☆☆☆ Chapter 52 ☆☆☆

Like Him

"I've liked that tiny redhead since the first day we met, Ane── since my last days in uni. University, Ane! Can you believe it? Back when I would come home with a latte on me every day of the week, and you would find your way into having it all for yourself. Remember that, Ane?"

While rubbing some shea butter on my arms, I said "sure," but after thinking 'bout it I added, "you can't blame me, you asked for it. You knew I liked caramel iced latte, and that's all you brought home."

Teresa shrugged as she spread herself on my bed. There was a smile on her round face, one that grew wider by the minute. "Bought it downtown, at the coffee shop on Mead Street. Used to go there to study. I mean, until the day I met her. Going there became a pastime after meeting her. I would watch her, and she would smile at me, and I would smile back, give her a wink. We would talk when she wasn't busy. She was a nice, cute barista, Ane, that's all she was, but I thought she was a gem. She knew my name at some point, winked back at me sometimes. And then one day she wasn't there anymore."

I pulled up my long skirt to rub the rest of the butter on my legs. "Are you tryin'a tell me another sad love story again?"

"No, no, let me build up to my point, Ane," Teresa grumbled.

I groaned. "No, no, I know what's up, and I get it already. Woe is you. Cursed with unrequited love. Cursed with cheaters and unwanted love triangles. Cursed with people whisking away those you love away from you." I immediately bit my lip, realizing the weight of my words. I tried to think of a special way to apologize, but nothing came up. "Sorry."

Sorry for what, really? For whisking Daniel away from her? For hurting her feelings? For not hearing her out? For the three years' worth of projection and bullying I've done on her? Sorry for everything? Ha, as if. A sorry isn't enough. How much dumber can I get?

Teresa shrugged again, without a second thought. There was still a smile on her face. Her eyes were staring up at the ceiling, wide and in the middle of something. "And then, all of a sudden, I see her here, as a maid. I thought it was fate. Who would've thought I would see her again? Oh, Honey. Such a nice, cute girl."

"So... is this a love story? A happy one?"

She shook her head. Her damaged, permed hair limply moved along with it, counting down the days they would all fall off. "I don't get her. She's sending me mixed messages. I'm here thinking about her and I have no idea if she does the same. You would think that by this point I would know, but I don't. It's so frustrating. Meanwhile, Sasha's getting on my nerves. She keeps going on and on about me getting it over with. She wants me to tell Honey about my feelings so that I can move on, but Sasha doesn't understand. It's not that easy." Teresa lifted herself up from the bed and sat on its edge, leaning forward. "Look, just think about it. Here's an example. I may not have confessed to Daniel, but I know my chances with him are nonexistent. You're with him. He's all yours, and that's all he has ever wanted, so good for him. But does that mean I have moved on from him? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. It's not that easy, it's just not that easy."

I breathed in deep, and let the air go once my hands reached the metallic-green nail polish on my dressing table.

"Ane, I know I shouldn't be telling you this out of all people, but I see him sometimes and it... it makes me swoon on the inside. Still. Other times, I look at him, and I feel nothing but the obligatory sense of wonder, because let's admit it, no matter what anyone feels for him, that man is aesthetically pleasing."

I tucked in my shirt. "What do you mean?"

"He looks good."

"Yea, true. He's a handsome beauty." I gave my nails a fresh coat of metallic-green before a question dared to slip out of my lips. "Is that why you liked, uh, like him? Not for anything else?" Knowing my place, was I being insensitive by asking that question?

"To be honest, I don't know, but I do have a thing for mild-mannered short people. Maybe that's what hit the nail," Teresa replied, chuckling. "I think it's a power thing." 

"Ugh. Wow, whatever. Go get a therapist." At that, Teresa laughed. I shoved her with my shoulder and it threw her back on the bed, as if she were the lightest person in the world, which I assure you she isn't. Not as heavy as me, but that doesn't count right now. "So, is that it? Nothing else?"

Teresa wheezed. "What else do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," I said, blowing air on my nails in-between. "That it's 'cuz he's like you?" Shit.

My sister wheezed some more, with every bit of laughter taking everything out of her. "A pervert? A hopeless romantic?" When she picked up on my silence, her laughs toned down and eventually, they left for good. "What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing, nothing." I turned away from her before going over to my dresser. There was something looking up at me from it, bright and red. It had been collecting dust since the day I left the hotel. Picking it up, I give it a good, hard look. "Should I put on the necklace?"

"I don't know, it's up to you, but keep in mind that they still think you're his wife, so maybe you should," Teresa said. Her eyes burned the back of my head, I felt them. "When will the both of you tell them the truth?"

"Don't know." Not like it mattered. Daniel and I will get married soon enough. We're in love, nothing's holding us back. I'm fine, and so is he, and together we're the best of the best. It's just a matter of time before he proposes. And if he doesn't, then I will. Very simple. "Don't think we'll need to── oh!" I lost my grasp on the necklace, and forced to think fast so that it wouldn't touch the floor, I went out of my way to bend over, almost slipping and becoming the sole cause of an earthquake. Luckily enough, Teresa got to me on time to prevent it from happening by holding me in place. I sighed in relief once she helped me go back to a normal position. "Huh, that was close," I gasped, feeling the cool smoothness of the ruby. Or at least I tried. My hands weren't working. They didn't want to.

Teresa reached for the necklace. "Ane," she sighed, taking her time to put the jewelry piece 'round my neck. "Is... is there something you want to tell me?"

How can I deal with anxious, odd knots and feelings? How can I know when someone's interested in my boyfriend? What threat is there to fight? Me? Do you know how to read cursive well? Ugh yes she can, why would I ask that?! Am I sensitive, too sensitive? Can you help me with some poems? But what'll I have to tell her 'bout how I got 'em── will I have to straight-up tell her that I invaded Daniel's privacy? Will she keep quiet? What does it mean to have blue balls, anyway? What does it mean to peg, and why did it seem to involve sitting in that one entry of his 'bout dreams? And what the heck do motorboats have to do with nipples? What's a thimble? Should I ask her for a bit of Deep Feelings? I can slip it in his food, see what happens if I ask him 'bout some stuff. Will it be right, though? And is there such a thing as a radar for people like him, like you? Hey do you know of anyone named Robin? Where can the line be drawn between fascination and attraction? Fixation, admiration, and, and adoration? Love? And how about, about...

"Fine, then. Keep it to yourself. No, nevermind that. Tell your therapist at the very least, for your own good." I did. But I need you right now. Once the necklace is in place, she steps away from me, whisking away some of the tension with her. "Let's go. We've been here getting ready for far too long. No, nevermind that, you have. Why did it take you so long? I'm starving, I'm sure you are as well, and Daniel is all by himself downstairs, with the in-laws of all people!"

"Exactly." In-law. Joel and Hilery don't count. They're nutjobs. Little did Teresa know that we were about to dine with monsters; that Jade and I were not the only ones around, that I might be walking my way into an anxiety attack in a matter of minutes. Sure, Daniel told me that Joel was only trying to scare me into silence, but how can one be so sure, and how can that possible fact soothe me? Whether it was emotional or physical or whatever, Joel meant some form of harm. He wasn't playing around with me.

If only I hadn't followed Hilery in that frickin' hotel, nothing in my mind would've── but then again I── ugh! Stupid hotel. Stupid me. Stupid hairdresser. Stupid safe. Stupid me. Stupid, stupid me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"After bailing on Fiona and locking myself up with her son for god knows how long, I better look good. Like really frickin' good. I have to look like it was worth it, me taking a break from the world." 'Cuz it was. I'm not wasting time with Dr. Connor anymore, we're actually connecting, and oh my god does Daniel know how to please! I wouldn't mind doing it all over again, and much, much more── I still haven't had enough of Daniel. I don't think I ever will. Just one teeny tiny problem. "What do you think, lip gloss or lipstick?"

Teresa scoffed. "You don't have to. You don't need to prove anything, Ane." After no response came out of me, she turned me over for a look. "Lipstick. Red."

"Thanks. I knew I could count on you, sis."

I tried to give myself a whole minute to put the color on my lips, but Teresa sucked her teeth and stopped me midway. "Ane. No. Let me do it." Before I knew it she brought my chin up to her face. There were three wrinkles in her forehead that told me I did something wrong, but I wasn't sure what. Her nostrils flared up as she lathered the lipstick on me. "You can't tell me there's nothing wrong when your hands can barely keep themselves steady enough to put this thing on." When she was done, she let go of me and put the lipstick back on the dresser. "If you can't bring yourself to tell me or Daniel, you better tell Dr. Connor. I'm serious. You're not alone. Don't let it sit around in your head."

A voice came out of me, one I didn't plan on using. I was supposed to be speechless, taken aback by what she'd said, but the voice didn't care. It told her that I had already spoken to Dr. Connor, after I swallowed down some nerves. "I just... I just think there's more to say. With you. Because── 'cuz, y'know, you're like him," it finished.

It's funny to think that it all circled back to that one thing. That one teeny tiny thing. Stupid me.

Just as Teresa opened her mouth to reply, my eyes happened to land on my nails. "Ugh, shit!" I heard myself groan. Stupid! "They're ruined." They were all messed up and weird. Obviously I had to do them all over again. But Teresa grabbed my wrist with no intention of it letting go, and my hands weren't listening to me. I couldn't do anything.

"Like him?" Her grip on me was light, but it was more than enough to hold me in place. I felt weak. Weak, weak, weak. 'Cuz I'm stupid and sensitive when I shouldn't be, that's why. "What are you trying to say? What could possibly bother you enough to── ?" Her wary eyes suddenly narrowed, but it only took a single second for them to go back to normal. She tilted her head to the right, revealing the ugliest of burns. One that I knew claimed most of her left shoulder blade, and beyond. I always told her it was hideous. I never told her it was 'cuz it made me feel like shit for not being able to stop it from happening. "Ane, what's going on? Daniel, being like me... what exactly are we talking about?"

I'm not alone. I'm not. My sister's here. She's listening, she's waiting for me, and I need her. I need her right now.

I breathed in and out, and looked at her straight in the eye. "He's into... "