The first thing I do is make tea. Coffee is usually preferred, but I'm not in the right headspace for the jittery caffeine plug. Hence the chamomile tea.

My toes wiggle in their fuzzy socks as I sit on my bed. Christmas music plays from my laptop on my desk. I've given myself over to the holidays.

Knock. Knock. Someone raps at my door. I'm praying it's not Preston.

"Hun?" My mom's voice is muffled by the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thought I heard you up." My mom sits on the edge of my bed. "And you already have tea."

"Yup," I nod. "What's up?"

"I had a call from Margaret," she says.

Oh Santa. Margaret is the owner of Queenie's –the woman who gave Preston her room last night.

"Ok," I say.

"Told me an interesting story of you showing up at midnight with a boy? Hmm." She raises an eyebrow.

Is she thinking it was Nik? Maybe hoping it was? How much does she know?

"Preston showed up last night." I sip my tea.

"Oh," she says, her face stoic, maybe even crestfallen.

"Yup."

"I didn't know he was in town."

"Me either. Until last night." I tell her.

"So he's staying at Queenie's. For Christmas?" She asks.

"Yes." I look at the clock. 9:01 AM. "I'm meeting him for lunch to discuss.... things."

"Things?" She raises her eyebrow.

I nod, smiling and frowning at the same time. "The plan. Our plan."

"Right. The plan," my mother says knowingly. "I thought that plan had fallen apart?"

"And now maybe it is falling back together," I say.

"I'm not sure that's how that works, hun," she says, shaking her head. "Plans don't fall apart for no reason."

"Maybe they do." I barely believe myself.

"Let me ask you this: If Preston didn't show back up here, how would you feel about him today?" She cocks her head in concern.

"I would feel–" I stop. I think. I come up empty.

"There you go," she says.

"Pissed! Angry!" I blurt out. "Like I had just wasted the last three years of my life."

"So is all of this about losing three years? You don't want to let yourself down?" She asks.

"Maybe. I don't know. I do love him." I insist. "And I love our life back in New York."

"I am sure you do, Noelle. Sometimes that doesn't matter. It's not enough."

"How do you mean?" I ask. My thumb traces over the snowflake on my mug.

"You can love Preston and love the three years you had, but things can change. Even in one week." She stands from my bed.

One week.

She's implying my budding feelings for Nik are prevailing over my old ones for Preston. Is she right? To be honest, I'm not even sure how I feel.

"I'm leaving around 10 o'clock. Meeting the committee to start setting up the Bristowe Barn. Stella is joining around noon. If you'd like to come after your lunch."

"I would," I say, nodding.

Maybe some set design for the Barn Benefit is exactly what I need to clear my head. I just have to get through lunch first.

...

Preston is already sitting at a corner table in the café. Two side salads are on the table.

"Hi," he says, standing up when I arrive at his side.

"Hey."

"I ordered us salads." He looks at me, hesitant.

"That's fine," I smile, taking the seat across from him.

Why does this feel so weird between us right now? Ten days ago, I was wearing nothing but a big red bow in front of him at his apartment and now –it's like he's a stranger!

"Thanks for meeting me." Preston smiles, reaching for my hand beside the Caesar dressing.

"You're–" I start.

"Can you please forgive me, Noe?" He asks. "We can go back to New York tomorrow. Continue our plan. Say you'll forgive me."

Jumping right to it. Here we go.

"You're already forgiven," I say. It's true. I harbor no animosity for Preston.

I see him visibly relax. He takes a sip from the glass of water.

"But," I say, looking down.

"Ouch," he laughs nervously.

"No. It's just, a lot has happened in a week, believe it or not." I admit.

"I understand," he says. "Let's spend the night together. See how it goes. See how everything feels."

"I have... plans," I finish lamely.

"Plans? On Christmas Eve?" He asks.

"Well, there's this benefit, a fundraiser thing. I'm going to help set up after lunch," I say. I take a sip of my water to give my hands something to do.

Preston furrows his brows, the way he always does when he's concentrating or thinking up something serious.

"I will come tonight. To the benefit."

"Are you inviting yourself?" I tease.

"Yes. I just want to be with you on Christmas Eve, Noe. We can enjoy each other's company. I promise I'll go back to Queenie's after. You can either join me or not. No pressure." He smirks.

I roll my eyes but agree to his offer.

It's fine. So Nik and Preston will both be at the Barn Benefit tonight. It's not like the three of us have to hang out together.

Still, as I sit at this table, picking at my Caesar salad and staring at Preston, I can't help but picture Nik, his face painted red by ruby Christmas lights.

It's fine.