BILL: We couldn't find your textbooks!

JOSE: We've been over this Bill, they weren't looking for textbooks, remember?

JANET: What the heck is Bill doing here?

REGINALD: What are you suggesting? Not looking for a textbook, gentlemen, preposterous?

BILL: ( excitedly) Oooooh! You mean the gun right, Jose?

(Jose slaps the back of Bill's head, grabs the gun from Bill and shoots him in one fluid motion.)

JANET: (Screams)

REGINALD: It seems you were quite correct Agent Gibson, this is the escapee from Brazil!

JOSE: (more sophisticated, drops the southern accent) YES! IT IS I, THE GREAT EL CACTO, INFAMOUS MAFIA OF BRAZIL, AND YOU? YOU ARE DEAD.

JANET: Doesn't that mean Cactus?

JOSE: Yes, and let me explain why, it all started when I was a wee child-

REGINALD: We don't have time for this nonsense, Agent Gibson, put a bullet in his head.

(Jose shoots Reginald, as Reginald lunges for the gun. )

JOSE: You lose.

JANET: ACK! Well, I figured at least one of us would die, and I never get too attached to partners on manhunt missions. (Shrugs) Now, about the cactus...?

JOSE: It all started when I was a wee child, my grandpappy brought home a cactus for my 5th birthday, he thought it would be a good present, but it died. And all my friends from school laughed because I couldn't even take care of a cactus that doesn't even need water. From that moment on I went by 'EL CACTO' and fell into a life of murder and crime, to avenge my broken 5-year-old heart. and make my good cactus 'Armado de Púas' proud.

JANET: That's the most pathetic backstory I've ever heard, and I hunt nostalgic criminals for a living.

JOSE : Then you know how this goes, do you want to start the fight or can I?

JANET: Meh, I already called reinforcements, they'll be here to arrest you any minute, so I don't really care.

( Jose shoots at Janet, Janet dodges only to have Jose bash the potted cactus off Reginald's desk onto her head.)

JANET: (weakly) I guess I didn't see that coming.

(Janet collapses, dead, as Jose escapes through the window, just as flashing lights and police sirens reach the building).