"Peanut butter is past the baby aisle," the store clerk informs me.

"Thanks. New neighborhood, new grocery store. Gotta get used to it, right?"

"Right. Let me know if you need anything else." The young girl turns back to stocking the shelf with canned soup.

I get to the baby aisle and instead of ignoring it and passing by as I normally would, I go down it. Never went down this aisle before or maybe just never paid attention to it. A tall thin brunette reaches for baby formula. Her little girl, no older than eight months maybe, reaches for her hair.

"Oh my goodness, she so adorable." I compliment the mom.

The woman looks down at her baby smiling. "She's a handful. But so worth the trouble!" She coos the baby. The baby babbles back.

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you," she replies with a smile.

I walk past baby bottles, teething rings, baby cookies, baby wipes, jars of baby food and so many other things I have no idea what they're for.

So much stuff. They need so much!

How am I supposed to know when to use what?

What is she gonna be like? Will she be fun and bubbly like that baby?

Ohh, I hope she's not fussy.

At least you're not going it alone. You have Phoenix and Mama and Mia and Penelope.

I step away from my cart to pick up one of many brightly colored rubber paddles? BabyBum? The directions say to use this with diaper cream.

See what I'm talking about?

Taking my iPhone out, I look it up and watch the ad for it on YouTube.

Oh, I get it now.

Tucking my iPhone in my handbag, I walk out of the grocery store and get in my car.

You'll get the hang of it.

Will I though? Will I?

Before I know it, my journal and gel pen are in hand.

Journal Entry 640:

Baby Brain or Baby on the Brain?

I wonder about you, incessantly

You are a universe, so much unknown to me

Yet you take up space within my body and mind

I'm filled with worry, but also expectation of the divine

What are your thoughts, right now?

What awareness have you reached?

Where is the line drawn, separating you from me?

The mystery and awe of life comes in your wake

As we hold our breath and anticipate

The hurricane of change that will surely come

Not sure if I'm enough or even strong

To hold you down as you'll no doubt need

To lift you up in your esteem

To push you to dare, to inspire you to dream

To fulfill your potential, my little growing seed

What will you be like? My curiosity is peaked.

Will you make me proud? Will you make me weep?

Will I stand tall when I say your name?

Or bow my head in regret and shame?

Good parenting, no, it's not guaranteed.

But I will try, I will do everything

In my power, with what I can

I'll give my all, I'm your biggest fan.

Your cheerleader, your unmoving wall

Your support, if ever you should fall

I'll catch you always, my little one

The job has been accepted, and it's never done

Closing my journal, I click my gel pen and tuck them into the glove compartment. I start my truck and pull off.

Forgot your groceries!

I brake, right before turning out of the parking lot and merging into traffic. A horn honks an unconscionable amount of time. The driver speeds off angrily.

"Really? It's that serious?" I honk in retaliation.

No cars behind me, I back my car back into the parking lot and jump out to rescue my runaway cart. It's right where I left it, in the baby aisle. I look around and quickly assimilate as if I never left before heading to check out. The line is long. I finally get to the front and the salesclerk begins ringing up my grocery.

Forgot the peanut butter.

Geez! This baby brain stuff is real!

"Hi," I slap my forehead. "I forgot peanut butter." I point behind me. "Mind if I go get it while you ring me up?"

She nods.

"Be right back."

A few people behind me moan and complain. It doesn't help that the peanut butter is in the furthest aisle from the line. But my cravings for decadent organic peanut butter straight out the jar are too loud to ignore. 

Peanut butter pancakes sound downright delish, right now. 

That's right, give baby what she needs.

I make a run for it, dashing down the aisle I snatch up the first jar I see. When I make it back, the nice clerk is standing there, waiting for me. People are getting upset as I excuse my way to the front, past them and their overflowing shopping carts.

Out of breath, I look around and whisper, "Sorry!"

She shrugs and smiles. "It happens."

***

"OK, so you have the time for the appointment? It's at 2pm. You'll be there right?"

"Whatever you want," Phoenix replies. "I just thought you wanted me to stay away from your doctor's appointments?"

"I did. I do! It's just that this one is important. We're going to find out if it's a boy or girl today, so it's kind of a big deal, you know?"

"Well, how do you want to do this? Do we go together or you're not ready for that yet?"

"Let's just . . . arrive separately you know. Actually, you know what? I'll ask if you can use a back entrance or something. There has to be a way in without anyone seeing you. Like a non-public entrance?"

"Ari, babe. It's not that serious."

"Phoenix, there are at least two to three women sitting in the waiting room every time I show up for my appointment. Someone will see you and recognize you. And they'll know we're together. You're in the society section of the paper all the time and you've been in the news a lot lately with the Windsor Court project, remember?" I roll my eyes. "Too many people know your face."

He laughs. "Well, how do want to do this?"

I'm thinking you should get there early and wait in one of the exam rooms. When they call me, I'll meet you. How does that sound?"

"I'll do it this time, but I won't be doing this forever, Ari. It's starting to become too much. Like you're ashamed to be with me or something."

"Phoenix, that is farthest from the truth. I'm just . . . trying to protect myself. My reputation. And yours! You know the deal. You're still married in the eyes of the public. And you're too high profile to play the baby mama game. You're a freaking pillar of the community. We don't want to ruin your squeaky-clean image. You might want to run for Governor or something one day. We have to do this right."

"Alright. Alright. I'll be there."

I kiss him before heading out to work.

***

Sitting in the plush salmon-colored doctor's office, I flip through a magazine as I wait for my name to be called. Sure enough, right on time, they call me. It's why I'm so glad I switched to Dr. Cooper. She's prompt, friendly and thorough.

"Well, hello Aria! You're coming along nicely."

"Hi Dr. Cooper! Thanks so much for doing this. For going through all the trouble."

"No prob. Phoenix is waiting in Exam Room 3. I'll meet you there in a sec."

I knock on the door labeled Exam Room 3. "Phoenix?"

"Come in."

Recognizing his voice, I open the door. "There you are." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I greet him with an intense, yet soft kiss. I wipe my gloss off his lips as he sits on the cushioned stool, rubbing my hips. "Were you waiting long?" I ask.

He smiles pleasantly as I continue dropping light, sweet kisses on his lips.

A knock on the door interrupts us.

"Just a sec." I call out, quickly maneuvering to change into the open-back hospital gown laid out for me. I get up on the table with stirrups, resting each foot into the contraption. "Come in."

Dr. Cooper comes in and closes the door. She takes a seat on the only other cushioned stool. "Alright. We're here for one thing and one thing only. Let's find out if it's a he or a she! Oh, this is one of my favorite parts!" She smiles as she slips on exam gloves. "Phoenix got to play doctor for a day." She elbows his direction playfully. "Entered the office through the authorized personnel entrance like a true VIP."

Phoenix laughs sheepishly.

"No, it's wonderful finally meeting you. I've been watching the coverage on the, what's it called? The Windsor Court development. Very exciting stuff! And an enormous undertaking. I don't know how you do it. But that's why I'm a doctor and not a real estate mogul, right?"

"We all have our part," Phoenix replies. "You know, I can make your office the preferred OBGYN for the residents in Windsor Court. Maybe we can strike some sort arrangement?"

Watching them network is fascinating.

So, this is how deals get done? You just like someone and find a way to buy what they're selling. Huh!

"Wow. I would love that!" She nods. "Can we discuss the details over coffee or lunch, the three of us?"

"Absolutely." Phoenix agrees.

I look between them both. "That would be great."

https://youtu.be/450p7goxZqg

"Let's put something on the schedule after this appointment." Dr. Cooper adjusts her glasses and tucks a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. "Hey, is that "All of Me" by John Legend playing overhead?

Phoenix and I laugh.

"Yeah, that's it. You play good music in your office."

Dr. Cooper laughs. "A bit romantic. If you ask me." She elbows Phoenix. "But hey, I'll take it." She takes out the ultrasound wand and squeezes a clear gel-like substance on my bare belly.

"Cold."

"Aw, come on. You got this," she chides. Dr. Cooper places the flat end of the wand into the gel and spreads it around on my belly while looking at the monitor.

Immediately, we all hear the sound of water gushing back and forth, and a heartbeat.

Out of pure surprise, Phoenix and I laugh simultaneously.

"Wow! That's our baby!" My smile stretches to both sides of my face.

Phoenix holds my hand and rubs my arm.

"See, here. There's the head. Two hands. Two feet. Here's the belly." Dr. Cooper continually adjusts the position of the wand. "Let's see if baby will cooperate today. Show us what you got." She moves the wand, searching. "Ah! There we go. See that there?" Dr. Cooper smiles as she points to the monitor. "Why you're having a baby boy!" The look on her face is one of satisfaction.

"A boy?" My eyes grow impossibly wide. "A boy." My eyes tear up.

Phoenix looks at me like a proud papa. He laughs as if he's about to cry. "We're having a boy. A baby boy. How about that?" He leans his forehead to mine and kisses my nose.

"You two look ecstatic. Congratulations! I'm going to get some pictures printed for you. Be right back." Dr. Cooper gets up and leaves the room.

Phoenix grabs a small black duffel bag. "I have something for you." He unzips and it and rummages through it opening and closing one box then another. "Here it is." He holds a black jewelry box. "I wanted to mark this occasion with something truly special. I've been searching for this for at least a month now. I bought one of each just in case."

"What? What is it?" I ask super curious.

Phoenix opens the black box. The heart pendant inside shines a rich, brilliant cobalt blue. "It's a Kashmir blue sapphire. Of the highest quality. One of the rarest stones in the world! A full carat." He beams.

"Phoenix! It's blinding." I gulp. "This is for me?" My nose stings and the tears I was holding back, drop uncontrollably. "Life is . . . incredible with you." I hug him tightly. "You're just . . . amazing, Phoenix. And we're having a boy! A baby boy. He's gonna be just like his daddy! You're one and only son. Our son! I can't believe it!"

He nods. "My first and only son. Our boy! How about that?" Phoenix smiles through his sniffles.

We smile through tear-filled eyes and kiss. My heart seems to swell with an incredible joy. One I've never felt before. It's as if a helium balloon has been inflated where my heart used to be. There's a wonderful lightness and cool breeze blowing within. I laugh.

"This is crazy." I shake my head. "Never did I think all this would come from the one night I met you." I get up and put back on my clothes.

"I didn't see you coming either." Phoenix can't stop showing those perfectly straight, white teeth and that gorgeous smile. Seeing him so exuberant takes my breath away.

I slip my closed toe heels on. "You're beautiful." I rub the side of his face.

Phoenix holds my hand and stares into me, beaming.

Dr. Cooper knocks.

"Come in." I reply.

"Got these packaged up nicely for you." She hands me a brown craft envelope filled with ultrasound stills. I hold the envelope to my chest. "Thank you for this. It means everything."

Dr. Cooper pretends to lay one on my chin. "You're absolutely welcome. Be sure to schedule your next appointment at the front desk."

Phoenix snaps his finger. "Almost forgot. Coffee. When's a good time?"

"You free tomorrow?" Dr. Cooper asks.

"10 am?" I ask.

"I can make that," Phoenix replies.

"It's a date then!" Dr. Cooper says before shaking Phoenix's hand. "So great to meet you! I look forward to working together."

"Thanks for helping us out."

"Which reminds me. You two can take the authorized personal entrance to leave. If you want to leave together. Here let me take you." Dr. Cooper peaks her head out the door and looks down both sides of the hall. "Come on. This way." She takes a right out the exam room.

We follow and find ourselves in the physician parking lot.

"Got it from here. See you tomorrow? 10am?" Phoenix asks.

Dr. Cooper nods. "See you then." She waves and walks back.

"Come on. Where'd you park?" Phoenix leads the way to his black Range Rover. He opens the passenger door, before letting himself in.

"Still the consummate gentleman, huh?" I tease.

Phoenix gives me side eye and shakes his head as he puts on his seatbelt.

He stops at my truck.

"See you tonight?" I ask, hoping he's free.

"I can stop by for a few hours, but I have the girls tonight."

"OK." I inhale. "Something is better than nothing, right."

Phoenix cocks a half smile and leans over to kiss me before I exit his truck. 

************************************

Hey Loves, this concludes Chapter 12. Do you agree with how Aria is hiding? Should she not care and just let loose? 

Remember, tap that STAR! It makes me smile like the Joker. Seriously, ear to ear :-) Until next time!