Chapter 16: Liam

Wowee 

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I didn't sleep at all that night. I just lay there, staring up at the seemingly endless stars. My mind was plagued with never ending thoughts. I didn't do anything wrong did I? I did what anyone would, right? Did I really put us all in danger? I mean, we were in danger, sure, but was it really my fault? 

I stayed awake long enough to watch the fire slowly die, to listen to Kate mummer in her sleep, to hear the morning birds and watch the sky slowly grow lighter. 

I watched Reid wake, and after exchanging pleasantries she retreated to the woods to relieve herself. Not long after that I started to hear what sounded like distant crying coming from the forest. Hoisting myself up with a grunt, I go to investigate. Following the sound, I came across a stream. Crouching next to the steadily flowing water, was Reid. 

She was hunched over, her hands in the water. She….no, he kept pouring water onto his head as stifled sobs escaped his mouth. He tugs and pulls at his snowy locks, cursing under his breath. 

"Reid?" I ask, walked up to him. He doesn't acknowledge me. 

"I can't…I cant…" He chants. I realize with a start what this is about. Back at home he would slick the tuft of long hair at the top of his head back, leaving the fuzzy, shaved sides alone, when he was a he. But to signal his change to a woman, he would simply let his hair down and style it however he liked. But now, as he was no longer a she, he couldn't slick it back. He had no gel. And the only thing the water was doing was making his bushy hair wet and gray. 

"Hey, hey, hey." I kneel next to him. Tears stream down his cheeks, his knuckles white as they squeeze the roots of the hair he can't slick back. "What's wrong?" I ask, knowing the answer. 

"I can't…keep it back. Liam, how will they know, if I can't keep it back." He says, his voice cracking with emotion. 

"Who? Us?" I ask. He nods tentatively. "Oh come Reid. Your hair doesn't control what gender you are." I touch his chest, right over his heart. "That does," I move my hand to gently pry his grip from his hair, then place my hand on the top of his head. "And this does." 

His eyes fill with tears once more. "But how will you know?" He asks. 

"Reid, your hair isn't the only thing that changes when you do. True, I was a bit clueless at the beginning, but I understand now. Your voice changes, your speech pattern changes, how you hold yourself, your demeanor, your aura. You change into the gender you are, I don't think you realize that. Your hair has nothing to do with any of that." I say, taking his cold, bony hand in mine. 

"R-really?" He asks, bringing his free hand to wipe his eyes. 

"Yes." I reply, looking into his big, hopeful pinkish-red eyes. 

A lock of his poofy hair falls in between his eyes, the rest of it staying more or less back. He doesn't seem to mind. 

"Liam…" He starts. "Thank you." I smile and nod, tucking a strand of my own hair behind my ear. "Now come on, we have to get going." 

By the time everyone had woken up and were on our way, it was mid-morning. I took my turn sitting at the front, closest to Amber's head. This position was the map holder, whose job was to make sure we were heading in the right direction. 

It was silent most of the ride, only interrupted by my occasional direction or Kate or Reid muttering to each other. I hope he's doing ok.

We reached a part on the map that needed no further instruction for a few miles. Just go straight. I bring my arms down, resting them in my lap. Goodness…my eyes are getting heavy. I stare at the scenery flying by. But the wind blowing the hair out of my face, the rhythmic flapping of Amber's crimson wings and the gentle massage of her muscles working underneath me, were not helping. It wouldn't hurt to get just a few winks of sleep, right? Amber would wake me up if she needed direction. 

I slowly let my eyes fall, sealing my eyes shut. Almost immediately after I'm plunged into the warm embrace of sleep. 

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I awake with a start, jumping and almost falling to my death off the side of Amber's back. 

"Liam!" I groggily look behind me to be met with a furious Kate. Oh no… "You just lost our map!" Immediately my heart drops. How are we going to find our way to Willow Isle? What have I done?

"S-sorry." I manage. 

"Sorry? That's all you have?! Liam Emmerson, that was our only lead and you just let it go to flutter off into the middle of the woods! How many times do I need to say it for it to make it through that thick skull? THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! If you need sleep so badly, just tell one of us and we'll take over! Liam, this isn't a game. This isn't a fun adventure. This is a mission. Your sister's life is on the line for goddesses sake!" She yells. 

"Don't you think I know that?!" I raise my voice back at her, turning around on the back of our companion. "Has it ever occurred to you that I'm just trying my best? I've never been trained for any of this, I have no skills to offer and I wish you would stop expecting me to know exactly what to do!" I try to keep my voice level, but it comes out loud and desperate. 

"None of us have trained for this! None of us asked for it either! But guess what, it happened and we have to fix it. What you don't understand is that this is life and death. For some reason you can't seem to grasp that. That map was the only thing keeping us on track, and you may have just doomed us. Liam, you may have just killed us!" The final sentence settles over us like a thick blanket, weighing down on our shoulders. 

I shrink back as silence falls. I try to look her in the eye but her gaze is so intense I have to look away. "Good leaders should always have the gut to at the very least look your opponent in the eye" Sage has always said, but here I was, not being able to look my own friend in the eye. If I couldn't do this, I most definitely couldn't look my enemy in the eye. I'm just that weak…aren't I? 

Anxiety blooms in my chest and I turn back around, trying to calm myself. It wasn't long after that when we got lost. The winds picked up and blew us off course, leaving Amber dazed and confused. So, we landed. 

Reid immediately started to walk off saying something about firewood before disappearing into the forest. Amber not-so-sneakily followed after him, saying that he needs to be looked after or something. That left me and Kate. 

I plop down into the ground, staring at the dirt. I'm not like that, I'm not like that, I repeat to myself. Right? Kate stands still for many minutes, staring at me. I shake my head, letting a few new locks of hair fall, obscuring my face from her gaze. Finally, she slowly moves over, sitting down next to me. 

"Liam?" She starts. I barely look at her. How can I? First she yelled at me last night, then she yelled at me even more today. Does she really hate me that much? "Liam, I'm …" she seems at a loss of what to say, desperately searching for the right words. 

"I-I'm sorry." She practically forces out. I raise my head to look at her. She plays with her hands, seemingly very uncomfortable. "I didn't mean what I said. Well, most of it." She glances at me. "I'm sorry I'm horrible at this…emotional…stuff." She lets out a nervous laugh, I smirk. 

"The truth is, I'm hard on you because I," She pauses, freezing in place for a good moment, staring ahead before shaking it off and continuing. "I care about you. I don't want to see you get hurt, first of all, but I don't want to see you get us hurt. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a little too trusting. And that can be a good thing, definitely a trait I don't have, but in this situation, this mission, it could get us seriously hurt. Know that I don't say this to make you feel bad, but to hopefully enlighten you a bit." She struggles along, forcing some parts out and seeming to have a hard time in general. 

"Ok? You're an amazing guy and a great…friend. But know that when I yell at you, or scold you, it's out of a place of lo- affection." She decides on. I scoot closer. "I guess that, since I was raised around a lot of…raised voices, that's just how I communicate. I don't really know how this whole sitting down and talking it out thing works. And I'm working on it, as you can tell but how much I'm struggling" She laughs nervously. I let out a chuckle, bringing my knees to my chest. "But I want to know that no matter how much I yell at you, or scold you, or point out your biggest flaws, that doesn't change the fact that I care about you, alright." 

Her hands stop working as she finally looks at me, locking her eyes with mine. I smile fondly at the nervous look on her face, her need for approval and forgiveness but her unwillingness to outright ask for it. After letting her squirm for a few more moments I smile and answer. 

"Alright. I forgive you." Immediately her eyes fill with relief and she gives a rare smile of respite. 

I spend another lingering moment staring into her shining light brown irises. Studying how they catch the light, giving an almost amber color. How they grow darker on the outsides and lighter towards the pupil. How her long eyelashes cast shadows across her brown orbs. I watch as they flutter around my face. I'm suddenly conscious about myself. How my long hair falls out of the hair tie, how my posture is, how the unshaved hairs had begun to appear on my chin. 

"W-we um…" my voice catches in my throat. I break eye contact and clear my throat. "We should find the others." She nods. I stand m, offering my hand to her. She looks at it, then at me and raises her eyebrows as if saying really? After all that? She then climbs to her feet on her own, the high fives my outstretched hand with a smirk. I let out a small laugh before dropping my arm. We walk towards the woods, trying to remember which direction they had gone. 

After a few minutes we find them sitting on the ground in a small clearing. 

"Oh! There you guys are. Did you make up?" Amber's rough voice asks. 

"Yup." Kate replies. Amber's eyes ignite with excitement as she goes to say something but Reid stomps on her claw. She pulls it back, muttering "ow" with a sour expression, then her eyes widen in realization and she goes quiet. 

"So, what's the plan?" Reid asks me. 

"Well I was thinking-" Suddenly, with a great bang, the ground shifts underneath me, knocking me off my feet. I let out a startled yell as I get launch towards the canopy. 

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Word count: 2028

Boy that's a mean cliffhanger. I wonder who did that??

Anyway, how did you guys like it? Any theories for the future? Theories/predictions/thoughts on the characters? More specifically, aren't you restless for another Sance chapter? >:)
Annyywho I hope you enjoyed! 

Cya next week!