chapter four
power & control.

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"Maybe i'll just read," she whispered to herself, rubbing her cheek to rid of the tears that had spilled once she reached her bedroom door. "I fucking hate reading though. I have no books. I have a picture book."

She sat on the floor, the light from her lamp showing her the dark wetness on her shins from the glass scraping against her. She didn't feel the stinging sensation until she saw the blood and the small shard of glass sticking right above the hem of her sock.

She didn't realize she got scraped. She didn't realize a lot of things. Like the man on the phone or the broken remote lying on the carpet. Seeing the glistening red tinted piece of glass, she went to touch it. She felt it move beneath her layers of skin and sucked in a breath at the weird feeling. She could've sworn she heard the sloshing of blood. Moving over slightly, Agent Coulson sliding with her for she was on her cardigan, she positioned herself under the bulb of the only light source in the room.

Her fingers slid slowly down her shin until it reached the piece of glass. She took a deep breath as her fingers held the glass and she pulled it out quickly. It was smaller than she expected and not as deep as she thought yet a small leak of blood spilled out as soon as the glass had left.

Agent Coulson who laid beside her, trying to provide comfort her was quite tired and couldn't help but sleep, woke up with a start at her wince and small squeak. Tears fell down her hand and onto the poor cats ears.

Agent Coulson, named after her dads favorite marvel character ( which she thought was quite silly but she understood ), was getting quite old. So old to the point that she couldn't stand up for too long and wouldn't eat. The woman downstairs chose to ignore it, getting mad at the cat instead of helping her. Juno figured it was because it was the last living thing of her fathers that held the two together. Without it, they might as well not be around each other anymore, besides the fact they were connected by blood and Juno was only a year away from being able to legally move away. They never really clicked or talked to each other anymore.

The cat made Juno sad.

A knock at the door made Agent Coulson wake up and Junos blood run cold. She gently grabbed the kitty and put her on her bed before covering her legs with a blanket and laying back.

"Juno?" the woman whispered, looking into the room carefully. "Juno are you sleeping?"

"No mama," she gulped. "Just sitting down."

Her mother walked into the room, turning on the light making Juno wince and hurriedly cover her face which thankfully covered her tears.

The woman apologized, turning off the light and relying on the small dim lamp to help her navigate throughout the room. She sat on the floor next to her daughter and put a hand on her thigh. Her heart broke when Juno moved away.

"Juno," she said. "I didn't mean to throw it."

But you did. "It's okay mom."

The woman hummed and leaned back on her hands and pet the sleeping cat. She looked around the oddly empty room. Her posters and photos were taken down, everything was put away neatly hidden, it was like it was a guest room or something. The only thing that made it noticeable that the room was occupied was the journal and necklaces on the side table with the messed up blankets on the bed. Her phone was in the middle, a pair of headphones not far away and there were red slippers by her bedside.

The woman sighed, not knowing why the feeling was so weird. The feeling of the oddly empt room of the girl who always had so much. So much feeling so much things, it was weird.

"Juno-"

"I'm going to go to sleep mom," she interrupted, trying not to sniffle so the woman wouldn't notice she was crying. She moved her legs up and the woman squinted her eyes before she gasped.

"Juno you're bleeding!" she exclaimed, Juno winced at her loud words.

She shot up quickly, scaring her poor cat and forgetting about the tears she had tried to cover, and immediately started shaking her head. Panic arose in her chest as her mother shot up and ran out of her bedroom. She didnt know if the woman was mad or sad or panicky like her and without the absolute answer she felt like throwing up. She cried harder but did not dare make a noise and though she scolded herself and pinched at her bare legs to make herself stop she couldn't help but cry the more she got angry. All that happened was that the tears fell faster and more formed. She blamed it on her mother, her crying when she was angry. It was her mothers curse that was passed onto her from her mother and from her mother before that and her mother before that. 

She hated it. 

A little panic vanished when her mother turned on the light, which made her groan, and walked in with the first aid kit. She told her to sit on her bed sternly and her swaying from side to side as she waited for Juno to get comfortable reminded Juno that her mother had been drinking. The older woman was so good that Juno didnt know if she was drinking all the time that this was her normal personality or could just handle her alcohol. 

Her mother took off her socks, one bloody and one not, and threw them in her hamper. They both looked down at the gash that was still bleeding and Juno had to look away. She caught sight of her cat making herself comfortable on her little bed beside her closet ( that was a dog bed because she didnt like her other things. ) and her heart warmed at the sight. The cat made her sad but she loved her deeply. 

"Was this from the bottle," her mother whispered, squeezing her foot subconsciously for it was nearest to her. Juno didnt like the feeling, it sort of hurt.

"No," Juno said, sniffling and holding her breath so her voice wouldn't crack.

"Don't lie to me Juno," the woman said. 

"If you know its from the bottle why ask?" 

"I need to hear you say it," she said. 

This woman was weird, she thought before she cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. 

"Yeah its from the bottle." 

Her mother sighed and began to clean it so she could wrap it. Her eyes filled up with tears and Juno looked anywhere but at her. 

"You know I would never purposely hurt you Juno," the woman said, wrapping her injury so she wouldn't bleed out. "I didnt mean to do this." 

"I know," Juno said, still refusing to look at her. "It was an accident."

"And it will never happen again," the woman completed, cleaning everything up before sitting next to her on her bed. "I am sorry baby love." 

"It's okay mama," she said as her mother cupped her cheek. She leaned into her touch and closed her eyes before her mother brought her into her arms and kissed her head. 

"I love you," she spoke, Juno winced at the smell of alcohol on her breath and her chest began to burn yet again. 

"I love you too," she mumbled. "I have to go to sleep." 

"Okay okay," her mom nervously chuckled before standing up and gathering the first aid. "Goodnight Juno, Im sorry." 

"Good night mama."

When her mom walked out of the room, she sniffled before she picked up her phone and dialed a number. Feeling confused with herself she didnt bother trying to find her super hidden journal to write everything she was feeling out. She had hidden it for when she was to leave, so her mother or Miguel wouldn't find it again. Her mother made her sad. 

She was hoping for a voicemail yet a 'Hi Juno' was heard on the first ring.

"Hey Eli," she whispered, not expecting him to be awake. His voice sounded as though he never even went to bed.

"Hi Juno," he repeated softly, sitting at his desk with a book in front of him. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she breathed, she didn't know why she was still crying slowly and she didn't know why she felt out of control. It wasn't like she was out of control but she felt like she was and she didn't know why and she didn't know if it made any sense. "Why are you still awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," he shrugged, though she couldn't see it. "You sound like you're crying. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I feel. . .trapped, I don't know if that's the right word," she mumbled.

"Explain it to me," he replied, standing up and laying on his bed to stare at the blank ceiling. Without the distractions of the things around his room maybe he could listen better.

"Um. . .I want to leave. I feel like maybe if I leave then this feeling, this- this sadness and anger and confusion would leave me and I would be fine. And I want to blame my dad and my mom but I think it's all just me and I don't want to blame anyone else anymore and I don't want to push it all off and pretend I want to leave just for fun. I want to have a new feeling, a feeling like the one I felt when we kissed the first time. I think leaving might give me that feeling."

She spoke fast, but Eli caught every word and though he could not process and analyze each one or know where they had come from, he came to a quick conclusion and when she came to a stop he waited in case she had something more to say. When it was silent, the only sound being their breathing and the occasional sniff from Juno, she felt slightly infuriated with herself.

"I'm sorry Eli," she whispered angrily, though none of the anger was directed towards him.

"For what?"

"For telling you these things," she replied, they both didn't know why they whispered but none of them stopped.

"I like that you told me," he spoke. "It makes me happy to understand now, even though I do not know what makes you sad or angry but to know you feel these things is enough."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It was silent again as they both thought. They were comfortable in the silence and Juno had stopped crying and there was nothing but a burning in her chest that made her heart ache.

"Hey Juno?"

"Yeah Eli?"

"Do you want to leave tonight," his voice got a tad bit louder and he winced, scared someone would hear.

"What about everyone else? Won't they be mad?" she questioned.

"Yeah but they'll get over it," he mumbled. "I can come pick you up."

She was quiet and Eli sat up in his bed. He caught sight of himself in his mirror and frowned at his reflection. His hair disheveled and one of the sleeves of his sweater rolled up, his basketball shorts were not straight so he stood up to adjust his clothes, rolling his eyes at himself.

"Let's do it," she finally said as he brought a hand up to brush through his hair.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll be outside in 10."

ouch