"Well?" he asks.

"Well, what?" I look around the room.

"You got something you want to talk about. I can see it all in your face."

"I'm good. Nothing here."

That's a lie.

"I won't push you. But when you want to talk, I'm here." He rubs his hands together. "Now, let's eat!" He sits up. "What do you call this? Shock-u-tray?"

I laugh. "Boy! Charcuterie board." I grab my plate, adding apples and cheese and crackers and nuts. Taking a bite of a crisp green apple dipped in peanut butter, I pull up the file on my laptop and push the screen in front of Troy. "Here are my designs, take a look." I tell him proudly.

He takes a bite of a cracker topped with turkey salami and cheddar. "Let me see what you got." He pages through the file. "This one is nice. 'Thick in all the Right Places' with the font in the shape of a coke bottle. I can see a lot of girls wearing this one." He continues paging through. "This one is nice too."

My phone rings and Phoenix's face pops up on my screen. "Let me take this," I tell Troy before getting up and walking away.

"Hey, babe what's up? Miss you." I gush, my heart overflowing with love.

"Ari, babe! Just checking in. How are you and the baby?" he asks.

I look down at my baby bump and rub. "We're good. Everything's good now that I hear your voice." I smile. "Where you been? I called yesterday."

"Yeah, that's what I want to talk to you about."

"Huh?" I nearly choke on my own saliva.

"My girls!" He sounds ecstatic. "They arrived earlier than expected. Got in yesterday, to be exact. Ari, I can't wait for you to meet them."

I cough. "Oh. Well, I figured something was keeping you tied up. I just assumed it was Windsor Court."

"No! I meant to call you back right away, but I lost track of time. It's been almost a year since we've been in the same room together, they're so big now. We have so much catching up to do. They're all grown up and intelligent. They have their own opinions. I'm just so proud of them." He beams.

"Huh. That's . . . that's great! And?"

"And Nora stopped by. The girls. They cried, seeing their mom. Made me realize how tough boarding school is, with them being so far away from us."

From us?

He's talking like their still an item.

What's happening here?

I don't know, but I don't like it.

"Oh. Yea," I reply in a muted monotone.

"Just need some time to let them get settled in and we'll have the talk. And don't worry. When Nora stays over, she sleeps in a separate room."

"Oh. Yeah? Separate room, huh? Wait! So, she's planning on spending the night?" A stinging sensation sparks at the tip of my nose.

"Ari, I'm so lucky to have you. You're so understanding. Thanks for standing by me on this. You have no idea how hard this is on me."

Oh, I have an idea, alright.

"Hey, dad! You coming to play or what?"

The phone gets clumsily muffled, as if Phoenix was startled by the question. He's saying something but I can't make it out.

Why muffle the phone to begin with? What is he hiding?

My heart sinks.

He gets back on the phone. "That was Nala, asking if I'm going to play Jenga with them."

"With who?"

He laughs uncomfortably. "You know, the girls and Nora."

"Oh! So, she's right there, right now?" I nod repeatedly, like I've suddenly got the shakes.

"Ari." Phoenix pauses. "Ari, babe. Please. Let's not do this."

The nodding won't stop. "What? Let's not do what?" There's hurt emanating from those words, I clearly hear it, but it registers as if it's far, far away. As if it belongs to someone else. Cause I don't feel a thing. I'm cool.

No, you're numb.

"Babe, come on. You know I love you. All I want is you. There is no one else, but you, Ari."

"Then why is she there and not me?" Something wells inside of me.

What's this feeling?

"Babe, you know why. You know everything. We've discussed this a dozen times. It's not gonna be easy, but we're gonna get through this."

My head has a mind of its own, it won't stop nodding. "Will we? We will, right? Right? We will."

Why can't I seem to catch my breath?

"Please don't cry."

"I'm NOT crying." The first tear breaks away.

"Please don't cry. I hate when you hurt. Tell me what to do."

My breath seems to evade me. "I—I don't know. I don't know if I can do this." My palms get clammy. Tears fall in quick succession, rolling down my cheeks, landing near my toes on the white oak floor.

"Fuck!" He breathes deeply. "I knew this was gonna happen. I fuckin' knew it . . . Fuck!"

A door creaks open. "Dad?" The other daughter enters the room. "Is everything OK?"

His tone lightens considerably. "Oh hey, Nadia. Everything's fine. Be right out." He closes the door.

Through shallow bursts of breath, I manage to say, "Hey. Just stay there, Phoenix. It's obvious they ALL want you there. I gotta go." I abruptly hang up before he can say anything else.

The phone rings. I take in a deep breath. It's Phoenix calling back. I press the "Ignore" button.

I can't believe this shit!

He calls again.

How could I let myself get mixed in this? He has a whole family!

Again, I ignore his call.

Why can't I catch my breath?

Just breathe.

I can't do this, right now.

I turn on "Do Not Disturb" on my phone and throw it into my sock drawer, before grabbing a napkin off my dresser to wipe my nose.

Oh, God! Troy's still here!

Looking around as if I'm searching for a place to hide, I tuck myself into the bathroom and turn on the bathtub and sink faucets to run water.

Behind the curtain of rushing, running water, I cry. Silently. Swallowing all sound. I allow myself to be alone with my thoughts. To face whatever, I'm feeling?

Looking through the bathroom window, I can tell it's getting late. The sun has set and Nora will be there with him to welcome the night.

Night is for lovers and babymakers. Night covers your nakedness like a blanket and allows you to share it freely with your lover as you kiss and frolic and rub and fuck. And Night doesn't tell, it keeps your secrets from ever touching the light of day. Night keeps two competing lovers from ever fully knowing truth about their place in his life . . .

Ohh, that burns. It cuts deep.

My vision grows fuzzy as that thought plays on repeat, against my will. I want to destroy that thought, but it keeps bouncing back. I can't breathe in deep enough.

Night is for lovers and babymakers. Night covers your nakedness like a blanket and allows you to share it freely with your lover as you kiss and frolic and rub and fuck. . . kiss and frolic and rub and fuck . . . kiss and frolic and rub and fuck . . .

Then it dawns on me, there's something more there. Something more sinister. Something else unsettled, nestled deep down inside that disturbs me, even more than this.

What I heard today was who he was, with them. It was who he was, without me. And he was happy. He was happy without me.

I cover my eyes and allow the numb, dull aching pain to flood my everything, everywhere. With each rush of tears, the pain goes from barely there to completely unbearable. The levee breaks and tears flood my highways and streets and creeks and homes and neighborhoods. Nothing is left untouched in the wake of this tsunami.

I lean back against the bathtub, crouching, crying, hugging my legs, hiding my face from myself.

How could he be so incredibly happy with them?

I bite down angrily as the tears refuse to stop. I bite down because there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing, but take it. I'm forced to accept this or walk away and lose everything.

That fucking bastard. If only he had told me in the beginning.

Would you have stayed?

At least I would've had a choice.

You can't win this way. Remember a hot head will lose every time.

My baby will know and love her father. We will be a family. A happy family. She won't grow up like I did.

Yeah, let's focus on her. She won't hurt like you have. She'll know her daddy.

Yeah.

I take a deep breath and exhale.

Yeah.

I wipe my nose.

This too shall past. It will work itself out. It will be fine. Just trust, Ari. It will be OK.

I wipe my eyes.

Slowly, the spinning grinds to a halt. With each breath, the pain gets less and less.

Gotta let him do what he needs to do. He needs room right now and so do I.

I get up and splash water on my face before wiping it clean. I turn the bathtub and sink faucets off. Everything seems to calm down. I wipe my face again and reapply my makeup. A little extra liner should distract from my red eyes and a little more foundation should cover the redness of my nose. I give myself a good once over before going back to Troy in the Great Room.

"Hey you." I greet him hoarsely.

"Hey. Everything . . . alright?" He has questions in his eyes. "It's been a minute. I looked through all the designs. Found three I think we should move forward with. We can discuss this now or later." He pauses as he tries to read me.

"Oh," I wave him off. "I'm sooo good, right now. But you know, I'd love to pick this back up when my mind is fresh. You know?"

He agrees. "Gotcha. Hey, wanna watch a movie or something?" He pats the seat next to him on the couch. "Like old times? Maybe order pizza?"

"Like old times?" I drop down next to him, my legs and arms both tensely crossed.

"Hey!" He puts his arm over my shoulders. "Here, come here." He pulls me close and rubs my back. "I got you." He smiles as he rests his chin on my head. "I got you." He picks up the remote and turns on the T.V. "So, what are you in the mood for?"

"Something light? Something funny?"

"I can definitely do comedy." He tucks a strand of stray hair behind my ear. "That's better."

******************************************

Is Troy down or what? Stories, I want stories of friends of the opposite sex who have come through for you when you needed them the most. Please share! Curious minds want to know! :-)