorted. "Corrupting the cadets? How bad can it be? They're nearly finished their training so I doubt it's anything they haven't heard before." 

"Wolffe," Pee Kid whined from inside the 'fresher, "I need help."

Warthog's eyebrows went up. "Who the kriff is that?" he whispered to Wolffe.

Wolffe ignored him. "Kid, are you sure you need me? I really don't want to go in there."

"I need help," Pee Kid begged. "Please."

Wolffe pushed off the wall. "I'm coming." He entered the 'fresher and showed great restraint by not facepalming. 

The child was standing on the sink, tears running down his face. He was frantically pointing to the corner, sobbing.

Wolffe inspected the offending corner. "It's a spider."

"Tricks said spiders crawl inside you and steal your lungs!" Pee kid screamed again as the spider moved.

"Does his name not mean anything to you?" Wolffe demanded, stomping on the spider. "You done?"

"Y-Yeah I went pee."

Wolffe rubbed at his cybernetic eye. "Did you wash your hands?" 

"Yes." 

Wolffe sighed and herded him out of the 'fresher. Warthog was still standing there. He looked at the kid expectantly.

"I'm training the cadets," Wolffe explained to him. "The younger cadets."

"Ah." Warthog looked delighted. "How's that going?"

"Great," Wolffe sarcastically said. "I just took a kid to the 'fresher. What could make this any better?"

"What's your name, kid?" Warthog asked, kneeling.

"Kid," the cadet proudly said.

"Why?" Warthog questioned, eyes flicking up to Wolffe.

The cadet heisted. "Because... that's what everyone keeps calling me? You just did it."

"Because I didn't know your name. You gotta pick a real one." Warthog ruffled his hair. "You can do it."

"But I like Kid," he stubbornly said.

"You're not gonna be a kid forever," Warthog said, smiling softly. "What happens then, huh? Everyone's gonna treat you like a baby for the rest of your life."

The cadet deflated. "Aw, you're right. What should I be named then?"

"That's your decision," Warthog told him. "But it can be anything you want."

"I'm Adult!" The cadet decided. "When I'm all grownup, everyone will know it!"

Warthog frowned. "Sure, I guess."

"Come on, Adult," Wolffe said, holding out his hand. "We need to go back."

Adult latched on and let Wolffe tug him along until they reached the room again. Wolffe opened the door and-

"Cadets!" Wolffe sharply said. "What are you doing?"

"Tricks stole my nose!" Friendly cried, snot and tears running down his face. "He won't give it back!"

Wolffe's shoulders slumped. This was going to be horrible.

Meanwhile, Wolffe's cadets were having the time of their lives.

Happy had brought snacks with him and started the day with circle time. Bones had chosen to take an early nap break and was snoring in the corner, while Happy told the others a story.

"How long are you with us?" Mistake asked after Happy finished the story.

Happy grinned. "A couple of days." 

"Is it weird that I kinda miss Wolffe?" Sparks whispered to Fizzle.

Fizzle rolled out his shoulders. "In a strange way, I do too. He pushes us past our limits. Happy just... gives us snacks and stuff."

"I wonder how he's doing," Sparks absentmindedly said.

"Alright, let's go down to the cafeteria for lunch while the vomit is cleaned up," Wolffe tiredly said. He counted the heads of the cadets. One, two, three, four, five, and six.

Wait.

There was supposed to be seven.

Wolffe counted again, trying his best with everyone running around and weaving between his legs. Yet, he only counted six again.

"Who's missing?" Wolffe put a hand on Friendly's shoulder so he'd stop running.

Friendly frowned and looked around. "Adult is here, so is me. Tricks is there. Moon is with Trick, and Wiggle is next to him. That's seven."

"That's six," Wolffe corrected, rubbing at the sides of his head, fighting back a headache.

"Seven!" Friendly held up three fingers.

"I'm teaching you how to count after lunch," Wolffe told him, patting his head. He started searching the room again, trying to find the seventh cadet.

There.

He could see brown hair peeking out from behind Adult.

Wolffe pointed to the last one. "Who's that?" he asked Friendly.

"He doesn't have a name yet." Friendly looked sad at that. He glanced back up at Wolffe. "He can't talk. Happy says he's... mooot."

"Mute?" Wolffe gazed at the boy as he stepped out from behind Adult, only to duck behind Trick.

"Yeah. That." Friendly bobbed his little head before joining the others.

"Line up!" Wolffe shouted. "Single file! We're going down to the cafeteria while Wiggle's vomit is cleaned!"

The all more or less gathered in a straight line, with the nameless one in the back. Wolffe let the one in front (Moon) lead the way to the cafeteria.

"Hey, kid," Wolffe softly said to the one in the back. "Has Happy taught you any sign language?"

He got a hesitant nod in response.

Wolffe hummed before staring down at his hands. He sighed and tried his best.

"I know little." Wolffe struggled to properly do the movements.

The kid perked up. "Hello."

"What's your name?" Wolffe titled his head as he tried to remember the little sign language that he knew. "Your name... what?"

The kid shrugged, having not yet decided. He smiled at Wolffe and held his arms out for a hug.

Wolffe awkwardly let the kid hug him. He even went as far as to pat him on the back.

"Everyone grab a tray and come back to me!" Wolffe loudly said to the cadets as they entered the cafeteria. He found an empty table and waited for them. Once they were all back, Wolffe silently stood over them as they ate, daring anyone to mess with him.

Everyone kept a wide berth around their table, except Karina.

She walked straight over, giving Wolffe a bright smile.

"Hey, Wolffe!" Karina happily said, kissing his cheek. "Where were you at breakfast? I got worried."

"Sorry," Wolffe mumbled, pulling her out of the cadets' earshot. "I got stuck with these kids. It's been chaos."

"Do you need help?" Karina wrapped her arms around him.

Wolffe leaned into her embrace. "Very much so."

"Too bad I'm busy," Karina mournfully said.

Wolffe held her out at arms reach. "You-"

"Don't swear in front of the children," Karina chided. She waved at them cheerily and stood on her tiptoes. Wolffe got what she was doing and bent at the knees slightly so she could kiss his forehead. "Have fun."

"Save me," Wolffe quietly said as she walked away.

"Wolffe. Wolffe. Wolffe. Wolffe. Wolffe."

"What is it?" Wolffe whipped around to glare at Adult.

"I need to pee."

Wolffe looked to the ceiling. "After lunch we'll all go together so I don't have to take a trip with anyone again."

"I need to go pee!" Adult insisted.

"Can you wait?" Wolffe tiredly asked.

"No. I need to pee!" Adult shrieked. "I will pee my pants if we don't go right now!"

They were starting to get weird looks thrown their way.

Wolffe's shoulders shook as he silently sobbed. "Alright. Let's go."

But before they could walk away, someone tapped on Wolffe's shoulder.

"Yes?" Wolffe let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm here for the rotation? Happy said you were taking over for him."

"Yes. Please. Do it," Wolffe desperately said. 

"Great. You'll be taking my place for the rest of the day. I'll message you the directions."

So Wolffe skipped-

No.

Wolffe didn't skip.

He walked quickly.

Anyways, he went down the hallways, following his newest set of instructions. He was filled with glee. It couldn't get any worse than what he just-

Wolffe stared blankly at them.

There were little infants swaddled up and in their basinets. 

Wolffe nearly sunk to his knees with a scream. But he didn't. He was stronger than that, and baby would defeat him.

Wolffe could beat a child.

No.

That didn't sound right.

What he meant is that in a battle of wills, he would be victorious.

Wolffe picked up one of the babies and bounced it, wrinkling his nose when it promptly vomited on him. Perhaps he bounced it a bit too roughly.

Then it started crying.

Wolffe vowed that after this day, he would no longer take his own cadets for granted. He wouldn't give them an easy way out of anything, but he'd be nicer to them.

"Wolffe? I was told to find you here by someone named Happy?" Karina knocked on the door frame. "My shift ended, so I can help now."

Wolffe thrust the infant into her arms. "Take it. Make it stop crying."

"How was your day?" Karina gently asked once she got the little one to stop screaming.

"Shitty. I've seen too much vomit," Wolffe said. He impatiently waited for her to put the baby down before he wrapped his arms around her in a suffocating hug.

"So you're going back to your cadets?" Karina asked in amusement.

Wolffe nodded. "Absolutely. This has been horrifying."

Karina's lips thinned and she swallowed. "Wolffe... Don't you have to do this for three rotations?"

Wolffe groaned. "I forgot about that."

"You've got this," Karina confidently said. "I believe in you."

"I need to brush up on my sign language," Wolffe muttered.

Autocorrect did some horrifying thing this chapter and I don't know why. So if you see ANYTHING that seems like an error, please let me know.

Please.

I'm lucky I remembered to edit this and caught the countless terrifying errors.